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  1. Tensegrity introductory Practice in Taucha says:

    Report and feedback of the Tensegrity introductiory class
    at the Ancient Trance Festival in Taucha (near Leipzig – Germany)
    on 18th August 2012


    Frame information about Tensegrity introductionry class:

    Date: 18th August 2012 from 12-2pm
    Actual duration of class: 90 min
    Location: outside covered workshop area at the lake on festival ground in Taucha
    Tensegrity Facilitators: Marian Kramer, Yvonne K. Bahn
    Number of participants: 34 and several observers

    Programme and magical passes:
    Welcome and explanations about Tensegrity (Marian)
    Warm up: (approx. 45 min) (Yvonne)
    1. Shaking from feet up to head
    2. Life saver
    3. Wheel of arms
    then closing eyes and perceiving the body
    4. Steps into Nature
    again closing eyes and perceiving the body

    Steps into Nature walking, in both directions (Marian)

    El Duende (appr. 25min) (Marian)
    3x just movements and 1x with music (music: Jose Merce, Flamenco)
    then closing eyes and perceiving the body

    Breathing the Earth (approx. 10min.) (Yvonne)
    3 mvt. Like in Webex class: earth, moon, stars

    Silence (appro. 5min)
    Feedback Round (appro. 5min)
    Announcement of Tensegrity Website and distribution of Tensegrity information (beginners leaflets, Webex classes, Rügen Intensiv, Berlin Tensegrity group)

    Marians feedback:
    General: Yvonne wanted to leave for the festival on friday, I preferred to leave on saturday morning. I was worried that I would not have enough sleep beeing at the festival from Friday on. Only as I took the decision to go to the festival on saturday even if it meant that I would be going there by myself paying 40Euro for the train ticket.
    What did work?
    We supported each other, had eye contact from time to time, felt enthusiasm, dreamt.
    The participants were open-minded and curiose about Tensegrity. Even if Yvonne was practising the warm up part very intensivly (even I had an muscle ache afterwards), nobody left or lost interest. Yvonne knew how to use her voice and her body expression to keep up enthusiasm among the participants. They enjoyed the movements. The energy reached all of the participants and some of the stayed a bit longer to keep the emergy level.
    What did not work?
    The organisers had to collect the fee at the beginning of our class so that we lost 20min at the beginning and we had to shorten our programme. Next time we should talk to the organisers.
    For the next time:
    We should have a meeting and practise the movements together because it can be confusing for the participants if the facilitators make the moves slightly differently.

    Yvonnes feedback:
    Through my work as a performance artist and dancer (whirling dervish dance) with a Sufi music group I got into contact with the organisers of the Ancient Trance Festival (see information attached) in the lovely little town of Taucha (Germany). Managing the Sufi performance I took the opportunity to propose a Tensegrity introductiory class at the festival organisers who agreed on it. The 3-day long festival is a fairly new World Music Festival that focusses on trance-inducing music as well as other methods of trance and altered states of consciousness. Apart from the concerts and gigs the programme offers awide range of workshops for the festival goers. The Tensegrity class counted 34 participants thus was the best visited workshop of the day, maybe even of the whole festival.
    Marian and I made up a very good team: we had several meetings preparing our programme and I felt that during the class the energy was flowing between us and we succeded in reaching the participants. Even if we have already worked together as a team on organizing other Tensegrity classes on spiritual events in Berlin (Shaman Trance Drum Party, Zeitlos 2.8) it was a Première for me teaching Tensegrity knowing that as a somatic movement art trainer I am used to teach movement and body awareness.
    Nevertheless I agree on Marians suggestion to practise the movements together once before the session so that there are not too many differences in executing the magical passes.
    And last but not least I enjoyed teaching Tensegrity very much.

  2. St. Petersburg, Russia
    ”Re club”

    Hello!

    We are practitioners who joined to practice classical recapitulation together.

    On an individual level, we all had difficulties with: going deeper in memories, inability to concentrate, waves of strong desire to sleep, etc. Here is what we found works for us:

    1) Finding a partner.
    Meeting together (even through skype) proved to be effective. No, it doesn’t give immediate 100% concentration, however, it gives enough to keep going.

    2) Schedule.
    It’s all about accumulative effect. At the beginning we didn’t plan to recapitulate forever. We just agreed to try an experimental week, then another, then a month. As time passes, some of us discover ability to go deeper in recalling the memories, which they had never done before. Some decided to pause.

    3) Getting sleepy.
    It occasionally happens even if one slept well the night before, practiced magical passes and had just a bit of proper food. So, we decided to become aware of unapparent visits of sleepiness, then do magical passes. The sooner one becomes aware of sleepy moods, the easier it is to get rid of them.

    4) We still find ourselves indulging in thinking about everything in the world instead of recalling the chosen event. No universal for everyone solution found yet. However, here are some tips:
    – Have a separate notebook nearby. Start recapitulating. When indulging in thinking begins, pause to write all your thoughts as they were;
    – Some of us do magical passes, then recapitulate in standing position. Then do passes again;
    – Sometimes setting a time limit for each event works..

    5) Occasionally:
    – Inviting other practitioners to witness practice brings in some fresh energy;
    – Telling each other the recapitulated stories is a tasty part! Upon completion the tellers may be able to see their own stories from a different angle which brings light on whole areas of their life. It feels different from what we get in witness practices.

    From time to time we get unexpected bursts of happiness:
    «I never knew this magical pass is so joyful! I can feel different moods of different passes now!»
    «I understood what a path with heart is! Yesterday I just got a feeling, now I can put it in words: It’s not just occupying yourself with a favorite job (as I have previously thought), rather it can be everything you do!»

    Two months have passed since we first opened our joint classical recapitulation practices.
    So, welcome to join us! We’ll find ways how.. (skypename: ascate14)

  3. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group practices, August 2012.

    August 2. Thursday. Weekly practice in the green room. Subject: Clear view.

    Feedback:

    When you are in silence, there is a sensation as if you are soaring.

    Attention switched to much subtle sensation from the body, you rather feel space around than body.

    While you are in silence, there is new sensation each time. This time there weren’t any walls in the room, no room, just beings in Infinity.

    What am i going to be at the end of the road? Seer.

    To control myself, my energy, regardless of its amount and condition and wheather or not there is the physical body.

    To be aware of myself regardless of what can happen to me in that moment, to control my body. Not to have unfinished affairs.

    I wrote that I want to be void and silent. After that immediately I felt this silence and void doing magical pass.

    Integral awareness, completely free. To transform my whole energy and awareness into the energy body, to perceive from the energy body. To become, or, to be more precise, that I am energy, which doesn’t come or leave, but eternally changes and is aware. TO be aware 24/7, to control my energy, my life.

    August 3. Friday. Doing profound Recapitulation.

    Feedback:

    I`m first time at the recapitulation practice. This practice was very difficult to me. I didn’t expect this will be so hard. By the feels, something changed in me. I have the feeling that the situation, which we examined, no longer affects me when I get into it. My new view in this situation is that I calmly listen to the advice. I used to be very nervous when someone gave advices when I was doing something. And now I feel unusual easiness in the body.

    After practicing with a new practitioner, I saw fresh field in my personal history, where you can run the plow and hoe)). I found a whole layer of situations from which I was hiding.

    I looked at the situation, where was angry at my parents, I rushed at them, trying to bite them and I just wanted to beat them. And my new view is that I thank my parents for their kindness, I am calm, I am self-confident, I love my parents, they are the best people in the world.

    The situation at my work is connected with the insane jealousy, I was angry because of this, offended at her, felt her betrayal. My new view: I am calm, self-confident, I am grateful to her for her choice. I saw my real attitude to her. Now I feel gratitude to her.

    I was lack of love and I was looking for love somewhere, from someone else.
    I want to say that I am now in the state of happiness. After practice I have a realization of the fact that I am self-sufficient and now I have everything to be happy. The main thing that I have is me. I have realized this now. I love myself! Guys, I feel so good…. thank you all.

    Once again, I’ve returned to that recapitulated once and I was able to take a step forward, further expanding my borders. I feel incredibly deep connection with my witness. We do recapitulation practice very easily. Today new practitioner said: “I did not expect it would be so hard,” – and that’s fine for a start. As for us, it’s easy to do practices… Yes, sometimes we cry, sometimes we make no progress, but practices are fairly easy and pleasing to us. We have so close connection that we know and feel each other without any words. Two breaths in silence brings new awareness just as it was today. And it wouldn’t be enough just to say my witness “thank you” right now. My gratitude cannot be placed in this word. I feel connected, I just feel a connection, and that’s it. I’m excited, I’m very excited with the fact that we do and what is happening now.

    August 5, Sunday. Entering into the inner silence.

    Feedback:

    Firstly, I want to say that it’s never been so easy to enter the inner silence. I don’t understand what causes this deep and easy entry to inner silence, perhaps it is because there are lots of us. I want to share how the last two weeks of practices affected me. Money firstly, I began to use them much more carefully. I gently fold them, note to note in my wallet. And before I spend them I can realize if I need to buy this thing or not. Energy – I began to listen to myself if I want to go there or if I want to do something. I generally didn’t do to this actions before, everything was done on autopilot. I like it. Clear view comes to me from witness practices. I was very surprised on the last witness practice with that throughout my life I didn’t see what I saw on this practice. It shocked me. I become self-confident. Now I know what I want. The world is changing around me. Relationships with my loved one changes. Real changes are made and I’m so much grateful to you all!!! Thank you very much.

    After the practice of “money as energy”, I have set an exact purpose: I started to save money. As for the clean view: it was my grandma’s birthday this week’s, and I visited her. I used to have judgments that this is just a pain, terror, and nightmare. But I went to my grandmother with my clean view and received lots of pleasure and a lot of information. For example, I found that the verses that my grandmother writes are very interesting. Now I feel as if I was in a fairy tale. I’m surrounded by now with something mysterious, incomprehensible and constantly changing. I know very little and see huge prospects for new discoveries. I also feel a strong connection with my family line, it fills me very much.

    I feel my energy within. I have a sensation of warmth in the arms, legs, chest, stomach. I can be silent internally and just keep quiet. I can easily imagine what awaits me in the future. As for the clear view last week – it was not very easy and the view that I found about the treatment of women for me was very helpful and came to me just in time. I walked down the street in the daytime and saw the inscription on the umbrella of the girl: “There are just women, but there are also magical creatures.” For me it was very important. So I decided to review my relations and even to expand them. As for the money, everything is also not simple. My situation now is that I have to be very careful with the money. Now I do not spend money uselessly and I want to save some money. About energy – I use a question that helps me not only when I buy something, “Do I need it, really?” And when the answer comes, I decide to do or not to do something. The same thing happens to the people or groups of people who I cannot stand. I just ask myself… but can these people become seers or people of knowledge, to reflect on their life, rethink it. And when I see that they can, all negativity towards them disappears.

    I’ve noticed that I like to do everything by myself like don’t bother me, i’m independent, seperated, it is like being in a cocoon. I don’t like borrowing, don’t know how to accept help. And I’ve saw today that it is all connected. Energy flows everywhere and it won’t work if I close, leave or try to hide. It is just impossible. I’m energy as we all are. We all need help and I need to learn to accept this help and also to provide it. Today, when I entered the silence, especially strongly I felt my spine. Usually it was my hands and legs, but today vibration in my spine was very strong… I thought I was jumping up. There weren’t any thoughts. At Constellation group’s practices I enter the inner silence vey easily, I can’t do it so easily by myself.

    From news of the last two weeks: it is a joy that our group is developing, growing and gaining speed. There are people, ready for cooperation and ready to do something for the group and for Tensegrity at all. It makes me happy. Regarding the practice of the “clean view”, – the practice was amazing, it was a very strong, solid, from the beginning to the end, as a single organism. And although It is still not easy for me to regard hated people as people of knowledge, my body…

    August 7. Tuesday. To be a host of your destiny. Online practice.

    Feedback:

    As I have understood, all my problems and the sides where there is no control in my life are solved at one stroke. If I’m in silence and close to my energy body, I can easily solve everything. I saw that all my problems were far-fetched.

    What does it mean for me to be the master of my fate, of myself and of those things which I do – is steadily follow my intention. When I finish things, consciously, fully, putting my soul in this case. I also feel like master, when I have enough strength and energy, when I am sure in myself. I’m not able to control my dreams, my internal dialogue, which if accelerates couldn’t be stopped. I want to control coming and the consumption of energy in my life and would like to control myself in any situation. When we stood in complete silence, in a state in which I never was, I would call myself an empty vessel. I felt around myself dense walls and inside these walls just emptiness, the absence of thoughts. And I received an answer – I need the most attention just right here.

    I do not control my emotions, my breathing, my body position, talking with people – talking on autopilot, kidding, I want to please people, I smile. I do not control when I eat what I eat, I swallow food like a duck. I cannot control myself when I’m sitting in front of computer – it’s all a nightmare. And now I’ve found a cure for this terrible – pay more attention to myself, i.e. switch attention to the body, breath.

    Three weeks ago I took control of my nicotine addiction. Perhaps for this reason overeating is following me for three days. And I can’t control it. The fact that I understand this but still I keep on eating a lot. I see the only way out is to occupy myself with something, because it just overwhelms me when there is time to think. When I’m focused on something this problem does not exist.

    For me control is attention, and the attention is awareness. I try to be aware more. During this practice all problems receded.

    This topic is very relevant to me now. At this practice it came to me that I do not want to have a purpose and I do not like this word anymore. I want to move to the place where my energy body calls me. I’m not looking for goals anymore, I listen to my energy body. I place the focus into my energy body. Specifically, I want to do this: to stop during the day and to ask myself: what intention do I have at the moment… what am I intending now?….

    August 14. Tuesday. To be a host of your destiny, continuation. Online practice.

    Feedback:

    I have a very good feeling, a sense of discipline. The energy body has said that it is always with me. It is necessary from time to time to stop and go into the silence. I should not delude myself with thoughts that I have achieved something, because achieving is a constant journey without stopping, where I have to be ready for anything.

    I discovered that I was the body and the energy, physical and energetic body. And all that is in my mind in relation to another person, it is my inner dialogue. And my partner is the same – consisting of energy. This awareness calmed me down, balanced me and now I’m in a good aligned state.

    I need to learn to negotiate. And the energy body told me that I need to learn to enjoy simple things during the day.

    For me the urgent topic is personal relationships. At first, I found that I can be more open and brave and I can make a list of qualities that I wish to see in a partner. Next, the energy body told me – be cool, so to please yourself. At this practice inspiration came to me.

    I need more attention in relationships with my family. At the practice some new actions came to me that I’m going to do: to listen carefully to my family, to be attentive to their needs. And the energy body told me: Love your parents while they are alive, remember that they are here with you, and keep them in your heart.

    I want to add control and attention in the area of communication with other people. I found that I worried a lot and didn’t feel confident in this area. I need to stop thinking about myself, to stop talking about myself.

    August 16. Thursday. To be a host of your destiny, continuation.

    Feedback:

    At first I wrote one thing, but it seemed that something is not right, beautiful words, but something is not coming together. Couldn’t imagine this. I sat down and wrote another thing, and together they worked and parts complemented each other. This is like, for example, an outwardly beautiful person but empty inside, or vice versa – full, but ugly. The business part is related to finance, to prosperity, work. The second part is the attitude to the inner world, energy and leisure. It’s like a football – half of the ball is a rag, and the whole one is the ball.

    It is very comfortable to be alone, but there is no development. Only in relationship one can know oneself. You cannot retreat into oneself. I therefore intend a worthy partner, life partner.

    August 17, Friday. Witness practice.

    Feedback:

    My original dialogue was: “ I can use women, because they going nuts about me. And really, if they go crazy from me, why wouldn’t I use them… They want a contact with me, any contact and I love women as a farmer loves his fishes…. now I will feed you, and then take you to the restaurant or to the market, my sweethearts, it will be good for all. I do exactly the same with women. I kind of getting pleasure from the contact with them and they like it… and then goodbye. Once we have moved the perception to the new position, my new view was about the fact that I’m deceiving myself. Moreover, it is not honest relationship, not open, not equal relations. And also this is energetically wrong attitude. Here is what I found today. Now I know it.

    First, the recapitulation became a part of my life, as my daily routine. In the morning I usually wash my face and can’t do my day without it, and the same goes about recapitulating I also can’t live my day without it. I feel strain in case I can’t do witnessing practice because of some circumstances or long travels. The recapitulation became a vital necessity for me. And it makes me happy. From the today’s practice I saw that we often deceive ourselves. We do something wrong, and the inner voice tells us that this is wrong and we know it… but head offers us a bunch of excuses and we continue to be blind and deaf. For example, those who are engaged in experiments on animals, vivisection – justified it with economic reasons or progress which we need to move forward, by using somebody. I have nothing to add, I like everything that is happening in my life now.

    Initially I had self-pity, I was hatred to myself and to everyone, I saw myself as a sacrifice, stupid and servant creature. I saw that everyone united against me. In the process of practice I had a new view that I am careful to myself, to my energy, and I am responsible for how I plan my time and what I do and for whom. I decide what to do on my own and in case I’ve decided to do something, I treat it carefully. And If something went wrong, I can feel the contact with the ground and with the energy body. If someone is not satisfied with something, it’s not my problem and I can be calm in such situation. I treat my energy body with love and care. I am grateful to the people who are next to me.

    I saw that I have similar internal dialogue, especially at work with the employer, concrete self-pity emerges. Internal dialogue breaks in about the same way. For me, this practice is also very instructive.

    In the process of practice, while I was listening to the witness, I felt sadness coming from the energy body of my witness. I even grabbed my head with my hands. What is going on? We are all looking outward, hustle, bustle, but all that we need is inside ourselves. For the first time I SAW it and it shocked me. And when my witness admitted he loves himself and his energy body, I felt a relief.

    At this practice, my stories have lost all meaning. As if all stories told by me aren’t mine. This aren’t my stories anymore.

    August 21, Tuesday. Recapitulation Online practice.

    I had such feeling that my goals were hanging around me like a cloud. I knew them, but now I have them wrote out and crystallized. Now I see that I can safely build my day on the basis of my goals. I feel very happy about it and optimistic about the future.

    What kind of world do I want…. I intent good relations with others. Business – I have my own farm and I have a lot of clients. I have a very convenient and beautiful home. I study and get a good education. I’ll spend the time to study the farm business and all the details associated with it. I also do advertising for my business and communicate with customers very polite. At the end, I see that I am happy, I have good relationship with the people who I love. This makes me happy and them, too. The education which I receive inspires me.

    At the beginning of the practice, when I didn’t have so much attention, I wrote down that I need the world in the way it is. Because it helps me to choose the path. I haven’t yet chosen for myself a new strategic goal in the first attention. And I don’t feel yet what I really need here in this world. After that as my attention was increased up to 85 percent, it came to me that I would come back to the music and that I’m surrounded by people who love me. Next to me there is a woman of my dreams. We are together to share our creativity with others. We travel together a lot. I feel a lot of kindness to the world and reciprocity towards to me. I lead a dialogue with the world, not with myself. I have an idea how I get back to the music. I will make myself a musical instrument with my own hands and will be friends with it and play with it. Such actions will lead me to the harmony with the world and we will develop together.

    I have this picture of the world: excellent health, I full of strength and energy, my income redouble. My beloved wife meets me when I come home and we have dinner together. Together we practice qigong. What I’m planning to do: I have two people that annoy me and I will bring to zero the communication with them. Then I’ll start to gather a group to practice. I saw that everything goes right.

    I am very pleased to meet with everybody here and I want to say that I imagine my world quite brightly for a long time. In this world there is a great family, a big block house somewhere on the lake shore next to the mountains. The children playing with the animals and light-heartedly communicating. How can I achieve this… I have to wake up as a warrior, I need a lot of energy and I can do this by practicing Tensegrity. I see myself without fear, without affections and without a doubt, moved by intent and following it. For some time I tried to make relationship with the charming women. During the practice I’ve learned that her heart is already busy. Interesting feeling visited me in this moment. I tried to listen to it and to analyze: it was jealousy. I managed to do complete analysis of this feeling. And I would like to eradicate such feelings so I wouldn’t have them in the future. Maybe then I can meet the woman who agree to be my companion. She would help me to achieve all things that I have in my mind.

    Today I was able to see what I had not seen before. I saw that I hold, ignore and oppress my creative energy. Now I want to change it, because creativity is a process of cognition of the world, the process of development. I see that I could stay faithful to myself, to my inner seer. I like to write, and I can do something in this direction. In my world there are honest, decent people around me whom I trust. In my world I can be proud that I was born in Russia and I speak Russian. In my world people tend to cultivate their awareness.

    At the beginning of practice I wanted to escape. When I heard the topic, the question “What kind of world do I want?”, I wanted to run, and didn’t know why … I understood this question in the following way: the world is something common, global, this is our Earth. I want to see the world clean in terms of ecology, without waste and garbage. The Earth is a living creature and the creature feels all this burden, the folly of human behavior. And what could I do… I could tidy up when I out of town, and not only after myself. I can tidy up the territory, starting with the apartment and ending with the territory of the office where I work and the places where I spend a lot of time. I can also support the garbage sorting project in our city. And how my actions would affect my new world… my actions serve as example of careful attitude to the environment, conscious attitude. I see that people don’t do what they do deliberately, they do it mechanically. With my actions I want to bring awareness to their mood.

    In my world, I am surrounded by conscious beings. I see them smiling, rejoicing, they are opened to each other. People in my world are filled with awareness and their actions are also filled with awareness. Children are born in healthy and conscious environment from the healthy parents, surrounded by the joy and the love. And the parents love each other and love their children. They have a lot of awareness which they pass on to their children. And as a result of this, people go out of our world with the full knowledge and it’s not such a mystical miracle, on the contrary, it is the norm of life of conscious beings. Really, there is nothing special about finishing life path with full attention. What can I do for this…. I support animals on this earth with my energy. I discovered it recently, I haven’t seen this before. And how can I do it? This does not mean that I will give up the meat or leather shoes. I don’t go to the zoo and don’t support such organizations with my money. Organizations that keep animals in horrible, unacceptable conditions and use them without any boundaries. I don’t buy household chemistry and cosmetics, which was tested on animals. If you didn’t know, 90% of such products are being tested on animals. But the alternative exists and I use this alternative, I support companies which doesn’t do such tests. I buy for myself only the necessary clothes, so I don’t buy shoes just because I like them or because I have such an opportunity, or because they are sold at a discount, but only then, when I need those shoes. What is the result of my actions: I see that people have stopped chasing profits, people have stopped hurting other beings and themselves (people are not even aware what pain they cause to themselves doing so). People have stopped using each other and they have another view of each other, they look at the world and themselves with awareness, they love each other and love the world in which they live.

    This is the feedback of a practitioner who came to us at Kiev workshop with rapturous eyes and words of gratitude.
    I want to share how with the help of magical passes I’ve left daily anxieties behind, become calm and started to listen my inner voice.

    At one of the practices in Constellation group we performed magical passes that helped us understand the wish of our body, what does it want and what do different parts of our body want. After doing passes we set down and listened to ourselves.
    In inner silence that came I clearly realized the wish which was in the chest and was moving outward through my arms. It was need for movement, it was my body told me that. Then came a thought that I wanted to do oriental martial arts.
    I was so carried away with this idea, that on the way home I was only thinking of it. Unfortunately, all my thoughts was that it’s impossible.
    Karate and tekvando was clearly not mine. The third thing that I knew was kung-fu, but of it I had a very vague idea, but I was sure that it’s what I need. The task was “Go there, who knows where, bring that, who knows what.” To find a place where they do kung-fu in our town seemed to me something so to speak impossible. Thinking that way I do not realized how I fell into despondency, (What a stupid habit to complicate everything and see the world in black).
    Having come home I threw away all the doubts and decided just to act. Then everything happened as in wonderful dream. I typed “kung-fu” in browser and the first web-site was Wing Chun.
    I looked and realized that this is exactly what my body wanted. I looked through for classes in our city, and almost immediately found an ancient writing on the forum with the coordinates of the hall. It turned out that in Russia the association is only in a few cities. And lo and behold, one of them is mine :-))))).
    I came to the place and that very day became studying. And do for almost a year. I love it.
    I want to say that the inner voice is always leading us. One only have to learn to hear it and act according to what he says to us, and magical passes is really MAGICAL.
    Thanks to all who help me to hear my inner voice.

    August 23, Thursday. The world that I need.

    Feedback:

    I’ve got a clear view on my life. I saw that my whole life I fooled myself, telling myself the wrong things, such as “I did not right in the head.” Now I remembered the facts that do not fit with this statement. Now I can look at myself and my life differently. Now I see that my self-doubt is just a crime towards myself.

    I discovered today that I do not have to change anything in my life. I have to consciously choose what I need. I already have everything.

    My life was all static and nothing would change. And the question about changes was a shock for me. I realized that there is something in my life that I can change. Honestly speaking, I do not know what, but I could clearly see these opportunities.

    All my life I wanted to be independent, and felt that I am not allowed to be independent. I wanted, but they wouldn’t give. And now I remember two situations when I was actually given a choice this week. And I even was imposed and had to choose it, that’s all. And I made my choice…. But now I realized that I do have a choice and independence, I just do not use it ….

    It wasn’t easy today to gather attention. I noticed what I would like to change in my life so that I can come to the world I need. I chose to be more self-confident, much more self-confident. This idea was realized fast in me, and I quickly came to the attention. I see that the more I practice Tensegrity, the more my strategies start to be realized. Everything evolves faster.

    At this practice, I realized that I need to be kind, sympathetic and open-hearted to all the people around me. Because we are all equal. If our contact makes them feel good, I also feel good.

    At practices in August we looked at necessity. So to speak necessity for change. And after one practice, suddenly, I saw people in a very interesting light. I saw that we are just biological machines, and all we need to be completely happy is air, water, food, movement and sleep. And all emotional level, such as agitation, anxiety, discontent, dissent, emotions, and so on, and so on, is not part of our being. Clearly, we all know that …. but for me it was new to see it. It was like the imposition of one picture to another, or something like knowing when you just know.

    August 24. Recapitulation.

    I discover my pattern – self-doubt. I try very hard to keep a relationship with a woman, behave as if the relationship is already there, already formed. Trying to control excessively. My inner dialogue: a beautiful woman, and I have flaws and I need to attract her interest somehow. When I said new words, I was covered with sweat, it was hard, but now I know which way to go. Thank you.

    At the beginning of practice, I had ample internal dialogue in relation to the girl. Then I discovered that I’m grateful for the help and patience she showed to me. As a result of this practice was manifested the most destructive pattern that is present in my life – it is self-doubt. It not only prevents making relationship with the girls, this self-doubt does not allow me even to start a friendly conversation. I’ve found that I can build relationships with people without resorting to self-criticism and uncertainty, I can safely communicate with people, love them, respect and take care of them.

    I have found that in any situation where the negative is present in relation to the others, there is another view, the view of the energy body. In any situation where I unaligned there are other options different from the usual, I use them now, they have become available to me.

    August 26. View from Inner Silence.

    Feedback:

    This week was full of events which I defined on Tuesday, when we answered the questions about our relations with the world. I defined to myself that I have a conversation to the world. Some new facets of my life I used to run away from began to appear. Things became to change, to line up at home and at work. I defined on Tuesday that I will build harmonious relationships with the world, and wonderful unexpected things started to happen already on Thursday. I started to realize what does “to come to agreement with the world” mean. Anything I look at is alive… it’s ready for conversation with me and I can hear it. That’s great. And my world is a worldof harmony, I’m surrounded by people I build up relationships with right now.

    I can see that something new has entered in his life. He is in this new flow, but I’m also in this flow right now. I haven’t felt this before.

    I can see that… While he was talking I felt admiration. I noticed my own changes that I used to take for granted.

    My neighbor started to raise a claim to me. I was standing with a straight back and just watch. I have not had any thoughts about him or myself. I looked at him, smiled, and was able to negotiate with him so that he was satisfied. I realized that I could manage myself, bringing happiness to myself and others.
    In the business that I’m starting, I also made a very important job. I could agree, say even I could agree with myself. This week was completely positive.

    I can see that… When I was listening I realized that I also can come to agreement. That’s amazing.

    I can see that… There is no limit for possibilities. I’m filled with joy, gratitude and strength.

    This week I enjoyed everything I’ve done. I enjoyed washing-up. I enjoyed tidying up the house. There haven’t been such things before)). I intended the world I need. An acquaintance of mine phoned me trying to persuade me that I need another world. It was pleasure to realize what is going on.

    I can see that… I have a sensation, that I don’t want to run away from this world, on the contrary, I want to enhance everything I can enhance and struggle for awareness. This story made me much more optimist. I remember my taking responsibility for my world when it became easy to take care of the dog and the cat. I’ve started to do it with much pleasure.

    Very interesting and important event happened to me this week. I was traveling to a very ancient and emotionally rich place at this weekend. I found out there that I can’t live in a static world were nothing changes, where there is just a routine. I can’t live at the same place, I have to constantly change something in my life. When I manage to live a day like a completely new day, this fills me with energy and I feel very good. When I listen to myself, I feel the pulse of life. And on opposite, when I have an ordinary routine week, I’m feel completely exhausted like lemon.

    I see: I am filled with joy when I listen to it. I have nothing to say, words are not needed. Yes, there are no words. I am happy because I see how I’m growing and how people around me are growing, Tensegrity practitioners. It’s so easy to approach and feel. And we can always do it, if we want to.

    I see: I’m very excited because this is word to word what I’ve noticed. For example, I used to do something with discomfort, without paying any attention to it, but now I do. I do in the store when I pick foodstuffs, while talking to my friends, when they invite me in their house, and also at my work, and this gives me a lot more self-confidence.

    I see: I have sensation of vacuum. I can say that I agree with possibilities of action beyond my understanding of actions. It is very pleasant feeling, which fills me with joy, feeling of something incredible.

    I’ve never payed attention to things I was buying like cosmetics and household chemicals. Usually I tried to save money. But after practice “The world which I need”, I’ve understood that I will buy products of companies that don’t test on animals. I don’t follow any rules, but I don’t want to pay money for things that I don’t like. Also, I don’t like it when a bear is in a cage, that’s why I don’t go to look at him there. I don’t share any exploitation of animals like there is in zoo or in aquapark and so on. Now I know that any being can be our friend and it can help us in case there is a connection between us. But if there is no connection, in case we regard living creatures as consumable material, then we can’t expect anything good. I wanted to make a gesture in support of the animals and I made it. Now I know more and feel more. Another side of my life where I’ve begun to see more.

    I see: once I saw all the animals and even insects who I was hurting. I felt that their life is just like mine. I really felt it, felt that there isn’t any difference between us. And the most horrible thing was that sometimes I hurt them aimlessly. After that I’ve started to treat other creature’s lives very attentively. Now I get a lot of pleasure growing flowers for example, I look at them as equals. Flower and I are equal.

    We eagerly awaited the emergence of new practicioners that will support the Constellation Group with their energy. Because our intention is an independent life of the Constellation Group, when the group is independent of any particular person. It seems that these people appear. We, the three of us, who were holding a group all the time, will be able to share with other responsibilities. Right now, our team will have to do so in connection with the departure of Dmitry. Someone is always coming and going from the group. But now we see that, people come to our group with gratitude and there are more and more of them. It’s important that many of them want to change and do the practice. And what happens in connection with this new format (when someone else will guide practice on Thursdays), we’ll write as usual in a monthly report.
    And the theme of this week in the “Constellation” – Inner Light. It’s good practice to finish August – the month of dreams, where every practice was traveling to ourselves.

    August 29. Online practice. Inner Light.

    Feedback:

    What to me is the inner light … interior light is in all living creatures. Someone has more and this is due to the level of energy. It’s often seen as blazing eyes and it’s pleasure to be in the society of such a person. Diving into silence affects the inner light. It is located both inside and outside of us. To see the inner light, is to be self-sufficient. Tensegrity for me is a way of life, and this practice is a correction of my life. And I’ve found that I already was in this correct state. Say that it is my goal, to be in this state of inner light.

    Inner light is a condition in which I’m in tune for infinity. For me it is a link, the inner light with infinity. I haven’t noticed before, that I can give love and receive love. I love. I haven’t noticed before that I am a happy person and I have everything to be happy – it is also a discovery to me. I’ve come here to realize, do all the work that I have to execute and return back to stars.

    Inner light is a state of internal heat when I’m quiet and calm in what happens around me. Inner Light gives me the knowledge of how to move on, what to choose. When we made more passes, I saw that the inner light is our connection to each other. The very source of the light we carry within ourselves and these sources are connected to each other and they look like bundles of light on a string. I have not seen before, that we are connected to each other so much. I’ve never seen my spine as it is today …. It lengthened, was long and straight and I had the feeling that my head touched the ceiling. And what do I wait and let happen inside… I let the light become stronger in the chest, and felt that I was really looking forward to unity with you. Light inside showed me where my body hurts, in which locations. I felt that I was waiting for peace and freedom from internal dialogue. Thank you.

    I am very grateful to you for today’s topic of practice. In this practice, I saw the beauty of the world, I had not seen before.

    Before this practice, I discovered the inner dialogue: “I dare not …. I do not dare to be such and such, I dare not afford this and that.”
    Inner Light is always with me. I don’t often notice it. It comes when I’m in the moment, without dialogue about myself. This is a state where everything is shining, full of energy. I haven’t noticed before, that inner light manifests itself through the eyes, a glint in eyes. I haven’t noticed before, that our inner light ignites the inner light in others. It’s enough to be present and there isn’t need for words. And I’m here to let myself shine … to afford to do something I’ve never afforded.

    Inner Light is the integrity of awareness to me. It is knowing which direction to go, it is an opportunity to shed light on someone’s life. I haven’t noticed before, that a complete picture can be seen only together. Someone sees one thing, someone sees something different and all together we see the whole picture. I allow relations to come, because only in a relationship you can wake up those aspects of yourselves that are asleep. I came here to be a part of what is left behind Nagual Carlos Castaneda and helping others find this way inside.

    Inner Light to me is the state of rest, self-confidence, absence of fear, state of acceptance, state of bliss, state of awareness. I had not noticed before that people, without exception, very good and kind creatures. Previously, I had a very different proposition in this regard. I have not seen before, that it’s possible to deal with any person, without exception, and I also had a very different proposition in this regard. I have not seen before, that the most important thing in life is the moment of now, just now. And at the end of our practice, I received the following reply: “You have come here to fill your every breath with awareness, and so that every breath fills the world around you with love”.

    August 30. Inner light

    Feedback:

    Practice merged me into silence and awareness of my luminous being and of all other creatures in the room. We seem to have come closer in this silence, as if vanished the obstacles that prevent us from seeing and hearing each other. This did not last too long, but it was surprising that this is still possible …

    August 31, Friday. Recapitulation.

    Today we’ve done recapitulation of the situation which I couldn’t resolve for 2.5 years. I couldn’t find a new view, and if I did it wouldn’t bring me freedom. Today two witnesses lead me through this situation from scratch. It was very important for me to know if some energy had remained in this situation. Only a witness can give such an estimate, but if there are two witnesses, that’s even better.
    In the process of this recapitulation I’ve saw that I’m quite calm about this difficult situation, I was strongly disagree with it before. It was an invaluable lesson for me, for which I paid a lot of money. Pattern that I found sounded like: “I trust unverified information and untested people.” At the end of practice my witnesses have summed up that there is no more energy in this situation.

    I was a witness today, and I feel a sense of gratitude. From this practice I can take gratitude to difficult situations, criticism, I can take a look at what can make me better. And I enjoyed doing practice with my narrator because it is a great source of changes and it’s cool. I feel big gratitude for this while discovering something new for myself.

    I have witnessed the X today, and I’m very grateful for him for that. It was a very interesting situation because I’m a lot like what I’ve seen in the pattern of behavior. For me decision that X found, a new view, was very important. It is exactly the new view that I would like to apply in future situations, and for that I am very grateful to the X. I will pay attention to such situations, I often encounter with the same situations.

    I’ve recapitulated the situation related with money, when I didn’t get what I had expected. And in the process of recapitulation, I’ve recalled the situation from my childhood. An escape was common for these situations, the escape from those who did not treat me well as expected. This escape was never done fully and sometimes it was only done in my imagination. In that and other situations I was able to take responsibility for my emotional health and to see that there are other people besides me, to understand them and to feel them. I felt as a part of the community in which I was. And instead of being a beggar of love, I was able to feel as self-sufficient person who sees not only herself but also others. And, finaly, I can talk about money instead of being a victim.

    I’ve learned for myself from this practice that when you make a decision, it is necessary not only to measure seven times and then cut off, but also to consult with others before making a decision, as well as with your energy body, listening to inner silence. When decision is made, you also accept responsibility for the result.

  4. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    Practice called “View from Inner Silence”. September 2.

    I had a desire to say something unusual happened this week. On Thursday, I wanted to break my routine, fill it with an inner light, to make it more conscious. And on Saturday called chorus my two friends, with a difference of half an hour, which have long promised to come to me and said that they would arrive today and within an hour arrived. I have long wanted to see them, but restrain myself from calling them. This seemingly small event was very special for me. In practice, on Thursday I remember the moment when I was happy and self-confident and now I want to remember it more often.

    * * *

    It was very important for me this week to feel, which has really impressed me.

    * * *

    I have had two interesting events this week, and one related to the work where I serve showroom. There, vendors did not like the music and they knocked down audio speakers with mops. Such a stupid situation …. For me it was amazing that I did not get into squabble with them. Quietly, I did my job, and no matter how much those people were trying to pick on me, I remained calm, in the inner peace. After I went out, I was surprised with myself …. I didn’t get angry :). On the same day I also did witness practice. My witness, “turned me inside out”, I had a hard time, but when the practice was over, I felt that we are luminous beings, I realized it not with my brain, but I felt it, saw it. I felt better after the practice, as if the sky had lightened.

    * * *

    This wonderful practice activate my inner light and it became increasingly manifest. For example: I had an internal dialogue about how I look in the eyes of others … when my inner light manifested, I just realized that I love myself, just love myrself and do not want to judge myself somehow. This inner light began to turn any of the events of my life to wonderful adventures. I went to the market – received a lot of fun. It was as if I went to another world, the intergalactic market)). Then, I walked down the street, there was evening, and everything was so perfect and there was so little of me, and there was so much love for the world surrounding me – I think, at this time manifested my inner light. Also my inner light manifested itself, when my grandparents came to visit me. And our meeting was just amazing harmony, I did not want them to leave, I felt very good with them. This whole week has passed in a great mood.

    * * *

    At this practice, I began to believe in myself. Do not believe the head, but intuitively, I began to trust myself.
    The Inner Light is inside me and outside me. This is all and nothing, because, on the one hand it is the most precious thing I have, on the other hand it’s something that has always been here. What we see at the practice – it has always been here. Someone saw the light for the first time, but it was always here. Previously, I had a lot of dialogue about myself. I’m so.. and I’m this… and I’m that… Now there is much less of it. And strange things have happen this week, I noticed how the animals appear in my life, wild animals. They appear where in all respects, should not appear. For me, this is a momentous event and I relate it with our practice – The Inner Light. We recapitulated last week a couple of situations regarding animals and I had a dialogue, it is better to hurt people than animals … but in fact it is not, it is the other extreme. We are all the same and there is no difference between humans and other creatures. Humans are distinguished from the others, only because of their thoughts, an endless stream of thoughts about ourselves. We do not live naturally, and that’s what distinguishes us from animals. And animals live naturally…. look into the eyes of any animal, or look into the eyes of a little child – there’s just a void …. I mean, it’s great to just go, stepping left foot, right foot, and to be aware …. realize that there is an inner light outside and the inner light inside and you’re part of this infinite light. And when mange not to lose this connection, wonderful, magical things come into my life.

    * * *

    Today, though it was quite bad Internet connection, I had a lot of attention. I determined that a miracle for me is what surprises me. It was a very strong sense of attention in the whole body. On the second question, I was empty inside, and outside I felt like a vessel. When I looked at myself in one year, I immediately saw the image and what I will be in a year. The third question was even more immersed in the silence, I thought that I was dreaming. And I did not see anything in the next five years and felt that it should be so. I asked if I die, and the answer was – no. There was a feeling that I was waiting for a sea change. So now there is simply no clear answer.

    * * *

    A miracle for me is a moment of harmony with the world, the state of here and now. A year later, I saw myself standing face to face with a huge infinity, I am aware of everything around me in a state of silence. And I see that in front of me lies the infinity of possibilities. I take responsibility for my life, because I’m a warrior. I let my heart to choose from these endless possibilities, the path. In five years I see myself living flame at infinity. I see myself happy, I see beautiful creatures, beautiful world around. I see that all beings in this world are the same. I feel the full responsibility for their lives and awe by the vast universe. I feel confident in my abilities and willingness to act. I saw flows of energy and I’m just a twinkle in this beautiful universe.

    * * *

    The miracle for me is life and awareness. When I look at myself in a year, I saw a movie of pictures and images, and just watched what was happening. And there was a clear sense of the connection with the present moment here. I mean, I’m here and I’m here in a year, linked to this moment – now. As for the five years, the dive was very deep, I even could smell. And also many images were floating in front of me. And again, I clearly felt a connection with the present moment. It only takes my desire to change something in this state now, and I see myself different in few years.

    * * *

    As it turned out for me, the most important miracle is to be here and now. A year later, this miracle is continued adding an understanding of my enjoying the world. In five years I have seen how I hear the world around me and understand its tips.

    * * *

    To summarize our practice, I would say that I am very pleased, I’m very happy doing this. That’s it, at this moment, right now. It doesn’t depend on my desire, I cannot stop this process. And I discovered today that miracle to me is a state of complete calmness and awe, when I feel happy, full of energy and strength, and I know my way. A year later, I’m even more attentive, more sensitive and cautious. Making each step on the ground and making every step in life, I do it very carefully. I can hear the sounds of the world and the voices of animals. I know my way, so I’m absolutely self-confident. I feel infinite gratitude to the Earth, which sustains me, and to the beings with whom I work together in the fight for awareness.
    Five years later, I feel a connection with the source – the seers of ancient Mexico. This is a part of my journey and it’s part of task. My awareness – it is my responsibility to the world in which I live.

  5. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    Recapitulation via skype. September 7.

    * * *

    The practice was just super. The witness told me very courageous thing that I first began to talk my new view with memorized phrases, as if I had prepared for the exam, went to the board and say my new view from a paper. But in the end, the witness showed me up, I found a new view, which consisted of just a few words, but exposed me, my behavior. A new view was this: I am equal to all people, I am equal to my parents, my brother, all forms of energy in the world. From this new view, I confessed my true feelings to my parents and this new view is flying ahead from the six-year age (this situation was when I was 6 years old), and breaks all the nonsense that I had contrived – about my own greatness or something else, and ideas somebody had suggested to me too. It turns out that I found a new view, which breaks my pattern – a thirst for attention, need for recognition – to pieces, because the pattern does not make sense when I am equal to all the people, and what’s the point to show how good am I or something like that.

    * * *

    I also saw an interesting new thing, that in relation to the parents a sense of self-importance does not make any sense, because to them I am very important person, anyway.

    * * *

    I took a situation that has already recapitulated. The situation is related to a pattern of self-doubt. I found the internal dialogue that friends should support me. If a friend does not support me in something, he scoundrel and a traitor (whether I am right or not.) A new view – I am self-sufficient and say only what I’m sure about not with my head, but with feelings, energy. Pattern – the desire to hear the approval from other people, the confirmation of my rightness. Diffidence. New words, steps – to stop myself, remember the gyroscope – a device that preserves the direction no matter what the storm at sea, or what the wind is blowing in the sky. Feel this power in myself. No matter what the person says and does, I remain calm preserving direction. I perceive it as a theater, with humor, and I can even play along with the person. In a pinch, I can leave.

    * * *

    Practice, as usual, gave a lot. I could see my patterns reflected in other people, that we are all from the same zoo. Each person is repeated in the other, I am constantly amazed that in practice, always starts with the fact that you do not know what to say, what you have seen, and ends with a complete picture of any action, any pattern , with all the finest details in front of you, and you play the role of a clown who somehow said himself that you notice and remember nothing around. That is, the practice finishes and you turn into this forgetful person, and the clarity leaves. And when you do practice, this clarity appears to you again. The more often you practice, the more clarity you have.

  6. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    View from Inner Silence. September 9.
    ***

    I feel very grateful to those who guided the practice ‘Miracle that is happening now’. At this practice, I have found very important things – in fact, my whole life was a miracle. But I did not notice it because I’ve been in constant internal dialogue for my whole life. I could only see the internal dialogue, so every day was the same for me. When we answered the questions, I found how huge and wonderful is the world, when I look at the steppe, or when I look at the stars. And how small am I in this vast universe. I wrote down what mood and breathing I had. And copying this body position and breathing, I could see a miracle after this practice.
    Half an hour ago, an event that is related to the practice ‘The world that I need’ took place. A friend invited me to work in a pyramid MMM, easy job, easy money. I did not want to maintain other people who wanted to enrich themselves at the expense of others with my attention and work. And I refused. I do not want a world where people earn at the expense of others. And … after that magical practices, I have a more positive outlook during the day, and I do not get tired when I get home and I do not have an internal dialogue – ‘I fed up with it’, and I have more energy now.

    ***

    When I heard that the world is a miracle, I felt happy.

    ***

    The practice on Thursday I started with a skeptical mood. And gradually doing passes, I realized for the first time that a miracle always happens. Space is filled to the brim with wonder. And I saw something in me that often prevent us from seeing the miracle. I felt something disturbing to me, then, what lies behind this was my internal dialogue. At least I realized what it was for a while. And during the practice, I felt all those present as balls of energy. Then I saw myself in relation to the Earth, then to the solar system, and then I was lost in the space and I realized how little am I in comparison with the world, as if I didn’t exist at all. The paradox is that I exist, feel and I’m aware. I still am … something in this infinity realizes itself.
    After this experience I realized where I had to go and what am I doing all this for.

    ***

    I was offered a very profitable business three weeks ago. The business, which pays off in a month. The sale of alcohol. Conditions are as favorable as possible. In short, smoke bamboo and count money. I scratched my head and thought it was a very tempting offer. Then I thought of the practice, “The world that I need,” and thought …. and do I need it in my world …. After that I gave up the business. I do not want to make drunkards of people, I do not want to make money in this way and I do not want to invest my energy and intention there. My whole being against alcohol and it turns out that if I go into this business, so I go against myself. And I ask myself the question – “Do I want to go against myself?” The obvious answer is, NO, I do not want.

    ***

    I have had many wonderful events this week. And I want to emphasize one thing, when I listened to my energy body. I was riding a scooter on the road, making a large circle of 50 km, in the wilderness. Suddenly I felt that I needed to go back, just go back. But I kept going, talking about it. Then I started to breathe, breathe and look at it not from my head, but from my whole body. I began to feel and decided to turn around and go back. Why I went back, I did not know. I found this out when I got home.
    A minute after I came home, started a very strong storm. And for me, it all became clear.

  7. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    Recapitulation via Skype. September 11.

    ***

    What do I want to change in my eating habits… I want to eat consciously ever, to eat only when it’s necessary, exactly as much as I need. I want to eat only food which gives me maximum benefit and treats my body. I always ask myself if I need this product, is it useful to me? I buy only that food which I really need. When we was doing steps of intention I turned my intention closer to energy body and I felt that I moved in some kind of emptiness. It was very viscid and dense, like under water. It was very pleasant feeling as if I did steps into something new. When I moved to the market in my dream I saw a counter with bread (my childhood’s stereotype is that I can’t eat any food without bread) and I understood that I don’t need bread. I have a clear sense that bread is bad for me and it is poorly digested. Thank you all.

    ***

    I said to myself at the beginning of the practice, that I don’t want to change anything in my eating and in my eating habits. After practicing magical passes a desire to understand when I want to drink and when I want to eat came to me. In the process of buying salespeople confuse me often, especially in the market, and I would like to change just that, to pay more attention to it. I don’t eat after 18.00 already. I try to understand what my body wants when I choose the products. Most recently I began to eat smaller portions more often and I would also like to continue.

    ***

    Before going to the market I want to make a list of the products, which I need today. I want to boil a soup without a chicken, only with a beef, because chicken affects me not very well. Now I eat more efficient food like vegetables, meat, fruit. And at today’s practice I got a mood, that I can easy get rid of anything that I don’t need.

  8. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    Entering the place of awareness. September 13.

    ***

    I could sense the warm and pulsation.

    ***

    When we were sitting in silence my feet and hands were burning. It was very easy to imagine what is there outside, what our friends do at parallel practice on the Internet.

    ***

    This week my awareness became wider. It happened as a result of all recent practices. Out of small pieces of awareness assembles the integral awareness. I realized that my battle for awareness is only mine – I cannot hide behind anybody, who will tell me what to do or not to do, making excuses for my soul laziness. And I want to say thank you to all of you.

    View from Inner Silence. September 16.

    ***

    I merged into the state where I felt not only myself and the world around, but everything around as if it was the part of myself and there was no barrier between outer world and me. It really was shifted state of awareness, I felt that I am equal to everything and everybody. In this state I focused my attention on a person who bothered me a lot. I started to see this woman as an upward flow of energy. It was very light flow. I could see something abstract, my will, and I intended so that our relations would be kind. And on my way home I was in the great mood. I used to come home tired after work and go to bed. That day I didn’t want to sleep at all, I was happy and everything was just superb.

    ***

    This week I noticed that I’m lack of energy to hold my attention on all topics which we had looked at during the time I practicing in Constellation Group. I managed to hold these all in focus during the last week. I feel good. I noticed that I started to understand people better. It helps me to be more efficient and make strategic decision. I’m going to take new planned steps tomorrow and to look how it will work. As for my health and eating habits, I took concrete steps last week. I changed my eating habits and started to cleanse my organism. Thank you.

    ***

    There were loads of events this week. I want to point out that my sincerity towards myself and outer world has enhanced. I started to express more sincerity and honesty instead of wearing a mask (I’m this and I’m that), being just what I really am.

  9. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    Recapitulation practice via skype. September 18.

    I asked myself a question – what prevents me to enter into the inner silence, and the answer came immediately – my inner dialog. After practicing Magical Passes I asked myself the same question – the answer was – my judgments and outer irritants. Practicing Magical Passes the third time, Is saw that my patterns prevent me to enter the inner silence, my patterns of behavior, they’re with me 24/7. But a little wonder had happen… When I shared my findings with others, I could see my situation in different light. I saw that the world around was really astonishing, beautiful, everybody were shining, and I understood what a happiness is just to contact with such people, especially with practitioners from our group. At the beginning of the practice I had an interminable inner dialog, and now I’m in silence. That’s a miracle. Thank you.

    When we first looked at what keeps us from entering into the space of silence, I had the usual things like anxiety and a lack of awareness when you forget who you really are. When we immersed deeper into the silence, the answer came to me that it’s self-importance that keeps me from silence. As we move deeper and deeper, making the magical passes, I saw that there is nothing keeping me from inner silence. I’m open for a space of silence. I felt that all heavy load listed above …. I can leave it and just step into a space of silence. At the end of the practice, I just saw silence as it is – empty space… and I was a little scared. I am very grateful to you all for this practice.

    The first time I noticed that my job prevents me from inner silence, household chores, internet and other trivia. The second time we did the passes, I noted that preventing me to enter the silence is my unfinished recapitulation. And when we did the magical passes again, I realized that nothing prevents me from entering the silence. I saw a very quiet area and I was able to go there. And while there, I felt that my seconds of silence are accumulating. There was a feeling that is hard to describe in words. Thank you.

    I was looking at what surrounds me right now. A lot of noise distracted me, sounds, my cat etc. Little by little all these disappeared and after magical passes there was a sensation that I stood at the edge of silence, but not exactly in there. After the third time nothing distracted me. There was a sensation that not only could I enter into the space of silence, but fly into it. It’s very comfortable and even absorbs me. And there is nothing around. This is a very useful practice and I’m very grateful to you for it.

    The first thing I wrote down – an anxiety and bustle bothered me, as well as lack of love towards myself and self-doubt, which produce unaware acts. At the second stage I was having a hard time, like the ground was slipping from under my feet. And somehow I was willed myself to focus and return to aligned state. I’d love to achieve such state where I trust myself, listen to myself, and stay calm, making decisions. I want to say thank you to all of you, who create energetic mass thanks to which our practices are alive and blooming.

  10. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    September 20. Weekly practice in group. Space of Silence

    ***

    Before the practice I worried about situations at home and at work.
    After the first series of passes I realized and wrote down that I let negativity present around me. After the second series of passes, I realized that I cannot change anything around me until I change myself. Amber Flow showed me love to myself and the fact that when I love myself, the entire world meets me in return.

    September 23. View from Inner Silence.

    ***

    On Tuesday, the practice was very peculiar. I began to treat practice as an adventure. It was quite extraordinary. I felt fear, the cause of which I couldn’t understand, and the next day sitting at work, I unexpectedly found myself in silence, just turned off the sound, the sound inside me. I noticed a woman passing by and saw where she was going and her entire way in a second. Then I looked at my boss and saw all the papers on his desk, and drawings. This lasted for a short moment and it was like a dream.
    On Thursday, in our green room was so tight circle, that connection between us was felt strongly. And so it was frankly, right up to tears, strong feeling. I saw the mask I wore, I’ve never seen anything like that before. I realized that whether I like it or not, I still have to do a recapitulation of all the moments that I do not like and which follow me. I realized that certain aspects of my personal history, have a strong influence on our whole group, on those who are close to me. Especially in those moments when we rush at full speed. I feel at times like a child at the wheel.

    ***

    First, I’ve noticed that I had a lot of judgments about people. At the end of our practice, I notice that judgment evaporate, but instead appears a sense of gratitude. I haven’t seen how much positive things people bring into my life. I’ve been practicing for a long time… but just this week I made a decision in my favor. I took a break, think things through and make the right decision for me. I felt so good about that… Now I see what a huge amount of energy we spend only to see one and the same situation very narrowly and one-sidedly. For me now practices begin long before they actually start, I feel it. This week has been for me the theme of gratitude to all people. And more … I am deeply grateful that I was lucky enough to have known about Carlos Castaneda and that I am practicing with you in Constellation group now. Thank you very much.

    ***

    I want to say that all the questions that I get to practice, miraculously transformed into answers. This week I fell in the space of silence for the first time. I always wanted to, but never reached a state like on Tuesday. After that, I became distracted and lost a lot of energy. And now I can see this big difference: the state of peace and fullness and state of devastation. Also this week, I felt the meaning of ‘personal power’ for me and how it is accumulated bit by bit, and the meaning of ‘losing personal power’.

    ***

    At the beginning of today’s practice, I was thinking about everything, but not about the practice. And now I’m totally here. Every word as if imprinted in me, absorbed in me.

    ***

    Our intention to enter into the silence of this practice has worked. I see that we all have a similar state, mood, and what we say. This all allows me to go into the silence by simply my desire to do so.

    ***

    Now I feel a deep affinity with all of you.

    ***

    I was able to enter into the silence, I feel the force building up in me.

    ***

    I can’t help going into the silence already. Even the other day when I was driving the car and was late for practice, I felt like I was just covered with the inner silence. Even when I’m not with you, I’m still in this intention. Thank you.

    ***

    I have a feeling of support. My sincerity towards myself has increased.

    ***

    Today we did something new. The silence of another level. We just agreed that we want to be here, in the silence and we were here. For me it is very new and I see new opportunities.

  11. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    September 25. Online Recapitulation Practice.

    ***
    In the course of the practice I realized that when I hiding from the infinity during the day – it is entirely my responsibility. This is not someone hiding, it is me. And all I have to do to open to the infinity – is to relax my body, breathe deeply, release stress, thoughts, my ego. And infinity will be in front of me. I deserve to perceive infinity. It does not matter, that once I was hiding from infinity because of my stupidity and ignorance, templates and internal dialogue.

    ***
    The answers that came at this practice, it is very much intertwined with the answers of my witnesses. I want to say that right now I see – the way to my energy body, to be with it on this path of knowledge. To listen to yourself and be in peace is a state of happiness and peace.

    ***
    Due to my witnesses, I saw a new, I saw how uneasy, unreasonable and strange it is to our mind – to follow the energy. First, I wrote that I ‘m lack of feeling a connection with the world that surrounds me. Then I saw myself sitting in the corner with a bowed head and I wanted to get up and start to breathe, move and look around. I realize now that I was sitting in the corner for my whole life.

    ***
    At the beginning of the practice, I wasn’t able to answer the question, I had not enough attention to do something. As we practiced passes, I realized that something in me does not allow me to see and follow the energy. Then I had the desire to sit and lie down, and I saw this picture: I saw my patterns, I saw how using the internal dialogue I have nurtured these patterns and honed them skilfully. And now, in all situations, I use these patterns. I realized and appreciated what a great job I had done, so that the system could work in me all through these patterns. It’s my patterns that will not let me see the energy.

    ***
    The practice affected my internal state. I’ve got a lot of questions. I realized that I needed more awareness, to do the recapitulation, to realize all my patterns. But how to do it ….

    ***
    When I heard the first feedback, I realized that we get together here like in a dream, and then lose what we experienced at this practice. And I ask for a lot of the recapitulation for myself, over and over, I really want to do it.

    ***
    At the beginning there were difficulties with attention. Then I was able to relax my body and breathe energy. I realized that to follow energy means to follow the inner silence to me. After magical passes I saw the space of possibilities in front of me, and I heard the invitation to enter into this space. I also realized that it doesn’t work to go in here and just calm down. This space of silence is a permanent change and transformation. There was a feeling that I’m in the free-fall jump.

    ***
    I have found that in order to see more, feel and follow the energy, I have to listen to myself, my heart, follow the path with heart, and to fear nothing. Then I discovered that I can see the confidence and peace of mind and knowledge. I see and feel the movement of energy. After the magical passes I wrote – I see my way before me. This is the path that I want to go and I want to pass it. I feel that this way is important, and I just traveler on this road.

  12. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    September 8. Online Recapitulation practice

    ***

    What I saw today. I have changed my attitude to myself, I found myself in a new light. Before, when I looked at myself, I tried to find something negative to find something that is wrong with me. And I look at the world the same way ….
    I looked at those big pluses that is in me. I saw that those men who have been in my life are quite normal people. I just allowed to treat me in a certain way. There aren’t bad people, in fact …. there’s only what you allow to happen.

    ***

    As a witness I saw at this practice once again, what unconscious people we are and how badly we behave towards ourselves. And it is good when some of us find it and still have the strength and energy to change something in their lives.

  13. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    September 23. Feedback after team preparation the practice “Following The Energy”.

    ***

    After our preparation for the practice there is a phrase in my head: “It was higher aerobatics of following the energy”. Higher, because it’s not easy to do so in a team, it’s not easy to forget about your ego, when others listen to you and you have to convey your view without personal attitude. At such moments, very sharp and sensitive seen any comments in your address, especially if they are opposite to expectations. It’s great that I can see it! The more people feel each other in our team, the stronger the various aspects of our relationship become apparent. Thank you all for the opportunity to realize our unity. We managed to come to a common agreement on how our research of a new topic should run, what questions should be raised so that take as accurately and deep look into the essence of the theme as possible. I’m pleased to realize that in such moments we can confidently tell each other everything that causes inconvenience or gladdens, that I agree r disagree with. Such adventures help me to feel better our unity, our Constellation. This is higher aerobatics when everything becomes clear and open. Now the feeling that I have nothing to hide. Thank you!

    ***

    Preparing for this practice CLEARLY showed me how to follow energy at preparing practices. First I had loads of “reasonable” suggestions about HOW it should be done. For example: what pass should we do at what time, which questions etc. And I thought like: one opinion, second opinion, third opinion and then – an inference. Everybody speaks on the subject, and then there is an inference. Now I can see that after practicing the first magical pass we entered in the same area of forming the practice. It doesn’t matter there who said after whom ‑ practice was formed in the same time. And there were less and less mind in the course of preparation. I consider it an important event for me, which will bring me a lot of goodness. And this area is one of those in which I’d like to follow energy. I feel that practice is completely ready. It was quite a discovery for me that you don’t need to worry about the pleasure from the practice. I used to think that if I prepare practice, I will know everything and get bored, lose interest etc. Now I have superb mood because of what I feel!!! Even guiding the practice I don’t know how it will affect me and what impression will make. This finding is very inspiring. As for last 25 minutes, it corroborates one more time that no matter how much you prepare or plan, there is no place for mental schemes nor personal history’s provocations. There is no authorities, nor those who follows authorities. There is nothing personal at all, but, paradoxically as it is, this allows me to see mechanisms of ego. To see them, to remember them and to refuse to follow them or spend my life on them. Finally, I can say ‑ before the beginning I was thinking, at the end ‑ I wasn’t thinking. Thank you.

  14. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    September 27. Following The Energy. Weekly practice on Krestovsky island.

    ***

    I want to follow the energy at work, in the family, in the arrangement of the tonal. I found out that I distinguish energy in people, air vibrations. I notice people full of energy, solar. Dawned that everything in this world is the energy vibrating at different rates.

    ***

    I want to follow the energy feeling and knowing when people need my help, support, knowing how I can help. To know, to feel what’s going on with the people, with close friends and family. How to direct my energy, my attention wisely. How do I see energy? I feel that there is some space in which we touch, where we are directly connected with each other and with the world. I feel my strength, peace, support of the Earth, which makes our awareness clearer. I Feel confident, without doubt or hesitation. How do I see energy now? There is calm inside of me, the same as the outside. Attention turned outwards to other people, to the sounds that I have not noticed, though heard. Time is felt acutely, to the minute. I trust my perception.
    What I noticed – that horrified me, but at the same time pleased: I saw that the dialogue all the time mumbling and trying to hide direct perception from me, what I really feel. All the time! I see a great future in this practice right now.

    ***

    Today I confirmed to myself that I want to always believe, to trust and follow the energy, to follow the feeling that tells me how to do: on the road somewhere, at work, in relationships with colleagues, at home, dealing with people with whom I live – wherever I am. For me, following energy means not to leave my personal attitude to those who I interact with, so to speak, do not leave a trace of my “personal history.”
    How do I see energy now, after the passes? This feeling, a sense of understanding of the goals that drive everything that is going on. I noticed a car drove outside the window, and I said to myself, “I understand.” Now I feel free unconstrained state.
    How do I see energy now, after a few more passes? I feel very relaxed, feel good, although the workweek was very difficult, and there was little sleep, after the passes I feel great! I feel a need to perform the tasks that I set myself. Inside the surge of strength and energy.

    ***

    In what areas of my lives I want to follow the energy? I want to follow the energy in all my life. In communicating with people, with the world, with family, with my friends, when I do not know what to say. Now I feel very happy, fulfilling. I also feel calm.
    And how do I see energy now…. I feel the energy flowing through my body, I feel happy, I feel light inside and outside. And all this for me equally. I love this universe of possibilities. I enjoy because life is the best that can be. I feel the love of all those present at the practice and my love, after I realized it, had spread further and further to all people. In this state, I want to breathe, to act with an open chest. And I see the journey in each direction.

    ***

    I want to hear my body and to follow this flow. During this practice I was feeling heat inside my body. When I closed my eyes, pictures and stories which I saw were vibrating in front of me. Slow vibrations were producing fast vibrations and inside the fast vibrations were the slow vibrations. This pictures were vibrating. And then I understood that I consider myself as personality only because I speak to myself. And the moment when I stop speaking to myself, this “self” will cease to exist. It will disappear.

    ***

    I want to follow energy all the time… at daytime while minding settling my cases, eating my meal, listening to the surrounding world. And during the night awareing realizing myself as energy, traveling through the infinity. How do I see the energy now… I want to stretch my filaments, my awareness up to infinity. I see that I can build my own world which I need. And then, after magical pass Amber Flow, it came to me that there is light coming out of me and it is happenning right now, there is a space of calm and peace around me. I’m grateful, self confident, I know my path.

    ***

    I’ve noticed our feedback is quite similar. Indeed we are in the same flow. At first, I’ve also wrote that I want to follow the energy in all parts of my life. Then I defined that I want to follow the energy in contact with world, in communication with people during the day, in family. After we practiced the magical pass, I saw that we are connected with each other and with the surrounding world, with trees, with Earth and with the whole universe. I’ve really felt that energetically. I’ve saw that. And then, after we did magical pass Amber Flow, I felt this light inside of me, I felt this Amber Flow inside of me and understood that I want to follow this flow and follow this feeling of silence.

  15. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    September 28. Recapitulation – witness practice.

    ***

    I found the pattern, which looks like this: I want a freebie. This means that I do not have faith in myself. An example of this: For a long time, I strive to reach my goal. And then result comes to me and I am very glad to it. But instead of accepting this result as what I deserve (because I worked so hard on it), I begin to perceive it as if THIS had come to me from a certain person or a god. I start to kowtow to that person or to praise God for such a gift. In this practice, I saw it, I do so only because I want freebies and admire them just because I want a freebie. I mean, I could take my just deserts, because that was my intention, and it came to me. Then I discovered a new look: I know the value of myself, of my efforts that I have made in my life. Now I see that everything that happens in my life is the result of my control. I control my life, and nobody can give me anything for free.

    ***

    During today’s practice, in my narrator’s situation, I saw many contradictions and claims. When we changed the position of the body and found a new view I noticed that the new behavior in the situation is really based on the new position of the body and on the new view. This new behavior had not a single flaw, there were only words of gratitude – just what we don’t see because of our patterns. As a witness I can say that exactly what narrator told me at the end of the practice, the man from the scene would like to hear most. It was awesome.

    • Thank you for more great reports, Marina and Constellation Group! A comment and question for one of the trackers above: Good that you are acknowledging all that you do–the high quality of your efforts. Is it possible that our own efforts, when they work, are a result of linking our personal intent with a greater intent? (rather than it’s a question of one or the other?) And for the other tracker: Yes, amazing what happens when we shift the body position/ assemblage point–the jewels that we uncover!!!

  16. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    September 30. Following the Energy. View from Inner Silence.

    ***

    This week was remarkable to me because I saw relationship with my husband in a completely new way. On Friday, I made a practice with my witness, he brought it to the very end, and i think there is no more energy left there. I was plunged into a state of inner silence on this practice. From this state, I looked at my relationship with my husband and I realized how much they mean to me. I do not have any claims to him. A few days past after that, and our relationship is just as harmonious as possible.

    ***

    This week, energy was leading me. All I did was listening to myself. Here is an example: I was asked not to leave the place where I was, and I was standing in line. I still had to go to the post office to get the package. And I was thinking to go to the post office or not ….. then came some impulse and I just went. There’s always a queue for 30 minutes and I did not want to stand in line. After all, I do not have time for it ….. I was also prepared for the possibility that the post could be closed. When I went to the post office, it was empty, and the postal worker gave me even packages by blank receipts)). In the end I did everything it and was not late anywhere.

    ***

    About following the energy I would like to say that, for example, it often happens to me to park car at places, where there is seemingly no parking space. Another example – when the road is formed successfully and everything appears on on time. Our practices on Tuesdays and Thursdays shifts me into new positions of awareness, I discover places where I had never been before. For example, after the practice “Space of Silence”, I realized what is the inner silence. In practice, on Tuesday, I saw what do I represent, what am I, what I made of. I will not say that I am becoming more noble or good, but I’m starting to aware a lot of situations in my life. I have more awareness.

    ***

    I recently fell in love with a girl. And I was so worried about it that I could not sleep at night. I made a couple of magical passes, and realized that my head and my heart say different things. I began to do more magical passes and turned to the Spirit and understand that love and desire to possess are different things. And now I can just enjoy her presence and be in silence.

  17. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia

    October 4. The road into the unknown.

    What beginnings can I see around me, inside myself and in my life?

    I’m ending my unnecessary relationships, getting down to work actively, moving to my place. I’m tracking myself, learning language, aware of myself.

    And into my life comes new right now – Silence, alignment, I have been dreaming my own space, where nobody can get in.

    When we did one more magical pass it comes to me: self-confidence, alignment, love to myself and to the world, and alertness. I’m dreaming my personal space from this state.

    What endings can I see around me, inside myself and in my life? The beginning of a business, harmonious life. New knowledge. Active aware life. I start painting.

    And the new that comes to me right now: To see The Spirit, to act with The Spirit.

    What beginnings can I see around me, inside myself and in my life?

    I act strategically, I’m starting to live easily, I want to bring my everyday life in order. To complete unfinished, to dream, to care about others and myself. To start the day with the Running Man. To save energy and act out of integrity.

    What new comes to my life right now?

    I feel that I can sort out everything and I feel confidence.

    What beginnings can I see around me, inside myself and in my life?

    I’ve started to do recapitulation. I’m solving the problems that had been delayed.

    What new comes to my life right now?

    It is understood that there is no other way than that in which I went along with you. To resist is futile and pointless. I will not blame myself for being weak. I looked into such areas that I can’t find other words than I’m caught.

    What beginnings can I see around me, inside myself and in my life?

    A new day begins, and the night begins. My heart always starts a new movement …. My eyes begin to see new each moment. Our practice begins now.

    What new comes to my life right now?

    I begin to see other ways of living. It is possible to live without assistants, obsessive intermediaries, without obsessions. In my life came the revelations. I can see usual situations in a new way.

    What new comes to my life right now?
    Infinity has no end …. and I am a part of this infinity.

  18. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 6. Witness practice.

    ***
    Template: For me, there are people-authorities, I think that I’m dependent on them, and I go at them on occasion, passing on to them the responsibility for their actions.
    New view: I take responsibility for myself, define the purpose and act in accordance with it. I’m aware in those situations.
    I feel calm and confident with regard to this practice and I understand that there is still very, very much work ahead in connection with this pattern. Many thanks to my witness.

    October 7. The road into the unknown. View from Inner Silence.

    ***
    Looking at the beginnings in my life and looking at the endings I can say that this is a very, very small speck of something vast. Vast as the universe. When I came down here, from the place where I was, out of the place where I saw the universe, I felt a great responsibility for what I to the universe itself. Let the things that do very little for the universe, but I felt it was very important that I make them consciously. I thought it was important for the whole and for each – to make conscious acts.

    ***
    When I looked at everything in my life, I realized that this is a vicious circle. And to the question, how can I live differently, I answered that I want to take everything from life, because I’m a part of this. I have a chance to live differently and maybe I will ever attain freedom one day. And now I want to enjoy every minute of my life. I want to love myself and the world, because it is so beautiful. And I want to keep this in mind every minute.

    ***
    I saw at the practice that things that I have will soon cease to belong to me and even exist. I saw the beginning and ending of everything. I see a tree next to the house, it is growing, but soon stop growing. I saw people laughing and in a moment they stop laughing. The man who sat on the bench and stood up …. The cat, who looked out the window and stopped to watch … I see that the owner of the car, will cease to own this car and the car can survive it. When I realized all this, I began to be less attached to the surrounding things. I’m more in peace now.

    ***
    When I walked around the room I saw a bottle …. I realized that now it is new, but soon it will go nowhere. And in an hour glass will be empty. Night came … it also has an end. And I looked at the clock …. every minute is born and will die … birth and death, birth and death …. It’s 22:30 now… this hour have lived half of its life. New napkin on the table, it is a waste in a moment. When I went outside I saw a garbage can, a place where things get the shape of their completion. I saw the falling leaves …. each leaf is death. The people I saw were not young. And the puddle on the ground …. they come and go. And it is a symbol of dying, completion and birth of something new. Then I saw the big cities that are born and die and the small abandoned village. And when I came to the stars, I saw that they live just like we do. Between us there is no difference. When I looked at myself, I saw that I’m not getting any younger and it is also says that once I was born, and I’m moving closer to the time of completion. Looking at all this, I realized that I can live only loving what I do. No matter what. For me this is the only way to believe in myself and to feel a connection.

  19. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 9. Personal space.

    ***
    Personal space is a place where I can get away from everything external. This place has changed during my life. Once it was my room, and then it was the place where I studied music, and so on. After I merge into the silence with the help of the magical passes, I saw what the boundary of my personal space is my attention. It only limits the personal space – how attentive I am, how much am I here and now, so I’m confident. In my personal space. Then, even more immersed in the silence, I saw that my personal history will always be with me, it will be in my space, close by. I wanted to change the mood of the entire personal history to make my space better. I wanted more attention and awareness being in a private space. I want to clearly feel the border, at any time and in any place I could get to it easily. It felt like being in a private space allows you to feel the flow, and that a private space itself is my energy shell, my energy, and it is enough for me. After the third dive into the silence seemed to me that I am a small cell of energy in the universe, I am a part of something huge. I am associated with the world, and this relationship creates a sense of a great responsibility to the world for what I was doing there. I realized very well what I want to improve in my personal space, I want to dream my dreams in it! I want my desires to be dictated not by the mind or the head, but were the result of the fact that I feel the energy. Thank you!

    ***
    What is the personal space for me – it’s the space where there no access for anyone else. It’s my solitude without thoughts. A place where I ought nothing to nobody.
    What I would like to improve in my personal space – I need more confidence, less thoughts about myself. I want to be self-sufficient with my energy body.
    What else do I want to improve – I’d like to have as much energy as I need to create personal space anywhere. In the park, in public transport, I just close my eyes and here I am – in my personal space with my energy body.

    ***
    My personal space is the place without my ego. First time I wrote: freedom to acr, freedom from inner dialog, freedom to be myself. What do I want to improve in my personal space: to get rid of my personal history, to act according my intentions, to make decisions from inner silence. What else do I want to improve: to take a pause and to align body position and to do my best.

    ***
    My personal space is my inner world, true feelings and wishes. Something inside me where nobody can reach. What do I want to improve in my personal space: I’d like to open this space, depersonalize it, not to hold, just to open it. To widen boundaries of this space beyond the boundaries of my body. What else do I want to improve: I’d like to fill this space with energy, to move energy in there and to feel it.

    ***
    My personal space is when I’m self-confident.
    What I want to improve in it: I’d like my confidence to issue from inner silence.
    What else do I want to improve: I know that I’m a being who are going to die. When I realize this, knowledge comes to me.

  20. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 12. Recapitulation with the witness.

    ***
    My witness has helped me to remember the situation connected with my relationships and helped me to find the new view and to look at my pattern. I considered that the person next to me is ungrateful to me sitting on my neck and doing nothing. The pattern I saw is that people should admire me and be thankful to me – I SEEK RECOGNITION. Thank you.

    ***
    I won’t praise my teller, though it’s great to be a witness today for me. In this practice I saw my ego in his ego. It was important to me to SEE in this practice. I just immersed into the scene and felt everything. I liked this practice a lot because it immersed me into the state of BEING MYSELF, PERCEIVING. I feel that I’m real and calm. Thanks.

  21. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 14. Un-doing practice.

    ***

    This wonderful practice began on the New Moon. That are really new steps, we have never done anything like that before. And we are grateful to everybody who came to the practice. This week was also dedicated to the theme “The very best of myself”. We chose this theme all together in our group and came to the conclusion that our best can guide us in our life, in the first attention. Usually we don’t even think of what wonderful beings we are…

    ***

    I saw my partner in life newly today)).
    I see her very day, but I haven’t ever seen her so beautiful before))
    I was astonished… smile… shining eyes… I have no words to describe it. I’m delighted)) I’m more opened to the world, and I feel that the world is also opening to me. Thanks to all of you.

    ***

    Before the practice happened something incredible. We drove through the city, it was a sunny day – no cloud in the sky, but when approaching to the venue of the practice we found ourselves in the dense fog. During the whole practice this fog was lying as a thick veil over the river. Leaving the venue we got off this fog, as if we were in another reality, in second attention…

    ***

    I was waiting this practice for a long time, but it really exceed all my expectations. It was beautiful, strong, it was really a step outwards of ourselves. I can feel everybody who attended the practice, I feel the connection between us and deep mutual understanding, which is beyond the commonness. I have nothing to compare it with. After this practice I like everything I do, state of confidence and joy, harmony with myself and the world.

    ***

    I’d like to describe my findings. I had a conflict situation with a colleague at work. Our relationships were spoiled, the warmth had gone, as if nothing had ever tied us. This tormented me pretty much for almost three weeks. All my attempts to establish contact with her suffered a defeat. So much so, that I began to abase myself in front of her. But she firmly held her unyielding position of being offended. And I started to hate her quietly. I stopped going to work. Then I decided that it can’t continue, and thought of her dismissal and started looking for her replacement. But I was tormented by doubt: she valued worker, care must be taken to keep such people. What should I do?
    In the evening I called my witness and we did the practice on this theme. At the practice I could see that there is something besides our work that ties us, something invaluable. I recalled that I used to be glad to go to work just because SHE was there.
    After the practice, my colleague called me and I heard the old dear and gentle voice. Feeling as if she returned.
    Many thanks to the Constellation group.

  22. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 14. Personal space. View from inner silence.

    * * *

    This week I had a clear sense that nothing happens for no reason. For example: I live in a suburb, and today I past my bus stop and the bus took me far away to the fields. I asked the driver to stop and let me out. I needed to walk several kilometers on foot. At that moment I realized that magic is here and now. I started to feel the world around me in this state and I wanted to sing. I was just walking and singing. It was a song of my heart, a song without words. I saw energy flowing everywhere around me. Then I saw a being, and we started a conversation. I felt ill at ease and that being helped me to change for the line where I felt harmonious, relaxed, I became more of myself.
    Recently I woke up in state of absolute harmony and realized that if I have nature, I have everything. I went out the doors and began to breathe, to converse with trees. There was complete pacification and I liked that so much.
    This week I became more calm and conscious in communication with people. And though I’m not 100% aware, but much more aware than before. I found the room for acting with people from my heart, some softness and happiness. These started to happen this week.

    * * *

    Relations with my parents has changed for the better. I feel like I stopped and looked around. I’ve felt how much I love them and how much they love me. I even wanted to give my mom flowers and I did it.
    Another situation. I was going home from work being tired, I was unable to see anything. I could feel only that I was aching all over. And through the window I noticed what beautiful autumn out there, foliage whirling creating air vortexes, how beautiful everything is. And suddenly I noticed that my tiredness disappeared, as if I shifted somewhere and got the burst of energy.
    This week I wanted to come to our practice, but I had already had an appointments with patients. But I wanted that so much, that all three patients canceled their appointments, and I was very glad about that. Everything happened so that I could get to the practice.

    * * *

    This week I found the space that belongs to me only. I was walking along the street and saw something… I looked at people around and understood what happy person am I – I have this path, Tensegrity. I am in this flow, but they aren’t. They live in another world. What a happy person am I… because I have this wonder. I have a path and I follow it. Thank you.

  23. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 16. Tracking Energy – The very best of myself.

    ***

    My best qualities are my energy, my health, my heart, my energy body. I’m decisive and ready to act here and now, I’m filled with joy, harmony and able to listen myself. Now I can see myself calmly and I can see inner light inside me, I feel love towards myself and towards the world.

    How can I use my best qualities: I can act out of the state of here and now. I can take care of myself and my health and evolve the connection to my energy body, to ask my energy body and to make decisions from silence. To accept everything that comes to me with calm and joy. This brings my happiness. And what else I want to do is to listen my heart, so that the rhythm of my heart can be a guiding light for my whole body.

    ***

    What good qualities do I have. I’m honest, I know how to help people, I have an ability to love. I’d like to bring harmony into my life and life of people around me.

    I see that I can love now without expecting anything in return, I can speak openly, look at things lightly, smiling to the people, enjoy new day and not to expect much from people.

    ***

    I’m loving. I want to love myself truly. I love my Energy Body. I’m a dreamer. I want to dream new universes. I’m already create new universes.

    ***

    What bright and great about me: I love life, and I love all living creatures very much. I love every new day and every new morning. One of my best qualities is my intellect. I have a flexible and healthy body and I realize what happens to me.

    All this things are the best key which allows me to open the door to whole awareness, as I’m a traveller and I love travelling. My sensitivity helps me to find events for recapitulation and to move according my intuition.

    ***

    I can give people more than I do now. I can and I want to share.

  24. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 17. Witness practice.

    * * *

    I have always asked myself: why anybody can’t hear me, why should I say something 150 times shouting to be heard. I always ask my interlocutors this question… don’t you hear me???? Ahoyyyy. People either don’t believe or don’t want to listen… And this is always like that.

    At this practice my eyes opened… I just don’t respect myself… And people sense this. And set me at nought. And I feel sad about this now. Tonight I want to realize what to do with this. I don’t know how to sort it out.

    * * *

    My teller has told me ‘a tale’ today very smoothly. One could listen spellbound to it. And the new view that she has found, was quite appropriate to finish the practice and give her praise. But… I didn’t like that new view and we could see together how the teller wanted to hide from the witness very professionally. Here is the point in recapitulation when one doesn’t want to do recapitulation. My teller was shivering because of we saw together… I’m very glad that we have come to the point of choice so closely. I feel responsibility as a witness and i’m very glad. You need not praise anybody for anything here. This is just recapitulation, which we do or don’t do.

  25. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 19. Recapitulation. Witness practice.

    * * *

    My findings today: I’m in debt towards my parents that I’m unable to pay. My parents do not always accept my love, my way of saying ‘thank you’. And if they don’t accept my love, I don’t need to grieve and worry about it. It will change nothing. On the contrary, I want to do my best and let them decide accept or not my gratitude.

    * * *

    My situation was about my relationships. I saw that I started that relationships looking for personal benefit. I considered that I treat her well, but I was looking for better benefit in these relationships. And when I told the story to my witness I saw that I didn’t really love her. I was preoccupied only with getting benefit from our relationships. At the end of the practice I was with her speaking to her and the feeling came to me, the feeling of immense love to this woman. I understood how much I love her. I even felt warm. I hugged her and felt sad about what I didn’t see and what I can see now.

    * * *

    My findings today: I once again saw how recapitulation practice works. At the beginning of the practice there were some relationships, some energy twisted filaments. After the practice, when we align situation, re-dream it, align the flow of energy between each other, there appears purity in relationships, love. During this practice I looked at my personal relationships and saw that my unconscious acts had brought only disappointment and henceforth I want to act consciously. I will intend this. And I saw that if we disregard somebody, we disregard not them, but ourselves.

  26. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 21. View from Inner Silence

    ***

    When I read the announcement of the practice called ” The very best of myself.,” I knew that the practice would be very interesting. On Tuesday at practice, I felt a huge surge of energy. And after Tuesday, the space of happiness appeared in front of me. Why do I call it a space of happiness….. I’m in my usual body position, in my own concerns, in my internal dialogue and while being in all that I focus on this space in front of me …. and it lets me go, happiness and openness appears inside of my body. So, I have an alternative in the first attention …..
    After the practice on Thursday, this space has grown even more… and I saw … I had a space of happiness not only in front of me, but also the space from which I can consciously interact with other people. And all I need to do is to strengthen it, to be more aware of my inner dialogue.

    ***

    This week, I tracked how I can be with my energy body. I got the pleasure of simple things. I used to be very irritated and filled with thoughts at these simple things, and now I have become aware of it. Today I’ve began to pay attention to something else, too. In other words, I can see a lot more than before. And more … I have confidence towards the things that are happening in our group …. some time ago, when I just came into the group, I didn’t have it. Thanks

    ***

    I’ve come recently to the group. I want to say that with every class more and more attention is coming to me.

    ***

    This week I noticed that I have stopped worrying. It was easy to look at the world and at the situations in my life calmly and positively. And this Saturday information about my project literally fell on me, it was not just a thoughts …. I saw everything very clearly and specifically what I have to do, what are my next steps.

    ***

    That’s a great joy to listen to your feedback)). What can I say …. I ask myself who made all my week so cool….? The answer is obvious, you did it yourself … I am very grateful to you for your feedback, for your responses. They are really the stars in the night sky. Because when we do that, we share with others, we are opened to intent, we push ourselves beyond our capabilities. And when we get it, we feel joy, just a joy. We can see more and we know more about ourselves. For example, now it’s clear to me what is it just to go out and take a breath. Just take a breath. Breath, which includes everything.

    ***

    This week, when we did the practice of ” The very best of myself.,” it was hard to find the best of me. I wrote that I’m kind, and then I saw that I support the state of kindness for someone. I need approval of someone so I could feel well. In all my good sides I’ve found benefit for myself. And I asked myself … why I can’t find anything clean, really good, what is the best in me. And then I did the practice with witness and received a reply to his question. I’m disrespectful to myself and thus to the world. And my research has led to the fact that I want to listen to myself more, listen to myself and do not doubt the responses of my inner seer. This week I tried to do so. Usually I’m very nervous when I go to work, I look at the clock, search for a taxi, etc. And once again, when I was late for work, I thought that I should listen to myself and I asked myself, what if I’m late … and the answer came … no problem, take your time, drive safely, your patient is going to be late. I found that hard to believe … I was driving and admiring the fall and the beauty around. And when I got to work, my patient was late for half an hour.
    I want to thank my witness and I will continue to research this and I intend to change attitudes to myself and thus to the world.

    ***

    I’ve been practicing recently in the Constellation group. I have noticed that I have a strong feeling that I need to practice in a group. And for example, if I have a choice where to go or what to do in the evening, then I choose Tensegrity with you. I understand that I need it.

  27. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 28. View from Inner Silence.

    This week I released my concern for a girl who I wanted to bring to the truth for a long time. It has been lasting for 10 years and this week I stopped caring about it. Frankly, right now I just feel ease.

    ***

    I want to share with you how was the week. I loved the practice on Tuesday, it was very powerful, incredibly powerful. Even the next day after the class I was empty inside… I felt something outside myself and I cannot describe it in words. I found that I was just standing in place and looking at everything and I didn’t need anything. It was incredible. And then, on Thursday, the practice was very pragmatic. And on Friday – practice was a gift to me, a gift from the rest of my group and from Marina in particular. I loved the experience… so much new happened to me …. When I interacted with people on the next day, I had a feeling that some part of me just fell off, I was different, and it was easy to me. This week was in an atmosphere of enthusiasm to me. I want to thank you. I realized what a gift for me it is to meet the Constellation group. It was a gift, good luck and happiness for me. Thank you.

    ***

    I became to take easy domestic issues in my family. I really felt better and I became calmer.

    ***

    From what unnecessary things I’ve got rid this week… I usually push events in my life. For example if I have decided that I need something, I insist so it was that way. This week showed me that I was wrong. I don’t really enjoy what I receive in the end by insisting. And on a contrary, those things which happen spontaneously, really make me feel joy. I’ve noticed to myself that I should release control a bit. This is unnecessary thing that I want to release.

  28. Constellation group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    October 26. Recapitulation, Witnessing practice.

    I saw at the practice that I am a host of my own destiny, I create everything in my life myself. I feel very calm, confident and purposeful. I’ve realized that appreciation from others that I have been awaited for so long is not necessary in my life. I felt very independent and strong-willed person.

    * * *

    First, witnessing practice is a great job. Today we’ve been digging and dug out something. Each time I listen to the teller I found some key to a new door. Each new practice is like a breath of fresh air. I can see now that the only person who I can help is myself.

    * * *

    I have found out that I impose my assistance to others. They don’t ask me, but I still keep annoying them with my help. Even though, I can’t understand why I do so. This really is my pattern behavior. At this practice we’ve noticed that I behaved like that just because I don’t listen to myself. My inner seer says “baby, help yourself”, but I say that I’m fine, I should help others. And I start strange relationships that end up as a complete absurd. I create a situation, bind people to myself and then the situation comes to a deadlock, because people can’t do without me. And when I see that they can’t do without me, I understand that I don’t need them anymore, they’re like leeches, and I want to get rid of them. All this I found in absolutely harmless situation which I have recapitulated several times. It seems to be next layer of the onion that I could see. In the end we found the new view: I take care about myself on my own, I appreciate myself and my time.

  29. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia

    October 30. Tracking Energy – Personal history – What do I know about myself.

    * * *

    When I answering the first question I described my worries, patterns etc. After doing magical passes the second time, it was act of interior purification, I saw a bit more what is dominate in my unconscious intentions – obsessive sexual desire, self-admiration, egoism. I was taught these in childhood. When we did magical passes the third time, I just passed out… I flew out of the body and I had a sensation like at the Workshop in Kiev, when there is no body, sensation of absolute freedom. I was scared with this sensation and started to come back to my body. When I opened my eyes, I saw the air is not the air, but it’s light. It was yellow and was glowing. I don’t know exactly what to do with my patterns, but I know for sure that I should release self-importance.

    * * *

    In my daily life I keep worrying about my parents, and I keep going fishing at weekends. I spend loads of money on different fishing tackles, but I can’t understand why do I do that. After magical passes my head became more silent and I manage to remember my father and myself in childhood fishing standing knee-deep in water. When we did magical passes the third time I thought about not-doing. I wanted to go fishing and to fish without a hook. With every magical pass at this practice more and more much silence was coming to me and more memories that lie deep inside myself.

    * * *

    I’m in a bad mood in the mornings and my unwilling to get up I regarded as unwilling to go out to the world. It starts in my childhood… darkness, winter, I don’t know why should I go out there. I’d rather stay in sleep. When we did magical passes I got knowledge that I have the right to dream and to change myself, my view to this world. And now I want to live consciously. I decided at this practice that I would say my intentions aloud and even shout them out, so that the Spirit could hear me.

    * * *

    I chose at this practice repeating from year to year hatred towards a man. After a magical pass I saw where I’ve learnt this – in my family, where they hurt me unfairly. And I have developed a self-pity. To the question – what do I want to do in a new way: I want to bring lightness to my relationships with this person and I’ll do recapitulation practice soon and tell you what is going on.

  30. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 1. Personal history. What do I know about myself.

    * * *

    I was stumped for the question – what am I going to do to get rid of the personal history. I was always unsociable, and it seems to me that this way I always erase my personal history. What perspectives will open when the personal history little by little is eased? Freedom to think and do what I want, not to be burden with others’ expectations.

    * * *

    I have a habit to share everything that happens to me. I understand that I should keep off telling stories about myself. I’m afraid of doing witnessing practice. I’m not sure about impeccability of witness. I don’t know if I should do this. Getting rid of personal history for me means to release energy for perceiving things I need.

    * * *

    For me, the personal story – a set of information that I can give or not to give out to people. This information divided to information about the future and the past. If you say about the future, you should also say something about the past. Sometimes it’s necessary to talk about the future so that they perceive you in society. I can make up stories, to get rid of unnecessary socializing, to make my life more ascetic. To hold surges of showing off. I can say realistic things to closest people. The main thing is not to fall into dependence on their opinion. What is opening when the personal history is erased. Emotional waste of energy will have gone. I won’t do odd things. I’m independent, positive. I like everything I do.

  31. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 2. Witnessing practice.

    * * *

    My mom. She keeps annoying me. Today I’ve looked at my relationships with my mom differently. I understood that I don’t have any reasons to get angry or shout. I understood that I’m responsible for what I do.

    * * *

    I chose a seemingly casual scene for recapitulation today, at first sight – nothing special. But together with my witness we’ve found something incredible. In this scene formed the way I see the world and the way I act in the world. All my problems issue from this scene, where I decided to choose a certain style of behavior. Now I know which area of my life to put attention in and what to pay attention to in daily life.

    * * *

    The teller was just telling me her story and then I had a strange sensation of vacuum and I saw a picture before myself. It was a picture and knowledge at the same time. At that moment I knew that this is the key situation in which my witness promised to herself – to be such a person and to act like that. And since that moment my witness started to repeat herself over again. This practice opened to me loads of new, and it opened new to my witness, with whom we were in the same dream.

  32. Constellation Group says:

    November 6. Tracking The Energy. Exceeding the bounds of usual.
    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia

    * * *

    I kept waiting when they pay attention to me, especially superiors, as well as parents, older brothers, etc. In general… Look at me, what a good boy am I. And first, at this practice I saw my pattern as a matter of fact, and second, I found out that I don’t need it. I can do without it. Now I’m more light and self-disciplined and it’s easier for me to interact with my superiors at work, without expectations of praise.

    * * *

    My example, I was in the supermarket, cashier said to a man before me: “You’ve stuck wrong price ticket, would you like to weight grapes again?” He said – Yes, and ran away to weight them… My first thought: the man wanted to cheat the shop and stuck cheaper grapes’ price. I looked at the woman next to him and thought: “Aha! That’s what you are like! Then, when doing magical passes I found out that I can be in a state of here and now for more and more long time. I lose this state just due to a habit, just because of a habit. I saw it before and I did this myself, that’s why I reacted to the usual thing now. Then, after a magical pass new realization came to me and I saw how I can love people. In the old situation with the new realization I was just standing there at that very place and just was listening to the cashier talking to the man. I didn’t have any thoughts. I saw that the man is a usual person and he probably made a mistake. I was in a state of love, these people around me – they are beautiful people…

    Yesterday I shared my situation… and today has come to me something newer that I didn’t see then… The man who bought grapes explained everything immediately then… he said that young worker had helped him to weight the grapes and he didn’t know about that. BUT I… DIDN’T HEAR THAT… I WAS ABSORBED WITH MY INNER DIALOG ABOUT THIS MAN AND MISSED ALL THE DETAILS OF THE SITUATION. I was staying nearby and didn’t hear anything…
    Situations often occur in quite different way from that we can imagine.

  33. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 8. Tracking The Energy. Exceeding the bounds of usual.

    What do I want to do in my life for myself: I don’t know what life is and what it is for. I used to think that we were sent here to the Earth to suffer and to improve ourselves then. Sheer struggle. What do I want to do in this life for the Spirit: it’s not clear for me, too… I’d like to be light, understanding, joyful. And to widen my awareness I want to do something for myself, to leave behind different “authority” and to go beyond the boundaries of myself, to bring my life to order.

    * * *

    What do I want to do in this life: I’d like to try as much as possible, to travel a lot. I want to prepare to ceasing of life properly. I also want to live in my own house.

    * * *

    I often surrender to others’ dream and lose intention, and what is keep repeating is my self-pity. What do I want to do in this life for myself: I want to go beyond the boundaries of usual and to realize my potential. As far as I’ve come to this world, I want to understand the meaning of these all and to open myself. What do I want to do in this life for the Spirit: I want to dream this world, to relax and let myself interact with the world. And to widen my awareness, I want to clean my life from bustle – to listen and to hear… simply to live, breathe and perceive. I’d like to be an observer and to perceive life as an adventure.

    * * *

    Why I was given this life: to widen my awareness to possible limits. What do I want to do in this life: I want to be aware and to realize 24/7. What do I want to do in this life for the Spirit: if I am aware, people and all creatures around me will be aware, too. I want to be an example of attention, impeccability and calmness instead of giving advice to others. In that case I UNDERSTANDING and AGREEMENT are built between myself and another person. It becomes easier to live and to interact with surrounding world. And to widen my awareness I want to listen more and to consult more. And when we were doing magical passes came to me this: I want to listen and see more, to listen and see more – thereby more and more new possibilities open before me.

    * * *

    I have breathed with my whole body and felt very peaceful. Usually I’m very agressive. I shout at everybody, hardly hold my temper so that not to start fighting. Now I felt completely different. But i’m afraid it not for long, and when I come home it’ll disappear.

    * * *

    At this practice I realized that the life was given to me to train my attention. What do I want to do to widen my awareness? Not to be obsessed with failures. Usually I suffer much about failures. I don’t attach much importance to successes – have done, nothing much. Good girl, go ahead. My successes seems to me so inessential, that it’s better even not to mention them. What can I do to widen my awareness? Not to look at watch all the time. To walk without purpose.

    * * *

    Why I was given this life? To realize, to perfect dreaming attention. To learn to love. To learn to see energy. To feel connection with the world, people and the Spirit. What do I want to do in this life for myself? To provide prosperity of myself and my nearest and dearest. To open my creative potential. What do I want to do for the Spirit? To promote development of Tensegrity. To widen my awareness I want to do a lot of recapitulation, witnessing practice, so that get rid of patterns and obsessive attachments, which lead me aside from my true self.

  34. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 9. Recapitulation practice with the witness.

    * * *

    At this practice I saw that I and my father are both adult. For example: if he need my help in the country and I can go there, I will go. But if I have my own plans, that I want to implement, I will do that. I discovered my love towards my father. I see that my awareness has grown for now. I feel more aware than ever before.

    * * *
    I found my pattern at this practice: I know who and how should act. I like to give advice to all. Now I wil be more aware of my pattern of behavior. And my relationships with my mother are getting better already.

  35. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 11. Tracking The Energy. Exceeding the bounds of usual.

    * * *

    Last week something unusual happened to me. I was riding in a car in a company of people feeling their mood. I felt the spirit of global peace, I felt my body and feel the space and I have no desire to say anything. I was just sitting in silence and felt comfortable and ease.
    I have also discovered that the second attention and dreaming were next to me in my childhood. I found the agreement when I went away from this knowledge. This agreement was – I’m cool boy, I don’t believe in different nonsense, I agree with the common idea of the world, that there is only hard objects world. And now I should free myself from this agreement.

    * * *

    My teller formed an intention roughly a month ago. As I can see now, he didn’t believe much in what he formed for himself. His energy body believes that he should act in a new way, but he haven’t seen this yet. That’s why all his actions incoherent to his new intention fail and he experiences different small troubles. Our practice is conclusion of new agreements with the Spirit. And if we realize this, we have more chances to be conscious in our daily life.

    * * *

    This week I found out how at once you can
    change your attitude. I got in a conflict situation, felt inner silence and immediately
    change my attitude.

    * * *

    A girl at work told me
    unpleasant things. I was just listening to her, then said a few words. She not
    only relieved, but also started shining with joy. And wrote me a message that she’s
    very grateful to me.

    * * *

    I booked a non-studded
    tires for my car and when they brought them to me and I paid, I saw that they
    are studded. I said that I would not take them and wanted to change them. The driver
    proved to be trouble-free and started to call and negotiate about changing the wheels.
    I kept looking at the tires and even saw how I change them the next day. And
    suddenly I ask myself a question: “Why have they brought studded tires?”
    I looked at the driver, I liked him and his car. And I liked everything at that moment. And
    when the driver said that he had agreed upon exchange on the next day, I
    understood that I wanted to take these wheels. There was a sensation in the
    center of my body, I just knew what to do…

  36. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 16. Recapitulation.

    * * *

    As a child I wanted to be more powerful than others. I believed that to become immortal you need to call the invisible forces. I started to intend to meet such forces. And at one moment appeareda voice in my head, which began to teach me. It said to me – say him this, do that, you are the greatest, you won’t die, if you listen to me, you’ll gain might and become better than others. It also said ‘all I tell you is true’. Afterwards it transformed and I stopped recognizing it as something separate, it started to pretend to be myself, its emotions, thoughts. For example, when I got on the tram, it told me that people are contemptible in comparison with myself, don’t feel surrounding world, you lose your form like that, though it is you might – to hate others. Several years later, after multiple argument with my parents and continuous inner dialog. I understood that I did something wrong. That time I found Carlos Castaneda’s books and read them. Something unknown attracted me in them. An acquaintance of mine suggest me practicing Tensegrity. I started to do Magical Passes and felt something incredible, unknown, real power. I began to do magical passes every day, I did them each time I had negative emotions, which I wanted to get rid of. I’d done magical passes for quite a long time, and once I came to the Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity Workshop. It turned me and my perception over. I began to find further and found Constellation group, where continue to practice now. I began to see more. I can see how the Infinity surrounds me, I love this world and people in this world. I don’t listen to this voice anymore, the voice that lie to me. It’s great joy for me to perceive beyond the boundary of what I know. I let my form and thoughts of myself go, as well as everything that I made up, to find myself, my connection with the Spirit.

    * * *

    When half a year ago I started practicing Tensegrity, I had bookish ideas of what is dreaming. From time to time conscious dreams showed me a possibility of being in other reality, but they were rare and unpredictable. When practices’ theme had to do with dreaming, I didn’t pay attention to thisword, because I couldn’t see anything common between what we did at practices and the dreaming. It lasted for two month since I started practicing Tensegrity.
    Then I began to notice that dreams penetrate into my daily life (or it was always like that and I just started to notice that), and I became to pay more attention to the word ‘dreaming’ at practices. This ‘thing’ enter with me into the classes “In Silence, Sensing The Moon” and I felt how real it was (partly due to my partner in practice). I.e. on classes I was in state close to state of conscious dreaming, when I could smell my eau de toilette, to hear sounds and voices of people, see them as real. It was wonderful, very wonderful. I consistently did my steps during the whole lunar cycle, and got something even more important and valuable than i wanted to get during the waxing Moon at the beginning of cycle.
    I’m very grateful to the Constellation group for the cycle of classes “In Silence, Sensing The Moon”.

  37. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 18. View from Inner Silence. Whom do I listen to… and what do I hear.

    * * *
    This week we decided to move to a new place to practice there on
    Thursdays. On Friday we felt that this is not OUR place, and when we closed our
    eyes at Thursday’s practice, we saw ourselves in our Green Room. One thing
    became clear – our Green Room doesn’t want us to leave. That’s it…

    * * *
    This week I established a relationship with music, which is not in my list and I checked it in practice. In a community where they listened to loud music I managed to be calm and I had no inner resistance. I understood that it’s better for me to trust my feelings that to my head.
    At the practice on Thursday I realized that I trust a person because he’s connected with the Spirit and I trust him unconditionally. I realized that the Spirit is in everything around, not only in this person – in people, things. And I can confide in this feeling of presence of the Spirit, instead of listening to my mind.

    * * *
    I understood that I need to listen to my body. Through the body wakes
    my attention. My body gives me clear signals about everything that happens
    around and what happens to me. And it’s great. For example, yesterday I had guests
    – my friends musicians. They were listening to music which I don’t keen on… I
    started to listen the music with my whole body and opened a lot of new for
    myself. I also lose enormous interest in meal when I listen to myself. It used
    to be in the first place until now. And, of course, the group helps me a lot.

    * * *
    During this week I was noticing whom, in general, I listen to. I
    managed to see very useful htings that I hear and, on the other hand, useless
    things. It was very interesting and useful to me and I’m going to continue to
    track this aspect – whom do I listen to and what do I hear.

    * * *
    During last week it was very interesting to look at what and how do I
    hear. At practices it was easy to arrange these all systematically. On Tuesday
    I was speaking to my witness from the classes “In Silence, Sensing the
    Moon”, we were talking without bias and I liked it very much. At both
    practices – on Tuesday and on Thursday – after deep dive into silence I could
    hear sounds very distinctively and not only with my ears, but also with my
    skin, whole surface of my body. This state, which I had on practices, I tried
    to feel at moments of being more aware. Actually, they are just sounds, but
    they bring a lot of information, and when I’m aware it’s easy to me to filter
    this information. Finally, at the end of the week, it came to me to apply this
    approach – to listen silence in sounds,
    to apply this in eyesight and touch and I could see that this state worked with
    this, too. The void appears inside of everything.

  38. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 17, 2012. Witnessing practice.

    * * *
    I couldn’t realize my plan. A girl phoned me and added fuel to the fire. I concluded that she was a fool and that’s all her fault. In this situation, I was upset because something did not work. I was looking for a ‘scapegoat’. At this practice I recalled other situations to recapitulate where my energy has stuck. I shouldn’t attach myself to the result or to look for ‘scapegoats’. At the end of the practice I really had a sensation that my energy came back to me, my feet got worm, legs started to vibrate. I feel good now.

    * * *
    At this practice two practitioners cheered up – it means that their energy level had grown. It was a marvelous sight. Thank you.

    * * *

    The inner dialog was: Me, Me, Me, look at me. I’m so splendid, why doesn’t anybody see that. I’m aggressive and unsociable in that situation. I was trying to defend my view of the world. The result of the practice was a decision to regard myself as an independent person instead of requiring it from others. If I regard myself independent, someone else’s opinion does not bother me.

    * * *
    I subconsciously want to be a victim. I put myself in the position of a victim, even when others defend me. I start to defend myself from them, believing that they are going to hurt me again. Even when they defend me, I feel like a victim. I have no other positions. Today I’ve understood that I have to learn to just listen to people not wearing a mask. Just to learn to listen.

    * * *
    Our teller has been telling usual situation today. Everything was as usual, but what happened after that… After that we came close to a pattern. We have been expecting the usual flow of practice, when suddenly she gave out a completely incomprehensive pattern: “I’m a victim”. It’s remarkable that this pattern has nothing to do with the situation. I’ve seen one more time that we have loads of job to do. Today the teller has found a path to recapitulation.

  39. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 13, 2012. Whom do I listen to… and what do I hear.

    I usually listen to my mind and inner dialog. In this case I’m strained with shallow breath and I suffer. When I listen to people, I think that they’re egoists and predators. When I listen to friends, I hear inner dialog what idiots they are and how much I’m better than they are…. When I’m in silence, I can hear inner dialog of these people. Stroking the cat I hear the dialog that I have to hurry up. When I go to bed in the afternoon, I hear the inner dialog, that I mustn’t spend time on sleep during in the afternoon.
    What do I want to listen… I want to listen to my energy body. I want to hear the essence of things. When I listen to people I want to hear the essence, what is there, behind words. Stroking the cat I want to hear her nature, her strength. When I fall asleep, I want to hear sounds of the dreaming. I want to hear the Moon, stars, trees, spirits. Everything that is beyond my inner dialog.
    Right now I hear how the energy flows, vibration around me, I hear myself and infinity. At this class it came to me that I’m not only my body, but this room where I stay and even more.

    * * *
    I usually listen to my head, my inner dialog, doubts, fears, uncertainty. But really I want to listen to myself, my energy body, I want to listen and feel it, because it won’t deceive me, it won’t kill me morally. I also want to listen to the world around me, animals, trees to find the state of here and now. And right now I can hear my breath, I can hear the silence and I’m completely relaxed.

    * * *
    I usually listen to my inner dialog or intuition. In the first case I hear judgments and worries, in the second case – call to action. When I walk along the street, I don’t want to think at all. I want to listen to each part of myself: my physical body, energy body, my sensations… Now I can hear different sounds around me and I’m honest to myself, I don’t deceive myself. And when I hear other people, I hear myself in them. Thank you.

    * * *
    Sometimes I hear myself speaking to myself. In conversations with people – they often talk about themselves and ask how I’m doing just for the sake of propriety… And I want to listen to nature, I love it very much. I want to listen to my energy body. After doing magical passes all sounds have intensified, I can hear what I’ve never heard before. A pleasant sensation in my head due to the state of inner silence.

    * * *
    My body reacts to sounds, the voices. It strains in different places. Usually I don’t listen attentively, skipping words. When I’m asked for help, I take it as an attempt to distract me from necessary affairs. Also, I hear a voice that says what I see ….. What I really want to hear – myself, kind words, stars, my energy body, sounds’ multidimensionality, whispers of the universe, its essence, the silence. I hear now that the internal dialogue is very loud, and voice of the seer is very quiet.

    * * *
    I listen to friends, co-workers, their dialogue, in general all but myself. I want to hear myself, my energy body. I want to come home and hear the purr of my wife …. and then I saw the burning wood in the fireplace, crackling wood, fire. Then I was carried away by the practice, I sailed ….. than the practice went through perception, not understanding. And right now I can hear the SILENCE. Looking at my notes, I see the main point of my life – now.

    * * *
    I listen to everybody who talks to me, but I hear only what I’m interested in. I want to hear inner silence and sounds of nature. And now I hear: crystallization of thoughts, purification, silence.

  40. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 14, 2012. Recapitulation, Witnessing practice.

    This recapitulation practice showed me that I have always listen to myself. But I’ve blocked this wish, I was listened to something else. I followed some other call and it brought me enormous suffers. And I even wasn’t aware of these suffers and this pain. Do not misunderstand me: it’s not a metaphor, it’s a real unbearable pain. My chest was burning, I was shaking with indignation and a reluctance to take this call, but I went and I was shaking. And I used to not notice it, believing I did everything right. That’s what happened to me, and today I saw it, I saw this process. I found the possibility to ‘shift’ this call, just to stop following it. To make a step to myself, just by listening to myself, the energy, the internal space, my silence. When I act, I feel as well and self-sufficient, as possible… I have no questions that I couldn’t solve by myself. I’m just in silence now – that’s all.

    * * *
    My teller has really heard himself and realized myself. I’m really glad to see how he got to the key point. And looking at this practice it’s easy to me to reach my situations. Each practice shows me that our situations are very similar really, sometimes they are just the same.

  41. Constellation Group says:

    November 15. Whom do I listen to… and what do I hear.

    I noticed that my focus is only on people who have leadership qualities. They can grab my attention. And I don’t pay any attention to weak people. Today I’ve understood – if there is no interest, my attention will never respond. And today I felt the danger and anxiety, I do not know why …

    * * *
    I listen carefully when I’m waiting for revelation, when something will catch me and lead forward. I correlate it with my interests: if a person opens me new worlds and I don’t know about that beforehand, most likely than not, I’ll pass it by. My previous attitude restrict my attention. I’d like to learn to listen for essence of things instead of thinking or speculating about them. At the beginning of the practice I had only 30% of attention. And after diving into silence I had no thoughts at all.

    * * *
    I don’t listen carefully when I’m told about what to do. I want to listen gratefully when they really want to help me. If I’m not interested in listening to people, I can tell them that I don’t need this information and I can say thank you. At the end of the practice I heard the vibration and started to fall asleep. I want to listen to my energy body.

    * * *
    My findings today: to be attentive – I should be ready to be attentive. I need training, intention, purpose – then I can be attentive and I can listen. Now I feel very calm and I feel myself as some space. I see myself as a whole country, green sunny country. I admire views of this country…

  42. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 20, 2012. Tracking Energy. Listening to the Silence.

    * * *
    The last two days I felt bad. I came to the practice with the intention of renovation and well being, and I got it. I want to see the world without the dialogue in my head – I wrote at the beginning of practice. After half an hour I had no worries and anxieties, there is tiredness, but not overstrain. I felt the energy in the body running. And at the end of practice, I felt joy in the body, the joy of a young body.

    * * *
    Today I expected nothing
    from our practice. At the beginning I had a compulsion to say something. When
    we are immersed in the silence, I noticed that I no longer have this obsessive
    desire. At the end of practice I had no desire to talk at all, I could only say
    that I do feel.

    * * *
    My expectation for this practice was, to stay without internal
    dialogue for 10 seconds. Immediately, I can say that I did it. First, I felt that
    my thoughts were slowed down in my head. Then they began to unravel, like
    clouds. I saw a window among the clouds. And when I got to the window, I saw
    the shining moonlight. Once we did “The Butterfly”, I flew out the
    window and hovered in the moonlight, in the silence …. It is a fairy-tail
    …. Thank you.

    * * *
    I set myself the task today: to listen to the silence and hear the
    silence. I got it. Following preparatory passes: a strange feeling in the body,
    as if the body is made up of millions of parts, and I feel every single part.
    Further, after the passes: the sense that the body is made of atoms, and they
    rotate at high speed. Self is a constantly changing one, inseparable from its
    surroundings. At the end of practice, I am very pleased with what I’m doing
    right now. I am confident and I am open to the new that comes into my life now.
    The impression that I never knew how to listen, and now I do nothing but listen
    to the silence.

  43. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 22, 2012. Listening to the Silence.

    * * *
    Usually, a voice in my head telling me that I’m special, I’m better than others, I deserve more, I want recognition. When I eat, I console myself with the thought that I can eat too much, I never put on weight, I’ll have all digested. If I need to do something, the dialog tells me that I’m special, I do not need to do anything, everything will be done by itself. And what I can do differently: when I eat, I want just to satisfy my hunger, excess food is no good for my body. I just want to drink the water, breathe in and breathe out and sit in silence. And at this point I realize the whole world through my body. I feel connected with the global awareness.

    * * *
    At work, I raised the price a little for a patient and I have started
    an internal dialogue that made me unsure of myself …. Acting newly in this
    situation, I take a deep breath, I pause. When we did pass “The Butterfly”,
    I felt more self-confident, I was even ready to fly. On the last question, whom
    do I listen to… and what do I hear, I said, I listen to myself and it makes me
    happy, I feel self-confident (my work is worthy to be well-paid).

    * * *
    He’s an idiot, I do not like him, he’s doing wrong. Doing magical
    passes I found out: he was an ordinary person who sees only what he can see.
    Now I am fully aware of myself and control my condition. I let him be what he
    is. He is no better or worse than me, we are equal. And right now, I hear,
    every step in my life is my responsibility. First, I control myself. Any
    judgment are just my opinions. Now I am calm and self-confident.

  44. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 23, 2012. Recapitulation, Witnessing practice.

    * * *
    I discovered today that I consider myself right all the time, defending this point of view very emotionally. After practice I feel much better)) Thank you.

    * * *
    I saw myself in a storyteller. People like robots and I want to stop being a robot and reacting automatically, without realizing …

    * * *
    I saw my repeating pattern and my behavior, I take pity on some people – to enter into a relationship with a woman to whom I do not feel anything at all. I disguised it as if I take pity on her …. and really, why not to take advantage of freebies. After all, I had an opportunity of a freebie without any effort. A new view is this: I know what I want, I know where I’m going, I accept responsibility for my actions. After all, I did not really know where I was going and what I had to do. I was shaken like a leaf in the wind, and I did not control anything in my life. I did not know where I was moving from this point of relationship. After all, it was a relationship with a person, certain commitments, energy knots, feelings…. I accept responsibility for my actions.

  45. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 25, 2012. View from Inner Silence. Listening to The Silence.

    * * *
    I’ve healed the ache that was in my whole body. I did it when I understood that this ache is just my imagination. When I realized it. the ache was gone. It was just marvelous.
    On Tuesday I understood how important it is to INTEND. I intended to dive in silence and into the magic and it happened. It’s probably nonsensical to describe what I’ve seen, the main thing is that I realized that I can focus on these pictures and immerse into them. It’s very interesting.
    I have examples of how I use my silence now: I was talking with a man and was not happy with this conversation – began to feel my body and I realized that I was actually happy with everything)). From the body came the realization that I was completely satisfied.
    In the evening I sat down to eat the duck with bread, and when I reached for the bread I saw a flash of blue …. I then realized that I did not need to eat bread.
    I was riding in the bus and plunged into a state of detachment – state of flight without internal dialogue, emptiness, a state of complete acceptance. It was a feeling of freshness, of calm. It was equal to be myself, my true self.
    I have also noticed how efficient my work is when I’m in the state of silence. Efficiency is improved simply by the order.

    * * *
    This week I paid attention to my daily routine. I began to wonder who I start listening to within. As they say, opinions are divided in my head …. I had the opportunity to respond to events in different ways, i.e. I could choose. I stopped myself and asked myself – it’s my habit to respond or is it what I really want. I received a prompt response and act accordingly. In the end, I calmly responded to some of the “bad” situations.
    * * *
    My most important event this week: a moment of silence when I feel connected to something that is bigger than me. With wisdom, with calmness, which are all around me and within me. Now, I realized that for me it makes sense to live only in contact with this incredible.
    * * *
    Today at practice I’ve heard sounds inside and outside me, I heard the Workshop in London. I felt a connection to all practitioners. I saw a butterfly. I was on the verge of sleep. Thank you.
    * * *
    At the time of entering into the silence, I lay awake and I had a condition on the edge of sleep.
    * * *
    The sensation in my body have changed. Feelings become more energy rather than physical. I heard a voice, which explained to me what is what, when I was seeing the pictures.
    * * *
    I felt my whole body. It was as if my body was covered from the top with some glowing shell. I could not move. I had a sense of beginning and end. I was very impressed and I realized that it is impossible to stop. By the end of our dive, I saw Tula – Toltec city.

  46. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia

    Dear Tensegrity practitioners!
    We heartily congratulate all of you a Happy New Year.
    We wish you all the clarity, endurance and patience.
    It is useful to all of us, because it is only with these qualities we will have good luck.
    On the New Year Eve we would like to share with you the discoveries at one of our practices, with the title:
    “Listening to the call of my heart.”
    See you in the New Year at the Workshop.
    Practitioners of Constellation group.

    December 4, 2012. Tracking Energy. Listening to the call of my Heart.

    * * *
    The situation was unusual at work. I was asked to make a bargain with my conscience, but I decided to do as I feel myself. I doubted whether I did right or not. And today, I said, and confirmed that I did the right thing. When I answered the question – where the heart is calling me to, I clearly heard that I had nothing to fear and no reason to worry in any situation. Heart asks me to perform what I have planned for myself, for the growth of my awareness. And today, I realized that I made the best decision that just happened. I said thank you to my heart, and at that moment felt that my right side was stuck, and the left has become fluid. Thank you.
    * * *
    From early childhood, I knew that something mysterious is waiting for me in my life, enigmatic, mystical. I have always been drawn to the mystery. Those were some markers that point to the path of the heart. Now I feel that my heart is calling me to a new life. A life that is full of energy and strategy. To life, which I will dream myself, and to dream my way. When I wrote the words to my heart I saw the goal, this goal has taken hold of me. I could feel it with every cell of my body.
    * * *
    Looking at the old story, the impulse of several stories came to me from my heart. This is: I want to give my sincere and honest love to what I love. I want to be aware 24 hours a day and be truly myself. And now my heart sings, I am happy and satisfied, all my troubles were far-fetched. My attention, my awareness have ruined them all.
    * * *
    Impulse, which I realized, has come to me before. I had no courage to admit it. Today my heart told me – do not be sorry about anything, just do. And in that moment came to me such a calm and I saw that there is absolutely nothing to fear, I just have to act. Now I want to say thank you to my heart, thank you for this call, which comes at a subtle level, thanks for the peace that it brings, when I am in a state of peace and for love that it gives me. I also give love to my heart.
    * * *
    I thought of a few situations in my life, in which the voice of my heart proved to be right. After analyzing it, I realized once again that I was right that I listened to my heart and not to my mind reasons. I really wanted to connect with nature, to feel it and be closer to the animals, feel them and feel unity with the nature. I told my heart that I trusted it, listened to it. I heard the bells, bright and clear. And I remembered the song “You only live twice” – it is connected to my heart.
    * * *
    My heart told me that dreaming is completely my responsibility. This is becoming a necessity now. At last I was able to admit to my patterns, and this opens up new horizons for me. This allows me to open myself to The Intent and to broaden my awareness.
    * * *
    I feel a strong connection with our practices. My heart is always calling me just to our practice. Heart told me that I should not worry, when I can’t get to a practice …. Do what you can, go ahead. And it also said – love. I am very grateful for all of these practices, it’s great.
    * * *
    My heart and my energy body are connected to each other. They work in unison. When I only listen to my heart, it shows me the path. This path has a beginning but no end …. Now my aim is to love myself, to understand what it means – to love myself. To listen to the world and hear the world every moment. My heart told me – all connected to each other and you are a part of it all.

  47. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    November 27. Tracking Energy. Diving into recapitulation.

    * * *

    Recapitulation gives me some space, freedom, awareness, silence,
    liberation from habits. It gives me possibility to build relationship with the
    infinity, and the Infinity is everything… I have a plan of events for the
    near future, that I want to recapitulate.

    * * *

    I want to strengthen my connection with the energy body. What I
    choose for myself – to take a rest and be calm.

    * * *

    How I want to approach my recapitulation and how I see it …. As we
    already have found, this is a serious job. First it’s a list of my partners,
    what I’m doing now. Finding a new view, actions, and listening to myself, to my
    energy body. I intend to create a personal space for recapitulation. As a
    result of these actions, I will change myself, become self-confident, will act
    out of the silence, and I will know exactly what I want. I will change the
    space around me and the people around me will treat me differently. And the
    best thing I can do for myself now: examine myself and my actions, to love myself,
    to hear myself and act out of the silence, to dream myself in new ways.

    * * *
    I remember something when I walk down the street, write it down and
    when I have time, I recapitulate it. The results have appeared in the course of
    the recapitulation, gradually, in stages. What really gives me recapitulation:
    this is what I have already experienced …. calm, self-confidence, creative
    energy, a broader view and more attention in life. Now I felt a connection
    between this practice and future practices in December with what will be at the
    seminar. I think that will help me remember the recapitulation agreement, I
    gave …. in childhood, at school, at the Institute, in the army. The best
    thing I can do for myself now – to recapitulate my relationships with people – what
    really bothers me.

  48. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 11, 2012. To make a choice reading the Energy.

    * * *

    I found at this practice, that the most useful thing for me is to bring myself to the state of self-confidence, to the state of power and make decisions relying on myself, on my heart. I realized that I do the right choice when I’m happy, when I’m open, I’m self-confident. And the right choise which I did in the past fills me with strength so far.

    * * *

    When I make a wrong choice, I get a grimace on my face, my posture is changing, I feel tense and I’m not breathing. When we dived into the silence, I felt joy – the ease and quiet in my whole being ….. In the future, I’m going to pause just for a few seconds to feel and make a choice, to make a decision, get a boost from the energy body.

    * * *

    At this practice, I have found that I make the right choice when I have no choice at all. If I think I have a choice, I just think a lot, I suppose. Just today I was able to see how the energy flows freely in the center of decision, with the right aligned body position.

    * * *

    I remember a situation when I made the wrong choice. My body position was very tense and there wasn’t any breath. When I aligned my body position, I feel connected to the world, joy, detachment and silence…. In the future, I want to make my choice impeccably, so that I could not blame myself for my choice. And I feel fine subtle sense of satisfaction, clarity, peace, harmony with the space, with the world. Now I feel the joy, rise, the desire to achieve something, the desire to act.

    * * *

    I want to share my mood. Very good mood. I’m in the mood when I’ve made the right choice and it’s very nice. When we dived into the silence, I was lying on the floor and, at some point I was captured by memories when I was making the right decision and was confident. Being in the memory, I remembered where I was. It was very similar with realizing a dream. There was a very strong energy recovery, the body went hot. I noticed the difference when I was doing right and wrong choices. In the second, I saw myself stooping, hiding my eyes, timid. In the first case, I saw myself looking forward, confident. While in this state, for me the most important thing I can do in a new way making the choice is to let judgments go, turn off the internal dialogue. Thank you.

    * * *
    I want to say, I feel great. I can see newly. Everything around me is different. All the same, but everything is different. I have no desires… I just look and I feel good just because of that. When I made the choice, it was a tense situation, but I made the right choice. Instead of getting involved in the showdown, I passed by and smiled. For me it was a new conscious action. This deliberate action is very similar to the conscious action in a dream. I feel a deep gratitude for what we are doing together with you.

  49. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 9, 2012. View from Inner Silence. Listening to the call of my heart.

    * * *

    Throughout this week, I heard the same call – to move forward, do not be afraid to listen to my heart. My energy body, more and more opens its eyes to some new aspects of my life – finances, relationships. Today I saw that the chaos that I make everywhere, it’s another kick in the direction of the goal. I want to act. If I just sit and scroll it through in my head, not doing anything, I get the internal dialogue. I’m starting to feel sorry for myself. Before, I did not notice it at all, but now I can see it. My heart tells me now that I should live the way it is I need.

    * * *

    This week was just super. I’ve long been under the impetus of practice, which was on Thursday. In this state, in this mood of heart I was talking with my mom and after this conversation I had a huge amount of power and freedom.

    After practice on Thursday, I was riding in a taxi and I did not this trip to end – so happy I was, and when I got out, I felt a huge burst of energy. I think it was because my mind was in my body, in my heart. This gave me a new surge of energy and positive.

    * * *

    For me, this week was not easy. I realized that I shouldn’t fear anything. If I imagine the result of the situation, and can act from the heart – there is no fear. I even sometimes do not understand what I’m afraid of when I imagine the result ….
    On Saturday, I was engaged in a very detailed recapitulation, describing a relationship with one person. I now have a result. Thank you.

  50. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 7, 2012. Recapitulation. Witnessing practice.

    * * *

    The situation is related to where my heart is calling me. When we analyzed the situation, I saw a pattern that I’m a ne’er-do-well. It came from my childhood – my father helped me a lot when I was studying, actually, he helped too much. And when I was left without his support, at some point, I could not act on my own and chose the easiest thing that I was 100% sure. My new look: I thank myself for all that I have achieved myself. I am also grateful to everyone who helped me on my way.

    * * *

    Today I saw that there are no hopeless situations. There are situations where you have to sacrifice your desires, but there aren’t any hopeless case.

    * * *

    I was in a position “under”. I was afraid to say a word or do anything. During the practice I was thrown into the other side and I got the position “above”. My witness helped me to see that. And when I was more or less easy, I saw the situation differently. I was with this person at the same level, not “above” or “under.” I see now that if someone has a bad mood, it does not mean that I am to blame for this, he’s just in a bad mood apparently. I noticed that, in fact, I am surrounded by normal people. The thing is how I react. At the beginning I was a victim, resentful against the whole world. In fact, I have not been hurt.

    * * *

    What new I saw today…. At this practice, I was curious to see how my narrator tries to shift the state of fear to the attack. It was great to see how we unexpectedly moved into position, when suddenly the world changed. All that was in my narrator – expectations. And we took a picture of it and overlay it with a new picture, painted directly on it. Initially, there was mud on the picture, bad mood, and we drew the sun, smiles, singing birds, everyone’s in a good spirit. Next, we chose to look at the new picture and it worked for us.

  51. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 11, 2012. To make choice reading the Energy.

    * * *

    I always want to be right in the eyes of others, so that my word would be the last one and I want to look cool. This finding is NEW for me, this is the main thing. I’ve never realize this before.

    * * *

    I realized in my scene that I come under other people reactions. When somebody is getting nervous, that’s like chain reaction for me, which transports upon me and I involve into it. And my new actions is to breathe and tell myself “STOP”.

    * * *

    I saw that I don’t need judgements that I’m a victim, I don’t need to crave for others’ attention, I don’t need freebee. All these things are melting down due to sweeping breath. New: I realize the direction I’m moving. I weight and analyze other people’s’ requests before I possibly rush to help them.

    * * *

    I realized that I’m too hasty, aggressive, pushing. I demand too much from others. My new actions – to wait, to be more patient. New: before expressing my opinion, I take a pause. I let my partner act on his own and take a detached view.

    * * *

    I found out that I want to hurt people to fill myself with their energy. To hurt somebody so that not to feel my own pain. In other words, I humiliate others. During the recapitulation I saw that this pain, which I cause to others is the cause of my pain. As soon as I start to love myself and this world, the pain is over.

    * * *

    I found out today that I’ve built my relationships according to the pattern of Hollywood movies and I used to be in a VERY hard situation. Now it’s easier for me to look at this situation. Thank you.

    * * *

    I found out that I’m waiting for recognition from teachers as well as friends at school. I go to school just to get praised. I just spend all my time awaiting for recognition and praise and believe that those who learn are idiots and they’re losing their time. Such a behavior is just a habit of mine, which I acquired as a child. Now I can see more than before. I can make plans by myself and move according to them respecting those who help me on my way.

  52. Constellation Group says:

    December 16, 2012. To make choice reading Energy.

    * * *

    I realized after practice on Tuesday that
    I used to make wrong choice, listening to my inner dialogue. I realized that
    there are many ways to read the energy. Reading the energy this week, I chose
    solitude. At first I wanted to go somewhere in the mountains or in the forest,
    but I couldn’t do it, because I have obligations here. But I’ve found that I
    feel lonely being among people. Also this week, I’ve started to feel the flow…
    what I have to do now. I began to feel people better.

    * * *

    I started to
    navigate in our galaxy, feel the direction. Now I’m feeling what I knew
    intellectually before.

    * * *

    I work in the
    choreography with small children. All the kids are dancing in different ways.
    The other day we put the crow dance on the stage and all the children did not
    fall into step with the music, as if there wasn’t enough music for them. One
    girl not only was in the music, but even in the music she managed to do a lot
    of her own details …. Suddenly, I felt – for someone there’s a lot of time in
    space, while others do not have enough time, they are always in a rush,
    flounder and cannot come to the surface. I want to say that coming to group and
    making passes under control, especially of the witness, creates this reserve of
    time. It allows me to not only make an extra breath, but to see more, to comprehend
    what was previously unavailable to me. At the recapitulation practice on Friday
    I also got this reserve of time.

    * * *

    On Friday, I woke up
    exhausted, as if I had been working hard all night long. Difference was that I
    had a clear head – tired body and clear head. I was determined this week to
    leave early from work to come to recapitulation practice on Friday. The result
    was just great – I felt like the energy returned to me. Yesterday I had a dream
    from my recapitulation. Today, in my dreams I realized how to act with this new
    energy.

    * * *

    This week I changed
    my attitude towards myself and what is going on around me. I used to correspond
    to a particular view of others. For example, it is expressed in the fact that at
    Cleargreen Webex classes I did not turn on the camera on my computer if there were two or three people in our room at
    a time when Reni or Nyei represented our group. I was afraid of the opinions of
    others. 🙂 It’s really funny, because at least 10 people in our group
    participate in Cleargreen classes from other cities. I saw that no matter how
    many people there are in the group at the class, it tellsnothing. After all,
    you can be effective when there are just two and even when you’re alone. And I
    looked at what is happening in the world …. For example: at the moment there
    aren’t many people who practice Tensegrity. To a unique seminar which opens
    unimaginable and hidden possibilities and worlds come 200 people, not to say
    that a lot. And looking at this I can conclude that people are more like
    get-together than serious work. My new position – I’m not shy in front of the
    camera, even when I’m alone. The main thing for me is to be at the center of myself.
    If I can be in this position, I won’t be affected by anybody’s opinion.

    * * *
    I was affected by
    this story. The fact that prior to joining the ConstellationGroup, I came to
    the Hermitage. It was an accident – it’s patent entrance on the first Thursday
    of the month and I was delighted and went to the exposition of netsuke. I look at
    netsuke and it pierced me somehow …. I remembered how I was presented with a
    netsuke 10 years ago and it was the practitioner of our group. I remembered it
    all and went to walk out along Leni Golikova street where we practice as a
    group 10 years ago. Making this way I remembered everything. I got home and looked
    up on Internet and immediately found our Tensegrity group. It happened …. I
    understand now that if you act openly and with the Spirit, you can achieve
    everything.

  53. Constellation Group says:

    December 20, 2012. Recapitulation of the year 2012.

    * * *

    After the first question – what I want to
    thank myself for, I was very surprised, because I really had something to thank
    myself this year. For me it was a big
    step to make the right decision. And I really enjoyed the trip though all
    months of the year.

    * * *

    I want to thank all the people around me,
    all who are around me now and have helped me this year.

    * * *

    I’m thankful to myself for daily
    recapitulation, for practices with the Constellation Group, for what I have
    done well this year, have used my will and was unbending in what I need. When I
    looked at the whole year, I saw myself bearing the desire for recognition from
    month to month. And I am tormented by this dialogue and the headache from it,
    but I keep carrying it with me. I realized, that to open my whole potential belonging
    to me since the birth, I have to let go of this dialogue and the desire to be
    recognized.

    * * *
    Our practices are
    alive. Each practice is born and everyone who presents here, learn something
    new. Today I wrote a list of what I’m thankful for myself and others. Of course
    I’m grateful to the many in my way. But when I began to look at the entire year
    in a state of inner silence, I saw how everything moves – the space and time of
    event …. and first I saw one person whom I forgot to write on the list, then
    another one …. and suddenly I realized – I am grateful to every creature, every
    conscious creature. Maybe I don’t know many people who I have met, but I feel
    grateful.

  54. Constellation Group says:

    December 21, 2012. Recapitulation of the year 2012. Witnessing practice.

    * * *

    I noticed that at practices with Constellation Group my recapitulation acquires a different quality. In the scene that I’m recapitulating, all people become equal. I was even a little scared of it. I’m beginning to see that all people are equal and all situations are equal and there is nobody to blame 🙂 Tomorrow I have to go work, there will be a meeting and a familiar mood of quarrels, but I can no longer argue. I saw a person in my enemy.

    * * *
    I recapitulated the situation from my childhood and it shocked me. I knew about it, but haven’t been aware of this so close before. I realized at this practice, that I heard the voice within, and was afraid of losing contact with it, because of the expectations of its strength and power. I was afraid to lose contact with the creature, and did everything that it told me. Now I see that this relationship makes me sick, destroyed me, did not allow to touch my real wisdom. Now I see that I love my father and I love this world, the world around me.

  55. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia

    December 23, 2012. View from Inner Silence.

    * * *

    It was new for me last week to fill myself with joy. I realized that positive input, which other people brought to my life, and I feel very grateful towards them. I’ve started to take myself positively, with love. I understood that joyful events that I have released joy inside me. The main thing is that the joy has already been in me. For example, starting the business brought the joy to me because it reveal self-confidence and this state brought joy, not because I couldn’t live without business.

    * * *

    Week was very interesting and I was able to pay attention to the whole outgoing year. This year I have had a lot more awareness, because I have been practiced and attend all practices that could attend. On Tuesday I made ​​a list of all those who I want to say thank you. I also pointed out what haven’t worked in 2012 and I will need to pay more attention to those things. On Thursday I set for myself , what areas of my life I want to bring joy to – an area associated with the money and first of all, of course, attitude towards myself. On Friday was a very important practice of recapitulation, it’s so important for me because I learned something new about the recapitulation. I learned this not only in words but with my whole body. I have a new understanding of the recapitulation. This week on Friday and Saturday and Sunday, I walked down the street and I was filled with joy and I did not know why. I just opened to this joy and it filled me. I was very pleased to know that.

    * * *

    I filled with joy the moments of awakening in the morning and the result came immediately. This week was all on a wave of joy, hope and inspiration, happiness and confidence.

    * * *

    During the two practices on Thursday and Tuesday, we looked at the joy and gratitude. For me, these are two sides of the same coin. If I feel gratitude, I arrive at a state of joy, and vice versa. This means that I’m in the flow and understand a lot more.

  56. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 25, 2012. To Make Choice Reading the Energy.

    * * *

    Plunging into the silence for the first time I found myself filled with the Spirit. I was doing the recapitulation, the entire room burst into green and I felt that Quetzalcoatl was there. I saw myself clean, healthy and beautiful and felt a connection with Spirit. I had a state of dreaming awake.

    * * *

    I opened towards year 2013, and when we plunged into the silence for the first time I saw what I want to realize. These are my desires – my challenges. This is something with which I did not want to face before. I saw myself a person who continues to work no matter what. I also saw myself on a summer meadow experiencing great pleasure in harmony with the nature. I know that there will be changes in the way I work in 2013. As we entered in the place of silence for the second time, I felt like my awareness levels were expanded layer-by-layer.

    * * *

    For me, 2013 is transition to the next level. I feel that 2012 is really closing my old life and old views and I see something new in front of me. I saw that I was going with the flow of energy and I let this flow to guide me – I listen to it and to my energy body. I have a state of lightness, alertness, awareness, good health, enjoying life. I see that I am changing and changing my circumstances. And when we opened to Intent the third time, I felt that it really happened. Thank you.

    * * *

    During the first plunging into the silence I just fell into the space of dreams.

    * * *

    I intend to live in 2013 with the mood that I have now. In state of joy and completeness. Thank you.

    * * *

    Happening today is something very striking to me – beyond what I know. This practice has led me straight to the goal. This is precisely the mood, which I seek for a long time before this practice. And I want to live this year in the mood for love, commitment, creativity, joy, when you know exactly what is what – this is the condition in which I am now. Many thanks to everyone.

    * * *

    When we first plunged into the silence, I received a feeling of constant growth of awareness. I also felt a connection to what’s ahead and what is happening now. I was aware of myself completely and I’d like to be in this state during the entire 2013. The second time, in silence, I felt real love – a state of openness, how I can love and what it means for me – to love.

  57. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 30, 2012. Dreaming of year 2013. View from Inner Silence.

    * * *

    At the practise on Tuesday I noticed that changes and improvements are going to happen at my job. At Friday I found out that I’m going to be promoted and my working conditions are going to change. At Tuesday I opened myself to those things I want to do in 2013 year and I was in very good mood all day. On Thursday I had very strong feeling as if the next year 2013 will be very crucial for me and for my practice group. On Friday we did recapitulation practice in a new way and it was great to continue it on Saturday – all this practices were inseparable, at least for me. I cleaned up all my house, I’ve literally licked it inside and out.

    * * *
    This week was very interesting to me. I understood how to enter the inner silence. I found a new way which really works. Very important finding was that when I once left practice 15 minutes earlier, I understood how important this practice was for me, I understood that I should really have changed my plans so I didn’t need to leave practice earlier. My brother is staying at my place now. While living with him I understood that our practices are very precious for me. Silence gives me new opportunities to live, I can observe my thoughts as they come and then just dissolve in this silence.

  58. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 27. Dreaming of the Year 2013.

    * * *

    Performing this pass “Opening yourself to Intent” I saw how I merge with the intention of offering to something infinite. I saw that for me this is the best way to live. I have also changed judgments about a man – I started to believe him, accepted him. How is it fine – to say YES to my energy body – especially when it is done with a few people together.

    * * *

    Today was a very unusual practice. There were very strong feelings and I felt the presence of someone, some entity. It sent shivers down my spine. When I wrote what came to me, I felt admiration for the practice and what we do here. I know exactly that I want to be in this mood in 2013.

    * * *

    I had one of those moments at the practice that I went into a dream. It was a dream, but I knew that I was awake. Such a sensation of gravity … for me it was a significant thing.

    * * *

    Something very serious is happening to me. This is not a game. In fact, what we are doing is very serious for me. I am very glad to see everyone here and I’m very grateful to you for your work. I know that even to come to Tensegrity practice is not very easy sometimes, there is no road or 10 other reasons. And here we are now – thank you.

  59. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    December 28. Recapitulation practice.

    * * *

    During the practice: I’m afraid to talk to people. Why? – I’m stupid, weak and helpless, when there are informed people next to me.

    The next day: I found in the recapitulation that I need to speak properly and dress well. I realized that it’s very important to me, what I wear and how I look. When I’m neatly dressed, my focus is changing, too, and I can see more from this new position. I’ve never done make-up, I pretend to be such a warrior, who does not care about the appearance. Now I want to look perfect for the Spirit, and with such a mood it’s easy to me talk to anybody. Thank you.

    * * *

    During the practice: I discovered that I was afraid to become a pariah, that I would not be respected, they would despise me, my parents and friends would turn away from me and there would not be any support. Why it would be: because I think – I’m worse than they, they are beasts, fierce, they just want to have fun on somebody, they are a pack, they will eat me. They only listen to the one who frightens them. One must be hard to defend … Why? – …..

    The next day: It’s not an easy question for me and I do not understand this.

    * * *

    During practice: I’m afraid of everything that is related to intimate relationships and sex. Why? -Fast ejaculation and sexual weakness – a set of a loser, I am ashamed that I am, I would be laughed at. Why? – I’m afraid to seem inferior. Why? – I am ashamed that I am, I would be laughed at. Why? – Others have no such problems. Why?

    After practice: I feel fine, there is a barrier that I have overcome, for me to even look at it was difficult.

    The next day: Yesterday was a very interesting experience, very interesting. All of these questions took me deeper and deeper, and I began to see the details. This theme took me to my childhood, where I faced the fact, that I copied the behavior of adults. First I discovered how I put on a mask of tomfoolery and seriousness wanting to please girls. Secondly, I found I liked the men sipping beer and discussing their wives. And … in fact, I have no problem about which I spoke yesterday. I do not really have it. Yes, I want to learn something new and to shed light on the what I still don’t know and where I have no experience yet, but overall I’m satisfied and very optimistic. Thank you.

  60. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 1. Opening yourself to the New

    * * *

    I saw a yellow flash of light, which showed me my pattern. Sometime ago in my childhood I began to think that jollity, cheerfulness, lightness, fluidity are girly qualities and since then I’m exterminating this qualities in me. And now I’ve let in these qualities into my life and I allow myself to be light and joyous. I’ve seen that this yellow energy, which I lost in my childhood, returned to me today.

    I also wanted to revive what I’ve read in books by Carlos Castaneda.

    * * *

    I was just enjoying the movements and silence. Thank you!

    * * *

    Something new came to me today, something that I’ve dreamed of- self-confidence. A feeling of steadiness of movement, as if you release the handlebar and keep driving in desired direction. There were moments when my old dialog reminded about itself – “you are an idiot, you do everything wrong.” But this state of silence and pacification were so deep and steady, that these thoughts didn’t affect my state. In this state I could spent eterninty doing this magical pass and nothing could disturb or worry me.

    * * *

    I felt myself as the feathered serpent, as if my wings fluffed.

  61. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 10. Opening yourself to the New

    * * *

    I reanimated my New Year’s plans and now they start to come true. Today I’ve remembered that I need to keep my planned course and this was new to me.

    * * *

    Today I looked at my New Year’s dreamings and I received feedback from each one of them. And I really felt that they are mine. When I was asked a question today “Where is your attention?”, I understood that my attention is directed to those things which make me mad and frequently my whole attention is occupied with this annoyance.

    * * *

    My major problem is that I’m constantly distracted from things I need, I’m distracted by thoughts, circumstances and so on. I don’t understand why this happens. Every time I’m up to do something for myself, for my soul, someone or something distract me and don’t let me do it. I understand that this is my own problem, but I don’t know how to cope with it.

    * * *

    Today at the practice we were talking about dreamings and I thought of how I can take care of this particular sphere of my life. For example, I can go to bad earlier without having a dinner. Then it came to me that my dreaming is reflection of my day. I dream of those events which happen to me during my day-life, those things which I think and worry about. So it turns that I’m not fully aware during the day. It means that if I be more aware in the daytime, I would be more aware at night. Thank you.

  62. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 15, 2013. Tracking the Energy.

    Now, after the practice I feel much easier and I see the situation quite differently. I didn’t expect such a result.

    * * *

    Situation happened just a half hour before practice. I get angry at my mother. After the magical passes, I began to feel body much better. And the situation became insignificant, turned into nothing.

    * * *

    Initially, the dialogue was that all are to blame. After the third viewing I was flooded with the silence and I realized that I did not care. I calmed down about it. I did today found inner silence.

    * * *

    I blamed myself, thinking that I did something bad. After practice I had a very fresh feeling and a lot of attention. I do not remember that I had had so much attention before. I even saw my hands with my eyes closed.

    * * *

    I just came from my mother. All the way I did recapitulation… When I started to clear the relationship with my mother, I found it so – our relations must become good. I thought for many years that it should be like that. Now I look at this differently. I realized that I should have a good relationship with myself foremost – and then my mother and everyone else will be gracing my life.

  63. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 17, 2013. Instilling the Silence

    I was shocked by today’s practice. I recorded a few of my habits, and from all of these habits I focused on one – especially at a time when we stood back to back and I felt the energy body. I know by 150 percent, that I have the energy body. My habit was associated with food. And I realized that I did not respect my energy body and do not respect my internal organs and processes in my body. It was a discovery for me today.

    * * *

    I found a couple of habits. I did not expect that such a simple pass as “life saver” can be so effective. I am becoming more and more immersed in the silence and found out the habit that I love to prove anything to anyone. After immersion in the silence, I realized that I get very tired of this habit. Now I have a very good mood and I do not want to talk. Thank you.

    * * *

    I saw that I blame others that they do not allow me to be in silence. Now I understand – all I need is practice and unbending intent.

    * * *
    Today at the practice I was astounded by that: when we stood back to back and I opened my eyes, I realized that I was not exist. Complete lack of thoughts about myself. The world around existed at the moment, but there were no thoughts of self – it certainly is amazing. It was as if someone was watching the world, but it wasn’t me. I was even a little scared))

  64. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 11, 2013. Recapitulation. Open yourself to the new possibilities.

    Although my witness said that he didn’t manage to find new view, I liked this practice very much. It gave me so much new and not only to me, but to my narrator as well. When we were interacting, I saw him as if mud was gone off him, some energy dust. Whatever he was saying to me, the cleaning process was moving on. And if he will continue to practice, practice will clean him so much that new views will come easily. I also liked this practice because my perception had really moved. I have a feeling of respect to myself. And I liked it very much, in normal life I don’t respect myself, I play by rules of other people. Now I have respect to rules of other people and respect to myself.

  65. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 13, 2013. View from Inner Silence. Open yourself to the new possibilities.

    This year began in a surprising way. On the workshop I opened the whole world – the meaning of what is Tensegrity. Before that I had only ideas of what is Tensegrity, but workshop opened for me the magical passes. I learned A LOT of new. On the third day of the workshop I was walking in subway and then I’ve saw a musician, who was playing on the violin and that moment I felt as if the world around me became soft and everything felt different. Now I feel like a child, as if I got so many presents and don’t know what to begin with. I like everything very much. And now on our practice I managed to relax while standing. I feel vibration and warmth in the whole body.

    * * *

    I feel warmth, incredible warmth and its connected to the practice group. I felt it for the first time on Friday. It’s not trust and not something else, but rather presence of my energy “self”, here, next to others who attend these practices, they want to share and to open and we do it together.

    * * *

    On this practice I entered the state of relaxation and grace, in the state of dreaming awake. This week I understood that the experience of second and first attention are equally important and none of them is better than the other one. I’ve asked the spirit of wolf for advice and received a real answer. This new view helped me very much in my recapitulation.

    * * *

    I just calmed down on this practice. I felt bed before the practice, but now I’m OK.

    * * *

    I’ve felt the connection with infinity through my feet. I was perceiving in a very special way and it was like being on the workshop. During the workshop I was completely there and now my feet sink into the space of awareness – then this feeling spread on my whole body. My body turned into the ship, I saw myself as a particle of infinity.

    * * *

    This week I was in a situation where I just didn’t know what to do. Once in the morning I woke up and started to write down. All the solutions came to me and I felt very optimistic. Another thing: recently I heard the story of a girl who was communicating to man who passed away. For me, this story sounded very magical. And today while I was thinking about it I’ve suddenly understood that I did the same thing many times. And not only it was communication, but conscious actions, too. I didn’t pay any attention to them while doing those actions. It is this, which fills me with something new right now and there is nothing special about it. Another thing: I noticed that sometimes when I walk, strategies come to me. Today new strategies came to me, which fills me with great joy.

  66. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 22, 2013. The Spring of inspiration. Tracking the Energy.

    I see you, Irina, as a very decisive and light person. I’m very happy that you are here. I feel that you become even more confident of yourself.

    * * *

    Vladimir, you are doing great, because you are in the center of the battle. I feel that you try hard to go ahead. You don’t completely believe yourself, but changes keep happening at each practice. You’ll relax and succeed in everything much better.

    * * *

    Andrey, I feel that you are a good friend and responsible person. I’m really grateful to you, sincerely. You bring the light to the people around you, from your heart, truely and sincerely.

    * * *

    Marina, I’m really grateful to you and I adore you. I grateful for your purposefulness, for your faith, your honour and dignity. Thank you.

    * * *

    I want to thank our whole group, many thanks to you for our practices here. They open up the path for me, called Path with Heart. I feel it very well. From the bottom of my heart I want to say – I love you. Thank you.

    * * *

    Edward Estlin Cummings
    “I carry your heart with me ”

    I carry your heart with me
    (I carry it in my heart)
    I am never without it
    (Anywhere i go you go, my dear;
    And whatever is done by only me
    Is your doing, my darling)

    I fear no fate
    (For you are my fate, my sweet)
    I want no world
    (For beautiful you are my world, my true)

    And it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
    And whatever a sun will always sing is you
    Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    (Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
    And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
    Which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
    And this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

    I carry your heart…
    (I carry it in my heart…)

    * * *

    The spring of inspiration for me is a feeling which dip me into silence. I’ve understood that the Spirit is the spring of my inspiration. Many ideas come to my life from it. It’s like huge spring of ideas and energy. When I move this state to the initial scene, I understood how to change it, and there is no problem left here.

    * * *

    I have miscellaneous sensations. It often happens to me when I stand on the edge of something new. I feel my body pretty well, how is the blood running, organs functioning. I felt heat inside, although it isn’t hot around me. I’m a bit confused in these sensations, can’t describe them precisely right now.

    * * *

    When I was listening to the poem I felt as if I were explosion of energy.

    * * *

    The spring of inspiration for me is love towards the man, my work and great amount of money. I love luxury. After magical passes I saw a scene where I self-confident and don’t fear of anything. Then, after passes I saw that the state of confidence and calm come from energy body. My spring of inspiration is my energy body. When I’m traveling along the Path with Heart – that is my spring of inspiration.

    * * *

    For me, the spring of inspiration is to be one on one with the nature. In a hard situation that I chose today, people stopped being so important for me. The became a part of a painting that I’m looking at. I understood that when I become an observer, I’m in silence.

    When Sasha was saying words of gratitude to me, everything started vibrating inside me. I felt the way he said it and what did he mean. It was a strong unity.

    When Natasha was reading the poem, I saw images. One of them – an image of a girl from my dream – I saw us dancing, looking at each other and smiling. I had no thoughts that moment.

    * * *

    What incomparable joy is it to hear what you say and how you say it. All these things wake up desire to be a HUMAN inside me, desire to love and infinite gratitude. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we merged into silence, I saw the left part of my body in golden light. There were golden sparks and it was cheerful. And the right side was calm, dark, a bit heavy and silent. I haven’t noticed that before.

    * * *

    Today’s practice has opened up for me new perception. I even noticed that reality waits for me and if I hesitate, it gives me possibility to hesitate to my heart’s content. And as far as I get rid of my doubts, everything accomplishes by itself. Today I found my spring of inspiration. During the practice my body started to swing and I noticed that in progress. It was similar to pulsation. And when Natasha had read the poem, I stopped. The practice was just superb. Thank you.

  67. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 18, 2013. Recapitulation.

    During the practice, I’ve experienced at the same time visually, tactile, auditory our group as some structure, thanks to which we help each other to rise from the ground, to take off as if we are lighter together, more mobile than individually. It was unbelievably beautiful spectacle, cloud of luminous lights, which moved synchronously.

    * * *

    I have been doing the recapitulation of my relationship with my mum and I have achieved good results. Sometimes I visit her in the other city where she lives. This time everything was going well, I have energy to see many things in our relationship, I controlled myself and everything was just great. But the day before getting back home I understood that I was very tense and saw my mum as a monster. I withdrew into myself and was just ignoring her, paying no attention to her. When I left, there was an unpleasant aftertaste. At the recapitulation practice my witness asked me – why did you visit her? I couldn’t answer this question for quite a long time, but then I realized that I visited her because I loved her. And my witness asked me – ‘if you love her, why did you saw her as a monster?’… It wasn’t an easy question, really… I’d just seen that I saw the world, the world with my mum through the prism of my expectations and habits.
    Now I chose to see my mum as a person I love very much. It doesn’t matter if she does something wrong… what’s the difference. I can love her, it’s just great – to love. When I love, I feel splendidly, I feel a flight… Thank you.

  68. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 20, 2013. Instilling the Silence. View from Inner Silence.

    We met today. And we were writing down our inner dialog during our practice. Now my body feels more cheerful.

    * * *

    I feel much calmer because I’m in the other state of excitement.

    * * *

    My desire to act increased.

    * * *

    I’m very enthusiastic, I want to do something, I want to act. From one side I’m a bit tired, but from another side energy overwhelms me and I’m ready to ‘move mountains’.

    * * *

    This week something new happened to me.

    This week an idea took over me, suddenly I realized that I don’t want to live at the north, but I want to move closer to the sea. This idea appears very strange to my familiars, because in a social sphere everything is marvelous for me here. But when I looked at my situation, I understood that nothing keeps me here. All the week I was overwhelmed with this idea. It’s a new solution for me. I can see now that friends and relations are farfetched causes and even money don’t keep me here. In my opinion one could earn money everywhere.

    * * *

    I’ve noticed a formula – new things come only from inner silence. New can’t come without silence. The more time I spend in silence, the more new things come to me from there. This new things come from nowhere, from the infinity. If earlier I didn’t pay attention to it, now I can see it.

  69. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 24, 2013. The spring of inspiration.

    This practice touched me to tears. First of all, love is a spring of inspiration for me. It ought not to be love towards a man, it can be just love – I get strength from it. I understood what does it mean to be honest with myself. When we moved ahead I understood then that 100% I’m inspired by the awareness of Energy Body. Turning towards Energy Body and being aware of it – that’s what inspires me.

    * * *

    At this practice I really saw what my ego strives for – when they praise me and forgive me.

    * * *

    I found out at this practice that I want to give a present to someone. And really inspiring for me is writing feedback after witness practices and collaboration.

    * * *

    First I wrote that a spring of inspiration for me is nature, weather, blue sky. Then socializing with children, inner beauty of people… Finally at the end of the practice I understood that boundlessness of the Universe inspires me the most.

    * * *

    At Thursday’s practice I somehow gathered actions that are pearls of my life. I generalize these pearls by the sign that I highlighted at this practice – everything that induces inspiration, ceases inner dialog and moves me closer to the Spirit. I found out that my inspiration and my happiness are in abstract. I found the exact information which helps me to dip more effectively into actions that connect me with inspiration.

    * * *

    I’m inspired by the desire to experience joy and happiness, when my intention is being realized, exactly the thing that gives me an interesting purpose, that’s it, my spring of inspiration. It can be interesting journey, sensation of unity with the nature, when you are one on one with it, it can be music, it can be the loved one.

    Merging into the state of dreaming due to magical passes together in our group, to the state when answers come, let me feel something in a different way. When we had done The Wheel of Time Form, I asked again, what is the spring of inspiration? What inspires me? I felt images of close people, they were smiling to me, they were happy to see me, loved me. It inspires me, that I can bring those people joy, make them happier and feel them. Love – is my Spring of Inspiration.

    * * *

    I thought of what inspired me and came to conclusion that it could be anything – a movie, a walk, passes, my favorite time of year, autumn. Some places can inspire me. I love Kiev very much and always feel there ‘groundless’ feeling of joy and excitement. Even food can inspire me – for example, in Kiev there is a restaurant, my favorite one, with unbelievably cooked dishes – seemingly simple, but extremely delicious. Newness of sensations, laughter, meeting friends, – I can go on and on with the list. But looking back on my life, I can see that the biggest inspiration which caused the most global changes was love to a man.

    * * *

    After magical passes and recapitulation, but first of all, after my favorite pass The Wheel of Time, which tunes me to the high and even excessively emotional mood))) – it came to me a thought that the ‘touch of infinity’ inspires me, and then the other one – ‘what is the touch of infinity? it’s quite an abstract conception’ and by itself had been formulated the following – events that inspire us can be as different as possible, it’s not so important what exactly we do then, the common for them all is that due to these things which happen to us is happening the contact of our body with the infinity, and infinity makes us full. Unfortunately, we can’t hold it for a long time, but this is the task – to learn))))
    Well, in fact, even love – this is the feeling we give birth to, it doesn’t come from outside, it’s ours, and if we can refine it from different layers – social, egoistic, selfish and so on, the pure feeling is left which doesn’t have any direction, it fills, it is the ‘touch of infinity’.

  70. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 25, 2013. Recapitulation. The Spring of Inspiration.

    Today looked at a situation where I had wanted to escape from responsibility. I didn’t want to live as my parents do. I was totally in the inner struggle. At the practice a new view came to me: all the ways are equal, none is better than the other, none is better or worse than my parents’ way. I should realize my life and do my best, from my heart. This is my way to freedom.

    * * *

    Today I’ve come to realization – no matter what I do, but how I do it.

    * * *

    I was in military service for two years and when I came home I found out that my fiancée had deceived me and was living with another man. The world went away from under my feet. It was a failure. After recapitulation of this situation left only the feeling of love towards that girl. I don’t want to tell her anything, I trust her choice, now I agree with her. And which is more, I’m grateful to her. I’ve seen, how much energy I burnt for emotions, worries, thoughts etc. Recapitulation really gave me freedom. Thank you.

  71. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation group, St.Petersburg, Russia
    January 26, 2013. Walking in Silence. The Spring of Inspiration

    On January 26 we added one more practice to our weekly practices – Walking in Silence. It’s amazing practice, we all liked it very much. You know, we always talk with ourselves and about ourselves all the time. But during this practice we connect with the nature and our true self. And when a practitioner said that he didn’t know what could he do in the new way during the walk – we came to the conclusion that everyone could do one step in a new way. Just one step. Because great journey begins with a single step.

    * * *

    Never have I had such a result when I walk on my own, as it was today. Today is like after the Workshop. Our practices for me are like stones from the Moon. I wonder to what is happening and think that it’s impossible. But when I get tangible energetic result, I realize that I’m on the right road, yes, it’s true, yes, I really believe. Thank you.

    * * *

    The weather was cold in Ukhta. I was in the forest, walking, writing down the things, and even taking photos. I really wanted to share… While walking, I tried to feel other members of our group. A feeling rose up from the solar plexus to the chest. Suddenly I remembered a story when I greeted a comrade of mine from the great distance. I liked this walk very much.

    * * *

    It was a special state, I wanted to be far from other people. While walking towards the park, I was just looking around. Approaching the park I heard a sound, it was a magpie in the tree. Then I noticed airplanes, I hadn’t noticed them before. This walk is quite different from ones when I walk on my own. I’d love to continue this practice.

    * * *

    I liked it very much. I have written down a lot today. When I went out the doors, I felt the Earth, how big it is, and my dialog had ceased. I was walking, feeling the Earth and her awareness and I understood how easy one can attune to the Earth. I felt good and calm and I lost my usual reactions, which surprised me a bit, especially when I was looking at pigeons, they were completely different. I understood that the Earth is a creature, who gives me everything I need.

    * * *

    I wrote things down outdoors, although it was quite cold… I felt my whole body at once. A man with a dog didn’t let me pass. Usually I’d rather blame him, but now I have no thoughts. After that I wrote down that I have a wonderful mood and I’m ready to act… my back is straightening by itself and my lungs fill up and I can feel my heartbeat. On my way home I felt our whole group and could see you smiling. We aren’t just walking – for me it is New, un-doing. I’m happy when I feel the people who share the same intent with me. The strategies are coming to me – how to live, how to act. There’s a wave of energy, which comes and I admire this moment. In such silence the NEW comes to me and I start to see newly.

  72. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tues, Jan 29, 2013 Tracking Energy
    Embracing Infinity

    At the Embracing Infinity practice, I merged into infinity beyond my understanding, and found that infinity is always beyond my understanding. My new view of infinity: it’s an indescribable expanse of energy. Everything that is in front of me now is a little part of infinity, and I can embrace that part with my perception. To embrace infinity is to go beyond judgments about it, to open yourself to the new, to remove resistance, to release your grip. There are an infinite number of ways to embrace infinity – all you have to do is intend it. Choose one of those infinity of ways and act on it.

    * * *

    For me, infinity is associated with the Aurora Borealis. To embrace infinity is to feel you are part of something huge, without feeling your separation from it.

    * * *

    The first time, I wrote that infinity begins where my inner dialog ends. Then I wrote that for me infinity is inner beauty, silence, harmony and love. The third time I became even more silent, and I saw that for me infinity is to enjoy every moment on earth.

    * * *

    Initially, the concept of infinity was just words for me. After the magical passes, the more we did hugging movements, the more I felt that I hugged it further and further, so far that it’s hard to imagine. For me infinity is a huge sea of energy, and to hug it is to take something for yourself and to give something back. I took a mood from this sea of energy, the mood of active intent, of action. My limbs merged into these sensations.

  73. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thurs, Jan 31, 2013 Embracing Infinity
    Weekly Group Practice

    At first I couldn’t remember anyone who annoyed me. Then I remembered a friend of mine who betrayed me, or so I thought. The resentment was deep inside me. From the very beginning of the practice I doubted I would be able to change my attitude towards her, because I felt so badly offended. I was surprised that after the second time it was hard to imagine her. Literally after a couple of minutes, before we did magical passes the third time, I wanted to call her, and I did call her immediately and we talked a long time. I hadn’t even noticed what a weight I was carrying. I thought that if I crossed a person out of my life, and didn’t think about her, it was over. But after a good sincere talk I felt such relief, and I was surprised I had not noticed the weight of our misunderstanding.

  74. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tue, Feb 5, 2013 Feeling Energy during the day.
    Tracking the Energy.

    The joy I felt during this practice is the joy which lasted while we were sitting in silence. I felt separately both sides of my body. I did not want to think of my judgments and lose this state of joy and balance.

    * * *

    I’m in a bad mood today and it’s lasted all day. And this is my first day without cigarettes. I do not want to smoke, But why I am so terribly annoyed, I don’t know. And I wait for the practice, because practice disciplines me. When we laid in silence, I had a sensation of a snake, which was connected with the voice of the facilitator. Awareness came to me today – I don’t give myself anything valuable always shifting it to tomorrow. And tomorrow I reschedule it for the day after tomorrow. And this pleasure – to act, to do something – one can use right now.

    * * *

    I looked at clues and judgments that came to me. One huge judgement that I had not noticed before – it will be hard at first, but then it will be easy. I looked at this judgement from a state in which we were and asked myself a question “Is this really true?”. I’ve saw that one can change this statement and I want to try it. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was a little surprised that everything we do – so good, useful and interesting. The state is the same as when we met in our room. Plunging into the silence I was sitting in the chair, was very relaxed inside and out and I saw the problems to be solved and a calm voice told me how it was going to happen. Now I feel good and I’m satisfied.

    * * *

    Recently I met a friend, her life’s going on all right. She’s lost weight, looks good, she met her loved one, and she is moving to another country. I caught myself thinking that I envy her, I couldn’t be happy for her. When she was deep in deep doodoo, I took it for granted, and now I’m terribly envious of her. I’ve never noticed it before. When we delved into the inner world after doing magical passes, I saw how much energy I spend on this feeling of envy. I saw how I’m actually happy for her, I can be happy for her. She managed to get out of a terrible situation – her husband, an alcoholic, used to beat her. And now she is happy and I am very happy for her and I wish her dreams come true​.

    * * *

    I notice that when I do something in a helter-skelter way, the voice says to me – “it is fine, close enough”. If I hurt someone, the voice says “what the heck, I don’t care”. Also, the voice describes everything that I see and more often it’s very discontented and makes different judgments. After the magical passes when we plunged into the silence, the world stopped and I had no thoughts, no judgments, nothing. Now I am happy, I feel great. I feel good, because I was one step closer to a state that is called – freedom.

    * * *

    In the state of inner silence, looking at the judgment and thoughts that came during the day, I saw that I set aside some important things and substitute with trifles and excuses. I also have a problem with choices and decisions.

    I feel great now. My attention is clear, focused. Today, in a state of silence I did not want to leave it. I did not want to move, on the contrary, I wanted to stay longer in this state. I felt the left part of the body more than the right and it seemed to me that my feet were detached from the ground – a wonderful, new experience.

    * * *

    I wrote down my judgements and all my thoughts at the beginning of the practice. It was very valuable for me today that when we went into silence, they all were erased. All judgments, thoughts, and even the thought of thought disappeared. I was seized with euphoria, state of happiness, joy. On the one hand, I wanted to cry, on the other hand I didn’t want anything. In other words it was a state of emptiness.

    * * *

    Thank you. For me, group practice gives me strength when my own strength is not enough. And I’m ready to move on by myself.

    * * *

    My energy body started to show me scenes for recapitulation and I barely had time to write them down – just like with dreams, when you try to remember them in the morning. Many of these scenes I’d recapitulated before. But never before I had seen such a connection that I can see now and the pattern of behavior that I can see now. If I could see it before, it would have crushed me like a bug. But now I have the energy to look at it and believe that I can change myself…

  75. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thurs, Feb 7, 2013 Feeling Energy during the day.
    Weekly Group Practice.

    It was an amazing practice – we saw energy. If you ask what it is …. It is when something we believe in becomes true. Remember the song (russian song) … “We were born to make a fairy tale come true.” But only in this case it means to see those who annoys us as lovely people . To see those who we disagree with as kind and understanding people. Who annoy us – as funny people. And – laugh, laugh, laugh …. Certainly, we laugh at ourselves, who else could it be ….

    * * *

    Support, openness, good mood – that’s what doesn’t let us forget who we are. That is our beacon. Keeping in touch with the Spirit, I am holding on to the way I am going and I want to keep going. Now I feel great. I also found the mood I needed to see energy – the joy, openness, understanding, and appreciation.

    * * *

    The most important thing that I was able to feel today is a deep trust towards the people in our group. I have mostly distrusted other people for several years, so I had a sense of freedom from this fear, which I had been experiencing for several seconds, was extremely exciting. This freedom from fear is a huge relief. I am really very grateful for today’s practice. I feel confident and easy.

    * * *

    The mood that I had after Thursday’s practice was the feeling of happiness, peace and relaxation. When we were recapitulating the situation and our fear in it, I began to realize more and more, and went deeper and deeper, penetrating into my fear. This fear was originating from my childhood. And the next day when I was in the situation that we had recapitulated, I really felt that, “My hands are ‘untied’ now” and my mood was a carefree mood. I realized that my fear keeps me from being aware. And my new view was that if I’m doing something wrong let them tell me about it. I will listen calmly and I will try to realize something new from their criticism.

    * * *

    At the moment when I’m scared, I become strained and my internal dialogue comes up. After doing some magical passes I had the feeling of love and my fear was gone. At the moments of fear, I need to remember my witness, to feel him with my back as we have done today at the practice. I need to do some magical passes – it works for me. My mood is light and happy and I am filled with love.

    * * *

    I realized that in situations of fear I need to remember this state which I’ve just had with my partner, when we felt each other’s backs. In this state I felt confident and grateful. I think this is a very important tool and it’ll help me.

    * * *

    After doing the pass “The Wings of Recapitulation” it was like my partner and I were in one body, and if I would make a step forward, my partner would move with me. I am very grateful for that feeling of unity.

    * * *

    For many, this practice began long before today. And this time I’ve realized that consolidation, care, and the ability to listen and to hear – is an integral part of our way these days because the time has changed. Just as we felt and are aware each other, we can be aware of ourselves during our lives, in the daytime and at night. So, for all of us, the first thing to be done is to learn to love ourselves and to see others bright side.

  76. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sat, Feb 9, 2013 Feeling Energy During the Day.
    Walking in Silence.

    My mood is perfect, and everything around pleases my eyes. I was brimming over with joy. I don’t really want to talk about it, just look – this photo represents my mood and I’m happy to share it with you.

    * * *

    I had never walked so consciously before. Usually I go out in the afternoon. Today I ran for this walk as a child, who was allowed to go for a walk)). I was very surprised by my own mood. While walking outside, my childhood memories came flooding back, I saw myselfwalking as a little girl, it was the same feeling. The park was filled with sounds of the nature – the sounds of life were very bright and I watched the trees. It turned out a very emotional walk, even tears came to my eyes. When I was going back home, I saw a happy kid who was just getting to know the world, and then I saw a sick old woman and I became sad.

    * * *

    This is the first time I go for a walk like this. I have found that there is a piece of nature very close to my house. I noticed that crows are very independent, and dogs walk the same paths as people. I plunged into a mood of childhood and I was filled with a sense of excitement, flight and joy. When I looked at the city from the place where I was, I remembered that I saw this picture in my dream last night. As for me, the very fact that I went for a walk is something new – the real undoing.

    * * *

    There is a very heavy fog near my house. When I was walking down the street, everything around reminded me of a dream when it was very difficult to move. I noticed that on our third walk, I had less judgements on people around me and I was able to keep track of my usual flow of thoughts, judgements about people. I remember one man who I have not seen for a long time and these memories filled me with joy and very pleasant feelings. The whole walk was a trip to a good mood.

    * * *

    From the very beginning of the walk I had a strain around my head and then when it is gone, I felt myself in a new place, as if I were alone. With every step I felt more in the present moment. I looked at the dog – it was brimming over with joy. The world was huge, and I felt very calm. Trees were open to everything around and towards me and I felt gratitude.

    * * *

    I was walking down the street with a purpose, and the inner dialogue was devouring me – “You can do it/No, you can’t do it“. And I started to look around, to look at people and some large snowdrifts. Then I began to feel my body even more. I noticed that I feel good today. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was very touched by feedback today. As a child I always wanted to interact with someone who I can trust and who would never deceive me. Being here I plunged into the mood of euphoria, I am so glad to what is happening here and now….

    * * *

    I wrote down all the new things that came to me during this walk. I was going down the street and listening to myself, to my breath, to my steps. In this state, pictures were coming to me – images. On this walk, each person I met was like a door into their own world, which I could enter if I wanted. I had no desires and thoughts. When I came back I had a very good mood, I stopped and wrote it down “It is so great just to walk and feel energy”.

  77. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sun, Feb 10, 2013 Feeling Energy During the Day.
    View from Inner Silence.

    I’ve been doing recapitulation this week and I felt that concentration on the senses of my body and on the breath helped me during practicing of magical passes. My fear in this situation is less significant now and moved away from me on and on, and I began to see more. In the end I felt gratitude and respect to a man who used to irritate me a lot, it happened on Thursday. And today, when I was walking down the street and was aware of my body, my attention was more focused on the world, but not on the inner dialog within my head and I began to feel that my heart is resting. Previously, I carried great severity and pain in my heart, and now I feel pleasant in this area.

    * * *

    I had a difficult situation at work and I didn’t know what to do with it. During the break, I went out of the office and I had feeling similar to walking on Saturday, I had more and more awareness with each step. By the end of walk I sat down on a bench, I began to breath and I was monitoring my breath all the time. When I went back, my problem was gone. It was a new place and a new company of people. It was easy to do my job and I succeeded in everything.

    * * *

    Once again, I visited my mom to see how I feel next to her. Nothing bad happened this time, but honestly I want to say that I had heavy feeling at my heart when I left. There are still lots of heavy layers in my relationship with my mom, it’s a fact. And yesterday there was generally an amazing event that showed me and my mom, that we there’s a great love and very strong relationship between us. I couldn’t reach her by phone for the whole day and when I did it, she was quite depressed (hysterical, tears, screams, etc.). Skype didn’t worked on her tablet, wrong password…. Like the end of the world. I changed the tone of my voice, I spoke to here in a different key, very slowly. Mom listened to me (I do not mean her ears, she had just heard me with her whole being), and we slowly, thoughtfully moved through setting up the Skype. What a joy it was when her skype lit up with green light 🙂 …. I’d never heard so many words of love and gratitude from my mom. And most importantly – she has an interest now, which is much more important than me. I am very pleased that this case had opened new opportunities for me to see my beloved mother.

  78. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tue, Feb 12, 2013 The Lost World. Journey towards ourselves.
    Tracking of Energy.

    The practice was just amazing and incredible. With the energy of the group I crossed the kind of threshold separating me from the world of my dreams, and I easily got there. There were a lot of interesting and intoxicating to my heart. I was walking around, realizing, asking, gazing the beauty, and learning. It was awfully interesting. And I felt wonderfully well at that. I realized that I wanted to feel my body constantly throughout the day as at this practice, I want to breathe, to be calm, and to have enough strength to return to that wonderful, magical world!

    * * *

    Each time, when I was writing, I got more and more details. Eventually I came to a magical movie, my own. I found myself in a position of confidence, combined with a good mood. I was in a big house, as it turned out, I dreamed all my life. I was practicing there with a group of people who were also practicing. I feel this magical link and I can see our house, it’s alive and breathing. Now, I’m just in amazing condition. Thank you.

    * * *

    I went through different goals that I wanted to achieve. Finally it just came to me, that I like when I have a lot of energy and health. I did not realize what a state I had. I would call it a dream or a vision. In this dream, I was walking and carrying a mannequin under my arm, and I still don’t know what that means.

    * * *

    I saw myself in a world where everything was new – new house, new clothes, everything was different. Loving creatures lived there, there was a lot of love. When we lay, I saw flowers, trees and there was atmosphere of confidence, security, and ease.

    * * *

    During the immersing, I felt as my body began to release starting from the little finger. This new feeling in my body was always with me, but I did not realize it before. At first, I felt like my little finger was getting different, then the hand, and so the whole body. I found myself in a world with endless possibilities that were greeting me every day when I opened my eyes.

    * * *
    I found my lost world – where I was part of the surroundings, It’s connected to everything else. When I went into the silence with my whole body (I felt the silence exactly by the body), I opened my eyes, I woke up in a world. It was a sunny day and strong, thick fog. I liked this place, and I did not know what to do, so I just looked around. Then, when I decided to feel the trees, I found myself in the woods and began to interact with trees. Suddenly, in one second, the day turned to the night. I saw the Moon and the stars and felt uneasy – at this moment, a huge tree appeared behind me with whom I began to feel like home. Thank you.

  79. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thu, Feb 14, 2013 The Lost World. Journey towards ourselves.
    Weekly Group Practice.

    Today, I’ve found out more few masks, which I didn’t pay attention before:
    In addition to mask of Joker, unconsciously, I am using masks of kind, responsive men, also, mask of successful men, mask of know-all men and mask of a teacher. From all this masks I prefer to use consciously mask of kind and responsive men to keep in control my aggression relative to other people. Mask-releasing impressed me very much, because it was, actually, releasing the mask from my face. So, inside of my head became very lightly: old way thinking has allowed to go over new one: When I’ve imagined myself in group of people – where, usually, I am not behaving myself naturally – old judgment didn’t come anymore. It seems like, this is new group of people. Really, I know nothing about those people. Thank you!

    ***

    When I was releasing the mask, I felt, that the mask is rolling to the tube form and flying away. Doing recognition of the mask was really something new for me. I saw, that my life is consists of masks. Releasing of all my masks brought huge relief to me – in fact, I can live on without masks.

    ***

    It was amazing to release masks, but then fear has came – how would I live on without my usual masks?!…

    ***
    I realized, that I am using huge numbers of masks. But I couldn’t find the mask, what I need. I would like to find something natural inside of myself and live on without changing masks. It’s very important for me to be sincere. And after magical passes I felt renovation, determination, sobriety, responsibility. Now, my face is heating, I am really feeling, that I released something from my face today.

  80. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thu, Feb 15, 2013 The Lost World. Journey towards ourselves.
    Recapitulation.

    In my story I am harrying up to tell judgments about other person. When I do that, I am losing awareness of myself and awareness of environment. I haven’t made today recapitulation of some excel revelation, I just got a good mood. I need to know more about recapitulation, then it will move better.

    * * *

    I worked on the situation with my close men. I saw, that I’ve made right decision to split from him and live separately. But, there was changed almost nothing – I am still aggrieving and behaving myself as before. But, my mood has increased after recapitulation.

    * * *

    I discovered very strange reaction; My neighbor invited me to her place to drink tea with pancakes. I felt fear and distrust, in the end, I’ve escaped from her, feeling myself uncomfortable.

    * * *

    In my situation there was comfortless, just feeling of comfortless. It’s stretching from my childhood. I thought, I haven’t got enough love from my mother and tried to get trough relationships with women. Now I can see how to use my energy, how to dream karma or, vise versa, how to disengage from my life’s vagrancy. Now I can loving without using other people. It means, that I can see my real wishes and real wishes of person, who stay opposite. I understand what’s happening, I can control myself and do not using her. I understand, where are flying up and landing our thoughts and wishes. And, for me, this is real undoing myself, real love – control myself, recognize myself and see my true wishes. And my true wishes are wishes of my heart. It means to see the person, to see how incredible is it. I can do it now, and when I am doing it, I don’t want to use this person to get love, because I am learning to love myself.

  81. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sat, Feb 16, 2013 The Lost World. Journey towards ourselves.
    A Walk in Silence.

    A desire to know more about our lineage came from nowhere. It was long time ago. But today on a walk I realized that if I pay more attention to the night sky and stars in seclusion, which I haven’t done for a long time, these moments of silence will help me to learn something unconditionally new about our lineage of seers of Ancient Mexico.

    * * *

    When I was walking, I tuned to our lineage of seers of Ancient Mexico and I felt that the whole life of those warriors was impregnated with unbending intent. This made such an impression on me, that something inside me began to move and collapse. I was able to to say ‘YES’ to myself and with each step I went deeper into the present moment.

    * * *

    On this walk, thoughts came to me about love and at first I was looking at my love history. Then I felt that somewhere I’m already connected with those belonging to our lineage of knowledge. It was night and I started to look at the sky when I suddenly realized how little I have recently looked at the stars. I also realized that to feel ancient seers of our lineage I need to go into silence more and to look at the stars.

    * * *

    During the walk I was thinking about my coming to Constellation Group, how I started to practice Tensegrity. I remembered I have moments of direct connection with the Spirit. It rarely happens, but it does.

    * * *
    I didn’t expect such a result. As soon as I went out to the staircase, I called the elevator and that moment I thought – I use the elevator every day, so, why don’t I go downstairs from the 15th floor. I did so. And it came to me that not-doing is the main part of a warrior’s path. During the preparation for this practice there appeared an idea of including women’s practices to our group’s schedule. When I was going down the street I felt our lineage of seers of Ancient Mexico supporting me. I felt the intent of all of them, because to continue the tradition was everything they could do. I also saw how cheerful on the one hand and serious on the other hand they were. I felt the level of their energy and where and how they direct their attention. I saw the magician of our lineage doing simple mundane business with great pleasure, as a magician can do that – with love, joy and pleasure. I wrote down then – in whatever world, whatever situation they appeared – they were beings deserving admiration. Their every action was permeated with beauty, and everything they did was just amazing. At the end of the walk I saw all the people who somehow were my teachers.

  82. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sun, Feb 17, 2013 The Lost World. Journey towards ourselves.
    A View from Silence.

    This week I’m continue to track my behavior and state at work. Certain clarity came to me on Thursday, when we were getting rid of masks from our faces – it wasn’t simply formal, I managed to really take off the mask which I wear.

    At the beginning of the week I had an idea which I made true. The idea is that I don’t have to protect my opinion. When it seems to me that another person is wrong, I don’t have to fight, I can put on a mask ‘I like watching’. When I’m confident, it doesn’t matter who are right or wrong… Everybody is right.

    I also allowed my left hand to be more active. For instance, I started to eat with my left hand. I’ll see what is it going to be like. Thank you.

    * * *

    Assuming this week I can say – my interaction in the group is very new. I found out that I’m not very attentive and I should interact with others with more responsibility. I interact almost every day in the group and it’s very unusual for me. I prepare some new steps and actions, but right now they are just blanks. Thank you.

    * * *

    I would like to compliment and say thank you to everyone in our group. To do what we’re doing one should already have something from the start – it can be a strong desie to see or live newly, I don’t know… one should have a reason to come here. We don’t do anything special here, but what we do sets us on the same wavelength with the universe. Everybody wants to do what we do, but nobody does, saying that they have other priorities in life. And we share the same interest – to change ourselves. No matter how much we realized and how dramatically change – what’s really important is that we are working and we have a result. Let’s congratulate ourselves with this – we are on the same wavelength with the Universe. I am infinitely glad that I do. It brings the purpose to my life. Thank you all.

    * * *

    I had a great result on Friday, when we were doing recapitulation. On Friday I said new words, and on Saturday the situation was already over. I’m incredibly satisfied. Thank you.

    * * *

    On Thursday there was emptiness between myself and my masks and I was able to feel more. I had an opportunity to stop myself and to say myself ‘YES’. For me now ‘journey towards myself’ is a sensation of calmness inside, feeling my body, loving myself and saying ‘YES’ to myself.

    * * *

    This week I found out that I often do what I don’t really want to do. I agree with something I don’t really agree. On Friday I had a hard situation on this theme. Now I can see that this is my responsibility. I can’t teach others how to live. I’m going to do recapitulation and solve such situations. And right now I feel much better.

    * * *
    In my personal history there are such things as caring for others. I was taught that I should have something to share with others. Journey towards myself… to come to myself, my nature and be able to see without any interpretations, I’m going to pay attention to such things as: letting people act on their own. This is also more conscious attitude towards myself. When I’m an observer, I’m doing great. Now I don’t need to make decisions for others – it isn’t my responsibility. You shouldn’t pull a flower out of the ground in the hope of it will grow faster or to shout at it – no, let the flower choose the speed of its growth by itself. Its growth is its battle, so when it grows up – it will be its victory.

  83. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tue, Feb 19, 2013 Another step towards ourselves.
    Tracking the Energy.

    Already at the beginning of the practice I noticed that came to me a new attitude to what is going on at work. It can become a completely new way of being in the team, I’ve never supposed how to behave differently. I saw everybody in my office as if they are absorbed by their own problems, they don’t see what is going on round them. To not act to others detriment I’d like to support mutual understanding in the team, no matter how others are absorbed with their problems.

    * * *

    Recapitulation of my work is another step towards myself. The step to awareness in the place where I spent a lot of time. I have also decided what steps towards myself I’d like to take: to attend a night bright town on the sea where the night is so dark that you can see only stars in the sky. To play music and to make musical instruments. Then I felt that not only I love to travel in this world, but in others, too. And it helps me to realize – dreaming asleep and dreaming awake are steps towards myself, too.

    * * *

    When we entered the place of silence, I lost the sensation of my body, as if it has disappeared. The words inside were silent, but it was a sensation that I was walking towards myself, as if it can’t be differently.

    * * *

    I feel newly now. When we were lying in silence, came to me a desire to speak with people from inner silence. I see how I’m enjoying silence during the conversation and they are enjoying, too – they’re pleased to see me in such state.

    * * *

    For me another step towards myself is to bring the feelings back from dreams. I realized that I need these feelings. And I’m also going to go to the gym.

    * * *

    When we were sitting in silence, I realized that when there is a common purpose and I can learn a lot of things from a person beside me, such mutual tuning gives jo and self-confidence. The second thing I felt – I wanted to eat and I knew exactly what I wanted to eat.

    * * *

    I like Tuesdays practices very much.

    * * *

    What I felt today is a gift which I can give myself during the minute of silence. Today I felt it for the first time. The gift is love towards myself. The feeling of love that was poured all over the body, it was extraordinary. Perhaps I’ve never had this feeling. All the cells of my body filled with this feeling and when the facilitator said to open my eyes, I felt something that I can’t convey in words.

    * * *

    What new do I have now… I’m overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility now. I can feel how much we all take a responsible approach to what we are doing together. Each of us has a particular questions, but there is something that unites us all here. I can feel how much we all are responsible in relation to this. I really appreciate it. Other words just do not pick up, it is liable to the Spirit. I feel like our energy bodies are drawn to the realization of our responsibility – to realize.

  84. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Fri Feb 22, 2013 Another step towards ourselves . . .
    Recapitulation. Witnessing practice

    At first I couldn’t find a situation, but then Anastasia gave me an idea, and I chose a scene about my boss. I picked a situation where I was plotting behind his back, a time when I didn’t respect him. After some magical passes my view changed. I saw that my boss is not the only man I disrespect, that I disrespect all the rest of the world too. I’ve found I want to pay more attention to myself instead of fighting with the world. First of all I need to look at myself. Whoever wants to get rich, I can let them get rich. Whoever wants to work all day and all night long – let them do it. Let everybody do whatever they want, but I will work on myself.

    * * *

    My situation had to do with a colleague at work. It used to annoy me – I felt tightness as if I were at war, and I was leading that war. After recapitulating, I felt my inner strength, felt more confident, and my situation has resolved by itself. Internal confidence let me see that I have the power to act in new ways.

    * * *

    I continue to struggle with how I feel at work. I feel constraint and self-doubt, and I constantly expect conflicts. I noticed new aspects of what happened to me. I noticed I was too worried about what people think of me, and that I always expect conflicts. Once I adopted a new body position and did some magical passes, my view got wider. I now have a new attitude about what is happening to me at work – now I just relax because nothing much is really happening. I just let go of all the stress and take care of my own business.

    * * *

    I’m currently examining a scene where I was at home and hungry, but afraid to take my husband’s money from a cupboard. I had a lot of inner dialog; I blamed myself and I blamed him. One the one hand I wanted to show him I was doing what he wanted – not spending money – but on the other hand I had nothing to eat. And then I found a new view, that all men should be spoken to clearly, specifically and literally, because I also see as narrowly as he does. We did magical passes and I redreamed the scene. And I felt very light, and I chose a different behavior, the behavior of self-love and lightness. I saw I have contributed heaviness to our relationship, just like he has. So I brought some lightness to the situation. After that I saw there was no problem at all. When I changed my body position I saw it, and I felt very good. Some new actions and steps that I can bring into my life are: to listen to myself on an issue before making any judgments, and to ask myself a question and answer it. And I felt good and easy.

    * * *

    I also felt light. I did almost nothing but listen to my witnesses – I didn’t intervene today. But this was enough to have my own problem almost solved too. I cheered up, I felt lighter, though all I did was listen to you.

    * * *

    I had a situation where my pattern emerged, and so cleverly that I didn’t notice it. And this pattern is me demanding recognition whenever people “don’t appreciate me”. And while I was explaining my scene to my witness, I felt completely right and justly offended. I found I had the body position not of a person who wants to offer something, but rather of a person who is defending himself. During the practice I saw it would be good for me to learn to speak so people can understand me better, and that misunderstandings are normal for me. When I redreamed the scene, I found I enjoyed our interactions and I felt grateful and caring. I respected and appreciated myself and the other person. And I saw I can express my point of view calmly, I don’t have to rush from one extreme to the other – one extreme is to be silent and the other is to be rude. Now I can see a middle way where I respect myself, feel my feet, feel my breath, do my best, express myself in the best possible way. I interact as well as I can and take everything as it is.

    * * *

    Today I did the recapitulation with a seasoned practitioner. Since I haven’t recapitulated with a witness before (only alone), we decided to start with the most energetically charged thing of all (and the most hated). I just feel if I start with my personal relationships, the tangled clues will unravel faster and I’ll get to connect them into something solid and useful. I looked at the man who was the starting point for all my future relationships with men. I had thought about him for two days beforehand, and had taken notes, writing my views on this. But my witnesses said I had not taken my feelings into account. Above all we are perceiving beings, and we should start there – with sensory experience. The pattern that surfaced was a surprise to me, and an insight. And I’ve just seen how this pattern traces a common thread through all my relationships. A huge thanks to my witnesses for their support and excellent guidance. Now I understand the meaning and energetic effect of this practice. It brings understanding, peace and relief, and a great desire to keep doing it!

    *

    My witness was recapitulating for the first time. I don’t even know how to express my feelings at this moment. I loved it. I am overwhelmed by a sense of awe, love and joy. Today is the new moon and a good start. We also looked for a repeating pattern . . . the first time, and to find a repeating pattern – it doesn’t sound real, but it happened! At the end of the practice when the witness summed up our work and they redreamed the old scene, I plunged into the mood of the dream. I saw the mood of seers of our lineage. I saw their eyes, their look – it’s a condition where words have no meaning, where there is no judgment and there is only an inexplicable link with intent. Of course, nothing special about it . . . and though we did this practice on the phone and I was surrounded by people, I caught the awe which usually comes to us from inner silence. I am very pleased and grateful for this amazing experience. (And at the very end of our practice, I found money.)

  85. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sat, Feb 23, 2013 Another step towards ourselves.
    A walk in Silence.

    Today I went for a walk together with you for the first time. It was important for me – new sensations that I felt inside. First I was walking, then I felt something that came exactly from the Earth, I felt it with my feet. It was amazing… A sensation of warmth, through my feet and spine. It was unusual – to go and just feel myself. I felt great on this walk with myself. Thank you.

    * * *

    On this walk everything was equal for me, People, trees, animals, the Sun – everything was integrated and there weren’t any thoughts in my head.

    * * *
    I felt a very strong love for the Earth on this walk. The fact that the Earth is our home – filled me with a special feeling and I really saw it as a deeper meaning. I was in the other state than my normal awareness.

  86. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sun, Feb 24, 2013 Another step towards ourselves.
    A View from Silence.

    This week I’ve really done a step towards myself – I changed my negative mood to positive. A nurse was annoying me at work and I had a lot of judgements about it. It lasted for a long time and I get very tired of it. And I tried to dream her differently. I decided to give her a present. After this decision my attitude completely changed, and she became more happy. I realized that I did a step towards myself. The nurse changed her attitude towards me, too. Thank you.

    * * *

    I could heal myself from computer games addiction. When my witness found the new view, I understood that this story is about me. My new view – to stop and decide what to do on my own. I haven’t done it before.

    * * *

    This week I manage to clean up the house. I also had a lot of affairs, appointments etc. and I realized that I lose my awareness and forget a lot of things. At some point, I just let go and I managed to keep a good mood.

    * * *

    For me, our practices are very important, because in the group I can do what I can’t alone. This practices stopped me. My work and other things occupy me much and I forget to recognize myself in the daytime. However, I managed to remember our practices and to track my breath and how I eat. For me it was a lot and I want to thank the whole group for such strong support.

    * * *

    This week I have been tracking again my expectation of recognition and I managed to make new steps. Instead of being offended, I paid attention to my contribution to the situation – what I do and what I do not, so that others can understand me. I managed to find a middle way in this.

    * * *

    First, I am very pleased with this week’s practices in our group. It is very important that the Constellation Group is becoming independent, not dependent on only one person. We are growing slowly, but the big tree does not grow in one year. A year ago there were 3 – 4 practitioners who attended all 25 practices last month, today this figure has risen up to 10 – 12 people. I was pleased that the Group becomes a disciplined, even though no one says others what to do. I am truly grateful for the new discoveries that you bring to our practice as trophies ….

  87. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tue, Feb 26, 2013 Recapitulation, Continuation…
    Tracking Energy.

    From the very beginning, when the music was playing, I understood that I could stop my inner dialog – my dialog stop at the same moment and it was new for me.

    * * *

    Continuation of recapitulation for me is to penetrate into secret areas of my habits and reactions. It is also to be nearer to the Spirit. Doing recapitulation making me closer to the Spirit.

  88. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thurs Feb 28, 2013 Recapitulation, continued . . .
    Weekly group practice

    One of the most problematic areas of my life is my need for recognition, and in connection with this I saw today how I feel at work. My obsessive unconscious desire to be recognized by my colleagues is the root cause of my dissatisfaction and loss of attention and awareness during the work day. “I’ll show them” are the key words of my internal dialog at these times. I had a headache because my face was very tense, and my vision was concentrated into one point. After doing Magical Passes I decided to make some changes: stand up, release tension, take a deep breath, exhale, and stop thinking about work. This is a new mood for me, which I can describe like this: I work, and I do it without fear of being humiliated or of not being recognized, without fear of making a mistake for which I’ll be criticized. I want to say new words: I have great respect for this place, I feel really great. I listen to myself, I am grateful to my colleagues for the fact that I do interesting things, and I have respect for my colleagues and their opinions. I listen to myself and my heart.

    * * *

    My behavior pattern is to help others. Rather than solve my own problems and achieve my own goals, I am constantly distracted by the questions and requests of others. I put their goals and objectives above my own. Now I’m going to regard myself and my objectives more consciously.

    * * *

    I’m not sure of myself. When I changed my body position, I felt confident, I wasn’t afraid of anybody, I didn’t need to prove anything. My new words: I love myself, my work, my patients and the entire team.

    * * *

    My situation is about the failure of the agreement I have with my partners. I feel betrayed. And my new view after the practice: I have my own way and I feel confident now. I’m in a good mood and I wish happiness and prosperity to my partners.

  89. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Fri, March 1, 2013 Recapitulation, continued . . .
    Recapitulation, witness practice.

    We were witnesses to Michael’s story. He’s doing great, and I liked how sincerely he answered questions and how focused he was on his aim. Thanks to these endeavors he gave us all his inner dialog.

    * * *

    I agree that we’ve done a lot. I felt the process that was going on with my whole being. At the end we heard the new view, the new dialog, and I felt relief.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to my two witnesses, Sasha and Nastia. I looked at a very abusive situation at work. I kept saying my dialog until it was over. Now I feel that I’m free of my old view and habits.

    * * *

    I was inspired at this practice by how very professionally the narrator pulled the essence out of her inner dialog. Part of this inner dialog was a pattern. We did the practice fast and the narrator made a bold decision for that situation.

    * * *

    I liked that I worked on self-doubt. I could enter the old scene and change it – I have really changed it. Words flew by themselves. I managed to align all my tangled filaments and my energy started to flow.

    * * *

    I’d like to share how I feel about working in a group.

    1. The witnesses have a correct, attentive and caring attitude (during my recapitulation).

    2. At one point while Alexander was talking, I felt lightness appear, as if the situation were dissolving in the air, despite the huge distance between the three of us. After that Alexander started to say his new view, and I really felt his new view. His words were clear and certain, with the same lightness that had already “flown” to us through the air. It was wonderful and pleasant.

    3. When we were doing magical passes in our group of three, I had a stronger sensation in my body – I felt my body better and the strength which was around me.

    Thank you, Dmitri, for the practices. They really have a special quality of common intent like you were talking about at one of the practices. In the morning after yesterday’s practice I felt strength and the support of the group. Thank you, Anastasia

    * * *

    Yesterday I did a witnessing practice with Natalia. This was the first time with your group, and I have done it several times in general. And for the first time I identified my pattern, which is typical of me in situations like these, straight to the point. I remembered that other people (my opponents) had told me about it, but of course their words had no meaning to me, and even annoyed me more.

    My expert witness, Natalia, directed me well, and helped me extract the essence of one of my main patterns. I admit that I myself would hardly have seen it so accurately. I am grateful and thankful for the help of Natalia. Today, after spending all day at work, I felt a surge of vitality in the morning, which hasn’t happened in a long time. My work day was positive, even though there was a lot to do, and a lot of people had headaches from all the pressure. I understood that the practice was beneficial, and I realized that whenever I feel I can’t cope with a situation, I can imagine that only I and my energy body are real, and the rest is a dream. What can you change in a dream? To change the dream, with no regrets or expectations – can I do that? Time will tell . . .

    * * *

    In my practice I was a witness. During the practice I saw we were all alike. We all react the same way when we find ourselves losing balance in a situation: we forget about breathing, awareness and alignment.

    These practices are real magic!

    With each practice, we become more able to dream ourselves in a new way, maintaining awareness and alignment in situations that used to completely take us out of ourselves. I clearly see the need for regular practice, because our old “ego” is very stable, and what can really change it is our persistence.

    * * *

    Yesterday our group of three got together to do a recapitulation of my situation. I remembered a strong love for a person. After the practice I had a lovely light mood, even joy. I partially came into contact with the wave of love I felt for this man. I took from it only the good, only the new, only the positive. I am grateful to this feeling, one of the best in my life, for its very existence. I was willing to give everything to this man. I am sure I couldn’t love someone so recklessly now . . . I loved unconditionally and appreciated every moment we spent together, not thinking about the future. (Now, on the contrary, I think too much.) I was sorry to part with these memories, but I also didn’t want to stay attached to them. My energy body responded, and judging by the sensations in my body, I realize I’ve done the right thing.

  90. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sat, March 2, 2013 Recapitulation, continued . . .
    A Walk in Silence.

    During this walk I looked at my life and felt sadness because of awareness that years are going away so fast. I still don’t know what I want from my life. I don’t remember what I was dreaming about as a child. But in the same time, I felt that Tensegrity practice will help me to find answers of all this questions. Anyway, some changes already happening in my life. In the end of this walk I ask myself a question “Where is my way?”

  91. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sun, March 3, 2013 Recapitulation, continued . . .
    A View from Inner Silence.

    Finally, I kicked of my hard bondage – computer games playing. Before I’ve done it, I usually was spending around 5 hours per day doing this strange activity. But this week I played just 1 hour for the whole week. I am very inspired of my achievements. I am really grateful for support, that gives me our Tensegrity group and our practices. I could do that, because I’ve opened to the silence that emanating from the tree. Silence and calmness are with me now.

    ***

    One of the biggest field for me now is recapitulation of my job. This week was really new layer of awareness, awareness of myself during the work – new layer of recollection. Because of this I felt freedom in my job. I absolved the biggest part of my attention to do what I really need instead of worrying about what people are thinking about me. As a result, I saw that everything is linked with my desire to be recognized. To be recognized by certain persons and by the team in general. I was very nervous about this, because my desire didn’t come true, and as a result, I was involving in the internal conflict. But now I am releasing all of this and just can do my work.

    ***

    I still don’t understand this practices very much, but I attend all of them. I like it very much and I feel that changes will come soon.

    ***

    I became more happy, more relaxed in relationships with my bosses and close people as well. I saw very clearly the mechanism of my pattern.

  92. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tue, March 5, 2013 Sounds of the Universe.
    Tracking the Energy.

    It was an interesting experience. First I heard a lot of sounds from outside. Then I realized myself in the moment. Then I began to feel tenderness and gratitude within my heart. Then I heard my body, my heart beating and I heard my energy body, which is keen to inner silence.

    * * *

    After magical passes, I felt a funnels in my ears, as if there were additional opportunities to hear. I noticed that my heart beat turned into a sound.

    * * *

    First there was a lot of dialogue, and then I began to pay attention to the external sounds, I heard a plane, car, etc. Then, in the course of practice, I heard the blood moving in and my heart beating, and then I just heard the song “Gracias a la Vida.”

    * * *

    I was home alone and fell silent. I just enjoyed the silence. At the beginning of practice, I’ve heard my inner dialogue and what was happening on the outside. After we did magical passes the third time, I saw this image, I’m in the center of silence, and everything to do with dialogue, expectations, irritation is somewhere very far away.

    * * *

    For me it was a very deep dive into an altered state of awareness. Now I feel a huge burst of energy, after this journey. At this practice, I heard for the first time what things around me are saying. The sounds around me were perfect. There was the depth in each sound. I saw the intent or the energy of this practice extends into the future, and I saw myself in Mexico. When I opened my eyes all around me mattered, every detail and every bit and I could feel the inextricable link with the energy body.

    * * *

    At the beginning of practice, I hear external sounds. Then, after magical passes I started to listen to what was coming, with no expectations. It seemed to me that silence was kind of restless, and I heard a tune and my heart beating. Then I felt a vibration and felt the density of silence. The silence of my left and right body were different.

    * * *

    I also felt an altered state of awareness. At first, I heard the sounds around. Then I started listening to the sounds not appreciating them, I just took them directly. It seemed to me that I was an infant who just listens. All around were the sounds of harmony, they were linked and complement each other – very nice.

  93. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thu, March 7, 2013 Sounds of the Universe.
    Weekly practice.

    The map of silence, which I received at this practice, works great. The more I move forward, the more I dived into the inner silence. Now at the end of the practice, I’m so immersed in the silence… Even every muscle in my body is aligned. This is a wonderful state. And I want to say thank you a lot for the map of silence.

    * * *

    I felt warmth that came from your circle in the venue. To feel with my back was new and enjoyable for me. After the last passes I was immersed in the space of silence, which I did not want to leave.

    * * *

    I was able to gaze at my inner dialogue. There was a strong feeling of warmth, support and calmness from your circle in the hall. And a very deep state of silence. Thank you.

  94. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Fri, March 8, 2013 Sounds of the Universe.
    Recapitulation

    I chose not challenging situation, but in the process of recapitulation, I realized that it was not easy at all. I saw people very clearly in this scene and I was pleased that it was all quite real.

    * * *

    I was inspired by the positive feeling of the narrator. In his story, I found my pattern – to make fun of people. And I know that I will recapitulate it then.

    * * *

    I noticed that we behave symmetrically. Something what annoys us in the people is in ourselves, too.

    * * *

    It was very comfortable to work in the group of three – I was kept within certain limits. I felt an unseen support, and I came out of the old situation, and this gave me relief. A new look has become mine. It’s been very forceful.

    * * *

    When the narrator uttered a new look, I felt a burning sensation in my left calf and whistling in my ears. The feeling of exhilaration.

    * * *

    We did not succeed in our group of three from the very beginning. The narrator never told her inner dialogue and first this made me sick. But then I decided to say “yes” to my witness, praise her for what she had already said. We immediately succeeded. At the end of the practice, we went all together to the old situation with our new bodies, with new awareness. I had a vision at this practice. I saw the endless human capability. I saw what stops us in our development, and I saw how easy it is to reach the core of what we do. I have never had such a thing. This has opened up a new layer of awareness for me. With this new layer of awareness, I’ve believed in myself.

  95. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sat, March 9, 2013 Sounds of the Universe.
    A Walk in Silence.

    When I went out with the intention of being in the inner silence, I at once met an acquaintance of whom I have a lot of judgment. But this time, all judgments were kind of on the periphery, they were far away from me. During the walk, I was just aloof. Then I went to a pine tree and saw that we are completely equal, and everything around is equivalent to something else …. at this time cawed a crow and I realized that the world agrees with me.

    * * *

    Lightness, just lightness is around. I began to hear sounds around me and my troubles have disappeared. Seemingly, nothing much, but for me it was a breakthrough.

    * * *

    When I went for a walk I had a great mood, and now it is even better, I decided to step up my hearing. I even closed my eyes. First I’ve heard just outside sounds, and then I went to three trees and decided to talk to them. I stood up against a tree and began to listen. By step of people passing by, I could see their physical condition and mood. Then I hugged the tree and we started talking …. I asked the tree, how it felt and I felt complete silence. Tree showed me what state it is in. Then an elderly woman came to me and said something, and I said something to her, but what we said to each other I do not know)). Then the tree said, that it protects me and invited to come and talk to him. I felt great sympathy for the tree. And it said that he knows everyone who walks in the park. It did not want me to leave, and all the way home, I felt it was attracting me. I said to the tree, that I will come. I’m very elated after this walk).)

    * * *
    I went and felt the sounds inside, space sounds, the sounds of the universe, everything moved inside and outside me, everything revolves …. Then I went and felt an irresistible desire to return. I make two steps forward, but I couldn’t go on and decide to come back. I turned around and go back …. after 15 meters I find my favorite pen lying on the snow. I picked it up and was very happy with happening. I’ve realized today that you should not resist the flow in which you are. On the contrary, you need to listen to yourself every minute.

  96. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sun, Mar 10, 2013 Sounds of the Universe
    A View from Silence

    This week I made a decision guided by inner silence. Years ago I broke off a relationship with a close friend and I had no plans to reestablish the relationship. But this week I said YES to it – I reestablished our friendship. I can’t explain how this could happen, and only today at the practice I’ve understood that all this came from inner silence. It was a big event for me. It was very unusual for me.

    ***

    I’ve seen that this week I made a decision while guided by silence. I can’t understand where it came from, but I’m sure it was the right decision. While we were listening to sounds, I’m not sure if I did it in a new way with my ears, but I’m quite sure these sounds were from my heart. I don’t know how to express it right now, as this is the first time this has happened to me.

    ***

    I’ve noticed that when I listen to the universe, I don’t have inner dialog. And this week I’ve had less inner dialog than usual. I listened to the sounds around me. I had a recapitulation practice this week, and I’ve begun to recapitulate past events – events I didn’t want to look at. I also write down what people I interact with at work say to me. I communicate a lot with people at work and I see that most of them complain about their lives, and they especially complain about their personal lives. And I am beginning to notice what people live with, and what thoughts they carry in their heads. My work is getting more interesting now. I feel much calmer now.

    ***

    I’ve been writing my moments of silence since Tuesday and Thursday. This job helps me store silence and stay in silence. Today I didn’t make it to Cyclicity class, but I felt all of you during class time, and the whole group and I were pervaded with this mood of silence. At another moment this week, when a man phoned me and I was very worried about it, I managed to find some inner strength to stop this mood and change it. This was very unusual for me. Plus, ideas come to me when I’m doing magical passes and I write them down – that’s so great. Thank you.

  97. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tues, Match 12, 2013 Stalking Ourselves
    Tracking Energy

    I want to stalk my flashes of anger and discontent, which take a lot of energy out of me. Whenever I feel anger, I’m going to pause, take a deep breath and remember the new view I found during this practice on the subject of anger. In this practice I found the confidence I was missing. I turned to Bagheera and really sensed her body. I saw that when I embodied Bagheera I didn’t react the way I usually do. Thank you.

    ***

    I have a problem, which is to demand recognition and attention. During immersion in silence I found myself in a wonderful place where I turned into a wolf. I was surprised to find that a wolf is completely free of concepts like the need for recognition and attention. A wolf doesn’t even have the concept of responsibility for his actions – he just lives, feeling the flow, feeling power. It was a priceless experience in my practice.

    ***

    A new awareness and a new view are coming to me now. I need to work on my laziness and irritability, and I know breathing can help me do this. Thank you.

    ***

    I want to put my attention on eating and sleeping. I understand I have to be in the present moment to do this; I need to continuously monitor and be aware of myself.

    ***

    I want to stalk my self-doubt. When I found myself in a place of power, I turned into a jaguar. I felt his legs as he stretched his back and moved his tail. I loved being a jaguar because I felt his confidence, his calm. I felt strong and wise and unhurried. I loved this experience – this was the first time this has happened to me. Thank you.

    ***

    I would like to keep tracking my internal dialog and practicing awareness. During immersion in silence I found I was flying. I was a butterfly. The sky was dark and all around me was very calm.

    ***

    I want to stalk my ego’s favorite things, like computer games, the desire for recognition, and war with other people. During immersion in silence I was a jaguar. I was on the Pyramid of the Sun in Mexico. I was completely filled with passion for life. And in the body of a jaguar I overcame all my weaknesses. Next to me was infinity and I was filled with a sense of emptiness. Thank you.

    ***

    I want to track the reactions I learned as a child, reactions I learned unconsciously. I’m going to do it by placing myself in a state of silence. My journey began today with nature, high grass, hills and trees. I turned into a mouse. I stood on my hind legs and listened. There was a lot of danger. Then everything changed and I realized I’d turned into a bat and flown in all directions. Then I found myself in Cacauamilpa Cave – I was strongly seized by this sensation. Then I went back to the first place, found my face and came back here. Thank you.

  98. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thurs March 14, 2013 Stalking Ourselves
    Weekly Practice

    While standing back to back, I felt unity, warmth, support and silence.

    ***

    I wrote a list of what I like, and when we were standing in a circle, I was doing those things. I understood at last that I love myself very much. Everything depends on my energy. I felt my energy body and I was filled with a sense of gratitude.

    ***

    I like to be with my energy body. When we were standing facing the center, I saw myself doing something good for others and smiling. When we were standing back to back, I felt the whole group, here and in other towns. Thank you.

  99. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Fri, March 15, 2013 Stalking Ourselves
    Recapitulation

    Today I saw that I’m always wearing a mask of coolness, which is actually not the real me. My strength is to take care of other people, to empathize with them and treat them kindly. When I said my new words, I felt that I was heard. I felt a strong vibration in my body, and it filled me with energy. I felt that something had changed. Thank you.

    ***

    I liked how the narrator changed how she related, not only in her scene but also with everyone around her in the practice. I was very touched by her new view. It was so unexpected, and it annihilated the general unconsciousness we had at the beginning of the practice. I was really focused on her story, which for me was also a mirror. In her story, I saw myself. Thank you.

    ***

    At one point there was an energetic shift and we all felt better. I began to breathe more easily. The final part touched my heart deeply – when she went into the scene and said her new words, it was incredible.

    ***

    Every practice is different. Today I had a flash of inspiration. We saw new actions, not-doings, and I’m going to apply them in real life. The pattern we found was “I want them to fuss over me”. I’ve been used to this treatment since childhood, and I’m always expecting people around me to treat me that way, and I don’t even realize it.

    ***

    There is no particular way of doing the recapitulation. When we start the recapitulation process, we begin to fight. The recapitulation is a struggle. Sometimes, as a result of recapitulation, a desire to do something new comes to us, or we feel a desire to instill a new habit, or to make a gesture. This is what happened in our practice today. For me, the result of recapitulation is a feeling that comes at the end of practice – a sense of joy. And this is what I feel now.

  100. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sun, March 17, 2013 Stalking ourselves.
    A view from Silence.

    This week I’ve started to eat in sitting position consciously, I used to do it standing up. I give myself at least 20 seconds on the chewing of food and it helps me to be more conscious in my eating habits. I started to go for a walk on my own, not only on Saturdays with the group. This also works great for me. I began to consult with practitioners of our group when I feel that it’s hard or not enough awareness.

    * * *

    I’ve been done practices with the group all this week. It affected me and brings me more joy, inspiration. Some movement is going on, I feel a lot better. I intend to keep practicing and also to discover something new for myself.

    * * *

    Listening very carefully to others, I had a deep sense of trust. I saw a flower opening. Your stories about the silence open a new one in front of me. Now some subtle changes are happening with me. Maybe this is not so explicit, but I feel these changes.

    * * *

    I read all my last and this year diaries. I had a look at what I’d done. I’ve got the enthusiasm to take on what has not been done yet. I’ve got the enthusiasm because I see that I’m making progress, intention and belief are increasing. I began to keep track of my expenses. I was very pleased to feel a connection with the group yesterday. This connection is really happening and all my deeds and desires …. they are within the scope of the intent to move forward. I feel a great responsibility and gratitude for the fact that I’m with you. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’d like to make magical passes in the group especially on Thursday and especially to the music.

    * * *
    I had a situation when I was furious about the fact that they had treated me unfairly. I did recapitulation of the situation during three days, and little by little I found that this situation does not bother me at all. As if it does not exist anymore.

  101. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group. St. Petersburg, Russia
    Tues, March 19, 2013 Desires of my Heart
    Tracking Energy

    I’ve been practicing a lot of Tensegrity the last two days. Today I have a special feeling for the first time. You spoke about love today . . . for me, my heart’s desire was to be able to see my childhood and my childhood home.
    When the music was playing, I saw I was flying in space, and I saw the universe, the various planets and constellations. And I very clearly remembered the details of a childhood dream – flight. My house was on the edge of a precipice and I went to the edge, extended my hands out and took off. I flew, feeling the wind, and I saw all around, houses, rivers, forests. And my heart was filled with an unusual air or feeling and it was beating as it’s beating now. I remembered everything, all the details, and in the end I was turned by a strong current and I woke up.

    * * *

    At the beginning of practice, 40% of my attention was present. Today is my third day of active practice. I really like studying your program. I noticed today that I have less internal dialog. I enjoy the peace and silence. There is quietness in my soul. Two weeks ago, when I came to you with a group and listened to you, I was filled with a swarm of thoughts. And now I’m kind of in standby mode, no thoughts. Thank you.

    * * *

    I want a house by the sea, I want love. The second time I wrote down that my heart wants freedom and flight. The third time I saw a picture. I looked at myself from above and saw I waste a lot of time. I’m always going to do something, but do everything at the last minute. I leave even simple things for later.

    * * *

    At first there was a lot of dialog. After the magical passes, I calmed down and began to perceive. And I saw that my heart wants to be whole and happy. My heart loves my parents and the sun. My heart wants to do something good. It wants me to look at the sky, to go walking, to be healthy and strong. Then I plunged deeper into silence, and saw that my heart wants to get closer to what it loves here and now.

    * * *

    I had different ideas at the practice, but near the end, when I looked at my scene, I realized that greed, the desire for recognition, fear of sharing and of dependency don’t help me fly. I saw how I first say YES to something, and then I start to have doubts. And now my heart’s desire is to be connected to the world, to speak in its own language. I want to feel energy and be myself.

    * * *

    At this practice I got what I wanted, what my being wanted. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

    * * *

    My heart is my problem area. I loved the dream today. I was lying down when relief and relaxation came unexpectedly to the area of my heart. I fell asleep a few times and woke again. And now I feel a delicate grace in my heart, a calm state. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today was very interesting. I started to imitate the new passes and then I began to do others. It was hard at first. Then I relaxed, and I had to answer the question what my heart wanted, and I began to write some basic things like beauty, etc. Then I saw something different – pleasant places where I spent my vacation, and it all took place against the background of my relaxation. Now I understand the beauty of the immersion we experienced today. At the time I didn’t understand what was going on.

    * * *

    When we were doing the magical passes, I found I wasn’t there – I was doing the passes, but I wasn’t there. Then I closed my eyes and saw Mexico and everything connected to these passes. When we did the first time, I looked inside myself and realized my heart wants to shine and to live. Then I wrote that I felt a connection to all others, a very strong connection with everybody. Later, when we listened to music, I had an interesting vision. I saw countless universes around me filled with harmony. In these universes everything was saturated with harmony. And my last entry was that I know I am aware.

    * * *

    This is the truth. It’s not clear what’s going on – we did nothing special, only a few magical passes. There’s nothing special in these movements, and it’s not clear what happens. At the beginning of the class I couldn’t even rely on that result, on our practice turning out like that. Now I see clearly that if someone in our group is beginning to change, the whole group feels this and moves in the same direction. We gather here to reflect the perfection of each other in our crystal-clear hearts.

  102. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Thurs, March 21, 2013 Desires of my Heart
    Weekly Practice

    In the scene I looked at on practice day, my sister said to me “I don’t have a sister any longer. I don’t need a sister like you.” These are the same words I have heard many times from my father, that he no longer has a daughter. I heard these words during fights, said in anger, resentment and misunderstanding. I’d never before looked at how much pain these words give me. When I recapitulated these scenes, I would pay attention to other things, but never before had I noticed the pain I’ve carried all my life, and how I have reacted to everything that happens to me through that pain. Today I saw this pain. I also saw that the people dear to me spoke these words not because they don’t need me or love me, but they spoke them unconsciously. In our family there is a pattern of saying words recklessly, just to blow off steam. And I have done the same thing.
    My new words were “Dear sister, I know you would never say those words if you realized how much pain they can cause. And I, too, would never have done or said a lot of what I used to do and say if I had been aware of what I was doing. I know that you love me and I love you. And right now, I take full responsibility for every word I utter and every action I take.”

    * * *

    In my scene I spanked my child, and I found excuses for doing it. It was so unpleasant that I don’t even like to remember this terrible scene. After the second pass, I still couldn’t find a new view. The third time there was something completely new to me. I love my child. Then, as we stood in silence, I felt a warmth for my family, and I felt that I was a part of our family line.

    * * *

    I had a scene of conflict with my father. Now I’ve got a new view. There’s a sense of gratitude, love and openness to my father, a sense of connectedness. Next time I see my father, I’ll just embrace him. Thank you.

    * * *

    My situation had to do with money – someone didn’t repay a large sum to me.
    1. He’s a bastard. I hate him.
    2. It’s my responsibility. He is what he is.
    3. I don’t care about it.

  103. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sat, March 23, 2013 Desires of my Heart
    A Walk in Silence

    I felt I was flying in the stream when we were doing the magical passes. Coming out of my apartment, I knew I only wanted to do new steps. As I approached a tree, I felt its energy and how the energy flows within it. With every step I thought of myself less and less. It was a state of happiness, life and liberty. I heard and felt the birds around me. For me, inner silence is now listening to you and perceiving.

    * * *

    When I went outside and looked at the snow, I have reached the moment of silence. It was like the moment has shrunk and time shut off. Then, in the park, looking at the trees, I had a feeling of warmth and relaxation. Every moment of this walk was new for me and every moment ‘here and now’ was happening. Thank you.

    * * *

    I went to the park with the intention of doing each step as a magical pass. Each step subtly changes something, and as I was walking I was aware of my legs and my steps. I remembered a strange acquaintance who said he talks to the birds. He made loads of bird houses, as he worried the jays were starving, and hung the houses in the woods. I clearly saw on this walk that everything I touched was changing. Everything is constantly flowing and changing.

    * * *

    I was worried before the practice and waited to calm down. But when I went outside, I found that I was absolutely calm. It was very nice. Everything around me made sense. This was an interesting state. Everything around me was full of meaning.

    * * *

    While I was riding in the elevator, I expressed my intention to enter into silence. At that moment, stars and universes surrounded me. I just felt a connection with it and saw it all. Then at some point I realized I was perceiving the back of my own head. Then I felt a deep connection, gratitude and love for my mother. Eugeny’s words also made a strong impression on me today – everything around me was full of meaning . . .

    * * *

    At first I couldn’t calm down, but after five minutes I felt a calm in my heart. I began to listen not only to myself but also to the world around me. On this trip I cheered up and felt very calm.

  104. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Sun, March 24, 2013 Desires of my heart.
    A View from Silence.

    I started to understand that I can control my time and not spend it on nothing. If you use it right, there is plenty of time for everything. As for my heart’s desire, I got the motivation to reach it. I have only thought of it before, but now I can see that I can reach it – to adjust my life in this new city, in this new place. I have the mood to work on it.

    * * *

    This week brings me two discoveries. One of my favourite patterns is to give advice (complain to me and I’ll tell you how you should live). And I realized that something that works for me can not work for others. I understood that it is sometimes good to show the direction, but to give advice doesn’t work for others. Another thing I’ve realized today is that my recapitulation is opening for me unknown depth of myself. Recapitulating today I felt the springtime from my childhood, and then each of the seasons in turn. They were very bright… spring, summer, autumn, winter… and when I inhaled those sensations, I felt self-confident. Thank you.

    * * *

    A very interesting week. On Monday, I start to run … Tuesday, Wednesday …. I run up and at the end of the week I take off. That’s the feeling of flight. When we looked at the desire of our hearts, I said to myself that these desires are related to my discipline and awareness – to sort out my life. Awareness of myself and the pleasure of it. On Friday at work I was talking with a colleague, actually I like to argue in the conversation. But this time, instead of the dispute, I listened to my colleague and expressed the opinion, in the end when he advised me to read the book, I made a new step. Instead of saying that I do not need it, I decided to read that book and I liked it. Thank you.

    * * *

    I began to notice what is going on in my head with my thoughts and where they come from and where they stretch and where my energy goes. Doing the practice of recapitulation with a witness, I said to myself it was an interesting phenomenon when I was a listener, a witness. I noted how awareness and attention were growing when another person tells his stories. I started to feel better the energy in my body. My energy body noticed that it’s a very good exercise to tell different people my new view and a new position of understanding . Thank you.

    * * *

    At practice on Thursday, I found a new action – just hug my father without saying anything. When I did it the next day – it was a moment of happiness and well-being for both of us. He could not believe it and was even taken aback. It was the happiest moment of this week. Also the moments of silence became everyday practice for me. I come home and immerse myself in this state. This is a huge source of creative ideas for me. Thank you.

    * * *
    For me, many things have changed and became meaningful. The new is love and awareness. Now the phrase ” Desires of my heart” makes sense.

  105. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Listening to the voice of the Universe.
    Tue, March 26, 2013 Tracking Energy.

    I got a strange sensation in my body, as if it was vibrating. I’ve seen the sea today. I sat down putting my feet into the sand. The sky was overcast. Then I said thank you to the sand, to the sea, and sky and in response the wind dispersed the clouds and the sun appeared.

    * * *

    At the beginning I heard roar of the surf, sounds of the sea. I was on a big stone, at the very edge of the sea. The roar of the surf grew louder and louder, and I felt merging with the sea. The rhythm of the sea, my inner rhythm and the rhythm of the Universe coincided. I felt unity. Unity with the Universe.

    * * *

    When we did the passes, I felt like I diving under water. With every meter I felt silence deeper and I thought I was dying. At that moment I became so indifferent to everything …. I have nothing to lose and nothing to cling to, and I felt really quiet. Then I asked a question – and I said, “You do not appreciate what you have now.” Then I found myself at night in the desert, it was a full moon and I asked how should I appreciate what I have …. I heard that I should be aware of myself, my body throughout the day. And I felt love, I felt a state of happiness. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we went into the silence, I saw the rotating Earth and myself, very small, like a point, not even visible. I was fully aware at this point, and I lost track of time. And then I heard the sound inside …. the beating of my heart, as the blood flows, and the sounds from the outside grabbed me, too. Everyone around me was filled, and I felt that I recognize all around. It gives me peace and unity, and makes me 100% happy. Then I felt some vibration by my side, it was a living thing, and we spoke with him. When I asked how can I stay so conscious, as I am now, it said: You have to fight for awareness every moment.

    * * *

    When we focus on the ears with our eyes open, and then with eyes closed – I have shifted my focus to the ears and there was the realization that when I felt each person as a detached person, I forget that the universe is speaking to me through them. When I went to the coveted spot, I was at sea, and sat down on the beach with my feet in the hot sand. Behind me was a city – a city of night lights, and when I asked how do I get here in reality, the voice said to me – act, act, act – it was not my voice. Thank you.

    * * *

    I saw a very beautiful place, it was an Indian summer, sunset, I was so happy, I was smiling. At some point, I felt that something was wrong …. I understood -something prevents me from seeing the beauty of the world; it is a sense of great offense. And I realized what should I work with to see more beauty around me. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I breathe, I felt the breathing universe. Then I wrote – the universe listens to me and heard me. Then it came to me, I’m a sensing creature …. I found myself in a place where I’ve never been. It was twilight. Desert. I couldn’t see things well enough, but the outlines of the hills were clear. I looked down and saw a very clear dry surface, a typical landscape of the desert, I saw all the details. I began to do a magic pass and look around. I did not know what to say, but then the words poured out of me and I said – thank you for this life. In response, I heard it – ‘thank you’. At this point I wanted to cry, but I did not know how to do that.

    Thu, March 28, 2013 Weekly practice.

    My sentence: I love myself and the world around, and it loves me in response.

    * * *

    My sentence: I am completely open, I’m happy to be in this place. I trust and love the people in this place. I feel the presence of the Spirit.

    Sat, Mar 30, 2013 A walk in Silence.

    When I heard “No problem,” I had a smile on my face and any inner heaviness disappeared. This has never happened to me. Usually it takes time to sort something out, but this time everything changed in an instant. I feel calm now. Thank you.

    * * *

    I went outside with a wonderful mood and began to share with the world that I love myself. I wanted the world to know that I began to love myself, now I’m the master of my life. And it was very unusual. I realized that the tastes and opinions of people will always change, only my lack of self-love is invariable. And more … Computer games do not bring me any benefit and there is no point in playing them. The only reason why I continued to play – was my habit.

    * * *

    I am self-sufficient, I choose my path by myself, the universe hears me. When I left the apartment, I realized that I did not have enough confidence in this statement. I was walking and my feet led me to my tree, with whom I talked last time. I said to the tree, the statement I found. Standing in silence with a tree I felt a vibration in my left hand at first, and then came the answer – take care of your energy body listening to the silence. Looking back, I felt filled with fresh energy, I felt very good. I had a strength and confidence, shoulders opened by themselves and I felt great. Thank you.

    * * *

    I just walked repeating the new phrase – I love myself, I am very attentive to myself and the world around. I was walking repeating this new phrase, which was super-imposed on my unconscious situation. At first, nothing happened. Then I suddenly found that there was silence around me, I even SAW the buzz around me. Then it came to me: I know. I feel a connection. The silence around. I believe. I love.

    Sun, Mar 31, 2013 A View from Silence.

    It was a very busy week. Each day this week, falling asleep and waking up I realized that I have to live like a warrior. One day I decided to go into the wide world, and came to a place where I saw a lone duck. This picture inspired me a lot, I saw my reflection in this duck. This week I was brought back to my old habits and old ways of acting and now I realize that it certainly not enough to just wish to live as a warrior. I also have to find new ways to live.

    * * *

    Recently, material well-being is a serious challenge for me, and I set myself the task to create material wealth. I want to have my own business. At the practice came to me out of the silence – ACT, ACT, ACT! And I’ve already started to make steps in this direction. Also this week, I had a special state, special relaxation – I noticed that I relax both the body and mind. One depends on the other. And it was such a deep relaxation that I lost a sense of the body. Another point related to the recapitulation the week. I am very grateful to my two witnesses, it’s very comfortable to do recapitulation with them. And making the recapitulation I found that I am self-sufficient and I respect people. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    I realized this week that talking to colleagues, friends, and acquaintances – I’m talking to infinity. Silence spreads all over my body, through my whole being. And I talk to them with pleasure. Thank you.

    * * *

    I noticed this week that I have an increased ability to concentrate. I had a very tired feeling the weight on my whole body. When I started to make passes to the left side, it became as light as a feather. Then I began to do the pass for the right side and the whole body became weightless and my fatigue vanished. An unforgettable, magical feeling, I had this for the first time. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve been doing the work for myself and for my classmates and did not agree with that. I had a lot of dialogue on this issue. When I did practice with my witnesses I found a new view – to talk to them about how to distribute the work equally among all of us. On the day of our meeting, I felt that it was the right time, and from the state of confidence I calmly talked to them. I felt as if it was my last battle on earth. After the conversation I felt even more confident and strong. Silence itself has rolled onto me. I felt very good, I felt unity with my classmates. It was an unforgettable moment. And more …. after practice on Friday, I do not want to play computer games. Thank you.

    * * *
    I stopped paying attention to who and how they treat me. Before, I was very worried about this issue. Now I shifted attention to myself and my live.

  106. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Overcoming Obstacles
    Tues, Apr 2, 2013 Tracking Energy

    This week we’re going to look at things we don’t want to look at, or can’t even see. We’re also going through a dense fog with the whole group to see the desires born in our hearts. It’s possible to overcome an obstacle, and if you need help doing that, join us.

    * * *

    I saw movement between two poles. Fear prevents me from acting, and the thing that will help me reveal my true self is trust in other people. This trust will open my heart.

    * * *

    I want to overcome my reluctance to learn new things, and I’ve found my inner dialog is distracting me. Now I’m intending more peace in my life. Thank you.

    * * *

    I felt like I was releasing myself with every pass. I began to feel better, and I saw how I create stalemates for myself, where everything seems bad and I start feeling self-pity. Today I put my attention on myself, I went into deep silence, and all my problems disappeared. I just need to open up, to open up . . .

    * * *

    Everything we do in our practice is to try to help us believe things are possible. It’s possible to live differently, possible to love, possible to be happy. And when I see shining eyes and happiness-filled faces here, I am filled with silence, and my idea of personality disappears. I have a feeling that we are one conscious organism.

    * * *

    I didn’t want to leave this state of total inner emptiness. I didn’t feel my body. I had no idea how to move. Today I’ve seen my fear, stagnation and unwillingness to change. Another thing I’ve noticed is that, as they said today, I need to pay more attention to others – this stops the dialog and thoughts about myself. I saw how I was doing it all over again. I was happy there. The things that came to me today in the practice are to trust and love myself, to believe in my strength, and to believe in myself passionately. Thank you.

    * * *

    I realized I need to listen to my body more. I need to allow it to act. We are already doing it.

    * * *

    I’ve seen that my obstacle is fear – the fear of letting go of my old life, the fear of being alone, the fear that others won’t pay attention to me. Nothing but fears – these are my obstacles. And I’ve seen a way out of this: the recapitulation and new steps, recapitulation and new steps. And I am already doing them. Thank you.

    * * *

    My problems are: computer games, overeating and anxiety during the day. When we were lying in silence, new steps came to me. For example, I saw myself deleting all the games from my computer. Also, if I have an overwhelming desire to play computer games, I’ll immediately call my witness.

    * * *

    Now I have a clear sense of the almighty. Thank you.

    Thurs, Apr 4, 2013 Weekly Practice

    Three months ago I got so seriously sick that it almost killed me. After New Years I began to recover, and now I feel much better. When I was breathing, the rest of the disease left me during an exhale. It just felt like something came out of my body. I felt liberated – I was very pleased.

    * * *

    This is my first time in this class, and I feel surprisingly comfortable, even though I was nervous at first. I used to think only strange people would go to the Castaneda practices, but I find a good atmosphere and positive people here. I wrote down my thoughts during the practice, and now I want to say I’m thinking less.

    * * *

    My problem is that I don’t trust people. This causes all kinds of different thoughts in my head. But now I feel much better – I’m enthusiastic and have really cheered up. Thank you.

    Fri Apr 5, 2013 Recapitulation

    Now I feel very confident and calm. I feel just fine. I looked at the scene where I was hurt in childhood. My new view is that I am self-confident, I can stand up for myself, and I will have a chance to do it. It isn’t his fault – I let it happen. Now I wish him well.

    * * *

    I continue to examine my aggressive attitude towards other people, my desire to humiliate them and to receive recognition. One day recently a classmate of mine seriously rebuffed my verbal attacks. The patterns I’ve seen are: I’m afraid of being humiliated; nobody acknowledges me; I want to be recognized. I’ve also seen (as a pattern) that I think some people are worse than I am and some are better, and so I despise some of them and cultivate others. My new view is that my scene is a lesson the universe is giving me through this boy. I looked in his eyes and saw he was acting from inner silence in this situation. His behavior is worthy of my respect. I also saw I don’t need tactics like humiliating others, that I can fulfill myself by loving the world around me.

    * * *

    I constantly cause men to desire me sexually. I do this wherever I am – at work, on the street, in a restaurant, anywhere. And I don’t like it at all. When we looked at the situation, I saw it was an intent of mine that began many years ago. Now I am reaping the fruits of this intent, even though I don’t want so much attention now. I maintain the pattern through my behavior, my clothes, how I look at men and how I react to them. Now I’m ready to change my intent. I’m in the process of doing this and don’t know yet how I’m going to act. I’m still working on it. Thank you.

    * * *

    My witness and I have been doing the witnessing practice almost every day for more than a year now. It’s taken us a long time to approach this problem and see all of it. Unconscious intending is what we do all our lives. I’d like to say that my witness is brilliant – she keeps moving forward. I can see it’s not easy for her, but she doesn’t give up. As Nyei and Reni Murez tell us, a small change in one practitioner in a group pulls up the rest. Any victory pulls the others to the fact that our awareness is growing. And we grow individually, as a group, and as a whole Tensegrity structure. Personally I was inspired by this story to do my recapitulation.

    Sat, Apr 6, 2013 Meeting in a Café

    By reading each others’ feedback, we can really examine our awareness during meals. We dressed well and met in a café in St. Petersburg, and other groups met in cafes in their own cities, or they were at home.

    * * *

    I ate a lot. I feel very full and satisfied with my food. My body feels well, and I feel gratitude. My stomach is grateful to me for a wonderful meal, and I am grateful to the animal that is now supporting me. Thank you.

    * * *

    After the meal I had a full stomach – actually, I ate too much. My meal can’t be smaller than the others’ meals, so I ate extra food out of greed. This was my inner dialog. My belly told me it felt bloated and that soup and salad would have been quite enough.

    * * *

    I’ve had chicken, and feel embarrassed about the murdered bird. But I don’t want to see the chicken as a living being – I want to treat it as just a product. So I can’t say thank you to the chicken, but I can say thank you to the dish I’ve eaten.

    * * *

    I really stuffed myself. I chose a consommé, which I’d wanted for a long time, but as a result I didn’t like it. I had the idea of a consommé, so I ordered it, but the feeling wasn’t there, only the idea. And though I didn’t like the consommé, I ate it anyway. I also ordered a dessert. I liked that, but when I started to eat it, I began to feel a fullness in my belly – it was too much. My stomach felt heavy, and my body reflected that heaviness. I don’t even know what I can say to the food. Meals are nice.

    * * *

    I ordered the potato soup with salmon. Usually the fish soups I come across are not very tasty, but this one was surprisingly delicious. I ate it with pleasure, and felt a pleasant warmth spreading through my entire body. My energy increased, and I wanted to relax a little while I enjoyed this inner comfort. My stomach thanked me, and asked me to eat only what I liked. Now this warmth is fading, and I feel a surge of strength and inner satisfaction. Thank you.

    Sat, Apr 6, 2013 A Walk in Silence

    I decided to take a new route today when going out, and I noticed the stairs had been recently washed. I realized this was a good sign – a new, clean way. On the street I saw a swing. I sat on it and began to swing. It felt so good there. I saw there was a definite reason for meeting each person I met. My mood was cheerful and good today. When I was approaching my house, I looked at a puddle and saw my reflection and our world’s reflection in it. Everything seemed to stop for me at that moment and I couldn’t take my eyes off the surface of the water for a long time. Thank you.

    * * *

    To find a new way, you need to get rid of self-obsession. I realized the people around me are no better or worse than I am. When I saw a piece of roofing slate, its whole history appeared before my eyes, all the many people whose efforts produced it and brought it here, etc. Then I also saw myself, all my life from the moment I was in the womb. I wanted to develop and I wanted to grow, and my every cell was filled with happiness. I really wanted to live. Then I saw my parents carrying me, and the next moment I saw my connection with infinity. I was infinity itself.

    * * *

    When I went outside, I drew a line, expressed my intention, and took a step. Once I did that, my perception changed, and I wrote that the world had changed. The world changed – that’s it. I saw things differently. Then I went on, and listened to the sounds of different birds (who apparently had had singing lessons!) In this state, I felt my steps and my whole being, and I was in this new world. And I SAW what was important for me in my life. Then I kept walking and sensing while we – our group – continued our spontaneous dance. “I’m still dancing, I’m going into inner silence and I know what the universe wants me to do,” I wrote. “I know why I’m here.” It was a moment when I realized I really was here, and then I realized I had a link to the source I came from. And why it happened and for what reason – these were the most important things to know. Then I went back, feeling the satisfaction of a job well done. I was just walking and looking around, and suddenly I realized how much I loved every cell of my body. It was body-perception at a cellular level. Then my mind was attracted by melting snowdrift, and as I looked at it I saw a mountain range spreading for thousands of kilometers. This lasted a moment – I was a little taken aback by this.

    Sun, April 7, 2013 A View from Silence

    I haven’t had any conscious dreams for a long time – I love them a lot – and yesterday I had one. I was very glad of it. I also decided to remove all the games on the computer, and now there’s a lot more space there. I removed the games with the feeling I didn’t need them – I realized I didn’t need them in my life. I feel much better and calmer without them. I’d like to add that I’m ready for something new, ready to move on. When I went to the café, I paid more attention to the process of eating, and to what I eat. Also, I want to help the Constellation Group and be more involved in it. Thank you.

    * * *

    My 3 problem areas are computer games, overeating and anxiety during the day. I’ve stopped playing computer games and don’t even have the desire to play them now. There was one night when I wanted to eat, and I called my witness Vladimir immediately and told him about it. After talking with my witness I recovered my peace of mind and completely lost the desire to eat at night. I haven’t eaten anything at night this week. Regarding my worries – there’s been some progress here too, and I’m moving forward. Thank you.

    * * *

    The week was very busy. The first thing I decided to do on Monday was to open myself to a friend I’d not wanted to open myself to before. And I did it – it felt like a real load off my mind. I realized that I’d not been able to do it before because of an insult. Also during the week I was practicing the new view that I respect people. I did this wherever I went. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I began to look at my body as something valuable. I like all these practices. Our trip to the café was great for my awareness. I felt a greater openness, warmth and understanding of the others in the group. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was going to close my window before the witnessing practice and at that very moment a dove suddenly flew into my room. It showed me its dance, turning around and bowing. Then it flew away, and I cheered up a lot, and then we did the witnessing practice. On Thursday a dove came to visit me again as I was on my way to the practice, and the practice itself was magnificent. It’s been a very busy time – we went to the café just yesterday, but it feels like a whole week has passed.

    * * *

    A lot of things have happened in our group this week. Over the last month we’ve had a lot of new people. We met up with a magazine reporter – this was a first for our group, too, and it was great. My witness gave me a recapitulation task, and it was the kid of task I didn’t even want to think about. I realized that this is precisely the point of the recapitulation – when you feel sick at the very thought of what you have to recapitulate. I spent a few days in this state and suddenly I had a breakthrough. I recapitulated four uncomfortable situations in two days. There are two situations left, and I know I’ll be able to manage them hands down! I’m very pleased about that.

  107. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: Intending a Perfect Witness
    Tue Apr 23, 2013 Tracking Energy

    As we actively recapitulate, many practitioners in our group are faced with a real challenge. We can either move forward or we can stagnate. All those who want to move towards joy and consciousness can do it with us.

    * * *

    When we were dreaming the green room, I would occasionally lose the picture out of excitement, but I just kept regathering my attention and refocusing myself. It was night when I looked out the window. I felt easy and relaxed. Today I don’t feel like I usually do – something’s pushing out from inside of me. I can feel the vibration. It also came to me during the practice that I’m ready to work with any witness. Thank you.

    * * *

    The practice was interesting. When we were answering the questions, I felt a perfect witness in my heart. I realized that this was my life, and I saw my perfect witness as my connection with the energy body. My witness is as important to me as the air – I feel it in my heart. And when we were in the green room, I felt my witness with my back and with my whole being. I’m grateful to have him. Thank you.

    * * *

    A witness takes good care of everything that happens in a practice. I felt sober and strong today. My attention was 100%. When we were in the green room. feeling with our backs, I had a fever and back pain that I still feel. And when we stood back-to-back, our circle was like a gas burner with a blue flame in the center. I could see all of us, and it was raining outside the window.

    * * *

    When the class began, I was in a nasty mood, but I bravely kept on practicing. My witness needs to be balanced, not too long-winded, and shouldn’t freak out at my stories. When we were in the green room, I couldn’t settle down within the group. I finally concentrated, and felt like I was facing a door. I did the magical passes diligently, and suddenly I felt someone’s back in the circle and my back just merged with that feeling. It was a man’s back. Then I got up from the floor, catching my breath with surprise. I enjoyed it very much. It was becoming dusk outside the window, and I saw naked trees. After we opened our eyes and stood up, I felt a vibration in my whole body. And I still feel the warmth from our circle. It was a wonderful practice. This surprises me because I had thought I wouldn’t be able to get over that mood. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we were dreaming ourselves in the room, I saw a big ball – we were a big ball of energy.

    * * *

    I had the feeling I stopped being my own enemy. My witness is a person who helps me grow and rejoices in my growth. This is a person I can open up to, who accepts me. He’s unconcerned about my personal story. When we were standing back-to-back, I felt that each one of us was helping the others be in the room. Each of us was helping the others get closer. When I looked out the window, the birches looked surreal. They were pulsing with the movement of the wind. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today’s practice was a very strong one for me. I’ve just come to myself. My witness is an experienced practitioner who can look at things objectively. In this practice I got a particular feeling, and now it’s a certainty, about the kind of witness I should be, about how I should listen to people. Thank you.

    * * *

    For me the perfect witness starts with myself, with when I can be a perfect witness. Today I’ve highlighted two points: listen to myself and be attentive to myself and to others. When we went to our green room, I had an incredibly powerful feeling in my back. There was a circle of a lot of practitioners, and then the circle got so big it wouldn’t fit in the room anymore. It was really interesting to do the magical passes together and sense everyone with my shoulders. I knew they were my witnesses, that we had one purpose and one agreement. This was so important to me. I did the passes while I said these new words: “I listen to myself, I’m attentive to myself and to others.” It filled me with enthusiasm. When we were hanging in the air, I saw no difference between standing on the ground and floating in the air. When I directed my attention out the window, I felt the trees. They were really ready to bloom, they were waking up, the sap was starting to flow in all their inner channels. I saw the trees were intending foliage.

    * * *

    My back’s still hot! 🙂 Thank you!

    * * *

    During the practice I began to feel that something was pushing inside of me and wanted to get out. This was a new and strange feeling. Then, at the end of the practice, this feeling came over me and I realized this strong feeling was LOVE, love for our group, love for people, for the earth and the world, love for my energy body, love for everything. Thank you all! This is so beautiful and inspiring.

    * * *

    At the end of the practice, I felt like I was split in two. One part of me was as small as a pore, and the other part grew to the size of the room, then a house, and it kept on growing. My little part was shocked and frightened by such growth.

    * * *

    When practitioners started sharing their results from the practice, I listened to them from this state: I heard them from a small part of myself, but it was large (it’s hard to explain), and for the first time I didn’t analyze what they were saying. I didn’t see images of what they were talking about, I just listened and felt their words fill me as if they were VITAL to me. It was their words that helped me stay in this wonderful state. And there was one moment when a practitioner was talking, and I felt that if she stopped talking I’d die on the spot.

    * * *

    When I came to the practice, I planned to figure out what my perfect witness would be, and at the end I felt what kind of witness I should be myself.

    * * *

    I had an interesting dream yesterday. When I was in the green room, I sensed our group and saw people as dark silhouettes, like shadows, but with form and substance. I felt with my back, as we were cooperating with each other, that we were all different, and each one of us gave something unique to the circle. When we were doing the passes, I felt as if something in the circle, (the something that everyone brought to it), thickened and became homogeneous. And when we stood shoulder-to-shoulder and started talking about our intent, this something gently ignited and burned with a blue flame. We were like a gas burner! Very cool, and I’ve been feeling the heat in my back for quite a while.

    * * *

    * * *

    Thu, Apr 25, 2013 Weekly practice.

    The practice was very cool, I did not sweat the fact that things could go wrong: firstly, the sports complex was closed, but we still practiced 🙂 secondly, the laptop battery could discharge at any time, but it operated till the end, thirdly, sometimes someone fell out the general chat, but I did not feel it as an important event, and we continued the practice. There was little inner dialogue, and it seemed that practitioners behaved more consciously than before (I mean, we all did passes very carefully). Marina led the practice perfectly, like a warrior, I mean she was somehow sublimely calm. It was a new for me to practice acting in silence, I tried to focus on feeling, not thinking, in order to begin or end a movement at the definite moment. Some magic was in this practice 🙂 we made responsible preparation of this practice, despite the late hour; my feeling is we have experienced the practice, without compromise expressed our opinions, and we were in agreement that Dima would make his own adjustments. I mean it was really an internal agreement. Thank you! 🙂

    * * *

    I have a tremendous amount of energy now. I even have a voice vibrating with it. I feel like I can push the Earth now. And I’m going to do now a practice with my witness and I feel very much prepared. Thank you.

    * * *

    Thank you for the wonderful practice. My witness had given me a task to do certain steps in my difficult situation. I did not know how to do this, and today in practice, I’ve seen the specific steps on how and what I will do.

    * * *

    Until now, I completely stopped to pay attention to the recapitulation of my relationship. Now, my intention to do so is back. Thank you.

    * * *

    I feel my energy body, the joy, the warmth. Today I’m going to do a recapitulation.

    * * *
    * * *

    Fri, Apr 26, Recapitulation

    I did not expect such an effect that I would cry. I was able to enter into the situation and see something new – new directions for the work. Thanks a lot to my witnesses.

    * * *

    As a result of my recapitulation, I’ve found a new view on a situation that I had 14 years ago. I was a commander of a war craft and at high altitude, almost ceiling, a hatch was drawn. As a result of improper actions of the second flight navigator, I had to unfasten the safety belt, come to his place and do everything instead of him. All this happened in a rather abrupt manner. This situation has been causing a mental stress to me for a long time. Today I’ve been able to enter into deep silence and remember every detail of the event that made me worry for so many years. Now I look at this calmly, I am confident and I can see the gratitude of that man. I am very glad that my witnesses could help me. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today, an hour before class, I sat and did the recapitulation. My shirt was soaked because the tears just flowed from my eyes. I’m on a mission to find and recapitulate different difficult situations, when my mother treated me pretty weird. In my recapitulation I try to look at something that is outside my inner dialogue. Outside of my inner dialogue, and inner dialogue of my mum. I look at what really unites us. New words are born and new views – and of course, I have never seen them before at all. I write it, and then tell my witness.

    * * *

    When the witness was telling his situation, I felt how much these two people love each other. And all this was confirmed in new view and new words. It is really a very strong relationship and a very strong love. I felt this.

    * * *

    My narrator infected me with a sense of confidence that she had at the end of practice. There is power in every situation, and I want to interact with this power, rather than do my ego’s bidding. This is what I’ve got out of this practice. Thank you.

    * * *
    * * *

    Sat, Apr 27, Walk in silence

    Taking a walk and coming to me the silence, I realized that I have everything what I need. I am grateful to the Spirit for my life – this amazing gift. I am grateful to the witnesses for being with me and I want to pay all my attention to them for their perfection. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today, during the walk, I’ve felt how much my body requires care. A concern is to constantly listen to what my body tells me. I understand that I must trust what my body is aware of and strive for integrity. Thank you.

    * * *

    I felt the plants around me when I was walking, I felt their mood. At this moment, I was covered with some kind of wave. I sat down and realized that I can feel all around. I turned in pure sense, I could perceive a lot. It was the harmony itself. It’s a great happiness to be own self.

    * * *

    During the walk, I looked at the water in the river, forest, there were ice remnants somewhere, and sense of peace came to me. I felt good, calm, my mood improved. A desire to go anywhere appeared – just to see a new path. Now I have a very pleasant state, I feel that my energy level increased. Thank you.

    * * *

    At first I thought something wrong with me because I was doing something wrong. But when we did the magical passes, I realized that I was all right. And when I went out for a walk, many sounds struck me from all sides. I was walking over and these sounds were merging into one sound. I was walking, and peace came to my mind.

    * * *

    It’d been raining in the morning in Moscow, but when I came out, the sun was shining. I felt a renewal in nature and in people. I went to the park and my went blank – the steps with breathing are very helpful. I did not have any idea about a perfect witness, and I came to my tree, hoping that it would give me a cue. And this came out of the silence: a perfect witness is – when we understand each other without words, when we feel each other at a distance, when I feel at what moment he wants to talk to me. The voice of the witness and his intonation are important to me – all this matters. And I cheered up immediately, serenity, detachment came to me. I now have a very good, harmonious state. Thank you.

    * * *
    * * *

    Sun, Apr 28, View from inner silence

    I was particularly impressed by the practice on Tuesday, when we had to be in the audience. I felt an incredible surge of energy. I’m still feeling it. I said on Tuesday my back was hot – I had this feeling even when I woke up at night and in the morning the next day. About a perfect witness: I’d profited by practices with my witness. I noticed that a lot came to me during these practices. Something incredible happened to me this week… I laid down after work and I was in somnolence, between sleeping and waking. There were different pictures before my eyes, and suddenly I saw a picture that I showed the group being at home in Ukhta, when the group was in a cafe in St. Petersburg at that time, and today I also was at this cafe. I saw this picture as clearly as possible. When I got up and sat on the bed, I felt a strong vibration in my arms, legs, all over. My dream was similar to other visions that I had practicing in our group.

    * * *

    I’ve been practicing in the group for a month, and it’s been a great week. One day I came home and ask myself about the recapitulation. I did magical passes and suddenly my body started moving involuntary, my hands and feet, I decided not to resist and surrender to this movement. At some point, I became very hot. Then I laid down and slumped into a state in which I followed situations of my life, and I remembered a whole bunch of situations. As if some sort of curtain opened, the curtain which had restricted my ability to see. I’ve got a lot of attention, I was very organized, my body was very tough. I spent in that state approximately three hours. All my life, as it was, assembled into something clear for me. I’ve gathered what and where it’s coming from. It’s been a very conscious day for me today. I had a great mood and everything was fine after the recapitulation practice – I had spirits riding high. In this mood, I got in the bus and saw the boy, about ten years old. He had blue eyes, but all around was dim. It was a bright boy, and it seemed to me there was something unusual in him. And I was overwhelmed by ATTENTION, I heard a huge number of sounds, so much …. everything was clear and bright around, and I was very surprised. And then I was just paralyzed in silence, it was difficult to say, and to think. I could only hear and perceive. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve paid a lot of attention to recapitulation this week. We did recapitulation every day. I have a lot of friendly feelings and gratitude to my witnesses. My body’s getting more sensitive. For example, on Saturday I felt how the Earth conscious. And my body is able to perceive in itself. The consciousness of my body is like the awareness of the Earth. I’ve seen in silence as the body is aware of the sounds. It repeats them, repeats their vibration inside. I have a lot of discoveries, even a conscious dream. All’s very interesting and inspiring. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a difficult situation at work at the beginning of this week. One day the message came to me in a dream and the dream was filled with a special mood. Somehow, I began to act in this mood – I let go the situation at work and stopped taking everything further. This is a state where everything is equivalent. And there was an amazing lightness, and this problem was solved by itself. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week, I’ve started to interact with the men differently. My pattern is to flirt unconsciously with the men, so I’m just a sexual object for them. This week I’ve turned on different intention and I’ve noticed a dramatic change, there is a marked change in their attitude to me. The men look at me differently because I’m getting another… My assemblage point has moved to the position of my witness – in the position of determination, and I am now full of determination to continue delving into my recapitulation. Thanks to my witness.

    * * *

    This week, I’ve come across a note on the Internet – “we cannot change the way we started, but we can change how we finish”. Looking at it, I realized that this person did not make the recapitulation. If he did, this phrase would sound like this: ” We can change the way we started… and then there is a journey, that has no end”. It’s been a breakthrough in my recapitulation this week. I’ve never done what I did this week. I’ve just started to follow the recommendations which had not followed before. Recapitulating, I wrote, and the main thing I wrote, were new words and new actions. It was so powerful, that I was very shocked and I had a lot of tears, I cried like a baby. Then I told the same situation the four witnesses, to make sure that I was seeing something new. I am very happy that with each new step I can see more. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week, I’ve found the perfect witness. He has a lot of faces, and, thanks to him, I’ve found such wonderful views: I can forgive and understand a man whom I’ve hated for more than nine years; I can make a declaration of love to my mother and recognize, respect her religion. It’s very inspiring to me to keep working… After Saturday’s practice, so much silence began to come to me as never was. There’s never been so much peace and silence in my life. It’s just amazing, it fills me with happiness. The energy has really become fluid, I feel inspiration, happiness, flow, positive. Thank you.

    * * *

    My recapitulation has gone off with a bang this week. On Tuesday, I saw a perfect witness, as it should be. On Thursday, I came to realize that my intention of a perfect witness, meant I had to be the perfect witness. Now and here. And recapitulating, I tried very hard to be such a witness. It was very interesting and I learned a lot. I’ve been doing a lot of magical passes, and intended the Spirit to come to me, and recently I’ve seen a manifestation of the Spirit. It’s been an indescribable week of stalking and recapitulation. Thanks a lot.

    * * *

    I am very grateful. Over the last month, and over the last week, I was struggling, it was a real struggle. It’s important for me to realize once again that I am very thankful to the group and the witness, who helped me to recapitulate. Thank you.

  108. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: Intending a Perfect Witness
    Tue Apr 23, 2013 Tracking Energy

    As we actively recapitulate, many practitioners in our group are faced with a real challenge. We can either move forward or we can stagnate. All those who want to move towards joy and consciousness can do it with us.

    * * *

    When we were dreaming the green room, I would occasionally lose the picture out of excitement, but I just kept regathering my attention and refocusing myself. It was night when I looked out the window. I felt easy and relaxed. Today I don’t feel like I usually do – something’s pushing out from inside of me. I can feel the vibration. It also came to me during the practice that I’m ready to work with any witness. Thank you.

    * * *

    The practice was interesting. When we were answering the questions, I felt a perfect witness in my heart. I realized that this was my life, and I saw my perfect witness as my connection with the energy body. My witness is as important to me as the air – I feel it in my heart. And when we were in the green room, I felt my witness with my back and with my whole being. I’m grateful to have him. Thank you.

    * * *

    A witness takes good care of everything that happens in a practice. I felt sober and strong today. My attention was 100%. When we were in the green room. feeling with our backs, I had a fever and back pain that I still feel. And when we stood back-to-back, our circle was like a gas burner with a blue flame in the center. I could see all of us, and it was raining outside the window.

    * * *

    When the class began, I was in a nasty mood, but I bravely kept on practicing. My witness needs to be balanced, not too long-winded, and shouldn’t freak out at my stories. When we were in the green room, I couldn’t settle down within the group. I finally concentrated, and felt like I was facing a door. I did the magical passes diligently, and suddenly I felt someone’s back in the circle and my back just merged with that feeling. It was a man’s back. Then I got up from the floor, catching my breath with surprise. I enjoyed it very much. It was becoming dusk outside the window, and I saw naked trees. After we opened our eyes and stood up, I felt a vibration in my whole body. And I still feel the warmth from our circle. It was a wonderful practice. This surprises me because I had thought I wouldn’t be able to get over that mood. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we were dreaming ourselves in the room, I saw a big ball – we were a big ball of energy.

    * * *

    I had the feeling I stopped being my own enemy. My witness is a person who helps me grow and rejoices in my growth. This is a person I can open up to, who accepts me. He’s unconcerned about my personal story. When we were standing back-to-back, I felt that each one of us was helping the others be in the room. Each of us was helping the others get closer. When I looked out the window, the birches looked surreal. They were pulsing with the movement of the wind. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today’s practice was a very strong one for me. I’ve just come to myself. My witness is an experienced practitioner who can look at things objectively. In this practice I got a particular feeling, and now it’s a certainty, about the kind of witness I should be, about how I should listen to people. Thank you.

    * * *

    For me the perfect witness starts with myself, with when I can be a perfect witness. Today I’ve highlighted two points: listen to myself and be attentive to myself and to others. When we went to our green room, I had an incredibly powerful feeling in my back. There was a circle of a lot of practitioners, and then the circle got so big it wouldn’t fit in the room anymore. It was really interesting to do the magical passes together and sense everyone with my shoulders. I knew they were my witnesses, that we had one purpose and one agreement. This was so important to me. I did the passes while I said these new words: “I listen to myself, I’m attentive to myself and to others.” It filled me with enthusiasm. When we were hanging in the air, I saw no difference between standing on the ground and floating in the air. When I directed my attention out the window, I felt the trees. They were really ready to bloom, they were waking up, the sap was starting to flow in all their inner channels. I saw the trees were intending foliage.

    * * *

    My back’s still hot! 🙂 Thank you!

    * * *

    During the practice I began to feel that something was pushing inside of me and wanted to get out. This was a new and strange feeling. Then, at the end of the practice, this feeling came over me and I realized this strong feeling was LOVE, love for our group, love for people, for the earth and the world, love for my energy body, love for everything. Thank you all! This is so beautiful and inspiring.

    * * *

    At the end of the practice, I felt like I was split in two. One part of me was as small as a pore, and the other part grew to the size of the room, then a house, and it kept on growing. My little part was shocked and frightened by such growth.

    * * *

    When practitioners started sharing their results from the practice, I listened to them from this state: I heard them from a small part of myself, but it was large (it’s hard to explain), and for the first time I didn’t analyze what they were saying. I didn’t see images of what they were talking about, I just listened and felt their words fill me as if they were VITAL to me. It was their words that helped me stay in this wonderful state. And there was one moment when a practitioner was talking, and I felt that if she stopped talking I’d die on the spot.

    * * *

    When I came to the practice, I planned to figure out what my perfect witness would be, and at the end I felt what kind of witness I should be myself.

    * * *

    I had an interesting dream yesterday. When I was in the green room, I sensed our group and saw people as dark silhouettes, like shadows, but with form and substance. I felt with my back, as we were cooperating with each other, that we were all different, and each one of us gave something unique to the circle. When we were doing the passes, I felt as if something in the circle, (the something that everyone brought to it), thickened and became homogeneous. And when we stood shoulder-to-shoulder and started talking about our intent, this something gently ignited and burned with a blue flame. We were like a gas burner! Very cool, and I’ve been feeling the heat in my back for quite a while.

    * * *

    * * *

    Thurs, Apr 25, 2013 Weekly Practice

    The practice was really cool, and I didn’t sweat how a lot of things could go wrong. First, the sports complex was closed, but we practiced anyway. 🙂 Second, the laptop battery could have run down at any time, but it worked till the end. Third, people sometimes fell out of the general chat, but I didn’t worry about it, and we kept on practicing. There was little inner dialog, and practitioners seemed to behave more consciously than usual (I mean, we did passes with great attention). Marina led the practice perfectly, like a warrior – she was sublimely calm. It was new for me to practice in a state of silence. I tried to focus on feeling, not thinking, so as to begin and end movements at specific moments. There was magic in this practice 🙂 And even though it was late, we arranged this practice very responsibly. I feel we experienced the practice and honestly expressed our opinions, and we agreed that Dima would make his own arrangements. I mean it was really an internal agreement. Thank you! 🙂

    * * *

    I have a tremendous amount of energy now – my voice is even vibrating with energy. Right now I feel like I could push the earth. And I’m going to practice with my witness now, and I feel really ready for it. Thank you.

    * * *

    Thank you for the wonderful practice. My witness previously gave me the task of taking certain steps in a difficult situation of mine, but I didn’t really know what to do. And in today’s practice I saw specific steps for how and what I will do.

    * * *

    Up till now I had completely stopped paying attention to recapitulating my relationship. Now, my intention to do it is back. Thank you.

    * * *

    I feel my energy body, joy and warmth. Today I’m going to recapitulate.

    Fri, Apr 26, Recapitulation

    I didn’t expect to be so affected that I would cry. I was able to enter into the scene and see something new – a new direction for me to work on. Thanks a lot to my witness.

    * * *

    As a result of my recapitulation, I’ve found a new view on an event I experienced 14 years ago. I was commanding a military aircraft and, at high altitude, almost to the ceiling, . Because of the second flight navigator’s mistakes, I had to unfasten my safety belt, go to where he was, and do everything for him. All this happened quite suddenly. This scene has been causing me mental stress for a long time. Today I could enter into deep silence and remember every detail of the event that has caused me so much anxiety for so many years. Now, as I look at this calmly, I feel confident and I can see that man’s gratitude. I’m so glad my witness could help me. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today, an hour before class, I sat and recapitulated. My shirt was soaked from the tears that just flowed from my eyes. I’m on a mission to find and recapitulate various painful scenes where my mother treated me really strangely. In my recapitulation I try to look at things beyond my inner dialog – beyond my dialog and my Mother’s dialog. I look instead at what unites us. I discover new words and new views – things I’ve never seen before, of course. I write everything down and then I tell my witness.

    * * *

    When the witness was telling me about his scene, I felt how much these two people loved each other. And all this was confirmed in their new view and new words. It’s really a strong relationship and a very strong love. I felt this.

    * * *

    I absorbed the sense of confidence my narrator had at the end of the practice. There is power in every situation, and I want to interact with this power, rather than do my ego’s bidding. That’s what I got out of this practice. Thank you.

    * * *
    * * *

    Sat, Apr 27, Walk in silence

    I was taking a walk when silence came over me, and I realized I have everything I need. I am grateful to Spirit for my life – this amazing gift. I am grateful to my witnesses for being with me, and I want to give all my attention to their perfection. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today, during my walk, I felt how much care my body requires. I need to listen constantly to what my body is telling me. I see how I have to trust my body’s awareness and strive for integrity. Thank you.

    * * *

    I felt the plants around me when I was walking. I felt their mood when some kind of wave came over me. I sat down and realized that I could feel all around me. I turned into pure perception, and I could sense a great deal. It was pure harmony. It’s a great happiness to be your true self.

    * * *

    During the walk, I looked at the water in the river and at the forest. I saw remnants of ice in some places, and a sense of peace came over me. I felt good and calm – my mood lifted. A desire emerged in me to go anywhere, just to see a new path. Now I’m in a really pleasant state, and I feel my energy level is high. Thank you.

    * * *

    At first I thought something was wrong with me, that I was doing something wrong. But when we did the magical passes I realized I was all right. And when I went out for a walk, I was struck by the many sounds coming from all sides. As I walked, the sounds all merged into one. I walked, and peace came to my mind.

    * * *

    It’d been raining that morning in Moscow, but when I went out, the sun was shining. I felt a renewal in nature and in people. I went to the park and my mind went bank – breathing with my steps was really helpful. I had no idea about a perfect witness, so I went to my tree, hoping it would give me a clue. And this is what came out of that silence: a perfect witness is when we understand each other without words, when we feel each other from a distance, when I know exactly when he wants to talk to me. His voice and intonation are important to me – all this matters. I cheered up right away, and serenity and detachment came over me. I’m now in a very good, harmonious state. Thank you.

    * * *
    * * *

    Sun, Apr 28, View from inner silence

    I was particularly impressed by the practice on Tuesday, when we were in the audience. I felt an incredible surge of energy, and I’m still feeling it. I said on Tuesday that my back was hot – I felt it even when I woke up in the middle of the night and the next morning. About a perfect witness: I’ve benefitted from practicing with my witness, and a lot has come to me during these practices.

    Something incredible happened to me this week: I lay down after work, and I was right at the point between sleeping and waking. Different pictures passed before my eyes, and suddenly I saw an image of the group at home in Ukhta, when we were in a café in St. Petersburg, and just today I was at the very same café. This picture was absolutely clear and real. When I sat up in bed, I felt a strong vibration in my arms and legs – all over. My dream was similar to other visions I’ve had practicing in our group.

    * * *

    I’ve been practicing with this group for a month, and it’s been a great week. One day I came home and asked myself about the recapitulation. I did magical passes and suddenly my body started moving involuntarily, my hands and feet, and I decided not to resist but to surrender to this movement. At some point I became really hot. Then I lay down and slumped into a state where I followed various situations in my life – I remembered a whole lot of scenes. It was as if some curtain had opened, the curtain that had restricted my ability to see. I had a lot of attention, I was very organized, and my body was very tough. I spent about three hours in that state. All my life assembled itself into something clear for me. I gathered what it was and where it was coming from.

    This has been a very conscious day for me. I was in a great mood and everything was fine after the recapitulation practice. My spirits were high. In this mood I got on the bus and saw a boy who was about 10 years old. He had blue eyes, but everything around him was dim. He was very bright, and it seemed to me there was something unusual about him. And I was overwhelmed by ATTENTION – I heard a huge number of sounds, so much . . . everything around me was clear and bright, and I was so amazed. And then I was just immobilized in silence; it was hard to speak and think. I could only hear and perceive. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve paid a lot of attention to recapitulation this week. We did recapitulation every day. I’ve got friendly feelings and gratitude for my witnesses. My body’s getting more sensitive. For example, on Saturday I felt how the Earth was conscious. And my body is able to perceive in itself. The consciousness of my body is like the awareness of the Earth. I’ve seen in silence how the body is aware of sounds: it repeats them, repeats their vibration inside. I’ve had a lot of discoveries, and even a conscious dream. It’s all very interesting and inspiring. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a difficult situation at work at the beginning of this week. One day a message came to me in a dream, and the dream was filled with a special mood. Somehow, I began to act in that mood – I let go of the situation at work and stopped taking everything further. This is a state where everything is equal. And there was an amazing lightness, and the problem was solved by itself. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I’ve started to interact with men differently. My pattern is to flirt unconsciously with men, so I’m just a sex object for them. This week I turned on a different intention, and I’ve noticed a dramatic change. There is a marked change in their attitude towards me. Men look at me differently because I’m getting another . . . my assemblage point has moved to the position of my witness – it’s the position of determination, and I am now full of determination to continue delving into my recapitulation. Thanks to my witness.

    * * *

    This week I came across a note on the Internet: “We cannot change the way we started, but we can change how we end up.” Looking at it, I realized this person hasn’t done the recapitulation. If he had, the phrase would sound like this: “We can change the way we started, and then there is a journey that has no end.”

    I had a breakthrough in my recapitulation this week – I’ve never done what I did this week. I just started following the recommendations that I’d not followed before. I wrote as I recapitulated, and the main thing I wrote were new words and new actions. It was so powerful that I was really shocked and cried a lot, cried like a baby. Then I shared the same scenes with my 4 witnesses to be sure I was seeing something new. I’m so happy that with each new step I can see more. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I found the perfect witness. He has a lot of faces, and thanks to him I’ve found such wonderful views. I can forgive and understand a man I’ve hated more than 9 years; I can make a declaration of love to my mother, and recognize and respect her religion. It’s been very inspiring to me to keep on working – after Saturday’s practice, silence started coming to me like never before. There’s never been so much peace and stillness in my life. It’s just amazing, and fills me with happiness. My energy has become really fluid; I feel inspiration, happiness, flow, positive. Thank you.

    * * *

    My recapitulation started with a bang this week. On Tuesday I saw a perfect witness, as it should be. On Thursday I realized that my intention to have a perfect witness meant I had to be a perfect witness. Here and now. And during the recapitulation I tried very hard to be that kind of witness. It was very interesting and I learned a lot. I’ve been doing a lot of magical passes, and have intended the Spirit to come to me, and recently I’ve seen a manifestation of the Spirit. It’s been an indescribable week of stalking and recapitulation. Thanks so much.

    * * *

    I am very grateful. Over the last month, and over the last week, I’ve been struggling. It’s been a real struggle. It’s important for me to realize once again that I’m so thankful to the group and to the witness who’s helped me recapitulate. Thank you.

  109. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia

    Theme of the week: Enticing the Energy Body

    Moving towards the stars and passing through the ” YES-moments”, we came to the openness. To be in a state of openness is the first step to realization of the Energy Body. Now our group consists of 24 practitioners. These are people who want to change themselves and do recapitulation more than 5 times a week. Our practice is open to all and we look forward to seeing you in our classes.

    *** *** ***

    Tue, Apr 16, 2013. Tracking the Energy

    To attract the energy body, I realize myself and calm down. As my energy body said, I need silence. I am now looking for a state of silence and peace.

    * * *

    To attract the energy body, I relaxed, closed my eyes and felt peace. Today the whole practice was in that mood. The place we were looking for is related to the peace and silence, I feel so well there that nothing more is needed. Thank you.

    * * *

    I feel calm, detached, there is less of ego now.

    * * *

    When we went on a trip, I saw myself in two places. One was a park alley in Krasnodar, the other – Don Juan’s bench in Tula. When I sat down on this bench, I felt like everything inside of me stood still. The feeling of peace and tranquility. I was very present and active. And in Tula and Krasnodar I had the same state. And I want to take this state in everyday life. Thank you.

    * * *

    I want to say that today, as never before I have a lot of energy. In my body I could feel the vibration, some expansion, pulsation, a lot of silence. Thank you.

    * * *

    I feel my energy body when I’m in silence and a regular stream of different things to do interrupts. I cannot find enough words to express these feelings. I discovered today that I need pauses during the day, just to wake up the Energy Body. Today I saw a white room, and a very beautifully moving ballerina. This picture has led me to a connection with myself. This new image was more smoother, more harmonious – I do not know where it came from, I have never studied ballet. It was a very profound experience. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I realized my absolute stupidity. My stupidity surrounds me everywhere and tells me what to do and points me at everything around, and it talks and talks, talks, talks. I saw myself in a place where I often go. I like the energy there. I saw myself standing aside from the glowing ball of energy, and for some reason energy was flowing into the ball, but not into me. I asked myself “Why am I not there?” The next moment I was right inside the ball. The body felt lightness. I became getting full and clean. As if something was leaving the body, something useless which used to hinder me. Therefore, I am going to keep tracking my internal dialogue and pay attention to my energy body. I am going to do gestures for it and show it that I am here.

    * * *

    When we were writing down the first question, I wrote that I was filled with the knowledge and was opened, and I can and want to listen. Now I realize that this is my completely opposite side – I do not like to listen. Then I realized that I am aware while I were looking around. When we were writing down, I saw a place in my city – the bridge, but did not pay attention to this, although this bridge was standing in front of my eyes like a picture. When I went to the bridge, the weather was bad and I decided to change it to a sunny day. Then I saw the seasons changing one by one and it was happening at high speed. I just stood there and watched the time running around me. It was like a fast-scrolling movie. Then I looked away and saw the houses rising from the ground replacing each other.

    * * *

    At every Tensegrity seminar, new awareness comes to me and every time in different way. Today in this class, I saw two directions. In my life there are always these two roads and they diverge every second. One road is awareness. Another road – a road of nonexistence, which leads nowhere. It used to be very hard to notice the road that leads to awareness, but now it is becoming easier and easier to distinguish this two paths. Now I always see the signs on this road, the direction is written on those signs (like in the book by Carlos Castaneda, how to get to the town of Ixtlan), but now I know which way I want to take. This class gave me more self-confidence.

    *** *** ***

    Thu, Apr 18, 2013 Weekly Practice

    Yesterday before practice, I had a sleepy state, and did not really want to do anything. I began to diligently do the practice and keep myself in the present moment. Energy were coming to me in the middle of the practice. I loved the moments of silence very much. I realized that in such moments we feel a connection with our energy body. While hugging my energy body, I felt its density and felt the care and love for it. After the practice, I felt fresh and clean energy and the state of aloofness. In this mood, I made ​​recapitulation of the scene and was able to emotionally enter into it, and I was able to see what else I still have to recapitulate in it. I realized that after practices in a group, the recapitulation goes easier and I would recommend everyone to try it because after practices you are already in a state of emptiness and lack of inner dialogue. Thanks to the facilitators for this great practice!

    * * *

    When I came to work, I just went crazy. I opened my phone and read the new view there, which came to my witness yesterday during the practice. I realized that these pieces of paper have the power, because I saw the scene and realigned at my work in different way. I became the mistress of the situation and began to control it. I was stunned by this discovery, I even sighed with relief. Thank you.

    *** *** ***

    Fri, Apr 19, 2013 Recapitulation

    Today my recapitulation touched the very depths of my patterns. The situation with a man, whose attitude towards me I could not take as sincere and honest, gave me pain and guilt in front of him, even though there was no objective reason. In this situation, I suddenly understood the feeling of my energy body, which has experienced the discomfort and tightness that caused me pain and I could not understand why I was feeling so bad at that moment. Words, thoughts, feelings – nothing could not explain to me why something inside me is resisting and has its “opinion” that contradicts even my feelings, which I usually relied on in a difficult situation. This caused a physical pain in my back. Recapitulation revealed my inner dialogue in which my body is “screaming” that it is tired and needs rest, that selfishness of my beloved man has no bounds, and I feel guilty and “driven into corner” because of the constant moving from one city to another. I felt pity for myself, but I felt obliged to reassure my husband of my feelings and that constantly made me annoyed.

    New View – I’m free from guilt towards men, I’m not afraid of men’s opinions about me, they have that right. I love myself, and I release myself from guilt, I let myself be free. I can easily and happily love myself for who I am and give my love in a way I can and I want to.

    My recapitulation is not finished yet, but I’m grateful to the feelings of the energy body, which “rebelled” against my own behavior.

    Thanks for a new recapitulation practice in the group, it helped me find a new sensation, and other people’s words helped me to formulate some important aspects.

    Thank you.

    * * *

    The situation was about me arguing with mother, I was angry with her ​​and strove for her recognition of my rightness.

    New view: For me, the my mother’s good mood, her joy and our good relationship is more important than the recognition of my rightness. She can have her own opinion. I leave it untouched. I love my mother with all my heart, I am grateful to her for sharing her opinions with me. The only thing that I can lose while attentively listening to her is my own stupidity, and I’m happy to lose stupidity. In her opinion there are a lot of valuable things to me. She wants my approval, and I can easily give it to her. I was offended when the practitioner who led the practice said that someone had spoken out of their ego. I took it personally. And after practice, I examined this scene, first with one witness and then with another. And after witnessing my heart became more opened. I realized that a dispute with her can only bring us pain, so I’ll leave her outlook on life on her option.

    * * *

    Yesterday I did a witness practice. The other day I had a difficult scene. I broke up with a man I used to have close relationship with. When he realized that he lost me, he decided to threaten me and blackmail. He lost control of himself. During the practice it turned out that I choose the men in my life with initially ‘difficult fate’, trying to ‘save’ them from their problem life. Thanks to the witness I found out the pattern, but could not remember where it came from. For me it was a huge relief to find a new view and realize that I can’t help this man – only he can do, and he has his own way. He had a choice and he had chosen, it is up to him to decide how to live, but not to me. And he will not be lost without me, because he lived somehow before.

    Today I’ve had another practice with another witness, I was considering the connection between my father and this man trying to find what unites them both. And I saw where I got this pattern. As a child, when I was about 10-12 years, I “rescued” my father from alcoholism by catching him in different taverns and leading him home. I was sorry for him and thought he would be lost without me, that there is no one to save him but me, but this example was given to me by my mother. She searched for him in different garages, and dragged home. Then I took over from her this ‘honorable’ mission. I feel pleasure from practice and from the fact that I found something new. I love my father the way he is, and I do not demand anything from him. I believe that my new view will not let me make a mistake next time. I’m grateful to witnesses for their help.

    * * *

    When we did magical passes, I realized that the Spirit gave me a challenge and I accepted the challenge and became stronger and better thanks to it. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I had an interesting practice. A practice during the practice. My mother burst into my room during my classes and it ticked me off. I changed the body position and saw that my mom is just my mom. Instead of changing her, it’s better to change myself. My mom is just wonderful, I love her very much and I know that it is possible to negotiate with her, and I know how to come to an agreement. Thank you.

    * * *

    I totally disagree with a girl. She tyrannizes me. Once we made magical passes, I saw her differently. I admired her, she is a perfect warrior, she is uncompromising, she shows me where I need to focus my attention on for the recapitulation.

    * * *

    I have a habit of interrupting people. Dialogue: ‘why don’t they give me to say…’ In the situation I started talking at the same time with the one who was speaking without waiting until he stops, I was behaving weird. After the magical passes I calmed down, there was more silence and now I want to be just an observer of the scene. Thank you.

    * * *

    I considered the scene with a person who didn’t not give me back a large sum of money. I had a lot of internal dialogue about it. After the magical passes, I realized that it wasn’t my problem. Now I feel calm. Thank you.

    * * *

    He has no right to treat me like that. He is a liar, and I’m not careful, since it happened to me. After the passes: he does what he does – I just observe what is happening. After passes: I feel a connection with the world, I am part of the world, the silence outside and inside me ….

    *** *** ***

    Sat, Apr 20, 2013 A Walk in Silence

    I was walking and nothing was happening, but then a couple gripped my attention, huge tall guy and a little girl, who was hiding behind him from the wind. Then, at the practice, we have come to the conclusion that this was an important sign for me. I am to deal with it. Thank you.

    * * *

    I hit my finger yesterday and today on the walk I had to go very slowly, being aware of every step. In general, it is not typical for me to walk slowly. And today I realized my pattern – I’ll do everything by myself… I do not like to receive help. I think that I get dependent accepting any help. When I hit my finger, even a thought of seeing a doctor did not come to my mind ….. and today I realized that I need help. I just stopped and said to infinity that I accept help when I need it. In this case, the doctor’s help, and in case of recapitulation – the help of a witness, which I often do not receive. I accept only those things that I agree with. Now I feel relieved. Thank you.

    * * *

    For me to come to the energy body is to act beyond my own ego. During the walk I wrote that it is much easier to live in a state of silence than in a state of ego. The ego takes all my attention and recapitulation helps me get rid of it, to go beyond the ego. I realized that to act beyond self-interest is not so difficult. I feel very relaxed now. Thank you.

    * * *

    Here in Ukhta we have a bad weather. I was walking down the street thinking how much I need to get rid off doing recapitulation. At some point I stopped and felt the heat in the knees. The legs were knee-deep in the warm. Head felt as it was missing, as if it absent. Shivers ran over the body.

    * * *

    I went outside, walked literally 50 meters. The weather was nasty. I decided to go back into the front door and began to write, because new thoughts just overwhelmed me, and now I see that my life is made of challenges and gratitude for the fact that I have these challenges. I felt connected with everything around. This was the essential part of this walk. I felt like the universe supports me. It is very important to me.

    *** *** ***

    Sun, Apr 21, 2013 A View from Silence

    At the beginning of the week a friend of mine came to me with her child. The girl lied down on the bed and suddenly said “the birds are singing”…. I did not understand, I could hear the TV in the next room, the sounds from neighbors, cars in the street, but I could not hear any birds. And I almost forgot about this case, but in the morning when I was doing magical passes I suddenly heard that the birds were not just singing …. they drowned all other sounds. Now I wonder how it’s possible that I could not hear it before ….

    This week I started to recapitulate a scene that put me out of balance and it was good for me. It was hard for me so I recapitulated this scene every day. I realized the important thing – what ‘to have a pure intention’ is. The point is that every our impulse is influenced by patterns of behavior. For example, I want to have a harmonious relationship with a man, and I think that I do all that is need to be done …. as a result of the recapitulation, I see that my sincere desire is mixed with pile of garbage. Now I see that if my pure intention is not working, so it is not as pure as I think, and I have to change something. For me, the result of recapitulation is that I cease to react not only in this scene, but in all similar scenes in my life. And I know that I can go further. Thank you.

    * * *

    Whole week I have been sliding into ‘out of alignment’ body position. I wrote down my inner dialog and managed to bring my energy body closer. When that was happening, I saw that in fact there are no problems. And today my witness and I developed new steps for me; I was invited to the restaurant and instead of staring around and behaving usually, I was expressing my new intention every time while I was chewing my meal – I love myself, I listen to myself, I know what I want. Amazing, but I was doing it for the whole evening. First, I was aware, I felt what I was eating, taste and enjoyed that a lot. After dinner I felt that I treat with respect not only myself, but others, too – I liked it very much. Now I feel that I aware and I want to be in this state as long as possible.

    * * *

    I had a dream on Tuesday. I thought a lot about upcoming workshop in September in the Crimea and I saw myself as if I was there, I really felt the mood of the seminar. Also, while I was making my recapitulation list, names of people that I couldn’t remember came up in a dream. It is very useful to lead a navigator’s journal in my practice. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a very eventful week. I received a lot of information about my financial well-being. I became more attentive to people, no matter what opinion of me they express, – I listen to them. I became more open, and yesterday’s Cleargreen class showed me that this openness helps a lot, especially if people are mutually opened. Thank you.

    * * *

    At work I suddenly understood that if I will not thank a person, this opportunity may never rise again. I thanked the man and this moment was like a beam of light for both of us. That moment my inner dialog stopped and I understood the importance of gratitude.

    On Thursday I understood that I want to gaze clouds and I did so after the practice. And it brought me a sense of real peace. Also I went to a place which I dreamt of on Tuesday. When I came there I immersed in the state of peace and silence. All problems were gone and it is great to have such a place to go in dream and being awake. Thank you.

    * * *

    Changes are happening to me. I understood that I treated lots of things irresponsibly. My inner dialog was obvious before, and now it started to play hide-and-seek with me and it is interesting to stalk it. I began to feel my body, feet, arms, not very well, but I did. The main thing I understood this week is my responsibility for my intention. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I understood what is intensity. Our practices enlarge this intensity. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’m working on my personal relationships currently. I noticed that I began to feel my energy body. I feel it on physical and energetically level. I noticed that I began to treat criticism easier, I found it very interesting. Thank you.

    * * *

    On Tuesday, during the warming-up I immersed more and more in the state of silence. And when I sat down on the bed, I felt myself so much here and now so visual images began to change (colours got brighter and were pulsing). The more I am silent, the more I feel myself here and now. Silence inside attracts my energy body. And I can do that during the day, in order to do one more step to energy body. At work while sitting at the computer, I can open myself to inner silence or to stop suddenly emerged judgments about people with whom I interact and just to be more attentive to them.

    In my dream I was back at the beach of bright night city where I can get in first attention, though this time I wasn’t alone there, I was with her.
    On Thursday, just one word, just one thought came to me as an answer to a question «What do I want to pay attention to in order to bring my energy body closer» – Recapitulation.

  110. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: My promises

    Many practitioners of our group are actively recapitulating, for this reason, they realized not in name, what is the meaning of A Perfect Witness. And then we are going into the topic “My promises”, because it is a subject that permeates every conceivable interaction between us, as a people, at all levels. Perhaps, you’ll notice that this issue requires close attention. Enjoy your journey into the world of understanding with us.

    *** ***

    Tue, Apr 30, 2013 Tracking Energy.

    At today’s practice I saw what intentions I had formed in the past and what intentions I formed when I started to practice, when I decided to change something in my life. There was the entire research. At the end of practice, I gave myself a new promise – to be happy, being present in my life. At the end of practice, this came to me – to be free after my death, I should be free in my life. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I thought about all the promises I remembered, I moved into a situation where I had promised myself to live no matter what. When I fulfill these promises, I don’t think about myself, so I say this way to Spirit that I just keep going. Breathing with the music, I was in a protected position, when nothing could do harm to me there. Neither to my energy, nor to my awareness. I was a baby looking at the world from my cradle. And at this moment a connection with my deepest intention recovered – what I am doing in this world … I’m just making my awareness brighter, the awareness which is already present here. Coming deeper, I was in darkness and emptiness, unthinkingness. Then, I began to intend to what I’ve dreamed recently in my life – to be happy, healthy, and what kind of people I surround myself with. Slowly the joy began to increase in my heart, and I stayed in this wonderful position. It was great. Thank you.

    * * *

    A couple of weeks ago, I asked myself the question… Here I am, doing Tensegrity, and I want to change, what if it is another fitting a mask. And an enlightenment came to me: to change does not mean to become a different person or change your image. To change – it’s just to be sincere, be yourself. Really yourself. I covered three pages with writing in my diary on this topic. Today in the practice, I was faced with a situation of promises when I had to determine upon a course of action for myself. And when I heard today that every man has his own concept of perfection, I knew immediately – my perfection is unconditional sincerity. When we plunged into silence, at first there was just black emptiness, and then I saw the facilitator. Thank you.

    * * *

    In a moment of silence, I found myself sitting on a rock. My back was completely straight. A stream was passing through me. I had absolute faith in myself and confidence. Then I saw as I recapitulated, and then I was picked up by a flow and I flew. Thank you.

    * * *

    In moments of silence, I completely lacked dialogue. I liked this state very much. First there was black with amber waves. Then, pictures of nature ran before my eyes. My soul was filled with joy. I also saw myself drawing a picture on the wall. It was very good.

    * * *

    The promises that have meaning for me, were formed in childhood. When I was little, I promised to love the world, love yourself and love all around. And so I was – easy going, hugging everybody… and everybody loved me. Then I got lost, and lost a contact with the source, a connection with the inner silence… Right now I’m recovering this connection – everything I have promised. Immersing in silence, I initially did not know what to do. I just focused on the our practice’s topic and on what I wrote today in my diary. Suddenly I found myself in a place of my childhood. I saw my mother there. I ran to her and hugged her. As well, I saw my grandparents, who were madly in love with me, I came up and hugged them also. And then, suddenly there were all my relatives I know. Everyone, who are here and who are no longer with us. And I hugged them, one by one. Then we all joined our hands together and began to spin in a circle. We just circled and circled counterclockwise…

    *** ***

    Thur. May 2, Weekly practice.

    I recalled a situation from my childhood, when my parents were divorcing. At that time I made the judgment that one of my parents was bad. And I’ve been bearing it to this day. Today, from the silence, I’ve seen that my mom is not bad, she just sees the world differently. In my heart I feel that she loves me. I love her as well. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a situation where I did not want to go on a trip, but went. I’ve seen that the situation ran in a state of total unconsciousness. This happens to me often, when I go against myself, conceal this and then keep talking to myself for a long time. This makes me feel worse, and others, too. In my recapitulation, I explained my position to this man and I felt good. Now I feel more confident. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I split with a girl, I felt panic and fear. I did not know what to do. And in a fit of panic, I gave her a bunch of promises that did not bring me joy. Today I’ve found new words for her, from inner silence, and new words for myself. Now I let you go I build my world anew, I give promises, the fulfillment of which brings me joy. And you just forgive me. Thank you.

    * * *

    My promises: I will never consult anyone; everything I choose for myself, and I will do as I want. At the end of the practice, I realized that I wanted to become more open. It’s much better to act from this position. Thank you.

    Fri. May 3. The recapitulation, practice with the witness

    Talking to witnesses the situation, I felt my energy returning. Now I feel like a child, I feel good and relaxed. Thank you.

    * * *

    A very important aspect of Tensegrity – to continue. Many of us have an “A student” pattern, in other words, if we came to a practice and did something wrong or if something does not work – that means everything’s bad, and we have to drop out of practicing. That’s not true at all. Typically, this condition is seen in those who does not want to move forward, and does not want to change his current situation. Today I want to say THANK YOU to those who has not succeeded at the practice – because now you have the base to move forward and this material will help you to rise above yourselves. This is our challenge and all we have to do is to say to yourselves – I intend to sort out the situation, that’s that.

    * * *

    I fear that I haven’t gotten the job finished in time. I’m expecting some problems and wind myself up more and more. And today, I’ve seen that it is possible to bring back the joy and ease in my actions. I open up to the world and the world opens up to me and helps me. After the magical passes, I remembered how I played in childhood, how I rode a bicycle, going deeply into freedom. This childish mood has returned to me. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve been recapitulating relationships with the opposite sex for a long time. I have good results and I’m happy about it, but there’s always something to work on… A misunderstanding has happened with my loved one today. I just could not understand what she wants from me. As we have the energy to be together and we’ve learned to feel each other and the situation in general, we did something right at the “fire” moment. I suddenly found a wide view, I was alert. And suddenly I began to speak, in a calm voice… speak and speak. Then we decided just to get up and do the magical passes. Although it was impossible to imagine that we can do it up to this moment. We did the magical passes for two – three minutes. After that our perception changed. Completely changed. We saw each other differently. We saw what attracts us to each other – something important to us. All disagreements, and all that I could not understand, dissolved in the air. I was able to say YES in this situation.

    *** ***

    Sat. May 4, Walk in silence

    While walking, I saw that my parents in my childhood smothered me with their authority and the problem was not that I lost my external freedom, but that I lost my inner freedom. I fully shifted responsibility for my actions onto them. I was afraid to do things on my own – they’re smarter than me, they knew best. My new promises are – to rely on myself, my own nature, my energy body. Respect the authority of my parents, but pave the way to my heart. Believe in myself. And when I went into this dream and said these words, I realized that life was a good thing. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a dream in my childhood – to be a pilot. When I was ten, I drew a jet plane and decided to become a pilot. By the way, this picture is still hanging in there. That dream stroke me into the marrow. I even had dreams I was flying and I saw all around, feeling the wind. While going to school, I applied to a flight school and became a pilot. I flew on different military jet aircrafts. Eventually, my dream has come true and now I have another dream… Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve made a promise always to be with my parents, take care of them, do not leave them. Now I see that I can help them when needed, but not be tied, and live my own life. I can always help them, but the most important thing for me right now is to build my own life.

    *** ***

    Sun. May 5, A view from inner silence

    I am glad that I have such an evolutionary effective opportunity of practicing in a group, with witnesses, whom and what I previously did not really even trust – or rather, did not understand, did not know. Many thanks to my witnesses! Many thanks to our group!

    * * *

    The promise I made at the practice on Thursday – to love the people, to open my heart to them, to give them my love. An old promise was – “I’m a warrior, I am fighting with religion”. And my new actions were – I greeted my mother an Easter and we exchanged a triple kiss very nicely. We enjoyed this and we said YES to each other.

    * * *

    I remembered the promise that I did not want to interact with society, but pay attention only to the spiritual space. After the recapitulation, I saw that the social media was the perfect place to improve my life. If I adjust my life here, I’ll be able to adjust the spiritual space then. I gave myself a promise to set up my life. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week, the universe opened up to me from my promises every day. I saw that there were conscious promise that I had forgotten. There are unconscious promises also forgotten. But anyway, something’s happening to these promises later. On Tuesday I saw what to do with conscious promises, and on Thursday – with the unconscious. It was very effective. And I want to say that now I’m going on the way of the heart. And all that trails from my past – is for the recapitulation. I am sure that I’m going on the way of the heart now.

  111. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: Hearing the Inner Seer

    Our promises are closely connected to our relationships with others – our partners, relatives and ourselves. As we move forward and connect energetically with the seminar in Mexico, we will focus on what we hear from our inner seers. Thus we continue to explore ourselves and the path that brings us closer to an awareness of the Energy Body.

    Tue, may 7, 2013 Tracking Energy

    A wonderful practice. I love Tuesday practices. When we were immersed in silence, I saw a long-haired girl running across a field of forget-me-nots toward the sun. I felt the heat in my own body – physical boundaries dissolved and I was just warm. And I saw many, many people in this state – relatives friends, etc. They were just strung out in front of me, and all of the laughed or smiled. This picture fascinated me so much that I almost didn’t want to leave it. With my third immersion in silence, I just fell asleep.

    ***

    As I plunged into silence several times, I saw strong love for the girlfriend I’ve had recent misunderstandings with. I didn’t experience the feeling as thoughts but as heat – I really could feel this. With the next immersion in silence I saw rays coming out of the center of my chest – they were white, scattered rays, and all these rays were inside my room. The brightest beam was directed at the computer (this was an online practice). Thank you.

    ***

    I really liked the combination of magical passes. When we did them I got a new view of a situation I haven’t recapitulated yet. Thank you.

    ***

    Today I felt a unifying force. It was so interesting, and I was trying to understand why I was so interested. I remembered a passage from Carlos Castaneda’s book, and then I felt a surge in my heart and a red mist that pulsated. Thank you.

    ***

    I am grateful for this profound journey. At first I just observed my thoughts while we were doing the magical passes. When we sat down I started witnessing them even stronger, and my inner seer came to me. I went into a deep journey. I saw myself in different places – it was like a dream. During my third immersion in silence I realized I’d found what I’d been looking for a long time: a sense of deep peace. This condition is far removed from our reactions in the world of daily life. I liked the practice very much. It was held impeccably, steadfastly and powerfully. Thank you.

    ***

    Very good practice. I experienced such an amazing feeling for the first time. At first I observed my thoughts, and then I realized they were a voice, a powerful and penetrating voice, but I couldn’t make out what it was saying as it was in a language I didn’t know. It was like a dream.

    *** ***

    Thurs May 9, 2013 Weekly Practice

    I recapitulated a scene that happened recently. In short, someone didn’t pay me back but promised to pay me the next day. I was worried and nervous and hoped someone would take care of it for me. While practicing, I changed my body position and got more focused, which helped me see myself in a new way. I realized my pattern was to be “good”. I saw the situation was a lesson for me, and that I could strengthen my independence by addressing the problem myself. At the end of the recapitulation I got a special view, which wasn’t so much about the scene as it was about me. I saw I put a lot of importance on what happened but neglected my close friends, people who are near and support me. I was presumptuous towards them, while I could solve the troublesome problem by myself.

    *** ***

    Fri May 10, 2013 Recapitulation

    A new view came to me today after recapitulating with my witness, after we’d parted. I saw I take too much on myself, thinking I’m all-powerful (I call it my “superhero syndrome”). Up to now I’ve always thought I was a superman who could do anything, so I have always taken on too much, and this has inevitably brought me down.
    My new view is to track how much I am able to do, and what my limitations are. I will work only with what I can manage.

    ***

    At 5 AM a girlfriend called to say her husband had disappeared, that a boat with four hunters in it had tipped over on the river, and two were missing. We talked a long time and I really tuned in to the mood of the situation. By the time we finished the conversation I was ready to help, and, in a state of total concentration and intention, I tried to feel this missing person. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my solar plexus and a lack of air. Instinctively adopting fetal position, I realized with terror that the person was dead. I knew it. I went into silence (with body mapping) to calm down, and as I lay in silence, in a state of absolute rest, I saw a dissolving picture – the sky, branches. I suddenly realized I could see the sky and branches as if I were looking up out of the water. There was no fear, only understanding. The man had really died in the icy water.

    After that incident I was paralyzed with horror and fear that a vision like that could be repeated. The fear always came closer at night when I had to go to bed and close my eyes. I couldn’t deal with it. There was a clear feeling that I’d done something really foolish by going where I wasn’t invited. It’s as if I’d opened a door I couldn’t shut again, and things could come though without my permission.

    I asked a facilitator for help and he suggested I take my problem to the trees, and ask for permission to hug them and talk about my fears. So I went to the woods not far from the city. Lots of people like to walk and rest there. The forest greeted me warmly enough – I could feel such friendliness there. I looked around for the tree I wanted to interact with, and I noticed that a the birches were peeled because people had scraped their bark to light barbecues. The willows with their swelling buds had broken branches because people, desiring spring, had taken branches home to watch the leaves come out. And there were the stumps of small Christmas trees because New Years is such a fun holiday and it’s so pleasant to smell pine needles at home.

    I saw how thoughtlessly we treated nature. I was filled with pain and also gratitude for the warmth and love radiating from the trees. I cried and cried, hugging a tree and asking for its forgiveness. I felt I was being embraced rather than embracing. Something came out of me along with the tears. After a while I started feeling smooth and easy. I thanked the trees and walked away.

    In the evening, as I was going to bed, I again started to feel that creeping fear. I immediately remembered the feeling of warmth and love in the forest, and mentally clung to that image of the friendly forest when I hugged a tree. With this I had a feeling of safety, as if the picture of the forest blotted out the pictures I didn’t need.

    ***

    The first time, I told the story as if I had absolutely no awareness, as if I were not living a new life now. The second time, after settling myself into a more relaxed body position, I told the story from a perspective of responsibility. I felt new, and I saw where I’d made an irresponsible choice.

    ***

    Just retelling the story several times, I found myself in silence. Thank you.

    ***

    I had a lot of inner dialog the first time, a lot of resentment. The second time, there were more details, and the third time it was hard to tell, because I couldn’t remember exactly what the situation was, as if it had lost its importance.

    ***

    The first time I complained, the second time I started to move into an area where there was less dissatisfaction, and the third time I even remembered about gratitude. I expressed gratitude to a man who did a lot for me, but I never noticed it. I find this gratitude to be the biggest change. Thank you.

    ***

    First my witness told his story very emotionally, the second time he spoke about the details of the scene, and the third time he expressed only feelings, feelings that are in each of us – our essence. It was very cool to hear this. My other witness moved in exactly the same direction. As a result of today’s practice, I see us choosing the right direction and holding our attention in the present moment. It’s like a fisherman pulling a fish out of the water – at that moment he focuses only on the process. Thank you.

    ***

    When I told my story the first time, I felt very hurt. I fell right into the pain. The second time was easier for me – I felt the pain but by then it had left my heart. And the third time there was hardly any pain at all. I’ve found compassion and kindness towards a man at this practice. Thank you.

    ***

    After telling the story several times, I transformed my feelings into understanding, empathy and acceptance of the other person. Thanks to this practice I have seen a pattern from my childhood, which is to lord it over others without consulting their feelings. At the end of the practice I said new words to that girl from my childhood, and I realized I was heard, that my words and new awareness and attitude reached her. I’m going to tell my story over and over. Thank you.

    *** ***

    Sat, May 11, 2013 A Walk in Silence

    I crossed the line in the street and walked. I realized I didn’t have to wait for anything. Everything that was supposed to happen was already happening. And if I didn’t see anything special it didn’t matter. My inner seer was with me and I saw profound meaning in ordinary things. Everything was filled with energy.

    ***

    When I was watching a snail during a walk, I realized there is always an inner seer in us – when we sleep, eat, breathe and do whatever we want to do. It’s enough to stop for a moment and look at the world around us; we can feel this world and even hear what it wants to say. Now I feel something nice, warm and beautiful inside me.

    ***

    On today’s walk I noticed everything was alive, and that it’s all very beautiful. My inner seer says everything is alive – the Earth, nature around us, the world.

    *** ***

    Sun, May 12, 2013 A View From Silence

    I recently heard my inner seer. I had a conflict at work, so I sat at a table and wrote about it, but I couldn’t find a new view. Suddenly a voice said to me, “You’re too serious.” At that same moment the situation let go of me, and I saw it in a different light.

    ***

    During today’s practice I heard a voice but couldn’t make out the words. I realized this week that the voice of the inner seer doesn’t have to be a real voice, but it’s more like intuition, like the voice of my conscience, of my responsibility. On Thursday I examined the most irresponsible situation I’ve ever been in, which was related to alcohol – I was able to see it differently and take responsibility for it. This week I’ve been thinking a lot and talking to people about responsibility. At the moment, hearing the inner seer for me is taking responsibility and acting in accordance with my conscience. Thank you.

    ***

    This week I’ve begun to notice that I’m separated from my inner observer. It watches the world and acts independently. I’m more confused than ever, and have lost the conviction that I’m doing it right. But on the other hand, I now pay attention to things I used to ignore, and I feel this is a permanent change in me. It seems to me this observer is the inner seer. I can’t hear its voice, but I don’t have to. It’s just a presence. At the end of practice, when we were sharing our experiences, I realized that when people you know, loved ones, leave this world, whether you like it or not the world changes. We begin to look at the world and what we do with greater sobriety.

    ***

    It seems to me that I always hear the seer’s voice. I feel it constantly in the solar plexus.

    ***

    It’s not easy to maintain a new awareness, especially when the new position of the assemblage point is unusual. Right now I’m holding a new awareness, and sometimes there are situations when men try to pick me up. Previously it was hard for me to turn them down, but now I’m avoiding situations like these – I just don’t need them. And when I am faced with such situations, I see them more clearly. My inner seer comes out, and I see the beginning, the whole process up to its completion, and I understand I don’t need it. I also see what I do need, where I should go – I see what I should and shouldn’t do. Now I remain perfectly calm in those situations with men and I don’t worry about anyone’s reactions to my behavior. Before, when I was just starting to apply the results of my recapitulation, it was really hard, and my inner seer spoke to me very quietly. I was beginning to hear it, but just barely. But now everything’s OK with my seer – it just knows, so I know as well.

    ***

    My inner seer has begun to manifest in my life this week. For example, I was really angry with someone, and I was planning to tell him exactly what I thought of him. But suddenly the awareness came to me that I was responsible for what was happening and for the whole situation. So I spoke words of gratitude to him instead. In the second case, my mother asked me for help, and my dialog was that I was too busy and had no time for this. But these arguments were unconvincing to my inner seer. My dialog disappeared, and I felt a deep affection for my mother and decided to help her. This was a really good new action for me. Thank you.

  112. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Construction of Our Own World.

    Each of us wants to establish our own life. This is a career and relationships, and health, and all that we want to implement in this life. We found out that we either can not or do not want to look at some areas of our lives. We have a lot of thoughts and desires, but how to apply them in real life we don’t know. It turns out that the energy renews every spring in our group. NEW comes to us, so last spring we began to actively engage in recapitulation and got very good results. Now, we also follow the energy, and after the indescribable workshop in Mexico and the Tour to Second Attention, we’re going to construct or dream our own lives. This practice is not for a week – it will never end, as well as never end recapitulation. If you have the courage to look at it – welcome to our classes.

    Tue, May 14, 2013. Tracking the Energy

    First of all, I want to build a new relationship to everything, with the fullness of perception, as much as possible. This is the most important thing. In this new relationship or mood I talk to people easily, fearlessly, interestingly. And I go where my new attitude is calling me to go. This attitude is very similar to the state of a child. Then after practicing a magical pass: I see the childish enthusiasm of an adult, which I felt in the most powerful moment. I can see myself playing. It doesn’t matter how global is a project. I can see what a jovial man nagual Julian was. And yet, I now have a feeling of freshness in the center of my stomach, like the feeling after a light meal, which extends outwards. Thank you!

    * * *

    For me, it was a key practice. At first I thought of a healthier, happier way of life, family, etc. When the facilitator suggested to be honest and frank with ourselves, I wrote in my notebook “I am not self-confident, I’m not sure what I want and I again sit on two chairs”. After the magical passes, I went into such a magical state where I really felt my energy body. For me, the whole world stopped. When I entered the scene, I saw that I was standing in the center of the world and the whole world revolves around me. I felt confident, aligned, quiet. In this state, I saw that I can choose what I want. I won’t be chosen, but I myself will choose. Now I can not even convey the fullness that I feel now. The practice is magic, thank you very much to all.

    * * *

    At first, when we got into the silence, I chose the usual things and values. But it all seemed very uninteresting to me. And I asked myself, what if I already have it all …. And I noticed my mood. I felt full of strength, peace, knowing what I want. The most important feelings that I felt were gratitude and love. Gratitude and love for life – for all my experience, for the range of emotions that I felt, for the opportunity to realize, for the growth of awareness. I felt the warm wind and the trees around. They were special and were close to me in spirit, as if I had known them all my life. I was the person who takes care of everything around and I could feel love and gratitude. Around me were happiness, well-being and completeness. Thank you.

    * * *

    The mood of my world – I am in a state of acceptance, I give, I’m in a state of love. The second time I wrote: my world is a field of energy that I make by myself. The fact that I’m creating, transforming everything that comes into this field. If I create love, all things that are discordant with love simply disappear. The third time I was in a dream, I saw my friend and the scene around her, and I saw and knew exactly what I needed to do and say in that scene.

    * * *

    I see myself as a warming world. Next, I saw the house bathed in sunshine and heard my own happy laughter. Also, I saw a tree in the background and my family and friends in the background. They were busy with their own affairs and I felt complete peace and harmony with the world and with myself. Then I realized that I am not afraid any longer. In this state of openness, confidence, and awareness nothing negative can get into my life. I was just filled with awe. Thank you.

    * * *

    At first I wrote, like many here, that I want different benefits of this world. The second time was something quite different: I saw myself in the house, people I am close to are next to me and we practice together. I can see all of our group, you are all very bright as the light, you look like clumps of light. I feel our interaction through love. And for me it was really a key practice. I asked myself how I treat all my needs, which I wrote at the beginning of the practice. And I saw it all as very simple things, I saw how easily they come to me. Generally, all that I need comes to me easily. And what I really care about is responsibility to the others, to my entire world that I create. The third time we went into silence, I saw the nature and felt the smell of the forest. I saw the practitioners who were such wonderful people that I wanted to hug them all. Thank you.

    * * *

    I saw myself in the future in the mood of well-being, happiness, and success. I felt the space, that I keep clean, the space for practice. I protect it very much.

    * * *

    At first, my attention was directed towards myself and my surroundings. Then, when I walked into the center of it all, I wondered at what amazing, independent, and magnificent creatures are around me. They were full of awareness. It was a pleasure to interact with such creatures. Further, when we plunged into our new world, I saw the patio and it was a typical Mexican building. There I saw the Death Defier.

    * * * * * *

    Thu, May 16, 2013. Weekly practice in the hall

    I liked the practice very much. I liked the passes for the feet, I became more cheerful. I felt energy in my whole body, even in my feet, where I least feel it.

    * * *

    We are building our own world of harmony and understanding where every moment is a treasure . I see good and reliable people around me, all of them are vibrating with energy. As we stood in a circle with our backs to the center, I felt the heat and pressure of our circle. I felt a ring of protection around me. I felt protection inside and outside of our circle. It was a powerful defense.

    * * *

    In the world that I build, I support not only my own awareness, but awareness of those around me. I felt the intention to move on, go on. As we stood back to back, I felt a strong heat. Thank you.

    * * *

    As we stood in the circle the first time, I felt a special state of silence. I just felt my whole body and I did not care about anything. It was a state of peace, where there is everything and nothing more is needed. The second time, I felt a strong connection with everybody and I felt the warmth.

    * * *

    While doing the magical passes, I saw a hawk, which flew for prey. He was flying and was aware of his every move, his every glance. He attacks his prey, swooping down – that vision I had.

    * * * * * *

    Fri, May 17, 2013. Recapitulation

    At today’s practice, I was able to tune into future practices. I saw what I do and how, and now I feel free and easy. I feel unity with the group now. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today, I saw how much I do not respect someone else’s choice if it does not coincide with my choice. This is my key pattern. When I interact with a person I do not even want to think of them having a choice. And when we did the magical passes a second time, I saw that this pattern is often seen in relation to my child. And I see now that I just have to respect the choices of others. After all, I hurt so many people by not respecting their choice. Pretending that I do not need anyone. This pattern is limiting me a lot.

    * * *

    I took up an order, which was completely different in complexity from what I expected. In the end I’m awfully tired of this order, and I wanted to get away, to go to the Crimea. I was very sorry for myself and I really did not want to do the job. Now I’m trying to make an effort to just do it. And I saw how much I do not know about how to work in teams, with my colleagues. I saw how dramatically and emotionally I react to minor problems that arise in the course of my job. I think it’s not very easy to work with me. As a result, I was very exhausted with this work, I even got sick. During the recapitulation, I saw that lately I have been doing very little practice of recapitulation of magical passes. My work and my responsibilities that I took just exhausted me. Now I understand that the work is not a reason to abandon the practice, no matter how much work I have to do. And I wrote in big letters at my workplace: I do magical passes and recapitulation every day. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve been recapitulating my current personal relationship. I felt a storm of emotions. It was very hard. After the second passes, I felt the support of the group, I thought of the people who practice together and felt the warmth in my hands. I felt the support of the group around me and I felt much calmer. I calmed down. After passes for the third time, I saw that the relationship ended just in time. I was glad that it happened, and so I decided to end this protracted relationship right away. I saw our relationship without a mask, such as it was. I am happy and I will continue to recapitulate my life to regain my energy. Thank you.

    * * *

    I live with my mother. I used to have constant conflicts with her. After magical passes, I saw how much I love my mom, and in fact all depends on me. But still, to live apart from my mother is a good idea. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today, I have been recapitulating my relationship. I looked at my scene and realized how freedom comes to me. It seemed to me that my new view got into scenes of my relationships that I haven’t revised yet. I felt confident. When we did the passes again, I openly expressed words to the person I recapitulated. But I had a fear of being alone, I was scared that nobody would love me. And then I saw our group doing this exercise, I saw that we are all standing in a circle holding hands. I felt incredibly strong support and my fear just disappeared. I was grateful for the support of the group. Thank you.

    * * *

    I wanted to prove myself in a relationship with my mother. New, what I saw today – how much I love her. I felt love and kindness. I felt her love. I realized that I aspire to freedom and to give her freedom. I saw that I control myself, and so I have nothing to fear. I felt that I forgive her for all the grievances and conflicts that we have had. What matters to me is the love that I feel. When I went to my scene and said the new words, I felt physically that my mom came to me and hugged and said that she loves me very much. Today I realized that power over myself is the only power that is worth something. Thank you.

    * * *

    I also looked at the relationship with my mother. At first I saw, as I interact with my mom without patterns. I looked at what I bring to this moment of NOW. Then came to me that irritation, resentment, all the stuff that I used to have before – it’s totally my responsibility. At the end of practice, I saw the whole group and felt what impeccable warriors are close to me. And to practice with you is a great honor for me. And I wrote, I can do the recapitulation, I want to do recapitulation, and it is easy. It’s really easy.

    * * * * * *

    Sat, May 18, 2013. A walk in Silence

    This trip was amazing, I did not expect this. When I crossed the line, I was lost and did not know what to do. But then, I remembered the theme of our week and went ahead with a new mood. I felt like a hunter who hunts for the slightest changes around. On the one hand, this may seem a minor point, but in fact it is not a small thing, but a great contribution to the construction of my new world. And when I was walking on the same road a second time, I decided to change my gait, rolled up my sleeves, and I saw that something is going on in a new way. For me, this was a real discovery. I felt my spirit. I just saw that there are other ways and there are other ways to go on them. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I got out, I felt very good and I felt love to the entire world. I felt that with this love that I feel I can change things in my life, starting from myself.

    * * *

    On this walk I felt with every cell, that everything around me was reborn. Life energy was vibrating throughout. I stopped, closed my eyes and felt for a moment that my feet sank into the ground. Around was silence, and I was just enjoying the peace that was around me. Before my eyes appeared the native place of my childhood, the house on the high river bank. I was in the dream and took off and I saw everything from a great height. At this point I realized that I did fall asleep …. This walk has filled me with a new mood and a new desire to act. Thank you.

    * * *

    I stepped over the line and immediately felt different. I was just walking in silence looking at my thoughts. But then I realized that it was not my idea, but I heard a voice. The voice said some things, I noticed that it spoke of “we” all the time. Then a revelation came to me and I wrote it down: “there is no power but the power of my intention to change.” I was in such a state that I did not even want to look around – a state of relaxation on the one hand and numbness on the other. I also mentioned that I was in silence and could feel a connection with the universe. When I came back, I stopped and wrote: in my world there is a state of peace and confidence. I control myself, I am the master of myself and I enjoy the process. I agree, I’m calm, open, and enjoying the process. And this is the basis of what I want to build.

    * * * * * *

    Sun, May 19, 2013. A View from Silence

    This week, I felt that I had grown up. I really felt that I had grown out of the state of kindergarten. I’ve had moments in which I acted as an adult and I enjoyed the process. One moment is the interaction with a person. I was very calm and observant, this was the first time I was in interaction with him. And it was the action of silence. It was completely new. In another moment there is the desire to give something to the person, no matter how he treats me and whether or not he gives me something in return. I felt that such gestures change something in the relationship, and not only. In front of me and inside me opened some new opportunities to see. This week – a week of implementation. This week, everything works. I like everything. I love that the construction of my own world begins in this way. And today, at the class I experienced the state of magnificence. I can’t use the words such as nirvana or emptiness, but namely, the magnificence, I enjoyed. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week was a very conscious week for me. I started to get feelings that I haven’t noticed before. I became an observer, I can see things from the outside. I began to worry less. Now I see that it is possible to live and interact without personal history. I look at the world differently now. Today I realized that everything is being gathered bit by bit, in every detail. And when I gather enough of these details, this structure will take me to another level of awareness and my patterns and my shields dissolved by themselves. I was pleased with my state, I was very quiet today. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I had very little energy. It made me watch what I do, and what I spend my energy for. I felt particularly strong energy loss when experiencing emotions – both positive and negative. I tried to rationally use the budget of my world, my country. On Tuesday, I realized that my world starts with me and my love. On Friday, I realized that I do not love anyone. But today, in the class I felt pleasant and happy. I also realized that I can listen to music with my whole body, music is an ally in the construction of my world. When I listen to music in this way, any boundaries disappear for me. I become the very vibration of the music. I have a feeling that everything around me is fine and I’m very beautiful. Thank you.

    * * *

    On Tuesday and Thursday I set goals for myself, where I want to go in the future. I made the goals the best way, I did it out of a sense of love towards myself. And now that I realize it, making small steps, I feel great pleasure in doing something for my purpose. This goal I set for myself, no one did it for me. This week, I felt a very strong love for myself and I wanted to realize this love, to bring it into my life. Then, without thinking, I went out and did something for myself – I went running. I felt the fullness of power, energy. And now every night I go for a run, which fills me with a good mood and tunes me for a good, healthy sleep. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I listened to all of you, I’ve seen the energy, enthusiasm, and fullness. I myself am full of energy. I have a wild hope for the future and I feel that something extraordinarily good is going to happen. I felt like this only 20 years ago. That’s the week I had. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a chance this week to act in new ways. Self-confidence grew. If the event that happened to me the other day happened to me before, I would have dropped everything and ran. But I felt good and confident and turned to face the situation. I like the results that happen to me today, and my mood. All this affects my perception of the world. I can certainly say that I look more out of silence at the world around. Thank you.

    * * *

    Practices of this week aroused feelings of joy and love which I began to accept from other people just passing by me. I started to feel and see this wave of joy. For me it was a serious, new feeling, light sense – to feel gratitude to the people who did nothing much for me. Thank you.

  113. titreyen kaya says:

    Here in Izmir we don’t make regular group meetings since months. but we meet for Cyclicity Classes and I am really grateful for these Classes, especially the last Class of Gratitude influences me and others very much, and “opens new horizons” as a participant expressed. Thanks a lot.
    Ömer

  114. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia

    Tuesday, July 23. Stopping the inner dialogue.

    There was a practice about “Stopping the inner dialogue” on Tuesday, July 23.
    When we were doing the magical pass and then unfocusing our eyes, it was very hard for me to keep at least some brain activity.
    I felt a little bit like a vegetable, and I was terrifically sleepy. My legs could barely move.

    And during the pauses, when we made notes in our navigator logs, I needed some time to focus and draw attention to questions.
    At first, it was hard to remember what the most pressing inner dialogue for me is, as I live in harmony with myself most of the time.
    But then I remembered – I was worried about my extra weight, and the inner dialogue went like: “it’s bad for my body, I do not go to the gym again, even though I have an annual pass to the sport center, and I look bad,” etc.

    Then I wrote down: “everything I need is to listen to my body and feel good.”
    When we made notes the third time, and I closed my eyes to focus, I suddenly saw myself lying down and my body was senile at that moment. I shivered and drove this unpleasant image out of my head.
    And when it’s time for the dream, I quickly fell into it because I was already asleep on my feet.
    First I saw my legs, then I saw that my feet were lying on pebbles of the sea, and then oncoming sea water.
    Then I somehow ended up in the water with dolphins.
    I admired their big, strong bodies, smooth and shiny in the water, their graceful and free movements, and I felt harmony and joy.
    But then, suddenly a dolphin appeared from somewhere and it was screaming with pain, its body had a large wound, a long cut, and its blood was in the water around it. All other dolphins disappeared and there was only this one, and it was obviously waiting for help from me. I was scared and I felt completely helpless.
    I wanted to get out of the dream, but for some reason I could not leave this dolphin.
    And then I heard the voice of the facilitator, who said something like: “we can manage our dream”.
    I was so happy and thought: ”Exactly! It’s my dream, I do what I want.” And I hugged the dolphin and started to stroke its wound. And there was no more injury with this touch. I was hugging a dolphin and felt great unity and love. Not even to the dolphin, but in general.
    Then I found myself in the green room in the moment before we went in there with the facilitator.
    And I saw our group, as shadows, which take off from the wall and entered the circle. It was such a funny picture.
    I felt the energy of the group as something very dense and independent, and I was surprised because in comparison with previous, even similar practices, it was different. I remember as each of us brought something of our own at previous practices, and something worked out of it. And this time initially there was quite a firm basis and it influenced all of us. In short, we have been working to create it before, and now it exists as something independent and pulls us into its intent. However, I saw it this way.

  115. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: The Song of my Heart

    When 90% of the members of our group are attuned to each other, when they feel this agreement in their daily lives as well as in the group, the results are incredible. To witness this happen is a gift. The theme, “Building Your Own World”, led us to make major decisions. Now we can simply enjoy these decisions and move on with a song in our hearts.

    Thu, May 21, 2013 Tracking Energy

    Here are my songs from when I woke up after the practice. The first one is to myself: “Waking myself each time with an interesting challenge, I find myself more and more.” The second one is for others: “Looking with gratitude and love at all that blooms around me, I’m opening more and more . . . what a joy to be useful . . . I like to walk away from the noise of the city into the quiet sounds of the forest.” Thank you!

    * * *

    Unexpected things happen to me. I feel freedom. My head no longer blocks me. My song pours out in a flood:
    Out of the corner of my eye
    I see something unknown
    And all in all
    I look just anywhere.
    Everything has gone,
    While thinking where to go,
    And there’s been no place to go.
    Trying to understand something,
    I cease understanding it.
    So let’s go there,
    Where we want to be.

    I was in a dark void, and saw myself as a transparent iridescent being. A lot of threads were coming out of the center of my chest and back. These threads were growing, expanding and stretching outward. Everything took on an iridescent shimmer, and I was singing and dancing at that moment. I felt freedom and boundlessness.

    * * *

    The first song:
    Light, warmth, tenderness and love.
    Light breeze of the day and the horizon,
    Journey to myself,
    Journey home, to the heart.

    I saw a cat smiling at me, and the song for the world followed:
    I give warmth, attention and love,
    And offer friendship.
    I smile with a pure heart,
    I have peaceful intentions,
    I’m gently offering my hand.
    Look into your eyes,
    My body is vibrating like a sound.

    I lay there, singing my two songs in silence.

    * * *

    I wrote down what I felt and saw in my mind’s eye.

    My first song:
    A Beautiful New lies before me.
    The world is full of light, awareness, discoveries, love.
    A world filled with light is behind the door where I stand.
    I only need to take one step, then another,
    And so I am walking on the path with heart.
    I take this road easily,
    I can share my light.

    My song for the world:
    Beautiful, amazing world,
    Rough as the ocean and gentle as a kitten,
    I am grateful to all who support the growing awareness of our group
    With their intention, faultlessly.

    When we lay down, I saw rays of light radiating from my heart. They were like a door to a new, bright, clean world. This picture moved me to tears, and I flew into this world. I realized that my favorite things, people and places have all been with me. Thank you.

    * * *

    Now I feel great. I feel fine and very calm.

    Here is the first song of my heart:
    At the moment of countless whirlings
    And unusual sensations,
    I throw open the doors and fly wherever I want.
    I am in a vacuum. There is nothing around me,
    And everything is abrim.
    But edges do not exist in nature,
    I’m flying through infinity,
    Open and free,
    Traveling through worlds:
    There is no end to my road.
    I am nothing and I am everything.
    I love and I live.

    The second song, of gratitude for the world:
    I live and am aware,
    I thank the world around me
    For this gift, which I accept and appreciate.
    My family helps me to love, feel patience and kindness,
    The group helps me go forward.
    I thank Tensegrity for my firmness, sobriety and determination.

    I felt like flying, I felt lightness singing my songs. I was happy and free.

    * * *

    The words of the song that I’d heard came to me:
    We’ll fly into the empyreal distance,
    Through the dying stars in the sky,
    A star will quietly come down,
    And remain in my hands as a daisy . . .

    The second song:
    I decided to sing this song together with what’s outside the window, along with the trees, and then I remembered the sea. My song expanded and united with everything in the world, and became more beautiful and harmonious. I began to hear the melody, and warmth gradually grew in my heart. And I felt HAPPINESS. When we went into silence I just shut down and went to sleep.

    * * *

    The first song:
    I had a feeling of open hands, openness and a kind of light in front of me. I smiled and saw myself somewhere ahead. I went in that direction, and it was very good. Some connection with my future appeared, where there was trust, self-confidence and an absence of barriers.

    The second song:
    I changed my posture, straightened my back, and felt support from behind. My hands were open, and I was open and self-confident. I felt a lot of people around me, but could not see them.

    When we went into silence, I saw a lot of shifting pictures. I was in the mountains, surrounded by a very nice, peaceful, wonderful natural landscape. Thank you.

    * * *

    First song:
    I feel like incredible things are flowing to me in the stream of life.
    I accept them and I feel happy.
    It is impossible to count the awarenesses coming to me.
    I feel that everything has let me go, and set me at ease.
    I feel peace in my spirit and heart.
    I feel so good and warm inside that I don’t want to go anywhere.

    Second song:
    I feel the darkness outside the window and how it veils everything within.
    I feel how the Earth’s gravity holds everything and everyone.
    I feel our group, the warmth from the group, and I feel the arrow of intention from the group, and how it leads me.

    When I was immersed in silence, I saw myself standing in the middle of my room singing this song. I felt as if I were on a string which vibrated when I sang. Through the vibration I felt a connection to something larger, something that loves me – it’s big and immense and I love it too. Everything is in this immensity, and I feel tremendous support from it. And it’s all very sincere. Thank you.

    * * *

    My first song:
    Do not be afraid, I am with you.
    Open the window to the morning star.
    Do not be afraid, I am with you.
    Calm your heart, I’m always with you.

    I had the feeling my heart sang this song. If you’re sincere, and act from your heart, the world will open and smile at you.

    Second song:
    You’ll awake at dawn,
    We will meet with you together
    On the birthday of the spring of day.
    Look, what a wonderful world,
    What a wonderful world.

    When we went into silence, I felt huge waves of energy spreading throughout my body. It was the ultimate physical sensation. I felt physical happiness. Thank you.

    * * *

    I got into a mood of fullness and my song rolled out:
    I feel fine,
    I love this world,
    There’s everything I need here,
    I feel gratitude,
    I just love . . .

    Then the second song, for the world:
    Sky and clouds, how beautiful you are,
    All I can do is admire you.
    Flowers and trees, I see your smiles,
    And in every smile I recognize myself.

    When we entered silence and started singing the song, I had a vision: a huge field of yellow flowers surrounded by forest. It was a sunny, mild day. It was the middle of the day. I just looked at it all and suddenly I felt I was flying. I realized I was a butterfly. I was fluttering, fluttering, just being in my world, in my element. I had everything I needed . . .

    * * * * * *

    Thurs, May 23, 2013 Weekly Practice – The Song of my Heart

    I realized I was afraid of rejection and negative opinions. The fact is I want to look good in the eyes of other people, and this is because I want them to love me. My new view and actions: I love other people and, in accepting their light and gratitude, I open up. When I came to this point of view, I felt love for each member of our group and love for the facilitator’s words. I felt that a part of me wanted to feel this way and was already saturated in that mood and grateful for it. I also want to thank you for the words you said to me at the beginning of class. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we did the magical pass and opened our wings, I saw a bird swooping down and realized that if I acted consciously in every moment, I would be able to handle everything.
    And the poetry came to me:
    Let your flight be clear,
    With an awareness of what you’re doing,
    Fly forward, forward,
    And do not look back.

    * * *

    At the end of this wonderful practice the song of my heart came to me:
    I want to sing a song of love forever,
    And, departing into infinity,
    Warm the Earth,
    I do not know a better way.

    * * *

    Today I realized what prevents me from singing a song of my heart. It’s fear – I have lots of fears. But my mood changed during the practice and now I’m not afraid to fly. I’m more confident and I can proceed. I realized too that we must act together, and I heard a song from my childhood:
    It’s cheerful to walk together in open spaces, open spaces, open spaces,
    And of course it’s better to sing in chorus, in chorus, in chorus.

    I’ve been wide open today, and I’ve felt infinite love and strong support. Thank you.

    * * *

    The idea I have of myself that I can’t do anything, and that others will criticize me, prevents me from singing the song of my soul. I often don’t listen to myself and therefore I can’t grow and fly. But today, at the practice, I was able to feel awe.
    I want to sing a song that came to me:
    I love you and I can feel you,
    There are no borders between us,
    I love, I’m happy, I love . . .

    * * * * * *

    Fri, May 24, 2013 Recapitulation

    As I was listening to the stories of my witnesses during the recapitulation, I noticed the stories changed with each repetition. I got the impression that the stories didn’t belong to the narrators anymore. By the third retelling, one narrator was just a confident person telling a story. The story of another witness became totally impersonal on the third retelling – it was no longer a story about him. Thank you.

    * * *

    The first time I told my story, I was completely immersed in it, and experienced everything as I did when it happened, complete with all the emotions. The next time it was easier, and the third time it was easier still. I looked at it from the outside with a sense of calm and inner silence. That’s when I realized how I could act if a situation like that came up again in the future.

    * * *

    My narrator, when she told her story, inflated like a balloon and exploded, then puffed up and blew out again, overflowing with emotion. By the third telling it was quite different – she wasn’t inflated. Sure, many things still remained in this situation for her, but there were no longer any explosions of emotion. It was cool to watch.

    * * *

    Each time the story was told it was different. Information changed. Surprisingly, a variety of small facts and details came to the fore as the story was repeated. The smallest details rose to the surface. Finally, with the last retelling, I felt a calmness, serenity, silence and wonder. The magic of recapitulation . . .

    * * * * * *

    Sat, May 26, 2013 A Walk in Silence

    I went for a walk in a good mood. There was the dismissal bell from the school nearby. I went to the river and stared at the water. Water is always fascinating and surprising to me with its different forms and states and its absence of borders. Water can take many different forms and states and never lose its essence. I saw that water is like energy. This was an intuitive understanding, at the level of feelings, coming in a flash of integrity and unity. I felt that unity and silence. And there was silence in my song.

    * * *

    I can’t say exactly what happened, but with every step on this walk I was continuously filled with things that were important to me. Today I felt the summer. Feelings came to me first, and only then came the thoughts and images. The feeling of flying – it’s a special state which I remember used to be with me. This walk brought me memories of childhood, long-forgotten memories. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I love, I’m open. When I love myself, I love the whole world around me. For I am, to some extent, everything around me too. And when I realized this and wrote it down, I very keenly felt the world and my connection to it. I realized my ego doesn’t just like the part of me that it finds reflected in other people. A small smiling dog ran towards me – it loved its master madly. The dog was filled with happiness. I realized that to love means to let go of everything that hinders one from loving. Then I said to myself, “I love this world and let go of everything superfluous, of whatever can stop me from loving.” And I felt love for the universe. It wasn’t like my love – my love is hot. Love for the universe is so calm that you can feel true repose. And I realized that when I was widening the scope of my love, I was also expanding the scope of my awareness. Whenever I am in love with something, I start to feel it really deeply, and to understand and accept it. Silence is a feeling of unity with the universe. Thank you.

    * * *

    Right now I am in the country, and my walk was quite interesting. As I walked, I decided to stay on the hill and I closed my eyes and sensed my body. Then I saw different colors – orange, pint, lilac – and they were alive, even though my body was still. What I saw was just the essence of my energy. I didn’t have any thoughts, only feelings. Then, when I was coming back, I realized I was back in my childhood, a little girl again. I perceived the world very differently when I was free of the thoughts of daily life. I paid attention to the world around me, a flying bird, that peace . . . it really protected me. It was wonderful. Then I felt heat from my throat to my chest. My body was perceiving things very differently. Thank you.

    * * * * * *

    Sun, May 27, 2013 A View From Silence

    “A Song of My Heart”
    There are no words in my song,
    But a sound
    There is a mystery of dreams,
    And silence
    There are no notes in my song,
    But a melody
    Endless flight,
    Dancing stars and me,
    There’s no time at all,
    But moments –
    Nude essence
    Of a revelation.
    My song does not end
    with me,
    Its light is reflecting
    in Silence.

    * * *

    I’ve begun to feel more confident this week – there’s been no constriction or stiffness. I’ve been more open and aware the last two days. These days I’ve felt I was really in the here and now. Yesterday I was fine and relaxed, and I felt a warm and enveloping energy. I woke up today in a great mood. And when I went out today, I realized I was really there on that street, not somewhere else. I also saw I need to do a lot more in my practice to progress. Thank you.

    * * *

    I collected a lot of exquisite moments this week. There was an especially great one on Saturday, when something important happened during a walk. I have been stuck in a muddy relationship with a friend of mine, and we’ve had some conflicts and resentments. But suddenly we had a very sincere conversation, really from the heart. We opened up to each other and said very important things. There were wonderful words. I was so impressed with this and felt such relief – at this point a new era of confidence has begun in our relationship. It meant a lot to me. Thank you.

    * * *

    It was not an easy week for me. Relatives I haven’t seen in 10 years suddenly reached out to me. A lot of my relatives suddenly need me.

    * * *

    My life is in a transitional phase. A lot of people are going out of my life, and we will never again communicate the way we used to. So I decided to do something new – I saw the best way to close these relationships was to express my gratitude. This was the song of my heart. When I thanked people, I really opened up to them. I gave them something bright by recalling positive experiences that we had shared. When I did that I felt harmony in the completion of our relationship. Since there was nothing left between us, I felt the other person was able to let me go easily. And I realized that by doing this, I wasn’t just ending with gratitude my old relationship with someone, but I was also starting a sincere new relationship with the same person. Singing the songs of my heart, I had a strong desire to open, truly open myself up to the world. This week I was also able to open my heart to my mother, and we’ve been able to resolve some sensitive issues from our past. It was so nice to open up to her. It was a bonding experience and we are full of love and gratitude.

    * * *

    This week has filled me with life. I feel really alive. It’s so harmonious to be in this state of giving back. It brings happiness at a deep level.

    * * *

    This week I experienced a somersault of awareness. I took the challenge, and did it not so much because I wanted to but because I just had no choice. Each person’s life has meaning, and I realized it was wrong for me to try to run away from reality. This is really a serious challenge for me, and today it turned out that I was able to do something I’d not been able to do for 4 years. For a little while now I’ve been able to do a lot of family-related things, to open up to them, and they have felt it and opened up to me too. They didn’t want to open up to me for a long time, but finally they did. All I did was ask myself the question, “What do I really want?” And I didn’t have to search for the answer. It’s been there, waiting for me, for a long time. I can call these events the song of my heart. I still can’t believe it’s happening. It really was the song of my heart, the brightest event of the week.

  116. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Power Of Personal Responsibility.

    Do you know what happens with our every inhalation and exhalation? We create our future. Every thought that is born inside us or comes to us matters. And every word pronounced also matters. This week we plunge into the research of how we live our lives, how it influences us and our surrounding world.

    Tue, May 28, 2013 Tracking Energy.

    Responsibility for me is total understanding of my decisions and their aftermath. During the practice I understood that responsibility is a privilege for free people who can make choices. I saw that a man can’t be free if he doesn’t take charge of his actions. In the end I saw that in reality I don’t make any choices at all in my life…I drift somewhere. Now I understand- if I don’t choose then I let others do it. I just give that right – to choose – and in so doing I lose my freedom. And I wrote that I want to make choices and I should study doing it. When we dove into dreaming I saw just darkness but then I clearly heard my sister’s voice which slightly appeared into my mom’s voice.

    * * *

    In the beginning I couldn’t understand what is responsibility. But later I saw that it is a state of being ready with a special attitude to others and myself. Also now responsibility for me is an agreement with the world, understanding others. When we dove into silence I saw a huge whirlwind or tornado and I felt responsibility before Spirit. Thank you.

    * * *

    My questions connected with the relations in groups of people. And I found that I don’t want to take charge of the relations with people. I have a good justification – I want to be free. When I am by myself it seems that I am free. While writing the steps I saw that I should open. But what..should I do to open? And I understood that I should accept myself. Then while lying in silence and dreaming new steps I just repeated the phrase “to accept myself.” I felt my body filling with warmth and I started to accept myself and other people. Taking charge of my actions flows from it. Thank you.

    * * *

    I understood that responsibility for myself gives me a feeling of confidence and self-sufficiency. It is a wonderful way to understand myself. When we dove into silence I saw a sea. This image filled me with power. Thank you.

    * * *

    One of my areas of responsibility is the responsibility before others. Particularly – to pay off all my debts, because a person who is aware doesn’t leave any debts, neither physical nor energetic. And I have made a list of such things that I would do in the nearest time. Thanks.

    * * *

    Responsibility for me is an aspect of intention. I feel that responsibility is directly connected with intention. It is connected with that which allows me to follow the energy and my intention. The phrase that came to me is – “as the intention as the responsibility.” When we dove into silence I fell asleep twice. It’s hard to describe the state but I forgot about the practice and I forgot about the place where I was. But still, I was perceiving. I just was in another place and in other time. The first time, I found myself at the September workshop in Crimea in a group of people. The second time, I was in a bank registering some documents. It was unexpected to hear the instructor’s voice calling us back to practice… With every practice I understand that the frames of my response get wider and wider. My personal responsibility spreads not only to myself but other people and my surroundings. Thank you!

    * * *

    Personal responsibility for me is the skill to listen to other people and myself, precisely – to hear others. I understood today that every human being is a guide to Infinity. If Infinity wants to express itself through my actions – I have to be perfect, that’s my responsibility, i.e. to follow my heart path. I want to be absolutely aware in the first attention and to reach that level of awareness I need to be attentive every second. And when we dove into silence I saw a singing bird. It was sitting on a tree and singing. And the next moment I saw how two worlds unite – the worlds of the first and second attention…

    * * * * * *

    Thu, May 30, 2013 Weekly practice. Power of Personal Responsibility.

    I recently had to say ‘no’ to my friend and I greatly offended him in doing that. This situation unbalanced me. As much as I love this person, I said “no” to him because he needed to solve a situation by himself. During the practice I found that I feel immense love and openness to him. Later, I saw that I can enjoy being with my friend, and now I see his wonderful sides. I see what a beautiful man he is and only appreciation and love toward him is left.

    * * *

    I often behave irresponsibly when I am in a state of overexcitement. After magical passes I could feel myself being an energy field. When we did magical passes again I saw how when I was a teenager I had intended to be dispersed, chaotic, and it seemed that the success would if I was on the Tom of excitement. Also, it was the way to express protest. Now I have something new- I see my weaknesses and I know how to act anew in such situations. Thank you.

    * * * * * *

    Fri, May 31, 2013 Recapitulation.

    I liked the practice very much: in the beginning my witness was a little naughty girl that only demanded (me me me…). And in the end I heard a completely different person – a responsible, grown up young woman.

    * * * * * *

    Sat, Jun 01, 2013 Walking in Silence.

    As soon as I stepped over the line I paid attention to the wonderful weather. I had a nice mood and I could hear music. I walked towards the music and saw a surprising picture: many people were planting trees. At that moment I felt fear that because I lived there I had to help them, they would ask me to help, I might go away, and so on. As a result I came to them and saw a completely different picture- everybody was enjoying, they were planting with pleasure, taking pictures of each other, and having much fun. I stood with them, felt unity, fulfilled with positive and came back to practice.

    * * *

    During the practice I awoke to the possibility that what I intend comes to me. Then I decided to dive into silence to have a shift. At that moment I felt the sky and its calmness. I was walking and I felt good. When I closed my eyes I felt everything around me clearly. I really felt a huge world around me, as if I was united with it. Then I asked: “what should I do with my main pattern? – to attain love, acceptance, support with all force.” And I saw a scene where I jealous mother to my brother. I still don’t know the answer but I know the direction to move. Thank you.

    * * *

    During this walk I understood that I am responsible for my life. That’s why my every deal should be full of my responsibility. Every deal – big project or going to the market. Every choice influences my life and so it’s important to take every decision responsibly and perfectly. I also understood that because of my responsibility, me or other people could die – it touched me so much. My life is responsibility before my death. Thank you.

    * * * * * *

    Sun, Jun 2, 2013 View from inner Silence.

    This week was full of choices – where to take charge and where not to. From inner silence, I looked at my responsibility and I saw that to not make fast decisions is also a kind of responsibility. Thanx.

    * * *
    This week I found that recapitulation is a kind of small flame that needs to be kept on. To keep on means not to let it go out. Just as with real fire, which we keep on with sticks and trees (like how Mowgli did it), recapitulation should be “fed” with new actions. Without them the fire simply goes out. My responsibility is just to act anew. I would like to line – not to look at the situation in a new way but to act. I know that such actions will never end, that’s the reason I love Tensegrity. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I started to see my responsibility and the things happening to me. For example, I stopped being late at meetings. I was very responsible in my new deal – jogging in the evening. It becomes a part of me and I enjoy it very much and my energy body responds to this new habit. One day after running I found myself being in silence and I felt so good. When I sat..
    When I sat down on the bench I dove into dreaming awake and saw many new things. I also noticed that one aware action causes other ones. My life, my deals, my practice flowed easily and lightly as I had taken charge of my doings. I also saw that I get whatever I intend. There is so much power around me now. And I choose – to follow this power or not. Now I see the world as a mystery. There is a mystery everywhere around me – in every stone, in every tree, and even the wind blowing is not just wind. Thank you.

    * * *

    I unravel my life step by step and this week I found that I can’t answer – what I want….this question stupors me…

    * * *

    I had not had an easy week. After our practices on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I was so open that I was swept over with the wave of awareness, emotions, and feelings. It fulfilled me so much that I lost courage and flapped. I just can’t deal with everything that comes to me. This week I found that I always run away from any responsibility. I looked at my life too easy-mindedly. This practice week showed what responsibility is and how to learn to be responsible. I also saw – I get directly what I intend. Also this week I started to practice in Constellation practice group and found my childhood pattern – the chest is closed, shoulders are lowered – as if I am not loved. I just need a little of human warmth, kindness, and acceptance of myself – the things I didn’t get enough of as a child. Now I feel everybody as my family, my relatives. And I feel your openness. Thank you.

    * * *

    The things happening to me now are the events going beyond my understanding… Especially I admire your feedbacks. The themes for recapitulation now come to me in night dreams. Waking up in the morning I already know what to work with and I even know how to do it. I stopped separating my life from my dreaming – I think that life is a dreaming. Now my life gives me a chance to choose, but having looked narrowly, I see that I have no choice. The energy body doesn’t think – it knows. The answer comes in a moment and I just follow it. Before now, I thought that recapitulation may be done in 2 ways, but now it’s clear for me that recapitulation is a dreaming that carries you away more and more. Now I deal with the present connected with my relatives. It’s so stunning that I am on the verge…. tears are about to drip. I met people whom I haven’t seen in about 25 years and I don’t know the reason for the fact that I feel death so much… perhaps because many things surrounding me become equal to something other…

    To summarize this week, I want to tell how my responsibility influences me and my life. Something strange happened to my relationship with a friend. We are familiar and always called each other by nicknames. I’ve never called him by his real name. This week I suddenly realized that I wanted to call him by his real name while communicating. Because it brings awareness to our relations. I don’t know what happened but when I deal with him anew, I feel him better, respect him, have no dialogue that I had always had about him. I can see him and I respect him for his actions. Maybe I have just started to love him…
    Also I started to act with my feelings but not thoughts. For instance, I’ve never given gifts to my brother, because he’s never done it on birthdays. Now I ask if I want to give him a present, the answer is “yes.” And if I want to do it, why should I listen to the voice inside…I don’t need it any more, I was listening to it for too long…

  117. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Pearls of Awareness”

    We need all our awareness, all responsibility to ourselves, to other people and the world around us – to take decision of changing our life. Unfortunately very often our growing, our culture, views and habits don’t let us see unlimited abilities that stay right in front of us. Our personal stories and fears prevent doing it. And this week we will see what we want in our lives and what we can really change. The theme of the next Seven-day cycle of practices is Pearls of Awareness.

    Tue, Jun 4, 2013. Tracking the Energy

    In the beginning I wrote down a list of things that everybody would want to own. Later while doing magical passes I saw nature, plants and butterflies flying. In the end of the practice at the moment we were defining our dreams I understood that I wanted to write a book and in a state of inner silence I saw how I would do it. Thank you.

    * * *

    At this practice I saw the realization of my dream during next month. Also today I felt great love for my boyfriend, life and everything. Thank you.

    * * *

    For me “purples of awareness” is something that is happening to me now. I do so many things now and I have noticed that I do them not perfectly enough. I know how to act but for some reason I continue acting in the habitual way. And I find different explanations for this. I don’t understand why I don’t let myself move with awareness. Tomorrow I want to live the day so as not to have inner dialog in the evening. I want to do all that is under my responsibility.

    * * *

    My problem is a healthy living. I can’t stop smoking but today I have found that I want to stop it very much. When we got silence I recently saw my body in details, with muscles, tendons and so on. Then the images of other people started sliding at my eyes and I knew – they were not people. I don’t know how to describe it but the images were very clear, unusually clear. In the end I saw my face looking at me. It was translucent and was vibrating. It looked like energy. I thought I took care of myself too little. I used to attach greater importance to any others than to myself…

    * * *

    The purple of awareness for me is a unity with the surrounding world, the state where my body and the world are joined together. Today in silence I have realized what is really mine. I thank my parents for their help and, firstly, I would want to say words of gratitude to them and then make a gesture… I have great intention and desire of opening to the feelings and the world that were surrounding me in childhood… It was a wonderful world in which I talked to the wind – there was a sense of exceptional fulfilling, happiness here and now. I understood that I had left that world and state having fulfilled myself with some addictions, excitements, pleasures and thoughts. I see that it’s not easy to get it all back but that’s the thing I intend. Also the purple of awareness is my love and openness to parents. Even when I feel hard this unity leads me to another energetic layer. I am very thankful for the fact I can open to them so easily and for them being so sincere. The purple is sincerity and total openness of the surrounding world, gratitude and happiness. Thank you.

    * * *

    In the beginning I saw different strategies for my new actions. Later, doing magical passes I started to see some people’s images and I understood that I perceive people as they are, without any judgements. It was a purple of awareness for me. When we went into silence I saw the image of the girl from my dreaming. It was coming up to me closer and closer and started to see her features and appearance. At that moment my nose itched and I woke up. Thank you.

    * * *

    In the beginning I wrote down that purple of awareness for me is wonderful relations, full of awareness and openness to the present moment. Then….that the most valuable thing is to be aware right now. The task that I saw will be a real purple for me – the recapitulation task which I have to do. Telling the truth I don’t even know what to begin with … But I know that this week I will finish this task. When we dived into silence I saw how I act. I made calls, talked much and I saw the completion of my task. Thank you.

    * * * * * *

    Thu, Jun 6, 2013. Weekly practice – Pearls of awareness.

    I have found 2 scenes, the one where I was happy and the problem one. The most interesting things started to happen in the middle of the practice – I felt strong love to the world, our practice and myself. It was so strong that I even remembered the poem which I had dedicated to my energy body. And I told this poem to my energy essence. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I remembered the scene from my childhood where I had bitten my mother for she hadn’t paid attention to me while I wanted it so much. After magical passes I felt huge love to myself and the whole world. With that love I feel very self sufficient. I was able to say new words to my mother and she has heard me and received the words. After the magical passes I wrote down that it is great happiness and pleasure to be in a state of love to myself and the world. I felt good.

    * * *

    I have found 2 scenes in which I behaved extremely unresponsively. But moving towards the awareness at our practices I have chosen the way with heart. It was not just chosen – I felt it and now I am certain that I know how to act in similar situations. Thanx.

    * * *

    My scene is when I listened to my friends who had told me not to obey the granny. New view: I love my granny and my family and so I listen to what they tell me. Later I wrote down: I am aware of what I do. It’s not interesting to run on the buildings with boys but it’s interesting to realize the energy fields. They surround me from different sides. I feel very good, confident and I love my family.
    Fri, Jun 7, 2013. Recapitulation.

    * * *

    To write a letter after recapitulation is a very unusual task and when two witnesses write letters from my name I have the possibility to see many new things. And it happens in silence without any unnecessary words. My thoughts about the situation were really widened and my perception shifted to gratitude, lightness in relations and effective and functional communication. Thank you so much.

    * * *

    Reading my witnesses’ letters I understood that my new view was a deception of myself. The witnesses really showed me a new opinion. The one that I wanted to express. I was not sincere in my letter because too much energy was held there, but my witnesses could see the situation without judgements. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today we’ve seen with our own eyes what our personal story is and how it affects us. And today we backed out from conversations doing the practice in triples in silence. All we did – we were writing letters about our new insights. To see how our perception mists under the influence of the personal stories is a real challenge for many of us.

    * * *

    The things I wrote in my letter were crude and incomplete. And I see how much energy is left there. Then I asked the witnesses to help and they tried to reformulate my text. Finally, reading the last variant of my letter I saw how many restraints are in my situation and my witnesses helped me to relax. They don’t care about my scene so they can see the things that I can’t. Now I feel more confident and calmer. My back got straight while in the beginning of the practice it was hard to do…there were so many emotions and worries in the beginning but now I have serenity inside and outside. I will correct the letter and send it. And it’s wonderful to happen in the new moon phase. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have a childhood scene which I couldn’t resolve. Today I wrote a letter to my friend from my childhood and I saw that I am held by unnecessary pity. I feel better now. Thank you.

    * * *

    In my scene I overtopped a person. As a result of the practice I saw that I was pleased with his doing. Now I let people live their own lives and make decisions by themselves. I don’t judge their actions any more. I feel great freedom inside. When I am in such state I feel my presence here and now and I am happy. I felt love to that man. Thank you.

    * * * * * *

    Sat, Jun 8, 2013. Walk in Silence.

    Walking today I saw what I did wrong in my life and what has to be changed.
    I wrote down a detailed list of such things. I noticed that now I bring into life many of them and I know how to act further. Thanks.

    * * *

    When I stepped over the line I saw abundance. I felt it with all my body. And when I asked myself ‘what I want’ the answer appeared – I want to be connected with my essence and through it with the world. I saw a lilac and understood that it is equal to everything around, it doesn’t think of itself and doesn’t get excited about everything, that’s why it can bloom and enjoy. I know that as soon as I realize my essence I will be able to bloom too. Thank you.

    * * *

    I didn’t notice before that the doors can be an exit or an entrance to another space, but now it’s clear for me. When I stepped over the line in my porch I saw the world being changed. The world seemed to slow down… it was like a movie.

    * * * * * *

    Sun, Jun 9, 2013 A View from Inner Silence.

    I’ve had a hard week. I have been disappointed in people. And recapitulating I saw that all my actions during this life were motivated by getting acceptance. I can’t say it was a pleasant finding. All I wanted was to get acceptance, recognition and gratitude from people. I suddenly understood what is real thankfulness. I think I opened the purple of awareness, though it hurt. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I have been fulfilled with the joy of awareness. I recapitulated a lot and it strengthened through the whole week. I have opened a peaceful attitude to the world. For instance I am not afraid of insects and animals, I feel connection with them and consider them equal to me.
    On Tuesday while dreaming I saw a girl and during this week when I remembered her image my inner dialog stopped in a moment. And one more important moment for me:
    awareness of choice, when I choose to be or not to be aware (letting my ego act in spite of me). On Thursday I chose to live with heart, maybe it was the reason why I have had so wonderful week. Thanx.

    * * *

    My purples of awareness: I had some fear after jogging and I felt deep calm. In that state I started to talk to wind and I told it about my fear. And some information and images came to me. My fear was cleared away and I felt more confident. As a result I went to the meeting which I was afraid to go to before. I began to be aware and to open to every human I communicated with there and I looked at their eyes and talked to them from that state. To contact with natural powers, talk to them, to hear them is really a purple of awareness. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had an important week. I went to St. Petersburg and got to know you. I got to know the green room. When I entered the room I had a feeling that it was not my first time there, my body knew that place. But the most wonderful thing happened when I looked through the window and I saw something that I had seen many times at our practices before, though I was far away from that place. It’s wonderful…

    * * *

    I want to say that my life finally started to happen in my life. The things that frightened me in the past now don’t affect me so much. I intended the life in which I would make choices and would be a captain of my life. Now I’m not afraid of it.

    * * *

    Pearls of awareness come to me. It’s a huge amount of new things. The slogan of the week – there is no freedom without responsibility. I have seen that there was no responsibility in my life before, but now there is, and I am happy.

    * * *

    I’m glad that I live – I got agreement as greater joy inside and outside 🙂

    * * *

    I asked why I feel discomfort and pain now. The answer is – because I am fighting for the physical image of life and reject other things (like my brother). Thank you.

    * * *

    Thank you, infinity, for love!

    * * *

    I present you all my experience. Answer – I get it.

    * * *

    Infinity, thank you for my life and awareness, the answer – use it!

    * * *

    I want to share the things that happened to me yesterday and tomorrow. I started tracking my feelings, body senses, thoughts. Inner dialog, which I already know, appears and clear away in a moment. I have a feeling that if I take a spoon at the moment when the dialog disappears the spoon would disappear too. I walk along the street and realize that my perception shifts consciously and softly.
    It was that I lived through yesterday, but now coming back home after work I am fixed again. Nevertheless it was wonderful to experience the melting of inner dialog. It is new and very interesting for me.

  118. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week – It’s Possible to Love

    Tensegrity reveals our hidden side. It happens all the time to those who recapitulate. This week we’ll look at different aspects of what it means to love. What is love? Do you need it or not? Where does it begin and end, or does it ever end? Perhaps you will find answers to these questions if you practice with us.

    Tues, June 11, 2013 Tracking Energy

    When I first looked at what love meant to me, I saw it as being in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Then, from silence I realized it meant giving things like warmth, attention and love. Love is to feel connection, to be responsible, and together these qualities bring happiness. Next I remembered how after one practice I felt a strong love for the world as a whole. I love the whole world. I noticed a very important point: that when I love, I’m open. This openness also means love – I’m just happy. Then I remembered a scene from childhood when my Dad took me for a motorbike ride. I plunged into this vision. I was looking at him from out of the child carrier and just felt how much I loved him. I had no dialog, no judgment, only joy. At that moment I realized we all know how to love. It was pretty cool.
    When we went into silence I saw our constellation group as creatures that glow. I went to the place where we were, my ears were buzzing, and everything was full of light. I looked at what we have done and how it’s blossoming and bearing fruit. It’s so cool to feel this sensation and love in yourself. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I was walking in silence, I saw how my feelings and moods come about. I turned to the girl next to me and said “I love you.” I’ve never done anything like that before – for me it was the first time I really felt what I was saying. Thank you.

    * * *

    Your words brought me boundless enthusiasm and positive feelings. For me, “to love” means, no matter what, to always be faithful and honest with a person, to wish him good things and happiness, and to accept his actions, even if he betrays you. It means to give a man a piece of your heart. Love is an open heart and open breath. It’s love for life, nature, the Earth and ourselves. I remember two scenes. The recent scene took place after practice, when I met with another practitioner in a café. It was all so unusual – I felt rapture. I looked around at the familiar setting, but it was all unusual for me. Everything was especially colorful, and I had no thoughts. The second scene: I loved my dog more than anything. I was small, but my dog was big (a Doberman). I remembered all our feelings for each other, and a lot of detail – a scar on her leg, her collar, nose, ears, fur, her breed, her scent. I was in the here and now. I didn’t need anybody at that moment, just my dog. She was my true love.
    When we entered dreaming, I felt a stream in my belly. A hot thread was pulled out of me and went straight and slightly upward to infinity. I felt a connection; I shared something with infinity. Thank you.

    * * *

    For me, love for anything begins with love for myself. It’s feeling with my heart and taking things as they are. It’s seeing this connection from the depths. The scene that came to me was from my childhood, when I fell in love with a girl in my back yard. It was as if I’d awakened from a deep sleep and was wandering around, looking at everything. It was as if I’d not lived up to this point. It was so amazing to me.
    When we went into silence, I felt a stream running through me. I felt grateful to the girl who had awakened these amazing feelings in me. All my obtrusive thoughts disappeared, and I felt thankful as I simply watched and enjoyed everything.
    Then I saw another picture, of how people use each other in complete ignorance of what they are doing. One person uses another to feel good and have fun. I realized that wasn’t love. For me now, love is a state of awareness, presence and acceptance. A quiet, subtle sense. Thank you.

    * * *

    Love is a state of inner fullness that senses everything around you. It’s something like what I felt last summer when I realized I could only blame myself for all my troubles. Little by little I began building relationships with my family, with coworkers, and with my child. Bit by bit I was filled with new energy. At this juncture I went to the beach and felt happy, full and open to the world. Even the people around me saw me differently.
    When I was five years old I fell in love with a man. I had his image in my head all the time – I even went to sleep thinking about this man. I associated his image with the sun, the moon, and everything brilliant and bright. Thank you.

    * * *

    For a child, love is a feeling of unity. I lived in a sanitarium for three months, and experienced incredible friendship and unity. We supported each other and it was wonderful. I remember that love. When we went into silence, I noticed my energy body was still doing magical passes. Thank you.

    * * *

    To love is to understand the whole process occurring within a person or entity. This means allowing this being to prove himself as he can and wants to. To love the world is to be able to listen to it and hear it. My recent scene is when I met with my relatives. I felt incredible love, intimacy and admiration. I realized I’d never before experienced these feelings towards them. I just found I was part of them. In other words, I used to be filled with judgments about my family, judgments I’d heard from other people. When I met them, my judgments about them fell from me like leaves from a tree. In an instant – bang – all the leaves were on the ground. I saw an indescribable love which may have been hiding inside me all along, I don’t know. I’d experienced a state of love before, but this time it was different, closer to infinity. I would say that at this moment there was no “I”.
    And my scene from childhood: I loved my grandparents. I felt nice and calm around them, and a lot of trust and affection. I really loved them, and it was a constant feeling. I was so delighted – I remember a lot of good things. It was such a pleasure, so lovely.
    Being immersed in silence was like walking down a stairway. At first I felt my whole body, and then each part individually. And when my body was motionless, as if turned to stone, I realized there was no body. That moment was the beginning of my journey. I waited for what would appear in front of me. Suddenly I found myself in a desert, like the place I was in not long ago. The land was the same as it was before, covered with cracks, and I could see hills in the distance, even though it was night. I saw the outlines of the hills. All the surrounding vegetation was low. I was going to fulfill our task, and I saw the stars and infinity. As I looked at the sky I cried out, “I remember myself”. I stood shouting this over and over. Then I found myself between sleep and wakefulness, and I could easily have awakened or gone into any of the images that were passing in front of my eyes.

    * * * * * *

    Fri Jun 14, 2013 Recapitulation

    One day a man I was very glad to see came to visit us. But I felt resentful towards him, so instead of showing my joy, I acted unhappy to see him. Yet I was very glad to see him, and now I feel I’d really like to hug him. I regret I didn’t do it, as this man is no longer with us. So I just sat and did the sweeping breath till some recollections of him came to me. I remembered when we spent a week together in the village. We would go fishing or walk in the forest – it was so good to be with him. And I found some words for him: “I love you, thank you.” I really wanted to share these words with infinity, so I made an offering gesture from the Earth Form, collecting all my feelings for this man in my palms. In silence I let them go, and now I feel satisfaction, warmth and calm. Thank you.

    * * *

    I remembered a scene with my grandmother, who is no longer here. I realized this love hasn’t gone, that it’s with me and I am within this love. And I saw I could just keep this feeling in that confident, loving part of me that knows no boundaries. This would be an expression of love and gratitude for what’s been done for me. I can take that feeling into my everyday life, and bring that love, awareness and joy to my relationships. Now I feel relief and calm.

    * * *

    I remembered my first love. We looked into each other’s eyes and found ourselves in a place without dialog, without words. There was no need to talk. This man is no longer here, but I want to express my gratitude to him for these feelings, for crossing my path. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I came home after one of the Tensegrity workshops, I couldn’t refrain from hugging my parents in tears. I felt joy, gratitude and sadness at the same time. I felt true remorse for acting badly, for getting on their nerves. I apologized to them and felt huge relief – it was a real breakthrough. I didn’t want to go back to my old behavior. I felt movement in my whole body. I want to remain in this position of openness and awareness.

    * * *

    My situation: the money owed to me hasn’t been repaid. I’ve had a lot of inner contention and dialog about this. New view: now I’m more interested in being connected to the universe than in someone’s obligation to me. Now I have no judgment about it, and I say to this person, “It’s up to you, only you. Whatever you choose, I can understand you.”
    The next situation is about my grandfather, to whom I am eternally grateful. When I stepped into silence and began to recapitulate, I saw that the meaning of his life was to love me. All he did was for my well-being, because he loved me. He dreamed me forward and gave me the best he had. I remember how he used to stroke my back while we were watching TV in the evenings. It was a great time in my childhood. I want to say now, “My dear, beloved grandfather, I feel you and your presence 100%. I hug you, my dear, I feel deep gratitude to you. I remember you and I always will. I can see you now, I can feel you now.” Thank you.

    * * * * * *

    Sat, Jun 15, 2013. A Walk in Silence.

    I enjoyed showing the magical passes, I did them with even greater responsibility. When I stood outside, I went through some kind of tulle as if air consisted of invisible fog. I felt inner light of people, unity and equality with them. I understood that my ego has access only to primitive awareness and that to expand my perception, to see and to act, I need to refer to something bigger than my ego. I had a feeling of deep union with the world. I felt the world as myself and I asked myself what prevents me from being in that state constantly. The answer was: my ego and arrogance. And then, while I was examining the world I understood that I spent too much time learning to be above others. I personally chose to look at the world in this way. I intended it. And now the same way I need to intend new: new ways to look and see. And I began to act this way right from this moment during the walk. I felt freedom, the flow of my energy. The feeling of relief.

    * * *

    Today I decided to take the path I have never been on before. I felt how my perception changed only because of the fact of taking this new small path. I noticed that the same actions and the same route everyday fixes my attention very hard. I even noticed that I was paying attention to everything around besides my self. I feel gratitude to the world for opening and showing me all these things. I see beauty in the ordinary things which I pass by every day. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a very interesting walk. Feelings, which appeared during the previous week got stronger. When I was walking, I noticed that the trees were getting closer to me. And I understood that trees begin earlier energetically than physically. And I enter this space earlier than I get closer to the tree. It was a very interesting and a new way to feel. I was moving through this tree’s energy and there was a lot of love around me and it was like very simple… The world around me is in harmony, and I just go and life is simple, beautiful and amazing. While I was walking I was wondering what is love and understood that in this world love is very simple, without any embellishment. And in total, it is very good to live accepting everything on my own path, to live with awareness. I felt strong support from the back, a strong stream which holds me. I even could bend to the back. It was very pleasant for me to be aware of that. Thank you.

    * * *

    It was raining outside and I didn’t want to go for a walk, but therefore I went. The street was deserted, the rain stopped when I stood outside. I felt amazing scents. Then I heard amazing songs of the birds, as if there was nothing else in the world and no sounds besides this wonderful singing. I even stopped and thought that the birds went nuts. Some sparrow was singing very loud… The world definitely showed me how beautiful is the place I live at. In summary, the world tells me about new things in my life and this new appears from every side. I understand now that new depends on my relation to everything. I build my own world by myself. Also I want to say that when I was going to St. Petersburg I had a lucky ticket and also when I was going to the airport I had a lucky ticket again and when I returned to Ukhta, in the bus I also had a lucky ticket. And now I feel very good, calm and overwhelmed with a desire to act. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today a pulse from the infinity came around… words – it is possible to love myself!

    * * *

    I went for a walk to the lake, I was looking at ducks and enjoying this view. While I was looking at them, a state of inner calm came. I remembered my childhood. While I was standing with closed eyes I saw everything in details when I was at the lake, fishing, there was a spare fishing-rod and a bucket. This picture opened in front of me like in a movie. I was able to see details of things that I even did not see before. I felt the softness of grass… Yes, I stood at the shore of lake from my childhood. I had a feeling of rapture and excitement. Thank you

    * * * * * *

    Sun, Jun 16, 2013. A View from Silence.

    This week was very saturated. I was trying to think less about myself and to think more about others. I paid more attention to others. In connection with that, my inner rhythm changed and I started to better understand people, I managed to be more open to them and I began to feel them. It was very pleasant to do something for others. Now I clearly understand that if I’m going to proceed in this way, if I am going to preserve this state of openness, I will be able to see much more. Thank you.

    * * *

    It was very interesting for me this week… Up to this moment I was not truly aware of my relationships with close relatives. It did not touch or bother me. During this week I paid attention to this fact. We had a conversation with my mother recently and it showed me that my patterns of behavior when I am not aware, they keep my harder than my relatives. I want to say that it is very important for me to begin to see this fact. When we were doing magical passes I was looking at these situations and feeling this trampling in front of me. I was feeling love which was beyond the boundaries of ordinary views about my relatives. In the same second I was aware of my patterns and understating that I can do something to them. This state causes me to feel calm and confident in my self. Thus – it is possible to love. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was doing recapitulation and remembered my battle youth in aviation. Firstly, I remembered somewhere around 15 people and then other memories came to me about people who I had met for a few minutes. I remembered surnames and names. During 2 days I remembered 85 people who I didn’t remember at all until then. Recapitulation works so amazingly, you remember something which you would not remember in any other situation. This fact gave me pleasure and joy. I remembered situations which happened to me and other friends while we were flying in the air and during all the flying work. A whole week passed with delight and love to this work – to recapitulation, I managed to remember so many things and everyone who I remembered was also to meet me again. I guess it is something like that. Thank you.

    * * *

    I lived a very boring life without any events, it was only the home to work route every day. And recently guests came around, they are practitioners of our group. And everything have changed for me. I have found pluses and good sides everywhere. Now I even understand better our practice and tasks which we do. I have understood how to be aware. I am really understanding people and what is going on around me better. It is possible to love. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I understood that apparently it is possible to love myself. I managed to say NO to a man who was overreacting and going too far. I feel much better now.

    * * *

    I hold a managerial position; I am one of the directors of a company. There is one coworker in my organization who really pissed me off so I have decided to fire her. I have been waiting for this moment for so long and when I came to this decisive moment we gathered all together: me, other managers and she so we could tell her that we have decided to fire her. During this conversation, for which I have been waiting very long, I suddenly understood that we cannot fire her. I understood it with my body, energetically. I do not even know where this decision came from. But I was 100% sure about it. In other words, suddenly in a moment I just knew it and that’s all. In the end, she stayed with us and I am very glad for this fact. After this all judgments and thoughts that I had about her up to this moment, they just disappeared. I have understood how important it is to feel the balance, equilibrium in everything. Now I feel even some love, attachment and warmth to this woman. It is possible to love. I am very satisfied.

  119. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: Going beyond our capabilities

    If you realize with your whole body, that it is possible to love, then you will be able to go beyond your limits. Because love is possible only outside of our mind. It took us years of practicing to find the key, the formula, and begin to apply it in our own lives. You can do the same. This formula is very simple – the intention of the seers of ancient Mexico. But to reach this goal, you have to go beyond your own limits.

    Tue, June 18, 2013. Tracking Energy.

    There was something yesterday… And here the echoes of what it was… a girl was at the session at about 20 minutes, then she was gone and that’s what she wrote: “Unfortunately I do not have the opportunity to improve communication, because I live in the country. That was a test and it showed that I cannot use Skype for practices. It is a pity. I’m very interested in these practices, because they give a different sense of space. I was a short time with you, but at night I was traveling in a dream. It was an extraordinary adventure”…

    * * *

    I have two points to go beyond my own limits: to find a job, and to be conscious during the day and at night. When we did the magical passes, directing our awareness to infinity, I saw I was good in everything. I also chose the specific steps that I would perform. When I entered the dream, I found us standing in a circle. I saw my witnesses. Then, I saw as I was writing a book – this was exactly what I wanted to do. It was a pleasant, calm feeling. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have to step over my main pattern – the desire for love and recognition. I’ve had this pattern since I was 3. All my life is dyed with it, and I feel some confusion. So I can only rely on the unbending intent – to do everything possible to revise my pattern. Of course, I wrote a list of what I was going to undertake. And when we went into the silence, I saw us standing in a circle in the green room, holding hands tightly. It was a feeling of unity, support of each other. I felt a great sense of gratitude. Thank you.

    * * *

    I need to solve a problem I don’t want to be concerned with. It is about a paperwork. I fixed time when I do this. And when we dreamed, visualizing ourselves in the green room, I gripped others’ hands. I still have heat in my hands. And when we laid with heads towards the window in our dream, I found myself lying on my mat. The next moment, I found myself in a forest. I was lying on a small bridge over the river, watching the sun reflecting in the water. Then, I got a sense of being in three places at once: at home, in the green room, and on the bridge over the river. Besides, one more picture appeared – I saw a lot of people in bright clothes, making magical passes in a hall and I was among them. Thank you.

    * * *

    It’s been a hard day after yesterday’s recapitulation, when I was really upset and suffered from the inner dialogue that it might be wise to take a break, or stop practicing at all, etc. But in the evening, in spite of this dialogue, I caught myself looking at the clock, in case I should be late for the practice at 21:00. Today I wrote that I had to deal with a situation at work, and then, I realized that I just needed to keep doing what I started. And it does not matter – either I do it well or not. I understand now that I will have the result anyway. Immersing in silence, I could feel the energy flowing through my body from the shoulders to the heels, and vice versa. That was very interesting. When we joined hands, I felt the heat and vibration. My legs really warmed up and it was a pleasant feeling in the solar plexus. And then, when we were lying, I was looking at my feelings and I was very good, well, just very good. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have identified two main points of our practice. I want to express my gratitude to each employee in the company I work for, I’ve postponed it again and again, but now I feel that it’s time to do it. For myself I want to organize my Tensegrity activities and recapitulation more accurately. After I signed this energetically, I felt a lot of confidence and responsibility… When we paid our attention to our bodies, I had very interesting whole body sensations, I watched how the energy flows through my body. My thoughts were dissolved in the body. I was on the edge of a sleep. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have a problem I need to solve. There are 8 situations to recapitulate and I’m scared to look at them. Yesterday, I tried to deal with one, but I could not. I know I’m able to deal with it, but I do not know yet how. In any case, I know there’s nothing else I can do but just deal with them. Now I definitely have such an intention. I’m going towards this, smell it and getting closer to the goal… I watched the mind dissolving in the body and I really felt it. I realized at that moment that I could see the surroundings and can take action. I was in the green room and saw everything very clearly and everything was as usual. Standing in a circle, I was not worried about the task we have found for themselves. Hand in hand, I felt everyone in this circle really wanted to change something in one’s life. I realized that the main thing – was an attitude happening at one point, and if I had this attitude, I could do the task of any complexity. Then, when we laid on the mats, I saw a huge butterfly in the dark. And then, it was very interesting to be like here and there. I distinctly saw myself in two places. During this practice, I thought I was awake, but when it’s time to end our trip, I realized that my body was asleep. I slept. And I hardly woke up my body. I mean, I did not sleep as we usually do… but at the same time, I was asleep.

    Thu, June 20, 2013. Weekly practice in the studio – Going beyond our capabilities.

    From the beginning of practice, I could not find in what area (or part of me) I would go beyond my boundaries. Then we started to look for an event filled with awareness, in our lives. And only when the facilitator gave his example, I finally realized, or rather felt, that it made sense for me, too, and I wanted to do it for my mother – to make any valued gift for her. In fact, my relationship with my mother, for some reason, has always been such a restraint, that I have not even thought about something like making a gift. And my goal today is to do it from my heart, with a sense of gratitude and love, not thinking about myself. And I still can not see how to do this. I have a lot to overcome and should find a new way. However, recalling the moments filled with awareness, compared to which all my fears look like tiny pettiness, I feel confident to do it. And not only that. Thank you!

    * * *

    When I brought the mood of a bright moment into a situation where I wanted to go beyond my boundaries, I felt the fear begin to give space to a sense of joy and awareness. After spending some time in this state, I started to get the feeling that I act advisedly and stop to ask myself the question, “What motivates me? What is my intention here and now?”. Being confident, I know what to do. Then something interesting happens 🙂 After practice on Tuesday, I’m recapitulating in two parallel directions: I continue to go through the list, and at another time of the same day, to recapitulate the situation with my mother, following the intention of last week. The point is I have to do this late at night, before going to bed, because of the tight schedule, and I feel tired at this time. But when I choose to find the witness this time, tiredness goes away and there are forces, as if the energy of the intention helps me to continue.

    * * *

    I tried to join two situations and realized that you can do the same thing at any moment of life. Lighten my custom or misconceptions with joy. I saw clearly that it is possible to do. I can do it and I like it. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I looked at my situation, which is about my relationship, I understood – I was not ready for it that moment. I intend to stop this relationship without future. I’ve seen that I’m just fooling myself and the young man …

    * * *

    To go beyond my capabilities means for me to recapitulate every day. Also, to bring to stop the inner dialogue as long as possible. It is an important moment for me, when I am filled with awareness. Once this happened on my flying practice, when I took off ahead of the group to an aeroscout mission. The flight was in the UFO’s zone. The whole sky was filled with fiery jets, the same jets exhausted from both engines nozzles, mingling with the fire of the engines. The pilot next to me reported: “Engines burn, request eject”. At this point, I put myself in the frame of inner peace. And the air navigator reported that an ellipse-shaped object under us, three kilometers long and one and a half wide, is moving toward the ocean. I immediately realized that it was the UFO’s interference. Radiation sensor showed 480 micro-roentgen per hour. The second navigator also was thrilling. I had to reassure them, to say this was a standard situation, not the first time, and they must perform their duties. I didn’t report this to the second group, flying in 10 minutes, I did not want to disrupt the tactical-flight training. The flight itself was very calm and the weather was good and at an altitude of 10 kilometers, we plumped into such jets of fire. They were like energy rolled down on the glass and on the aircraft fuselage. Later, I heard that two other crew reported to the MCC about it and they were sent to a psychiatric hospital for examination and were grounded for six months. This flight was the most exciting in my flight practice. It took all my self-control to act adequately in this situation. It was an important moment of awareness. As for the object, it flew toward the ocean covering the distance of 700 km in 2 seconds.

    * * *

    I remembered today the following situation… My dog plays a big role in my life. Once, we took a walk with her in the evening, and I turned onto a path where I had never gone, for the dog ran there and did not respond. I immediately felt a redolent odour. This smell filled all my being. When I bent down to smell a plant, I saw a ladybird of unprecedented beauty at it. I’ve never seen such beauty – bright-bright, red-red. I thought it was a good idea to walk along new paths and explore new things. I got an appointment with this ladybug as a sign, and from that moment began to look inside myself and analyze, revising my own life. After that, when I responded to the situation in a new way, a ladybird flew to me, the brightest, it was amazing. And one day, when I behaved in usual way, reacted sharply, aggressively at the situation, I saw a dead ladybird under my feet. It was a serious indication of how I live. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve never made gifts. I just have not learned to give gifts, and I do not understand why this is even necessary. So giving gifts is my new action and it is beyond my capabilities. My task now is to give gifts to those whom I didn’t want to before. Thank you.

    Fri, June 21, 2013. Recapitulation.

    I really wanted to get classmates’ recognition, and once went to school in a new image, but one of my classmates said I looked like a schmuck, coming in wearing cheap $1.00 Chinese glasses and showing off to everyone. I immediately felt like a loser, the poor, I had a desire to take revenge on him because I hated him for those words, and yet I wanted to dust him off. I was very sorry about all that happened, and I thought that now it would never show up and even forbade myself to want this. I also started to hate those glasses. Now I see it differently:
    1. When I got dressed that way, all I wanted was to get classmates’ recognition. I did not realize that all together it looks stupidly ridiculous. I admit it. Now, I deal with the subject “What to wear and how to look” more carefully. In this situation, I see how important it is to take the details seriously and to think things through.
    2. When I realized that I had failed to get recognition, I began to oppress my desire to show up with the inner dialogue: ” you may pay a high price for it”. Now I see it and I can just use images to draw attention to specific purposes, be in the flow, and not for satisfying my ego. Maybe I’ll buy sunglasses, consulting someone.
    3. I started to hate the classmate because I saddled all the responsibility for the situation upon him. Now I see that it is my responsibility, nobody is perfect, if you lose don’t lose the lesson.
    4. I felt ashamed of my poverty because I compared myself with my classmates who were rich. I felt deprived, like a loser. Now I see that in spite of any social situation, we are all equal in class, and it is my responsibility to allow myself to earn as much as I need. Being close to the rich people stimulates me to become richer and solve problems striving for best results.
    5. I needed classmates’ recognition, because I thought I must have won the respect of the team showing up, to stay afloat. Now I see that to show up is not the only way to be respected. Now I understand that I do respect the people I interact with.

    * * *

    My mother visited me in the army, and, recapitulating the situation, I suddenly realized for myself how much she loved me. I’m an incredible confirmation of her love for herself. When she told me that she loved me in my childhood, her word passed by me, I did not feel it. But this situation just put me wise. I feel with all my heart what she felt and how much she loved me. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’m at a dead-lock in relations with my mother, and do not know yet how to proceed. But today I’ve found the pattern: I always replace my attention to the other, to my mother, to children, to friends, by something tangible. Something in me opened immediately after the practice. I’ve found the thing related to the theme of our week. I realized that I not only stay within my own boundaries, but also I do not even do what I can within them. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I’ve had the first recapitulation in my life. I’ve seen that my pattern is present in all situations of my life, it is a fundamental one: I’M NOT APPRECIATED. I did not know what to do with it, but after a few days, after the first two recapitulations, I changed my attitude to my mother, and we have developed our relationship, thanks to my perception. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had a couple of situations needed to be revised. I was waiting for a impulse, and when it came to me, I just started to write. I was writing down until the situation has not dried up. I’ve done the same with every scene. I liked that every scene dissolved. They have ceased to excite and disturb me.

    Sat, June 22, 2013. A Walk in Silence.

    Before going for a walk, we did the magical passes, and at that moment I saw a big cherry car, a man in a hat with a scarf around his neck and a group of people. When I came out on the terrace steps, and stepped over the line, I saw the cherry car in the yard. My jaw nearly dropped. Then I met a man in baggy trousers, he wore that hat and the scarf around his neck. It became even more interesting. Then, as I passed a playground, I saw that group of people. During the entire walk, I caught the cherry blossom almost anywhere. I even talked to a sparrow and we understood each other. I walked, laughing in festive mood. I felt the whole of our group during this walk. I had the feeling that I was in the theater, and this performance was for me. Thank you.

    * * *

    During the walk, I felt ease and inspiration. When I stop having myself in eye, my perception expands. I looked at everything and noticed hundreds of different details. People around were similar to each other. Trees were also similar to each other but there were joined by silence. They were the same in this silence and united in awareness. I saw a lot of ideas and thoughts in people. I saw the same in myself, I do a lot of things automatically, without awareness. The challenge for me is to live in a new way.

    * * *

    There was a moment of transition when I went outside where I crossed the line. The real moment of transition, a moment of change, the decision to be elsewhere. The density of the space around and vibration changed. I walked within this space and could not get who of the practitioners was next to me, then I saw Anastasia on my right. She was like a shadow beside me. Then I realized that I did need to turn my head to look around, I was doing it anyway. I felt the moment of here and now. I even wrote down in my navigator diary: “I’m a pure attention”. Then I stepped up to a tree and did a magical pass invisibly. Then I just walked in silence and felt gratitude. At that moment I realized that Tensegrity was a constant struggle for one’s awareness. It’s a fight without the slightest hint of something to get or someone to be.

    Sun, June 23,2013. A View from Silence.

    This week, I’ve cleared up what “limits of my capabilities” means for me. I’ve noticed that I am creating a kind of intense activity, but do not actually do what I need. I’m not moving anywhere. Also, I went beyond my limits – on Saturday, during a walk, when something amazing happened. I managed to see with my body – to perceive by the body. It was an amazing feeling. I looked at the full moon all yesterday evening… I can not explain these feelings, but they are absolutely incredible.

    * * *

    All this week I was doing something new, but I had a feeling of incompleteness. And yesterday at the Cleargreen class, I suddenly felt the shining sun, the living Earth, as they were in the present moment. This resulted in the words – to be faithful to my own heart. After class, I was walking, staying in the moment here and now. The fact that I’m here is everything I actually need. I was walking, breathing, looking at people and all around – I felt all this as a miracle and I did not have any dialogue. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was carrying out the task received on Friday, that was a story when all my colleagues snapped at me. But I’ve already had results. When I came to my team in a new mood, people first started to talk to me. I had to be sweet, friendly and open to communicate to them. A conversation flowed in itself – free. Also going beyond my capabilities meant that I began to seek silence in every moment, no matter what I was doing. When I was in such a moment, I thanked the Earth for being alive and being able to see this beauty. I felt as my body was connecting to the infinity. That was beautiful.

    * * *

    This was a magical week. I was winging. During my recapitulation, I went in a situation and, with my eyes closed, said new words to that person. I was sitting on the riverside, and when I opened my eyes, I saw a drifting heart. This lasted for a few moments, and I was impressed by this vision. On another day I was recapitulating in a very clean park, nobody was around me, and a bird came and sat next to me – this pleased me very much, too. I felt so open as it was possible for me. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    This week, I’ve managed to accomplish all the tasks. I don’t know the boundaries of my capabilities, everyone, probably, do not know his abilities, doing such a magical thing as Tensegrity. I have new and unusual sensations, and so every year – I find something fresh and new in myself. For example, I recapitulated my colleagues whom I haven’t not seen in 20 years, and as soon as I started to recall, I found situations with the most minute details, and I could not get where they came from, it’s a wonder. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week, I’ve been more collected – maybe it’s going beyond my capabilities. I’ve acted positively, without fuss, worry, or fear. I’ve just acted. At one of the practices, I realized I needed to buy a bicycle. Today I’ve bought two bicycles – to my son and myself. Now I clearly understand, realize, how easy it is to get pleasure from simple things that surround us. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve realized that practicing Tensegrity I get understanding, balance in my actions. My life’s getting more harmonious. This has happened all this week. For example, today I decided to buy strawberries for my mom, it’s just strawberries… but my mom was lost in admiration of it. I was very pleased. I’ve got some kind of approach, a right attitude… Thank you.

  120. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: The Event of Great Importance

    Events run in front of our eyes, like TV shows on the screen. We often miss important points because we are too preoccupied with ourselves. On the other hand, we can cling to nothing, not worth anything, and elevate it to the skies. Why is this happening? And what to do if we want to change the picture of the world? These are the questions we seek answers to the next cycle of our practices “event of special importance.”

    Tue, June 25, 2013 Tracking Energy.

    I am here at this practice for a reason – that my whole being wants it. I am here in this world to clean up my connections with other people, the world, and the universe. When we entered dreaming, I saw a small path in the mountains which led up. And I saw our group and the way how I help them and how they help me. And I understood that my interaction with the group and all practices give me precisely what I need – awareness and also my energetical body getting closer to me. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have discovered today the body position of a miracle. It is a state that feels as if I have touched to the source where we all belong. Absolutely everyone. Thank you.

    * * *

    I feel myself as a part of the world and my task is to learn how to interact harmonically with everything what surrounds me. The first scene that I remembered was yesterday at the sea. Some part of me separated and observed everything around me. There was harmony in this simple interaction. There were a lot of such moments in my life and I want to widen these moments so they could be my common state. When we dreamed, I saw starfish. It was large and there was total tranquility behind it. Thank you.

    * * *

    I am on this practice to be aware, to deal with my life – to operate freely and consciously, responsibility to myself and to the group, the joy of working together. I am in this world, to be attentive, to love and to realize my dreams. Events that correspond to the mood are our joint practices and my journey. When we entered the dream, I saw myself in the circle of our group. When I was focusing on someone, I had a dream about this person. Thank you.

    * * *

    My presence at this practice determines the desire to develop my awareness daily. To store energy and to be attentive to everything in my life. And my presence in this world determines the intention to develop and maintain a harmonious relationship with other creatures, with the universe, and the desire to go beyond my own capabilities. I want to be useful to society and to the people and to evolve as a human being. As an example for me may serve as Carlos Castaneda, his tremendous energy and what he has done in his life for others. For me the event of the special importance is my first Tensegrity workshop in Moscow. I could feel the energy as it flows, the relationship between people, their common intention, strength and spirit. It was awesome. For me, it is also important to be in nature and to connect with it where I am one with the world – nature gives me strength. A very important event for me – every practice in Constellation Group, which I am able to attend. This is a step forward for me. I understood only through Tensegrity practice I can expand capabilities as a human being. Each practice is important for me and communication with our group.
    My dream: we took each other’s hands, jumped up and flew. I saw the sky, the constellations, all throbbing around and everything was alive. Then I flew through the tunnel and saw the different places where recently traveled. Then I was in Karelia in my homeland. I sat on the bank of the river, and was united with all that surrounds me. It was a unity, I admired all around and tears welled up in my eyes. Thank you.

    * * *

    My presence at this practice determines my unbending intent and the fact that these practices works for me. I have felt the power of these practices since the first times when I was only beginning. This practices were very strong and continue to be strong. Tensegrity is my part of the hearth and I love it very much. When we entered dreaming, I saw my trip to the workshop and I felt my unbending intent to be there. I want very much to be in this mood as long as possible. Thank you.

    * * *

    I came here to have a look out of silence at important events of my life. I came to this world to find a path to myself, to develop awareness up to the maximum limits and to help others to do the same thing. I wrote down moments when I do something for others with awareness. And it does not mean to help someone, this action when I do not know exactly what I am doing for a person or for the spirit. I believe they’re the actions for the sake of actions, when there are no expectations. A gesture without expectations.
    When we entered the silence, firstly I remembered and saw three magical dreaming which I had before. Then I saw a hall in which we practice on Thursdays and there were a lot of glad people. They were pleased with our practices. Some of them were jumping with joy. Then I saw lists of practitioners, long lists. And when we were returning I was in the state between dreaming and being here and was able to choose. I could go to the dream at any time.

    * * * * * *

    Thu, June 27, 2013 Weekly practice.

    I found two very important events, the first one represented my awe and happiness and another one was about others picking on me and getting on my nerves. When I connected these two scenes and entered the negative scene with new awareness I felt tranquility and silence. I wish wellness to this people and calm them with me tranquility.

    * * *

    The first scene I saw was about a tree. Another one was about me when I was 14 and I got totally drunk in summer camp. When I entered this scene, I saw a clover, a juicy clover. There were nothing in this scenes. I was totally calm, self-confident. I hear my heart and know which direction I should take.

    * * *

    When I entered the old scene with my magical state, I did not understand how one could live and act any other way than from silence… I feel calm, sober, and I have a full view of the picture.

    * * *

    My whole being is overwhelmed with joy of how opened I feel myself. I am very glad that my friend came to the practice and it was like the most desired thing for me and it happened. During the practice something happened that really impresses me: my whole body felt a very powerful energy stream where all of us were, and also it was much more real than the fact that our physical bodies came to this place to deal with something in our lives. Joy and openness of the fact that all of us were there in that stream and interacted accordingly to our intent. Now I recall how I took the feeling of joy out of light scene and went to the scene where I had fear and this fear dissolved and I didn’t feel that fear anymore. And now I have a desire to continue to act calmly and confidently and I trust myself and other people who are next to me. I want very much to share this joy and warmth which I have now. 🙂

    * * * * * *

    Friday, 28.06.2013. Recapitulation.

    I was hated by a girlfriend and initially I didn’t know the reasons for it. Recapitulating this scene I saw that 75% of that hatred was my responsibility. Then I saw that in reality she hadn’t been guilty and it was me who 100% responsible for her hatred. It was a real discovery…

    * * *

    This week I have found that I can be a free being. I really understood that everything around is created by me. It will be easier to live hearing my inner voice. Thank you.

    * * *

    In the beginning I was sure that he was 70% guilty, after magical passes he was 60% guilty and then 0%. It’s wonderful that he is not to blame. Thank you.

    * * *

    In my scene I beat my child. After magical passes I understood that I totally wasn’t aware of my actions. My emotions and my ego ran me. Now I see if there is awareness there are no such actions. I choose to be aware. Thank you.

    * * *

    I am very angry with my friend and consider her to be blamed for it 90%. After magical passes I see her guilty 50% and in the end I see that I am just pity to myself and my friend is not blame for this all.

    * * *

    My women are unfaithful to me, they are 100% guilty. Then I saw that 30% is my investment to that. In the end of recapitulation I saw that the only reason is me. I didn’t understand what I had done in those relationships and I got the same result.
    In another situation I was rude with my grandfather and I offended him. In the beginning I thought that the initiator was not me. Then something strange happened. I SAW that my origin – the origin of pure light – cant do such things. And the other side – discontent shadow which twitches, snarls, grumbles, wriggles, squirms. Now I am not related to my dark side. An initiator of that scene was my ego. I wanna hug my grandfather and say: “Dear granddad, I love you so much. You can’t imagine how I love you. I am deeply thankful for everything you do for me. And of course I got a little excited. I am sorry.”

    * * *

    Saturday. 29.06.2013 Walk in silence.

    When I opened the door and stepped over the doorstep my perception shifted. But it was elusive. I was walking without thinking and on one of the hills I wanted just to breathe. I was breathing and doing a magical pass. The bell rang far away and this ringing coincided with my breath rhythm. Suddenly I saw the world around in a different way – everything was connected with each other and everything I saw was talking to me. I felt the dreaming flow close to me and while coming back I felt it. My body started to do magical passes by itself. My chest wanted to breath differently – as if I got free from something. I connected to real life, it was going into me through that greenery, earth, stones. I felt so good…thank you.

    * * *

    When I was doing magical passes at home I imagined the path I would walk at today. I saw a bicyclist, a group of people and a big grey dog. As I went out I met everything that I had seen doing passes. I met the bicyclist and big grey dog. Then I saw directly that group of people, they were standing as I had seen them.

    * * *

    When I was looking at my path I felt joy in one place. I saw it as some important event in my life. As I came to that place I saw a group of people standing around a new car. They we really pleased with that purchase. While coming back I saw the dog, it was so full of joy, so involved into life….it was running and was happy. I understood that the important thing for me is to live like that dog – with such involve and joy. Its wonderful and it exited me. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I steped over the doorstep I felt everything became alive. Everything moved and got colorful. I realized it was the second attention. I felt wonderful. I got much information in that state of silence. I couldn’t even understand how it worked. In that state I started to look for the important events of my life. And I decided to ask a tree about it. I saw many flowers and information and images, and the tree answers that the most important moment of my life is now. Because at that moment I got much information and power. I heartily thank the tree. Then I was walking and seeing an animal in every man I met. As if different animals live in people. In one man I saw a heron in other one – a pig, and they all lived in different parts of a body. I knew what it meant. Those animals were the reflection of that people’s life and features. And later I met one very old man, he was totally relaxed and I saw nobody in him. He was in a calm state, here and now.

    * * *

    When we were doing magical passes I saw a car – an unusual car, empty bench and a little dog. When I stepped over the line I felt another vibration and I walked looking at everything like a dream. The bench was really empty, I stopped near it and started to write. Looking up I saw the car from my dreaming. Then I was walking in silence and I had very good mood. After I saw a little boy with a little dog. The dog was so pretty, playful and sweet… I got to know it and talked to. It was the reflection of openness and at the moment I wanted to go away it laid on its stomach and bent the head. The time when I am attentive is the time of great importance. And one more important occasion is the moment at which I saw the Infinity the first time…it was on my first seminar. It is important because I can strengthen the line from that moment to another situations in my life and to fulfill them with silence.

    * * * * * *

    Sun, June 30, 2013. A View from Silence.

    I’ve been practicing just for a month, and I’ve noticed that magical passes help me pull myself together in difficult tangled situations. I have time to stop, make a pause and look at the situation more soberly.

    * * *

    For me the true moment of silence becomes communication with my mother. It happens more and more often. When it happens I feel love for her on a very deep level. In such moments my heart talks to her. I understand her completely, I feel her thoughts etc. I feel very grateful to her for I have her.
    The second moment of silence happened to me during a break, when I bought some milk and decided to have a sip. Suddenly I saw a cow. I understood that it was her milk that I drank and I thanked her for that. It was a pleasure for me to feel connection with this cow.
    I felt great interest in life. For example, when I’m on the bus, I go into inner silence, the world becomes magic and one realization comes after another. And each of them is like a separate opportunity, a separate life. Thank you.

    * * *

    It helps me to do the magical pass where I turn my arms a little bit. I can do this pass anywhere and it helps me to be more open. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’d like to share my new relationship with my uncle. You know, many a true word is spoken in jest… My
    uncle always called me a blockhead. If they call us a name in a disrespectful or mocking way, it means that there is some underlying reason for that. I really was a blockhead… After the visit to my uncle, who lives quite far away, our relations have changed. Now he calls me by my name and says thank you to me. I was surprised by that. I can see that he began to respect me, maybe because I began to respect myself. It certainly means a lot for me. I feel very confident because of it.

  121. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: An Attentive Attitude Towards Ourselves – Health

    With every new view of our lives and every new action we take, we become more attentive. Yet no matter how attentive we are, we still have problems in different areas of our lives. This week we are going to take a closer look at some of them. If you are interested in looking at your own life more closely, welcome to our practices!

    Tue, July 2, 2013. Tracking Energy

    I remembered a scene from my childhood when I was riding my bike around town and felt just wonderful. When we went into silence I felt a heaviness so quickly that I lost the sensation of having a body and began to lift off. I even got scared. I had the sensation of a coming avalanche, energy kept building up, and every part of my body was filled with it. Then I felt vibration and prickling, and waves were coming up to my body. When we returned to a normal state I felt fullness in each cell of my body. Thank you.

    * * *

    I remembered the scene from my childhood when I was lost in the forest with my dad. We went about 8 hours without stopping, and I felt simply great. When we sank into dreaming I saw two men. I saw every detail of their clothes, and even the metal rim of one of their glasses. I understood that we were in a boat on the ocean, and I recognized that one of the men was Carlos Castaneda. I even felt shy. Every organ of my body felt hollow, yet was filled with a minty cold. Then I almost fell asleep, and saw how I rub my mother’s hands and shoulders. Then I almost fell asleep again and saw another scene involving my hands. Now I feel the intent to concentrate on my health. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we went into silence I just fell asleep. I dreamed I was with all of you somewhere. It was very warm. Then the dream passed and I could understand what the others were doing and I did the same.

    * * *

    First I wrote a list of changes to make in maintaining my health. When I went into silence there was darkness and emptiness around me, and only the voice of the practitioner who was leading us kept my attention from falling asleep. In this state I took a look at my life and understood I was rushing too much, and that’s why I couldn’t take proper care of myself. In this state I understood I couldn’t live that way any more, and desperately wanted to change the situation. All I want now is to accumulate silence every hour of every day. I understand that only in silence can I see what’s really going on.

    * * *

    I remembered a scene in the Siberian frost from my childhood. I felt heat, and was blazing with health. I swam in the snow and felt absolutely happy. In this state I entered silence and filled my body with that happiness. When I transferred this state to my problematic zones, I felt how all the knots in my body relaxed. My body dissolved – it ceased to be physical and became more energetic. The knots dissolved and my left side especially expanded – it grew bigger and bigger. I can save attention while I’m dreaming. Thank you.

    * * *

    More and more moments of happiness and joy are coming into my life now. These are moments of agreement that evoke health and well-being. These states are both physical and energetic. When I entered silence in this state, it felt like a real silence. My body was falling asleep. I knew I had a body but didn’t know what to do with it. In this state I traveled to all the parts of my body and said “thank you” to all my organs. This lit up my whole body. The most interesting thing was that I twice saw myself as a woman. When we woke up, I purposely looked at my body and understood how much it was asleep.

    Thurs, July 4, 2013 Weekly Practice

    I remembered a scene when I kissed my girlfriend that time when she had a cold. I knew I shouldn’t do that because I could get sick – I did it anyway and got sick.

    * * *

    This is my first time at this practice. I entered my stream where I now feel I belong. I was amazed how much my state changed. Now I feel wonderful, open and determined. Thank you.

    * * *

    I am greatly affected – something has definitely changed. For the first time, silence surrounded me after I did magical passes. I think this is a momentous breakthrough. I definitely experienced myself differently. When I was looking for a new view, I discovered that a state of health means serenity inside and around me. Thank you.

    * * *

    After the Amber Stream I heard sounds differently. With my left ear I heard one kind of sound, and with my right ear I heard completely different sounds. These sounds were all quite separated – they didn’t mix at all. I immersed myself in this state of calm and was completely filled with silence. Thank you.

    Fri, July 5, 2013 Recapitulation

    Now there is only silence inside me. I want to make my life decisions from out of this silence. I am definitely an impulsive, emotional man and I love to make decisions on the spur of the moment. But now I want to act from silence, because when I act impulsively I get conflict and discontent – all my problems come from this.

    * * *

    Recapitulation is very hard for me. Now I feel calm with the awareness that I don’t have to worry. I see that all my worrying doesn’t help solve my problems. I understand that no one has to prove anything to me. Now I feel much better – I’m in a good mood. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was examining one of my heavy issues, smoking. While I was recapitulating I understood I really could give up smoking. I received great support from my group today. I want to say that sometimes I need to ask for help, and I’m very grateful to everyone for their support and help. Thank you.

    * * *

    During this practice is was really important for me to learn to be unprejudiced. And I supported my witness from a state of silence. My witness was my voice, and I was a microphone that just reproduced and adjusted the sounds. I’m really happy with what I saw during this practice. Thank you for a great lesson and an opportunity to move on.

    Sat, Jul 6, 2013 A walk in Silence.

    Today during the walk I felt myself as if I was standing in mountains. Butterflies were flying around, lots of flowers everywhere and I even could see a sea in the distance. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we were doing magical passes before the walk, I saw a plump woman wearing a red dress. Then we went outside. It came to me during this walk that attentive treatment of myself is not just visiting a doctor or doing medical procedures. For me it is also a wet cleaning of my apartment once in three days. Usually I don’t do it. Soon there will be lots of computer work and I intend to take a break after every hour of work. It will help me to save my energy in a good shape. The woman in a red dress didn’t appear for a while and I had the feeling that I just need to wait a bit. My insight didn’t lie to me. She came after all and passed by me. Also I was inspired that I’m going to buy healthy food in the market and then cook it for myself, a food filled with energy. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we were doing magical passes, I closed my eyes and imagined my route. I saw a young couple with a beige carriage. I saw this couple in great detail. Then I saw a butterfly flying around, also very clear. Then I saw a big dog and a small dog and then I saw a weird cycler. And the last thing that I saw was a disabled man. When I came outside to the street and crossed the line, nothing special happened. But in 5 minutes I saw a woman with a carriage, exactly that woman. And when I went down to the river, I sighed ‘Ahhhh’, a butterfly flew in front of me, the butterfly out of my dreaming. It was extremely beatiful. I sat down and the butterfly continued to fly around of me. I talked to it and sat stunned with this picture. When I decided to go, the butterfly just disappeared. Then I saw a weird cycler, he was riding in a sheepskin coat while it was 86 degrees outside. Then I saw the dogs and then while I was going home I saw a wave of energy, a disabled man from my dream was going away. My slogan in relation to the subject of our practice is – down with alcohol because I already saw too many signs today pointing to that. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I went outside to the street, I saw a man skating on rollerblades with a hockeystick. I remembered that I wanted to go running, but I lost my sneakers after moving to another house and it became a cause not to run. Today I clearly understood while looking at the “hockey-player” that you can run with bare feet if you want to and that is what I decided to do. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I found out that to feel well I only need to stop eating before going to bed. It is that simple. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we were doing magical passes at home I saw a deserted street and also I understood that I’m gazing at a dog. When I stood outside and crossed the line I felt a vibration, the solidness of space around me was different. I went by my old path and when I came to the street it was really deserted like in a movie, there was not a soul. I was going down the street and it came to me that what I wrote down – attentive treatment toward myself is a state of love where everything happens naturally. Things are coming, and people appearing, etc. Exactly that state leads me to a common state of wellbeing and health. In that state I have enough strength to follow the energy. When I was returning home I saw a dog from my dream. It was exactly that dog at 100%. I stopped and talked to that dog. I like it very much. Then I went home completely pleased. Thank you.

    Sun, Jul 7, 2013 A View from Silence.

    During this week I saw a direct connection of feelings, mood, and inner dialog. It all connected with inner dialog from inside. And when I am aware of my inner dialog, I can be aware of all the feelings in my body. And when I am aware of my feelings, I can do something with it, to act in a new way. Also during this week I solved a problem with my health which has lasted for a whole year. When I was doing recapitulation with my witnesses, I understood that attentive treatment of other people is an attentive treatment of myself. That’s why I enjoy being attentive to others. It is very pleasant and means attentive care of myself. Thank you.

    * * *

    As for me, my state of health is a state of well-being in total. I picked some spheres of my life that I am going to attentively look at. On Monday I had an aching sense of despair. As for me it was like a message, like a sign. In the end I started to feel more present. My self-esteem rose and now I have more attention. Thank you.

    * * *

    The sphere of health is the sphere which is very difficult for me. And in that sphere I have lots of patterns which are difficult to give up. I found an inner dialog that I don’t have enough time to practice Tensegrity. And this dialog is really about my body and health. During this week I understood that I don’t need any additional time to change myself. I already have all the time I need. My body is here and always with me, I don’t need to go anywhere. I can begin to act right here and right now. This week was very hard for me. My patterns strangled me, but I’m keeping up. I don’t see any other exit except to win. Only by winning can I be myself. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week lots of things moved in the direction of a healthy way of life. I changed my food style, visited nature more often and at last I started to run. Running gives my lots of pleasure. I’m thankful to this week because it brought lots of new with it. Now I have a whole plan of actions in reference to my health and future. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’ve been in the practice group only for a week. The subject of this week suites me very much. It wasn’t very hard for me to give up alcoholic drinks. Attentive care of myself and my health is why I came to you in this group. It is a continuing of recapitulation. That what I see and hear in many ways correlates with seeing of my situation and this strengthens me in the belief that I’m moving in the right direction. For me a normal state is to have good relations with other people. To treat a man the way you want him to treat you. I’m sure that Tensegrity practices will help me even more.

    * * *

    My health is connected with my personal life. I’m trying to set it up. And this week I started to make decisions from the state of responsibility and silence. For example, I went to the river on Saturday, sat there in silence and made a decision without any bustle. I feel how my intention is beginning to materialize. I didn’t think about recapitulation, but I did act and I’ve done lots of things at my work this week. I see a huge perspective in reference to our practices. Thank you.

    * * *

    It was very hard to me and I wanted to give up everything. My thoughts were “What am I doing? I can’t change anything. It is impossible.” But I gathered my last strength and joined the practices. Now at the end of practice I feel how my state dissolved. My ability to speak returned to me, even though I couldn’t talk before practice because of my thoughts. When we were doing magical passes I realized that for me it costs nothing.

    * * *

    First of all, today was an amazing moment; I was sitting in a café and thought about practices in our group. Next to me sat two girls and a guy. I could see and hear everything that they talked about. One girl started to explain her dream and I was completely shocked… I understood that she explains her dream for me. She was talking with such a feeling…. She was completely in her state of gratitude of that moment. I was captured by the moment and very glad…
    Also this week I moved forward in the treatment of my health. By moving toward a solution of these questions I change strategy once every six months. Now I am closer and closer to the solution of distinct questions related to health. During this week new strategies have came to me with new views in my treatment of health. And if I like the place and people and everything around then the place likes me and opens its secrets. Tips are coming out of nowhere. It is the world that speaks to me, it spoke earlier but I didn’t pay attention to it. We can transform our life into a fairy tale it is only desire that is required. Thank you.

  122. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: An Attentive Attitude Towards Ourselves – finances

    Last week we turned our attention on health. We found, we could SEE that we are a Tensegrity structure. Everything is connected and interdependent, the theme of health has opened different spaces for recapitulation which we didn’t dare to look at before. We like what is happening now in our group so we continue the theme “Attentive attitude to ourselves” and we will look at finances. How do we treat with money? How to create harmonic relations with them? Is it possible to be self-sufficient in this sphere? These are some questions that we will research in our recapitulation.

    Tue, Jul 09, 2013 Tracking Energy.

    At this practice I have seen how to change my financial situation to a better one. I saw my actions and how those actions fulfilled me with happiness. I saw myself actualizing that deal, fulfilled with joy, openness, independence and inspiration. Now I started to do the things I saw. I clearly see what to do next.

    * * *

    What silence and quiet…I saw great possibilities in my life. I don’t have enough energy for everything because I spend much energy on useless things so my aim becomes unclear. I don’t have enough discipline and because of this my possibilities break. My dialogue: how I can do it if I am so tired…When we were in silence I was just enjoying. I got the ability of pure understanding.

    * * *

    In the beginning I noticed that I had not much money for a flat, a car, different purchases and so on. Also I saw that I just wanted to own money for increasing my confidence. But real money is needed to sustain me in this world. I want to start a business and actualize my ideas.
    When we entered silence I was watching the realization of all this – I understood that I had brain stew and I recognize it. I saw that I was immersed in self-admiration…. I have the ideas but I still don’t know what I want. After I decided to watch my body shifts. Thank you.

    * * *

    The practice was perfect. I felt so full, warm and silent… Today it was so much work in tracking what I want and how I can achieve it and of course I saw many interesting things. I want to note how this practice opened me: when we entered silence I felt cold but step by step it was getting warmer and warmer. Having an outlook on my future life I rejoiced. I’ve got positive, optimism, something very good. I felt good energy around me and desire to share it with all the world. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    In the beginning I wrote that I need money for business. I need $3,000,000 for start. Later after magical passes I wrote that I have money for everything. I am very frugal about finances. I really have very unassuming demands and from the other side I have everything that I want. After, when we dived into the state between awake and dreaming I felt my body not to be mine. I saw the whole group in full attention. Everybody supported each other with attention. Then I saw what I was doing in my life. I saw how Tensegrity transforms and how I act in this process. I saw how to spend money and how to get it with better profits not only for myself.

    Thu, Jul 11, 2013. Weekly practice

    It was a practice which I had expected nothing from. I have never thought of the shadow as something important and having its own essence. But suddenly my shadow moved and we were going towards each other, it was growing and I saw my own unlimited power in it. I suddenly felt joy and sincere happiness. I felt that fears don’t exist, my shadow is not the protection given to me but my power, joyful and strong. And then I closed my eyes and did magical passes…and I suddenly saw the crystals – pure and clear as diamonds which appeared in the space of my energy body and I took them in my hands. It was like a present from my shadow or from me for myself. The practice gave me incredible power and I understood that life gives me gifts and money comes to me when I am full, power goes to power. With the help of magical passes and and contact with the shadow I felt wonderful balance inside. Thanks to everybody. Special gratitude to the instructor for his patience, wisdom and care, many words might be said. But only with my heart I can give my thankfulness to Dima, Marina and all the group for those wonderful moments of awareness and the path where we can be ourselves which is given by the practice.

    * * *

    Today I found: there is much unconscious spending in my life: on clothes that I don’t wear, food that is not useful or some stuff that seems to be nice but it is not used at home. I am the kind of person who gives. I like to give, to make presents with or without a reason, but I can’t say that I give more than I get. Because I think that these all turns back “with percepts”. I can’t say that money runs me, I run it..the question is that I don’t know my demands and just waste it. When we were walking and watching our shadows I saw that the shadow is alive whatever it is. It can be small or big, it doesn’t matter, but it doesn’t have any odd. The shadow doesn’t know what is the odd. Shadows can teach us this unspoken knowledge – what it needs to live and what demands are true.

    * * *

    Today at the practice my attention was spread but within half an hour of going home I received wonderful clearness and so clear a role of money in my life, my investment to this and my dreaming…it was a real discovery and a gift!! I want to follow that energy.

    * * *

    It was a wonderful practice yesterday. To explore the world of shadows was surprising and interesting. Yes, it is a whole world of shadows and things, including me. Every day we see thousands of shadows but we don’t notice them because our attention is in other places. Concentrating just on shadows I saw every time the common image of my room changes planes and diversity. Every time I saw a new image. My shadow had many layers. It was alive, had depth and slided from one layer to another. Watching it I dived into emptiness. I understood – as I concentrate on my shadow my inner dialog stops and I see something other – the Theater of Shadows. Also I saw that in the past money ran me, I had a long period of wasting money buying things. Now I am more reasonable with money and I run it. I like these words – “I run money”. I understood that I can enlarge my income, I need to look around and to find the ways. Dima and Marina, all the group – thank you for the practice and new findings, for everyday affords to bring something new to our lives.

    * * *

    When we were walking in rounds with the shadows I understood that we are never alone. A shadow is impersonal, unconditional and it is here. Even if the shadow is not visible – it doesn’t matter for it. A shadow is strong and hard. Shadows reflect our energetic essences. My shadow is me without inner dialogue, impersonal and unconditional.

    * * *

    When we were looking at the shadows I understood that recognizing the shadow gives calmness and calm attitude to the world. A shadow is like the entrance to the energy world. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I found that I give more than get. I run money. Sometimes I don’t want to know something about a human but today when we were walking with the shadows I saw the reflection of people’s nature in them. Every shadow was a story. In the end of the practice I summarized: like everything in this world money needs attention and respect.

    Fri, Jul, 12, 2013. Recapitulation

    The practice was productive. For me it was effective to recapitulate the scene by the method that we used. To send a letter for my two witnesses was easy, I really liked what they sent me in return – their letters were easier and more positive than mine. I saw that the topic of finance for me is associated with confidence / self-doubt, and for me this is one of the key moments in my life. There is something to work on. Thank you.

    * * *

    I wrote a letter to the offender, who did not give me back my money, and sent this letter to my two witnesses. In reply, it was much less emotion than in mine, I agreed with this. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I got my letter back, there was a lot more gratitude. And when I read the letter from my witness, I captured a feeling of complete disagreement or protest. I realized that writing out of this state is impossible, nothing good is going to happen. I have tried to shed some light on this situation and this I did. After that, I myself felt a great relief. Thank you.

    * * *

    In my letter I wrote that the fear was over in my situation. But when I got these angelic, kind, calm, supportive letters back, I was able to see my situation more deeply and I had more of openness and confidence. I did not expect such an effect. I felt a lot of support and I became more confident. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I got my letter back in duplicate, I saw the hidden side of the internal dialogue in the first letter, and in another there was no dialogue at all. It was just the point from which I could not see what was happening before. There was this new view and gratitude. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I wrote letters to my witnesses, I did it in one go and had a great sense of satisfaction. Letters have turned out half as long. I was able to write these letters in a new way, from the heart. A wonderful experience, I really liked it. Thank you.

    * * *

    Hatred and rejection do not decide anything in life. I saw today that awareness begins with careful attention to myself, respect and attention to myself. Then I get the same thing in relation to others. It is quite possible to be generous, even when the mind says otherwise. Thanks to my witnesses who saw what I myself could not see.

    * * *

    I really opened up when I got my letter back. I even shed a few tears. These new letters just showed me how to see in a new way. I was taught to disparage money and the challenge for me is to learn a new way – to look at this part of life with respect and awareness. Thank you.

    * * *

    My letter was ordinary letter – explanation. But when I got it back rewritten, it was a letter – light. There was so much gratitude, love and light. I just felt like starting to love this man. I have never dived into such union. Communication beyond the talk and thoughts. Thank you.

    Sut, Jul 13, 2013. A Walk in Silence.

    When I looked at the shadow of the tree, the shadow was very welcoming. And my shadow looked cautious. Then I began to look at the shadows of people. The shadows were behind or in front of people and I have noticed the discrepancy between a man and his shadow. Some people were slow, and their shadows were very lively, and the other man was not remarkable, but his shadow was very weighty and confident. Then again, I saw what a welcoming shadow the tree has. I walked over to the tree, put my hand on it, closed my eyes and focused on the subject of our practice. I clearly saw that the tree is living in harmony with all around. I saw how it stretches out its roots into the very depths of the Earth. I felt the connection of the tree with the space. All this was on the level of feelings, I did not think at all. Then I went home with my shadow, I have a new companion. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I felt that the shadow world is a world of silence. Every time during the walk it comes to me something new. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I stepped over the line, I went into a deep state of rest. I saw that I can improve my financial situation, as I have a strategic plan. Money for me is not overkill, but the help in the realization of my dreams. Then I connected with nature, and I realized that to not lose touch with the world is the most valuable thing for me. Thank you.

    * * *

    Magical Passes set me in a special way. I sank into a different space, a space of silence. And I wrote, that I am determined now. I’m not going to waste both money and my energy for nothing. In any relationship and interaction there must be harmony, and if there is no harmony, I do not support such a dream. That means – I’m talking less and doing more. And the best way to share, is to share not explanations, but my own example.

    Sun, Jul 14, 2013. A View from Silence

    I once read in a newsletter that clarity comes when fear goes away. I enjoyed it very much, but how to use it – I did not know. And this week I decided not to worry about whether I have enough money or not, or how to pay for the Ukraine seminar in September. And once I lost that fear, I have returned to normal and there appeared much more money. It all happened this week.

    * * *

    I noticed what I unknowingly do with money. I sometimes buy something that I do not need, and just the same way I’m doing with my energy and health. I just waste my resources to the right and to the left. It’s hard for me to shop consciously. For example, a week ago, I went with friends to the mall, but I was not going to buy anything. I bought a pair of shoes. And, I decided to approach this consciously. As a result, they stayed in my car for a whole week, I just forgot about them. Now I realize that these shoes were not necessary. I want to pay special attention to this area. Thank you.

    * * *

    I found that I make purchases quite unconsciously. I buy something and then come home, throw it down, and forget about it. I do not have enough attention … We had a practice where we looked at the shadow. I began to use it in everyday life. When I look at the shadow, I remember, I’m starting to realize.
    Today in practice I realized that I’m marking time. I need to roll up my sleeves and get to work. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I got an alternative view of money. My view was this: I feel good in every area of my life, but only if I have a lot of money. At our practice, I saw, I found, I felt a new role for money. It was like a gateway opened in me and something broke out of me. Another point that I discovered this week was money and my desire to be recognized. And I noticed that when I get a lot of money, I start spending it. And I find myself in a state of affect, I’m overexcited, I do not know what I’m doing. When I get recognition, I get mad. Blood boils in my veins. Now for me it is very important to act in a new way. Abundance is something that is within me, and I want to get acquainted with this feeling better. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had an idea to help my relatives with money. For a long time I haven’t called them, nevertheless, when I decided to call, I realized that it’s not about the money – I just want to establish a relationship with them. The money initially was a stimulus for me, and then gently pulled back. I talked with the relatives for over an hour, I am very glad that I decided to do so. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have been looking for a job for a long time. My intention was to solve this in the near future. And this week two employers called to offer me a job. I was very surprised. Thank you.

  123. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: An Attentive Attitude Towards Ourselves – Love

    So what happened in the sphere of finances when we directed our attention to that area doing Carlos Castaneda’s magical passes? Many of us saw things we don’t usually see. In fact, with the help of magical passes, the mind no longer plays the main role – the heart comes up to take its place. When this happens we don’t need instructions or explanations, because we’ve begun to see more.
    Next week our Constellation Group will look at the theme of Love from inner silence, and who knows what discoveries will come to us? The theme of Love is comparable to the theme of Finances: everyone wants a lot of money, but few can handle it. Everyone wants love, but what love means is a riddle for many of us. We are going to unravel that riddle – how about you?

    Tues, July 16, 2013 Tracking Energy

    I was in a state of incredible silence, and I asked it “How can I bring more love into my new actions?” I started watching, and saw that love is everywhere. It shows in everything, in each action. It’s right here. Love is in every process, and it connects us all. I feel an abundance of love in the universe, and I can see how to manifest it in every action. It makes no sense to doubt the correctness of my desires, worrying whether they come from my head or my heart, as long as I can act on them with love. I realized this, even though at the beginning of the practice I tried to list things, thinking from my head, not my heart, and doubting my desires, of course . . .

    * * *

    I want to learn to love myself and my father. I like him, but I don’t really feel true love for him. When I asked infinity, I saw a picture of myself talking to my mother, and she was speaking about my father. I realized I am like my father, and I opened to him more – now I can feel our connection more deeply.

    * * *

    I want to learn to love, to love myself and the world around me. But actually I just think about it without doing anything. When we did the Antenna pass, I turned to the stars with the question, “How do I learn to love myself, how can I live with love?” And I got the answer that I need to be careful and kind towards myself and the world. This is so true for me. At one point in my past I looked at my life and recent events, and decided to change my life. It took me a year of recapitulation to make up my mind, but I did it: I decided to live alone and it felt good. Then, unwittingly, I began to neglect my practice, and the expectations and fears of my old life crept into my new life. I did something imprudent and completely lost control of myself and the situation. I fell into insecurity, fear and doubt – basically a complete breakdown. Then I began to recapitulate again. I realized I absolutely don’t know how to love, and believe that love brings me pain. Yesterday with my witness I realized I was going through life as a destroyer; I don’t know how to love, so I try to take it by force and destroy everything around me, and I don’t know what to do about it. As a result, everything falls apart, crumbles and falls apart – my health, relationships, money, work – everything. I clearly decided for myself that before creating anything new, I have to deal with my personal history. It doesn’t work any other way – life is no joke. Thank you.

    * * *

    Yesterday a pregnant woman caught my eye. There was something very nice about her. A minute later another pregnant woman passed by, and then a third. I had a feeling that infinity was talking to me by showing me all that. During today’s practice I wrote that I wanted to improve my body and my health. And after asking endless questions I had a realization: I clearly saw the three pregnant girls again, and I understood that a woman’s body is adapted to love. I saw its very nature, the relationship – how the mother nourishes and protects the child. It was an amazing feeling, true love. Thank you.

    * * *

    The thing I don’t like is stupidity. I love understanding and harmony in all things. I want to be alert and full of energy and I want to love everything I do, every action. In this way I can be in the flow of energy, and dream myself forward. I’m moving forward with the Constellation Group. Over the years there have been many changes in my life thanks to our practices, which have opened up a new awareness in me. I’m extremely happy about this. When I asked infinity how I could send love to what I’m doing, I got this reply: “You’ve done many things with love and awareness. Just keep going, believe in yourself and in success – intend, and you will do everything you want.”

    Thu, Jul 18, 2013 Weekly practice.

    After the practice on Thursday I’ve been able to see my life aloof for a few days. Reviewing a negative scene and happy scene let me take everything that happens much easier and not attach importance to this. For a few days waking up in the morning and going to work I am able to ask myself a question which is a peculiar reminder: “Remember, why you are here? Take everything that happens with responsibility and lightness, as a game where you have to fulfill the task.”
    The battle starts not at Tensegrity practices, it’s here, in front of you, every day, every hour, constantly – when we work and rest, have a chat with colleagues, go by transport or create. Actually, only the energy is taken into account…
    If there was my part in the negative scene, so it was a lesson that I didn’t learn that moment. And I’m grateful to all those who took part in the practice, because you made it possible to me to go back and see my patterns from another point of view, to release the scene, to let it be, to forgive and accept myself. I’ve had this mood for a few days. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today at practice when we were doing the magical pass Antenna, the stars said to me that I, by all means, should not allow myself to have the derogatory internal dialogue about myself and to complain that “they make me do that” etc. I realized that the scene, that has tortured me for 20 years was not a reason, but the consequence of this long-term dialog.
    When I entered the scene accepting the new body position of love and openness into the scene where I hated a man so much that I wanted to kill him, I found out that I could not hate him any longer. I could see myself as a strong, beautiful, clever woman who loves and respects herself, I saw myself standing in front of this man… who doesn’t even know what he does… And to my surprise I could not find my habitual hatred of him… there was just silence, confidence, and compassion…
    And now I can see how all my “difficult problems” are melting in the beams of this new view, new state.

    * * *

    I found a scene where I feel hatred, and also I found a scene where there was love. We were doing magical passes and when I entered the scene of hatred in the body position of love, I remembered other scenes where I hated. I just embraced all those people and told them I loved them. Thank you.

    * * *

    My scene of hatred is connected with my uncle who was drunk and it also connected with my mom and granny. The scene of love was about my loved one, in this scene I was giving him all the warmth of my heart.
    What we did was very interesting. I felt people very well in here, all the warmth that comes from everybody who stood in the circle… I saw in the first scene that I know who and how must live – Mom, Granny and Uncle. And when i accept the new body position and entered the scene where I hated, I saw how much I love my mom, granny and wish them well. I felt easy and pleasant and the magical pass Antenna also brought my lightness. This scene disappeared and I regard it much easier now. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I reviewed my two scenes – with and without love, my habits had changed. Earlier, when I was in the scene without love, I tried to dampen this state with a meal – I just ate. Now I have practice, when I do it, I see the world in another way. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I entered the conflict scene in state of love, I suddenly saw that there was no conflict at all. Recapitulation changed my past. Thank you.

    * * *

    In the scene of hatred I was a personification of wrath, I was shaking. When the leader said “dream”, the same moment I remember a dream filled with energy, harmony, and love. When I entered into this scene of hatred in a state of love, I felt that I’d grown up – I was very tall. And it was much easier for me to see the scene. Thank you.

    * * *

    I found the scene where I was offended, but I understood that I was offended just today. Then I found the scene where I love and understood that I have loads of such scenes in my life and it’s getting more and more of them. Now I can see the possibility to stretch those moments of love to everything we do in our life. When we overlay these scenes together, I began shining, I was very happy. My offenders no longer are offenders, because there is no part of myself that can be offended. Thank you.

    Fri, July 19. Recapitulation

    At the practice on Thursday I could not find a scene of love, while one of hatred came immediately. Today my witness helped me to recall the scene where I felt winged and my soul was singing a song. In this very mood and body position I entered the scene of hatred and, to my surprise, the hatred was exactly the thing I couldn’t find there, as well as that feeling of helplessness which was there before. I saw an unhappy lonely women, to whom I wanted to say thank you. I felt confident, I know that everything is going to be okay, and I will have the accommodation of my own.

    * * *

    I was talking to a man who I hated. Remembering my state at the Thursday practice, I brought the state of love into that conversation. I accepted the body position and did the same thing that I had done from the state of love. I was able to shift that conversation from hatred to love. It wasn’t that easy, but I managed to do that. I was able to apply that in practice. As a result, our conversation finished in a very friendly way. Thank you.

    * * *

    In my scene there was a very strong feeling of hatred. I even had a headache for a couple of days after that scene happened. Now I can see that there is the past, future and loads of thoughts in hatred while in love, there is only the moment of now, the moment of delight and gratitude.

    * * *

    I have had a lot of discoveries today. First, I have never attended online practices, and yesterday when we were doing a magical pass in the circle, I felt your presence physically. That was great! Thank you very much! Today I was able to feel gratitude towards the man who I have hated for several years. Thank you.

    * * *

    I hated my sisters for they didn’t let me watch cartoons. I hated them with my whole body. When I entered the scene with the body position of love, I only felt complete agreement, freedom and there were no ideas or desires about cartoons. Thank you.

    Sat, July 20, 2013 A walk in Silence

    Today at our practice “A Walk in Silence” when I went through the doors and stepped over the line, I entered into a state of lightness in my body and felt like I was in a dream. Everything around was filled with something. I was walking looking at my shadow, it was very friendly, I saw the sun playing through the foliage, children running around and everything is living its life. I have no definitions, ideas even for myself. As if I feel something, but cannot accept that. I see something, but cannot take. And something inside me is crying because of this “cannot” and I know that to LOVE I have to learn. There were moments of love in my life, of course, but compared with the general flow of my life there were negligibly few of them, and it costs me hard work to extract and save them as “pearls of awareness”. I have no energy to realize Love so far, but i know that if I go in this direction, this awareness will surely come to me and I will be ready for this appointment.

    * * *

    I love walking among trees in silence. I feel calm, I like the smell of trees, mown grass, constant quiet birds’ twitter. I’m very relaxed, love manifests itself, I can feel it towards everybody around. Near my house I saw flowers in the flowerbed, somebody had weeded them and earth them up. It was done with love to the flowers. I saw love in that. Attentive attitude towards ourselves is Love, Love to all things in existence.

    Sun, July 21, 2013 A View from Silence

    When we were investigating the theme of love, I discovered a few things. The first one was that when I joined the practice in the group I felt the group for the first time as we were doing magical passes, particularly when we were standing in a circle. It was a very strong sensation of energy around. Sensation from the magical pass The Antenna was also different from usual – there were strong vibrations upwards from my feet and in my head was a strong “explosion” which overflowed with dizziness. It was very interesting and unusual to physically feel the presence of remote people.
    When we recalled the scene of “hatred”, I found it immediately. The man for whom I felt such strong feeling in the scene is no longer significant to me, we have nothing in common (we used to work together, but it finished long ago). First I was surprised by what I recalled, but in that evening after practice I realized that the same pattern is going on in my relationship with my husband and the same things cause my irritation. That’s amazing, that after I had worked out the scene of “hatred” and felt gratitude to the man I used to hate, tension in relationship with my husband began to go down.

    * * *

    Last week I saw that I don’t know what love is. Not that I don’t feel it, but I cannot hold this state. When I feel love, I can see the energy field around me and everything that comes in this field is also transforming. But I cannot hold this feeling at all. It’s as if it was an easily frightened bird who flies up at every rustle. Now I can understand that I can make friends with this bird. It’s not easy for me, I forget myself feeling like an idiot. But from time to time unexpectedly I do well. For example, I suddenly realized what I can be grateful to my co-worker for. I realized that, I saw that and felt very easy, and inner dialog just disappeared. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week two rotten things have happened to me. Suddenly I began to notice sounds around me. The world around is just filled with sounds which have depth. Yesterday I was recalling a scene when suddenly there were two different voices in my head. Each of them had intonation and timbre, then appeared other voices. All of them were talking on this theme as if I wasn’t there. I moved away from it and started to observe this bazaar. It really was a bazaar, just a nightmare. I stood up in the middle of the kitchen, and saw void, and the fact that those voices didn’t belong to me anyway. It wasn’t my mind, I’m sure about that. Somebody sits in my head and decides something, speaking, mumbling. At some moment it was complete silence, as if the voices realized that they were revealed. It was a stunning moment. When I came round and opened my eyes I heard the voice again which didn’t belong to me. I even started to sway on my feet and I went out to get some air and went into the shop. And there, looking at people, I suddenly felt love with my whole being. Love towards all those people and to absolutely everything. When I went out of the shop the voice said -‘sorry, but you must have dialog’. I giggled and went ahead. And I understood that nothing is as important as that moment that I experienced in my kitchen. I cannot explain that. The next day I had a wonderful dream about the workshop in Crimea. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week, I have been looking at love towards my father. After the practice on Tuesday, I knew what I was going to do next time, when I hear my mother’s criticism against my father, and I finally got it. As usual she, began to criticize my father and I told her my new words: I do not care what you say about my father, I love him very much and he and I are very similar, and on a deeper level, we are similar like two drops of water. I was very surprised by what happened after that. For many years I have not heard words of admiration for my father from her, now I have heard them. Moreover, after that, I never heard any negativity toward him. I thought that changing my attitude I changed her attitude, too. Indeed our relationship became more harmonious. Thank you.

    * * *

    It was a very interesting day yesterday. When we went for a walk I became hysterical. I was crying all the way because I understood how many things I do in my life just to get my mother’s appreciation and acceptance, so that she didn’t push me away but accept me. It was a lot of tears, pain, and emotions, I was just wailing. Yesterday evening there was a Cleargreen class where I found out that my parent’s feelings and my feelings are different things. I used to think a lot about this, taking a lot as referring to myself, demanding. Yesterday I felt some impulse, as if energy released, I felt easy and there was great inspiration. Inspiration and creativity. I feel how creativity is opening up inside myself, I haven’t had enough energy and attention for that before. Now it brings me pleasure and other perspectives open up ahead.
    The second saturated moment is a step towards weakening and breaking up the relationship with a man. I’ve never done this by myself before. It is very painful for me. It is incredibly new and it’s hard for me, but this little step which I’ve done – to talk to him – brought me a surge of strength, attention and inspiration. Now I can see the changes in my being and a redistribution of energy. As I align my whole structure, clean it up, straighten and everything comes into place. Now I follow my inner seer who we were talking about at the practice and i don’t want to lose this thread. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have been recapitulating my relationship with a friend at work. This week it was a breakthrough in this relationship. I began to talk to her differently and felt the confidence that I was lacking before. Talking to her I felt my new position. I was talking to her calmly, from love towards her. I understood what confidence is. And I was able to apply my new view which I have been forming during all the recapitulation practices, to apply it with love, love to life.
    Another thing that happened this week – I broke up with my boyfriend. This relationship did matter for me. But it was based on egoism – there was no love in our relationship. And suddenly I saw myself anew, I saw love as I would like to see it and I saw how I used to see it before. It was not on the level of thoughts, but on the level of sensation, on the level of energy. All my regrets about this disappeared and I could talk to him for the last time calmly – that is what I had intended and prepared for for a long time. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I entered the scene of hatred with the new mood on Thursday – I was just shining. I saw a carnival. I looked at my offenders, but they were not offenders any longer – they were dancing and I was glad….
    When I was looking for scenes of love in my life, first I was thinking… but then I suddenly saw my neighbor’s dog called Ronja who I often feed. She knows me and when she sees me, she “flies on her tail” happily. I remember the feelings when I see this dog. I understood that there are loads of such moments in my life now, when I’m open and acting with love and joy. It was not news for me – it was a discovery. I became very glad of this discovery.
    Another moment which made me happy – I stopped being afraid. Sometimes I make mistakes, but if you don’t make mistakes, you do nothing at all. Now I’m not afraid of making mistakes, I can accept the fact that I’ve made a mistake and correct it without inner dialog about that. And I can ask for advice. I have also SEEN that when you are in the state of intent, knowledge comes by itself and it’s easy to accept it, because it becomes a part of yourself. Thank you.

  124. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: Stopping the Internal Dialog

    Anyone who has attended a Tensegrity workshop knows from personal experience that the magical passes work. “Work” means they reveal to us the authentic way, and give us the energy to stand up and keep going even when we are exhausted. And most importantly they fill us with serenity and faith in ourselves. They fill us with the faith that we really can find our own path with heart and live it to the end. And this is the highest thing that man can do. So this week we will track our inner dialogs, which sometimes prevent us from “seeing” our own paths, our own true desires, and why we came to this earth. And when we do see our inner dialog, all we have to do is let it go. Welcome to the cycle of our practices entitled “Stopping the Internal Dialog”.

    Tues, Jul 23, 2013 Tracking Energy

    Tuesday’s practice was about stopping the internal dialog.
    When we were doing the magical pass and then unfocusing our eyes, I had a hard time keeping even a little brain activity. I felt a bit like a vegetable, and was terrifically sleepy. I could barely move my legs.
    And during the pauses, when we made notes in our navigator logs, it took me some time to focus my attention on the questions.
    At first I couldn’t identify my most pressing internal dialog, as I live in harmony with myself most of the time. But then I remembered I was worried about my extra weight, and my internal dialog was “It’s bad for my body, I haven’t been back to the gym, even though I have an annual pass to the sport center and I look bad, etc.” Then I wrote, “All I need is to listen to my body and feel good.”
    The third time we made notes I closed my eyes to focus and suddenly saw myself lying down, weak and senile. I shivered and pushed this unpleasant image out of my head. And when it was time for dreaming, I fell into it quickly because I was already asleep on my feet. First I saw my legs, then my feet lying on sea pebbles, then I saw oncoming sea water. Next I somehow ended up in the water with the dolphins. I admired their big, strong bodies, smooth and shiny in the water, their graceful free movements, and I felt harmony and joy. But suddenly a dolphin appeared from somewhere and it was screaming in pain – its body had a large wound, like a long cut, and its blood was in the surrounding water. All the other dolphins disappeared and there was only this one, and it was obviously waiting for help from me, but I was scared and felt completely helpless. I wanted to get out of the dream, but for some reason I could not leave this dolphin. And then I heard the voice of the facilitator, who said something like “We can control our dreams”.
    I was so happy and thought, “Exactly, it’s my dream, I do what I want.” And I hugged the dolphin and started to stroke its wound. And there was no more injury that I could feel. I was hugging a dolphin and felt great unity and love, not only for the dolphin, but for everything.
    Then I came to at the moment before we went into the green room with the facilitator. And I saw our group as shadows that took off from the walls and entered the circle. It was such a funny picture.
    The group’s energy felt very dense and independent, which surprised me, as it was different from previous, even similar practices. I remember in previous practices how each of us brought something of our own, and something developed out of that. And this time there was quite a firm basis to begin with, and it influenced all of us. We had been working to create this before, and now it exists as something independent which pulls us into its intent. Or that’s how I saw it.

    * * *

    My problem was lack of work, and it was bothering me a lot. There was one opportunity I was hoping for, but I received a rejection letter, and I wound up out of balance. I’ve had a variety of internal dialogs since then. At the practice today I was doing magical passes, gathering all my attention with dedication and passion, and I felt like it returned back to me, went inside of me, and I felt lighter and more alive. The first message I received loud and clear was that I need to be more attentive, focused and aware. I just need to be aware and notice what happens around me. The second thing I saw was that I need to do passes every day, and that I need more peace and silence, because all decisions come from silence. That is the total of what came to me.
    At the very end of the practice, when we were sitting in silence, even weirder things were happening to me. There were no images or pictures, but somehow I was focused on my feelings. Immersed in darkness and in a state of complete silence, I felt my body vibrating and springing around (sometimes I feel like this before I sleep), and then my hands were completely gone – I didn’t feel them any more. At that moment I felt a very strong deja vu – it wasn’t like “maybe this happened before, maybe not”, but more like ” this really happened!” And with each new word or feeling, this sense of deja vu got stronger and stronger. These feelings were very strange and interesting.
    And then, after the feedback, the facilitator said a few words about my job quest, suggesting I do it online. He said he’d check back with me in a month to see how it went. And the next day after this magical practice someone called me from a St. Petersburg law firm and recommended I work for them remotely for good money. I had sent them my CV a long time ago, but they were calling just now. Everyone was satisfied and I got what I wanted. Thank you.

    * * *

    I could hear what came to me from inner silence.
    There were such interesting feelings in my body as we sat with closed eyes. My body got lighter and lighter, and I felt a slight vibration on my skin that was like a spreading vertigo. I clearly saw the green room and myself inside of it. When we were doing floor passes I saw and felt that the other practitioners were spread out chaotically through the room, but when we did standing passes, everyone stood forming a perfect circle. I felt strong vibrations through my body, and lots of images came to me, but they changed so fast that I couldn’t receive them all – they flashed by and were gone.

    * * *

    I chose the subject of “money”, which runs throughout my internal dialog and causes me a lot of disharmony. My pattern is to put the burden of earning money on someone else (husband, manager), and I always rely on others instead of trying to realize myself in this sphere. The new view that came to me after practice is that I need to seek out new sources of money for myself. I asked my energy body to help me find ways to do this – it could be a new job or an interesting offer – and my senses sharpened and focused outward like antennae seeking new information. I also became aware that money is simply a part of my life that I want to awaken more fully, and that I accept responsibility for experiencing it more deeply.
    I also wanted to say that our practice room united me with the group in some new way – previously the sense of the group was in the surrounding space – it was linear and I couldn’t feel our group as a complete circle that contains us all. But during this practice a strong connection developed as if the group were one being. Our group energy felt the room we were in through the magic of the gravity of our common intent.
    Our facilitator always managed to find just the right words to clear the fog in my awareness that was hiding the “trees”, which were the main parts of my patterns that I didn’t yet have enough strength to see.
    I saw that from earliest childhood I’ve been waiting for a man to dream my life – first it was my parents, then my teachers, then my husband, then my manager. And I liked being needy without knowing it. I was actually pulling these people down. And then, when they began to control me too much, I would
    burst out in search of freedom, leaving everything behind and starting all over again, only to return to the very beginning of the cycle which I never left, all the while under the power of the illusion that I was changing my life.
    I want to mention something really important about all this: after recapitulating, I found my new view and new steps, but didn’t act on them. And now, new pictures and images are coming to me where I can see my pattern opened like the lock on a door that is still there, but there’s nothing inside. I feel confident, express my opinion, stand up for my interests and insist on my terms. Something still really changed inside of me – it’s slow and a bit blind, but it’s coming to life and promises to recover its sight. I also smile more often now, for no reason really, just like that, because it’s good to get to know yourself, to learn to manage your own life by yourself. Thank you.

    * * *

    I picked a scene related to my work. I didn’t consider the scene with a man to be the issue of the day, so I let it go. But then I saw that I’ve always dreamed of sharing a business with a man, a close man. I found out that all my life I’ve been dependent on men, that I’ve never really had my own opinion, my own life position. And now my challenge is to feel self-confidence, to feel solid with the earth under my feet, to create something in this world. I realized that I will be able to have a full, harmonious relationship with a man when I achieve all or part of what I just mentioned.
    On the other hand, all these things don’t let me open up to new relationships, new love, and a strong union. After doing magical passes I saw that what’s very important to me is the expression of Spirit – all that the universe wants to say through me. What’s most important to me is the growth of my awareness, my presence here and now. And at the end of the practice I relaxed unbelievably, and this relaxation began to feel like the release of something in my groin area. I was drawn to the earth and relaxed a great deal. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, with all the strain gone. And out of this state it came to me that I should do everything I do now but with more passion and intensity.
    In silence I very clearly saw a medieval castle. I was in its kitchen and there were other women there too. I walked through a corridor out of the kitchen and saw a bright, alluring, white light. I went close to it and stood there. I saw it was a stone on the wall, and I wasn’t afraid to touch it, to go into that light. Then I felt the bottom of my belly very strongly and how this light was pulling me inside. I felt like I was rotating. The facilitator called us back and I returned easily. We were standing in a circle in a big medieval room. Everyone was keen, with eagle sight, and we were looking towards the center of the circle and this circle was perfect.

    * * *

    Peace and harmony was all I felt doing magical passes. In this state, doing the Antenna Pass, I felt stars above my head and inner holiness.
    Today I considered a scene of fear related to my studies. Doing the passes I saw how really easy it is to solve a problem, and I had no doubt exactly how to do it. When we went into dreaming I saw my body glowing and flowing with different colors. Then I saw how to resolve my current question. Next, when we entered the green room, I saw I was wearing yellow clothes – my shirt, trousers and even boots were yellow. I felt unity in our circle of practitioners, and I saw how our facilitator is linked to our group. Then I had such incredible feelings as we did passes through our space, and even now I get chills thinking of it. Next I put my attention on a plant with succulent-looking leaves. I directed my attention from my hands to these leaves and then back to my hands. The leaves looked so incredibly juicy that I wanted to take a bite out of them. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we were in silence I looked at all of us standing in that circle – I saw in the eyes of each practitioner how serious he is about what we’re doing here in our group and in our lives. I saw a very serious and sober attitude that takes into account the risk of failure, of losing the direction we’ve chosen in life. I saw determination in those eyes, responsibility and deep respect for what’s going on here. Thank you.

    Thurs, July 25, 2013 Weekly Practice

    During today’s practice I looked at a scene of disagreement with a man. In our conversation I wanted him to think the same way I did, and I expected him to do what I wanted right away. When he didn’t react in the desired way, I took offense and got overbearing and temperamental. Later I told myself that I was disappointed in him, that he didn’t understand me and didn’t suit me.
    Now, in this new state, I already see what I can do differently. I’m planning to talk to him, and I’m going to prepare what to say: I’ll tell him how important our understanding of each other is to me. Thank you!

    * * *

    I was inspired by today’s practice, and even though the internet connection was poor, I still feel inspired to share my impressions of the practice.
    Today a scene came to me that happened about a year ago with my daughter. I was in a lot of emotional pain because I was so worried about her. But instead of expressing myself in words, verses flowed out of me. I can’t write them down now – excuse the absence of rhymes, but following is my work, my recapitulation:
    The Soul is open to the world,
    where it has the opportunity to know that energy accepts no obstacles.
    The image of pain hurt my soul,
    entering like a knife, suddenly cutting off my serene expectation of a normal life’s easy path.
    Fear pierced through everything.
    It stabbed my heart, bringing grief to my eyes and the flow of tears,
    my body of stone, my mind of dough. I can’t sleep because of bitter thoughts.
    Time comes and erases memories of bitter smoke, and one can leave it all inside.
    Small wrinkles can be smoothed, but pain lives and burns in the chest.
    Now I see all my pain collected in front of me –
    but something made pain sad and uncomfortable
    because I broke into its house. In that house, there were only fears, her obedient slaves.
    I remember when I cried and sighed there, feeding my pain.
    I let go of my fears, with peace and gratitude towards my pain,
    and let them walk away somewhere,
    and let them pass by, let them regret the past.
    And if your pain is like a stone that won’t retreat,
    we will review it with you so you can feel freedom.

    * * *

    My situation was about emotional pain, and I was blaming other people for what happened to me. But after doing Magical Passes I became aware that it was completely my responsibility. Other people had nothing to do with it. My pain is gone and I feel much better. Now I can love myself and all the world. The world is friendly to me. And now I’m so grateful to those people. My last entry in my navigator’s log for this practice is that the world around me is amazing. Thank you.

    Fri, Jul 26, 2013. Recapitulation.

    After a short time I entered such a space where I discovered many things. I chose the theme of relations with the father – the one that I should work on now. When we did magical passes I understood that I didn’t listen to my father because I considered him to be worse than I. Now my new actions are – to listen to his words, to turn to him. I want to ask how he had brought his dream to be a military pilot into life. Also I saw that I need to open, to get open for people, to feel them. I am so reserved and I must open. Thank you.

    * * *

    My tasks for the nearest time: not to have pity on myself and learn how to be detached. And I remembered a scene where I was sinking in the river. I got into the chute and it swamped me. At that moment my friend stood on the bank thinking if he should help me or not. The last effort was as I shouted asking for help. By pulling he saved me. Recently I visited him and he thanked me I had saved him that time. The thing is that when he swam up to me he frightened and turned to go away but for me it was enough to get myself out – I hold him, then let go and after acted by myself. My perception shifted this time because before I couldn’t review this story, just now do I have the energy for this. At that moment I took decisions immediately without thinking and they were right. He also understood that had let him go him in time and it had saved him. Now I don’t have pity to myself and look at this detachedly. Thank you.

    * * *

    Looking at last several months I see that all my attention is directed to my health and love to myself. For example, in the past I ate without feeling real hunger or bought things I didn’t really need. I may say that I have made some progress. Now I feel lightness in the stomach area. Now I am followed by this feeling. Now I listen to these states. I understand how and where to move and it’s cool. When I was listening to my witness I just enjoyed and it was wonderful. I felt the power of the group energy. It’s amazing. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have not practiced in the group for awhile and all the time I was recapitulating relations. On practices “Attentive attitude to ourselves – love” I was upset when I understood that I can’t give and get love. It hurt me so much. Managing myself was my recent new actions. It still doesn’t work well but I see new things and have taken some steps. Today I have noticed that I didn’t talk to anybody about it though before I had talked only about this. In the future I want to create harmonic relations so I will go on with recapitulation of my future. Thank you.

    * * *

    In the last three weeks, on the advice of my witness, I was reviewing and found an interesting thing: I could not think during the day, either at work nor at home. I didn’t think of myself. All the tasks coming to me were just the tasks. I stayed in some flow and my life and the day transformed. Before, my inner dialog went like: “I am tired, I don’t like my job, I am full with this all..” Then that disappeared. I once hated my boss but now I look at him and he seems to be attractive. Thank you.

    * * *

    I recapitulate my relations with a close friend, relations with money and with the men I had in my life. This week turned out to be changing. On Tuesday I saw that in reality I don’t run my life. The sphere of money is a little part which I want to run but I have many such uncontrolled parts. In the back of my mind I searched for a powerful man and a powerful friend to make decisions for me. I saw it with the help of my tracking/navigator(?) diary and the magical pass we used for going into silence. I felt like a flower bloomed inside my essence. It’s still very small, clumsy, fragile but new impulses come from this awareness. I chose to be a victim by myself and I took offense at people and then opposed but my resisting just strengthened my disability to act. Now I see – I can change my life and I am on the way. Thank you.

    * * *

    I looked at two scenes which I considered to be unresolved and I have recapitulated them. I saw I had behaved as a child who was waiting for someone’s acceptance and self-confidence from other people. I understood that I can find the confidence in myself because I am a complete grown-up woman. Thank you.

    Sat, Jul 27, 2013 A Walk in silence.

    Today was the strangest walk. My intention was to stop inner dialog for half an hour and get new perception. The weather was gray like in autumn and in spite of the summer it was rainy. It is strange that I didn’t meet anybody on the street though it was weekend. I was walking along the path and saw a swing. I sat on it. I had no thoughts, I felt our group and it became warmer inside. I started teetering. The image of a swing-boat came immediately and how I had teetered with my mum on it and I had felt pain because I was afraid of heights. Then I looked around and understood that everything has word expression in my mind. I look at the grass and the trees and my mind automatically interprets the pictures into words. I feel wind, I hear a bird. I clearly saw that we live in the world of fixed images, our minds always have direct words for the seen things. I didn’t like it at that moment and I wanted to get rid of words. I started to feel the world around like a primitive person and I imagined I had no speech – just sounds and instincts like an animal has. I closed my eyes. I saw one of C.Castaneda’s students and well-known words “the shamanic world, we all feel it inside and sense it moving in our veins”. I focused on hearing. I gradually dived into a sequence of shifting images followed by some songs and spell on unknown language. The voices were both man and woman. The pictures changed too fast, there were dances by fire and some faces and hostilities and some churches. They were not colored but looked like shadows. Then the space in front of me cleared and I entered the emptiness, there was nothing there…It was clear and light. I could hear all the sound around but couldn’t understand them. I was not aware of my body, it was pure consciousness and I felt the Earth’s fields and I realized I was swimming in it. With the tip of my consciousness I knew it was time to come back but I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what time it was – everything lose it’s meaning. Suddenly I saw the image of the group instructor, he smiled and welcomed me back. Something happened and I understood I had stopped breathing and that I had to do it)) but I didn’t want to do it by any reason. I strengthened the legs and felt teetering though the swing wasn’t moving. It was strange feelings of moving to and fro. I made much efforts to open my eyes, I looked ahead and couldn’t understand what I saw. I still couldn’t move my hands. The world was black and white, uncolored and dull. There was something in front of me. The picture of the world strangely moved. I got an understanding that it was nothing but grass. I looked at my watch and saw that I was sitting for 50 minutes and I was late. It was hard to stand up and I walked as in the mist. I Noticed how sensible my hearing was because I met a man going downstairs and the woman with the dog. Hearing thunderous (as it seemed) sounds of the dog I felt with all my essence how it was hurrying outside and its great impatience of running. I feared because of these feelings. I returned to the end of the practice and my body was trembling and vibrating especially in the upper part of the chest and the head. I was listening to the others but couldn’t understand what they were talking about. The words were clear but their meaning was not. I understood that if I would be asked to share my experience I wouldn’t be able to say anything because I couldn’t speak. Fortunately I didn’t have to do it but now I can try to describe it with words. I still haven’t come to myself and I am one foot in the Infinity world where I could go for a short moment and there is really nothing there. Thank you.

    * * *

    I don’t know if I stopped my inner dialog – by the explanation of the instructor I suppose that I didn’t – I was walking and trying not to judge but thinking of the things I saw. While having some reasonable thoughts I focused on walking, breath, tongue and my press on fingers. After reviewing the scene with my wife I helped her with the credit. 4 days ago I stopped smoking.

    * * *

    When I was going along the street nothing happened. But later my judgements disappeared. My state was like in the movie “The Gods must be crazy”. On the one hand there is some chaos but on the other there is the world. The world as it is, calmness and nobody hurries. There were neither past nor future around me – everything was there and at that time. And the sounds…they were strange ones and they all had depth and secrets. When I was looking at this I felt some hum or vibration in my body, as if the whole world rings. And I remembered that I had been in such a state many times before. I just didn’t know it was stopping of the inner dialog. Thanx a lot.

    * * *

    When I stepped over the line I remembered how I felt before. I had not even the dialog inside but a kind of bazaar. It seemed I had five persons in one, who fight or philosophized and then shook hands. I see what happens now – just one person lives with me and mostly we live in chime. I was walking, remembering, comparing and understood that the inner dialog is a complex of emotions, thoughts, reactions and many other things. I am going to work at it. Thank you.

    * * *

    As I passed the doorstep i wanted to feel my inner dialog but I couldn’t do it. I wanted to focus but my concentration was disappearing. I decided just to go ahead and to watch. I was looking at the Sun and the wind and I saw the grass of human-size-height. I looked at the grass and felt so small. Then I walked looking around. I noticed that the ground was full of many different insects and butterflies…birds were singing, there was plenty going on and I didn’t pay attention to it earlier. Now I do, especially I notice birds singing. When I saw a flower I realized myself to be a part of this all. I understood the triviality of human problems and imagined vanity. It exited me very much.

    * * *

    Having stepped over the line I went ahead and I didn’t want to look around- I was just walking and perceiving. I felt a great connection with the Mexican lineage of ancient seers and I had much passion. I was walking with the feeling of this connection and I enjoyed…

    Sun, Jul 28, 2013. A View from Inner Silence.

    This week in our Constellation group I could recapitulate three scenes which caused much of the inner dialog I couldn’t get rid of for many years. And the fact that it has happened is a key occasion. I don’t just feel a winner on that small field but I feel how great opportunities are opening for me – to review and to change something in a more effective way as I did before and to be a winner in other parts of my life. This feeling gives me wings. Thanks to the group for perfect work and especially to the instructor for strategic seeing of where our wonderful Constellation Group boat goes.

    * * *

    Yesterday I had a dream in which a woman gave me a tablet, I looked at it and saw my life. The pictures from my childhood – very bright. Images, pictures and people were hard to watch. As I woke up I understood that it had been a call to recapitulate. When we expressed our intentions I chose recapitulation in order to change my life. Thank you.

    * * *

    During the week my consciousness is increasing but yesterday something special happened. I was doing magical passes for silence and I noticed how easy it was to stop the inner dialog which is always in my mind. As I noticed it I stopped it. During the day I use our instruments that help me to make this stop. In general I have spent the day very well and I have got understanding that inner dialogs awfully empties me. If I have a discussion inside during the day, in the evening I come home devastated. I saw how important it is for me to train my attention – just doing magical passes during the day. When I am attentive I am gathered, involved and I have success. Thank you.

    * * *

    On Tuesday I worked at the question of my unemployment. The next day I had a call and I was offered a good job that suited me. After this I assured that Tensegrity, intention and Constellation group are miracle magicians. The second is that I have stopped smoking this week. Now I feel more energy that helps me to fight with my ego. My intention now is to live consciously – it means to follow the energy body. And when I expressed my intention I saw a picture of the wonderful Saturday practice – the most important moment is here and now. I enjoy everything now. On many practices I hear such words as: the Earth loves us with absolute love ect. and I feel great delight.

    * * *

    This week was so intensive. I liked the task to track what I dreamed and what I had dreamed. Every day was full of new discoveries. I did the magical pass for silence and I could see what I intended. The key moment was that I clearly saw – now I have everything I had dreamed. It was important to find a pattern where I am looking for great acceptance by other people. Also I could see myself aside and see my state at that moment. This all was painful and went from my childhood. And I understood that I didn’t do recapitulation with breath and now I am going to practice it again. Thank you.

    * * *

    Now I spend much time in silence. I noticed that strong emotions such as anger or joy may be grueling. And now in silence my emotions turned to feelings. Feeling joy I don’t have jitters. It pleases me and nap and it’s not hard to stop the inner dialog when it starts.
    Yesterday a very strange case happened. We were going to the countryside and I wanted to visit my father’s grave and we went there. I also wanted to visit my friend’s grave -he died several months ago-but I didn’t know where it was. I decided just to go. I had a great desire to visit him and I was walking doing the pass and exercises we do on Saturdays. I was walking without thinking and suddenly a bird sang out to the right. With no doubts I turned right and in 15 meters I found his grave. I felt silent joy. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I consciously stopped smoking.

    * * *

    Many interesting things have happened this week. I have a lot of work but by fortune I was at several practices and the resulted. After practices I felt detached and was more attentive. Maybe it was the first time I understood how my inner dialog and judgements influence my attention and how much time I spent talking about other people’s actions. After Tuesday practice I came to work and it seemed everybody was saying some foolishness.
    I understood that I had dialog even about my close friends and I wasn’t aware of it before. I could remove the dialog. Sometimes I felt my feet and understood how awareness of the feet brings awareness of the present moment. One more thing is that I have been eating from my plate for 2 years but just this week I found that there is a writing “constellation” on it. It was a symbol for me. On Saturday I felt with all my essence the intention of ancient seers. I felt it so hard as it was in my DNA. Thank you.

    * * *

    To be open for me means to make my own business because I want to do it, it’s my path, the infinity pushes me for doing what I do. I ask nothing for this, I just want to do it and when I do I need no more. And if at that moment somebody starts to award me I will understand it to be unnecessary. I am aware of my worth and I know what I can do and what I can’t do. I know where and how to move and I don’t need any awards for rising. When we were doing magical passes I saw a new and wonderful way of Tensegrity promotion. It was a wonderful moment and it was out of the inner dialog. I have no thoughts about myself.
    Since Tuesday some miracles have happened. I have practiced Tensegrity for many years and of course wonderful things related with this happened to me. But I have never had so many wonderful things in such a short period of time and so often. And all this week was going on “the other side”.

  125. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: The mood of a Warrior.

    This week’s practices “Stopping the Inner Dialogue ” has shown us how much we have to do in this regard- work we do not want to look at. Yes, some of us have succeeded in making money, others have learned how to seduce men or women, there are those who can easily break someone else’s family, others have learned to eat more than it is necessary for their bodies. But all of us, practicing the magical passes, are joined by the intention to change and start doing the recapitulation. The question is: How?.. And the answer is very simple. We need to change the mood. You know it very well that to start playing the guitar, you need to tune it first. We need to be tuned as well. And if we know how to make ourselves miserable and stupid, then we can learn how to be strong, healthy and wise. When there’s a will… Welcome to the cycle of practices called “The mood of a Warrior”, in the group of practitioners of Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity “Constellation”.

    Tue, Jul 30, 2013. Tracking Energy.

    Today at the practice, when we first wrote down what the mood of a warrior meant, I defined it as strength, detachment and constant self-help. The second time, after the passes – perfection, perception freed of the ego, fluidity and self-discipline. The third time – as a way to live without self-pity and associating coming events in the life only with my ego, to live accepting the world, enjoying its immense beauty, as if all that happens around is a wonderful mystery, taking breath away… it’s so nice to be a part of it.
    Then, while I was dreaming of our green room with the group, people around me were unusual – playful and full of confidence, vigor and splendor, their joy favoured and pleased me. Thank you all for this wonderful practice!

    * * *

    The first thing I wrote down, a warrior must be brave, strong, he must build a career, be on the right side of the law, love his country and achieve all by himself. The second time, after the magical passes: my view of the mood of a warrior changed – deliberateness and determination, joy, self-confidence, love in my heart. The third time, I associated the warrior’s mood with a very different thing – a willingness to give everything I have to infinity without losing anything. To give all the affections of my world to infinity and go to the stars. I feel the same when I act and am not afraid to make mistakes. In a dream, gazing at the stars through my fingers in a circle with other practitioners, I felt the pressure of the stars on my palms. I felt as star strands pierced my whole body, and at that moment I wanted to do this – to give to infinity all that I know, feel and understand. I felt completely empty and detached, and as if nothing belonged to me. Now I feel detached, but not indifferent. Thank you.

    * * *

    The mood of a warrior for me is a mood of joy and confidence, when I know what to do and there is no room for regrets. And although I still have moments of despair and self-doubt, I understand that it takes some time to get from point A to point B. And even if I can quickly get to point B, there are many of the same points in front. There is a way I can go by. When we were dreaming together, I saw a streaming flag, and the next moment I was in our practice room, but the room was different. There was a lot of light in there. I saw for the first time our group not as shadows, but as in real life. Then, when we’re sharing with infinity, I saw the smoke.
    When we were in the mood of a warrior, I felt as a panther at a spring moment. My body has become attention. Thank you.

    * * *

    A warrior must be a confident person to follow his intentions. Then, after the magical passes, I wrote: “a warrior does not have time, he needs to act”. And the third time, when I was sharing with infinity, I wrote that a warrior must always comprehend the unknown. When we went into the silence, I did not know what to do and focused on my perceptions. After a couple of minutes, I stopped feeling my hands and I could feel my whole body as a homogeneous mass. When the facilitator offered to do everything we wanted, I wanted to get off the ground. I did not have time to think about it, I started to levitate. My feet were tingling, I just took off. Waking up, I could not move my arms or legs. I was immersed very deep. Thank you.

    * * *

    My first note: “A warrior is independent of all secular values, they are totally indifferent to a warrior. He is alone and he does not need support. He does not have children, photos, he is purposeful”.
    The second note after the magical passes: “The mood of a warrior is the mood of openness to everything, the mood of openness towards the unknown that’s coming right now. This is the mood of deep acceptance, acceptance of his being, of all that is going on. Deep awareness”.
    The third note after the magical passes: “The mood of a warrior is the mood, when I let my energy shine, just shine brightly”. When we were in a dream in our room, I let my essence shine. I was in a position of openness and acceptance.
    I’ve realized today that if I’m struggling with something inside myself or feel hate, it will always keep me at the level of what I’m fighting. Thank you.

    * * *

    The mood of a warrior – that’s what my heart loves.

    * * *

    First I wrote down: “a warrior is someone who lives in the desert, eats peyote, and does not have sex. A warrior keeps silence all the time or stares until he sees a glowing cocoons of people”.
    After the magical passes: “The mood of a warrior means to be grateful. Warrior lives in harmony with himself and with the world around. There is no gap between his words and deeds”.
    When we did the pass of Quetzalcoatl in the dream, I saw everybody very clearly. They were like flames of many candles and the flames flickered. The picture was very beautiful…
    When we offered all the experience to infinity, I saw a big ball in our hands – the beautiful world that we’re creating together.
    Then, when we were looking at the stars, there was dark around, and the stars began to shine on all sides. When I glanced at the others, everybody in the circle looked like stars – far and at the same time very near and dear. Thank you.

    * * *

    “A warrior is lonely, he does not care a bugger about everyone, he walks over the other’s heads, because he is a warrior”.
    After the magical passes: “The mood of a warrior – to be quiet, self-confidence, I have the strength to listen and understand the motives of people, I can aware more this moment”.
    Then, after the magical passes: “I feel a connection, I feel the presence of power. I feel great”.
    When we were in silence, I stopped feeling my body. My body was not me. I saw how I climb the stairs and there were a lot of people beside me… When I offered my experience to infinity, it was for a good reason: I had something, something real, and then I saw my teachers. And when we turned our backs in a circle, I felt as if we were attached to the axis in the center of the circle and this axis sent out strong heat. I realized at that moment that the whole world belonged to me and I did not own anything… and I can share this. Then I found myself flying over a forest.The forest was alive, there was everything, full of life. And then I flew over the ocean, I saw dolphins and huge whales. Then, like Neo in “The Matrix” movie, I flew in space, and the next moment I found as I watched the rotation of the Moon around the Earth. It was as bright a picture as possible. Everything was moving, the Earth on its axis, the Moon around the Earth and everything was moving around.

    Thurs, Aug 1, 2013 Weekly Practice – The Mood of a Warrior

    Looking back at the negative scenes from my life, I felt love for the people in those scenes. When we stood back-to-back in a circle, I felt as if I were being sucked into a funnel. I realized I was dreaming.

    * * *

    After our classes, which ended yesterday, I decided to focus on food. I chose the scene where I overate holus-bolus at a party. There was another scene, where I ran towards my mother and hugged and kissed her. At that moment I had no thoughts. I found that, in order to eat consciously, I need to take a few breaths and feel my feet. As we stood in a circle, I saw my mother’s face and felt how much I loved her. Nothing’s easier for me than eating consciously when I love my mom. It’s very new for me to see what I now see. Thank you.

    * * *

    In the circle I felt that I was letting go of the negativity associated with eating the wrong foods. I also felt that the others were relieved and lighter. I felt love for everyone in this circle, and euphoria. Thank you.

    * * *

    When we moved into a new mood of joy, I saw myself pulsating and really flying forward and upwards into an energetic space. I was filled with wonder, delight, joy and the desire to move upwards. Dreaming something new, I was laughing. It was easy to let go of my old ways and fly forward. I felt like a new being.

    Friday. 02.08.2013. Recapitulation.

    Being light, I feel veneration and I call it silent delight to the mysteries that I see now. In this state of love everything is full to the brim and is equal. The mood of a Warior is a feeling arising from the state of the energetic and physical body’s completeness, a feeling with which love and openness of the Earth is seen. I consider it to be a gift that the Earth gives to us. And now I am searching for my integrity. Thank you.

    * * *

    Friday’s practice let me understand more deeply what recapitulation is. It was a real discovery that when you do recapitulation with a witness you may totally immerse yourself in reviewing the situation. As a result – in doing practice for your witness you do the practice for yourself. Both participants are involved and both get the result. Thanks to everybody who helped me to understand this and to use it in my life.

    * * *

    I suddenly understood that my mind wanted to do habitual scenes which I had already reviewed. I know that now I am not ready to create new relations. Today I looked at this from my energy body and saw Love as a sweet for which I am ready to give all I have. My new dialogue: old relations finished, they don’t exist any more, but I don’t want and I’m not ready for new ones. Now I need to understand and to realize what it means to have relations. After that I will be ready to look at this and say if I need them or not. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was called unreliable by someone and after this I generated an inner dialogue. As a result of recapitulation I saw this scene as an advantage. Now I am thankful to that man for he showed me how my deals are now. But my unreliability is my dark side which is not aware. I also have my light side – the energy body, I really can do what I love and give everything to this. It is my advantage and in such moments I don’t have to prove I am good enough or worthy of respect. Now I am very thankful to that guy and the scene.

    Saturday. 03.08.2013 walk in silence.

    Today after the practice I formed an intention to go with everybody who follows our line, to share, to get knowledge and experience openly…without dividing into weak and strong, seasoned and poor achievers…to learn everything that Spirit shows us. I write it to fix the intention in my heart and hearts of those who get it with me.

    * * *

    Today practice started for me on Tuesday, and got intensive on Thursday. I have a task to look at everything distantly (not from my ego). And when we did the Earth pass I saw that the Earth gives me everything I need for this journey of life …and now I have a question – what can I do for the Earth? Today I found that the Earth wants me to be aware, to explore life, and to share it with Infinity. The mood of a Warrior for me is doing this task. Thank you.

    * * *

    Several hours before class I found myself in the flow. It was a mood when the world said YES to me and I saw different manifestations of this agreement. When I went outside and stepped over the line I felt carried by a stream. I was detached and didn’t worry, it was inner silence. I wrote down in my diary: the mood of the warrior is a state of great openness. Everything I see now is equal to something else. Nothing matters now. I see my path and it sees me, it’s very important to follow it. I didn’t cry but tears were dropping. I was walking so and saw Quetzalcóatl. It was just so close to me.

    Sunday. 04.08.2013 view from inner silence.

    What this week gave me…I understood that to suffer and hold people in order to get protection and saving is useless and not productive. I found this pattern and I got it in my childhood. Because of my fears I was waiting for everybody to save me. From something. Now I see that nobody can help me and all I can do is work at it by myself. I saw that I should go towards my fears. I feel that there I will find a very important decision. The second is – I was taught to suffer in relations with men and in recent years I have been suffering. It is just a habit. This week I stopped doing it. It is also useless, senseless, and not effective. At least recapitulation came into my life and I do it. The main thing is that I wanted to be like others. All my problems are because of this.

    * * *

    I really feel that I’m moving in the right direction in my recapitulation. Also on Saturday we had an interesting walk, I saw that it was me who decided to be born in this world. Now I remember it, I remember while recognizing my breath – it is my mood of a warrior. Also looking at all the week I feel that dreaming time is starting now and I follow it. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I was full of panic and fear of being poor. In reality I have no reason to be worried but the fear breaks my life and follows me. For example, I have bought some school clothes for my child and as I came home and looked at them I found that the skirt cost about $80, I didn’t even look at the price, and I suddenly felt the panic again. I decided to clean my whole apartment and only after that did I become calm and feel the mood of a warrior. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I enjoyed everything around. I got one more job and now I have two jobs and I am studying. It takes 2.5 hours to get there so I need to get up early and everybody feels pity. But it is not a problem for me. It doesn’t disturb me. I greatly enjoy what I do. I do something, and then let it happen, and I watch it, so I don’t worry. When I go by bus I step into silence and dissolve into it. Sometimes I don’t feel my body, sometimes I turn to a cloud and stream ahead, sometimes I just look out the window and enjoy the beauty.
    In the past I had conflicts with my Mom and this week I understood that the reason was me. I stopped provocation and our life got better. The main thing was to see it. Every day I enjoy that I stopped smoking. And I have great plans and I want to change so many things in my life. I also started to hear my energy body-I hear it so clear. I feel great in all the aspects. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week is not a common one. I had spathe events that brought me joy. I was very calm and confident this week, I felt lightness in relations with people. It was unusual. It seems like I had a transformation to a higher level of my life. It’s wonderful joy and lightness. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week was a kind of contradiction for me. Something inspired me and something chased me off. Suddenly I found that I don’t want to eat the food that was in my fridge, it seemed unalive to me. At work I bought dinner and couldn’t eat it. I got very picky about meals. Now I choose plain and more useful food. Also doing magical passes I noticed I was calm this week. I got rid of my aggression toward people, a disturbance that was so typical for me. I became more calm, more friendly and kind. On one hand, I was open and attentive. On the other hand, I was detached and I just watched what happened. Also, I noticed I stopped hurrying. Now I leave earlier and calmly walk and look around, watch people, feel them and I enjoy it. They were indifferent to me before. Now I enjoy the taste of being in the moment, even when I go to work. This day was very efficient – I formed the direction of my recapitulation. Thank you.

    * * *

    That was a week of discoveries. I had confirmations from infinity about my chosen course. This week I received a recapitulation task from my witness and again I didn’t know how to start it. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know how. I feel like a man signed a contract which is “I pledge my word of doing this work”. I remembered an episode from the movie “interstate 60.” Such is life – the future is uncertainty. But I like it more than living as if everything is known and clear…

  126. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: “My gift to the Universe”.

    We can talk about the changes for a long time, but if you decide to change something, you’ll have to act! And to understand the mood of a warrior, you will need to change your habitual perception, and we did it last week. The key point of this mood was the taking responsibility to ourselves, the environment around us and even to the Universe itself. Indeed, our pattern is that everybody owe us – the state, the school, our loved ones, and the world around us, too. Being users, we’re getting more and more latent.
    But what do we give to the world around us? What can you GIVE… What can you give the Universe?
    If we ask these questions correctly, we probably will see a lot of new things. If you need it, welcome to the seven-days cycle of practices “My Gift to the Universe” in Constellation group.

    Tue, Aug 06, 2013. Tracking Energy.

    Today in practice I realized that the Universe gave me my parents – it’s really a gift. And my gift to the Universe – I help people, I do something consciously. My conscious acts for others, and everything without “ME” – my gift to the Universe.
    When we were immersed in a dream I felt the vibration and saw a shining dragon-headed serpent. I realized that it was Quetzalcoatl and bathed in this mood and this energy. I also realized how important was the intention of Quetzalcoatl in our lineage – what it did and what it showed people. I saw a connection between all the practitioners and Quetzalcoatl. It was incredible, at one moment I even wanted to howl. Thank you.

    * * *

    One of the real gifts to the Universe – to stay alive, I have been hanging between life and death several times. And the greatest gift – my life given by my parents. I want to give to the Universe my perfection and unbending intent to move forward expanding the boundaries of my awareness.
    Dreaming with others, I saw an episode from my childhood: a stream, transparent water, rocks on the bottom of the stream – I felt happiness. Everything was filled with happiness. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    The most important gift to the Universe is my life. I must fulfill the promise I gave to infinity. When we entered the dream, a lot of pictures ran before my eyes, and then I just fell asleep and when I heard the voice of the facilitator, I realized that I dreamed about my mother. Thank you.

    * * *

    My gift to the Universe is my saving the children. There were different situations. I was not thinking about myself in those moments. A gift from the Universe I got when my life changed: I went from a state of total depression. Now I have more and more power to control my life. And now I like sharing with people and I want to help them.
    The other day I was riding a bike through the city, it was not a walk, but real flying, because the decision to go on a bike at night came to me from nowhere and I could not help submitting to this impulse. I was riding a bike and saw our group as a “life saver.” I was completely happy in this moment. It was a powerful experience. All of you are my life saver…
    I wrote dawn that I wanted to help people to wake up. And when we were dreaming together, I saw myself surrounded by children. They were listening to me very carefully. Thank you.

    * * *

    I remembered a dream in which I was studying. It was a real gift for me. After this dream, I had a wonderful mood. One of my gifts to the Universe was the desire to pay a Tensegrity workshop for one person and I did it. It really was outside of “the self.” It was not an investment in the relationship with this person, etc. I felt great afterwards. I could feel the energy smoothed inside of me and I felt harmony.
    Then, what I want to give to the Universe… It’s every action filled with love and awareness in every moment. I’ve suddenly realized that if I act consciously in every moment, if I’m present in this moment, I can be in complete harmony with the Universe. When we entered the dream, I decided to do everything consciously and with love. But at first I could not figure out where to do it. Then I saw myself in the city. I saw how closely I interacted with the people, holding my attention “here and now.” And suddenly, I found myself in another dream. I saw myself in a meadow with bear cubs and two large bears. We understood each other and knew everything about each other. It was happiness. Then I flew, realizing myself in two places at once.

    Thu, Aug 08, 2013. Weekly practice – My gift to the Universe.

    Today I understood what the universe wants from me – it wants me to be attentive to everything around. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I found that I have not enough faith and understanding. And also the Universe wants acceptance from me. I often resist and don’t agree with the situations but now my task is to make a step towards myself. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today in the practice I found that I don’t have enough attention, intention, self-collection, or love for myself. What the universe wants from me…recently I was in a hospital and while talking to a doctor (she is about 70) I thought “how come they have no other people to work here..” But as she put off her glasses I saw her eyes were so aware and bright. she was wonderful. In 10 minutes she told me all the Tensegrity principles though she had never heard that word. she had unbending intention and she wanted to share it. I was sitting and breathing in that intention. The next day I followed her advice and I felt her very much. She said that nobody wanted to listen to her. Most patients just asked for a pill not believing that everything depends on us. That woman shares her awareness and experience with others and I understood that the universe wants me to be an example by raising my awareness for other people. Thank you.

    * * *

    At first I wrote that I don’t have enough wisdom and discipline. And then in the end I understood that I have everything. I saw what I can give to the world and the universe – to be honest with myself and to increase my awareness and the one around. I understood that when keeping the state of being aware, open, and accepting, the world around becomes different. It becomes magical and the beings in it also become magical.

    Friday. 09.08.2013. Recapitulation

    To start practice in the Constellation group I had to get rid of my arrogance. Once I left it behind I could then practice in the group. With the help of practices in the group I did recapitulation and it gave me the possibility to make relationships with my Mom and my good friend better. Then I changed my attitude to all people who corrected me and I felt gratitude for them. I continue my recapitulation and I have great plans. Thank you.

    * * *

    Last time, when recapitulating my parents, I understood that if I want somebody to open to me and to be warm with me, I should first do it myself. Also I saw that if I get something from my parents I should give them something back. And I started doing it. As I studied how to open to my mother, open my light for her, she started to open for me, she smiles for me and gets happy. I made the next step. I began to communicate with people with this new awareness. It is wonderful. Relations in different spheres of my life get better. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today in the practice I felt very good, I got the energy to work and to move ahead. I got the intention. Thank you.

    Sat, Aug 10, 2013. Walking in silence.

    I came up the tree and I wanted to exhale it. I made several exhalations and suddenly I felt the smell of nettle, but there was no nettle there. I know this smell because it’s the smell of the village where I was born in deep, deep taiga where there is no grass – just nettle. I remembered that village and I was walking as in dreaming. I was both here and in that village simultaneously. I felt how I love the North, which is my origin. Then I lean on a birch, closed my eyes and we breathed together. I felt that place so completely as it could be. Thank you.

    * * *

    There was just the world and me on this walk, I didn’t see anybody around. I just felt and didn’t want to see. Then I understood that my gift to the universe is to say YES to this wonderful world, the living world around me. I want to line that I really felt the world alive and it is not a metaphor. The world was alive and I was a part of it all. When I was coming back home I looked around and understood that “the curtains in front of me are still open.” Every step was a step in silence.

    Sun, Aug 11, 2013. View from inner silence.

    Several days ago, I had the chance to drive an elderly woman in my car. She was telling me for a long time about how free she was at her age of 76 – her mind was free from thinking about how to be attractive to men, and she could earn more money to buy things now that she didn’t have to raise children – they are grown up now. She told me that everything to which she dedicated her life turned out to be unnecessary and she finally felt what freedom means. Just at this time could she do as she wanted. She even started to learn a new language she liked…

    * * *

    My attention shifts from one theme to another. Sometimes I understand it and pay attention on my breath, feet, and world around. I thought “what could I do with that?”
    All day today I was doing my boring job and I noticed that as the inner dialog starts I forget about breathing, the muscles tense, especially on the face, and I get rigid like wood. Then I had a thought to look not for the dialog but for breath and the body position instead. And it has worked! The dialog of course holds me sometimes but now I notice it more often. My body likes to breathe but it is not matched with the conversation inside (as I noticed), so as breathing disappeared it was a signal that I forgot to do it and that let me return to the state of the world of perceiving. And I started to get the gifts from the universe. I thought how fast life passes, minute by minute. And I spend this invaluable gift on discussing nonexistent problems with imagined persons. I argue, trying to prove something, and this all happens in my mind. And it goes like this always. I am fully in it. And it is the way my life will go? I was shocked. But then a quiet voice said to me that it was already good that I understood it. And I needed to turn understanding into awareness and actions. The action directed to changing such things. I know that every class in the Constellation group makes me act and helps to run my attention. After this week’s practices I understood that I just want to perceive the world around me. It is the main gift which I can offer to the universe and it is waiting for this from me.

    * * *

    I have had a story – I went to get documents from one of the state institutions. I entered there calm and in a state of consciousness. I was standing in a line watching everything around. I understood that although it was a pleasure to be in such a state it also was not easy and I had to collect it. When I came to a foreigner in this state he opened to me, smiled, and behaved very well with me. It was unusual. In such a state I was going home and all the world was opening to me. I understood that when I am in peace with the world – it is in peace with me. On Saturday my walk continued in the evening. After jogging I sat on a branch and felt the same as I had on Saturday – the curtains opened in front of me and I had much awareness. I received an afflatus. I understood what it meant to be a real man. And it was very funny to look at the conceptions and statements about it I had before. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I got to know a wonderful woman. She is a doctor, and she has great intention. She told me how important walking is. She shared her experience and her intention and I’ve got it. The next day I left my car and walked. When I was walking I felt that woman as if I was in her intention. It was so wonderful…I was very thankful to her. Moreover I found that I loved to walk on foot. In several days I came to thank her and to share what I had done – and she was so glad and happy…I noticed that walking collects my thoughts. And when I walked the first time it was her intention but now walking is also my own intention. I needed that so much. I have got a great amount of energy…so much power…now I understand – if you give or share something – the energy doesn’t leave you. It returns and you get more. That’s what I saw. My gift to the universe is gratitude to that woman, my thankfulness goes through the universe.

    * * *

    The effect from our practices still comes in a week after the practices. Almost every day this week I was in a state close to inner silence without a dialog. I walked much and during the walks I didn’t think of myself. My gifts to the universe – to follow the actions that make me closer to silent being. Thank you.

    * * *

    My gift to the universe – when I am thankful I can thank people. We all are parts of the world and my gratitude to people goes through the universe itself. Thank you.

    Sun, Aug 11, 2013. My gift to the universe – sharing our dreams.

    The theme “my gift to the universe” went beyond Constellation group and met its reflection in other conglomerates in Tensegrity system. On Reni Murez’ advice we decided to do such an exercise…I heard many wonderful feedbacks here and it looks like everybody understands – we get what we give. It reflects on our relationships with people, other beings and if to look wider it is the same in relationships with the universe – we get exactly what we give. It is greater when we go beyond the frames of self-reflection and can give something to others without thinking of ourselves. It is almost the same with the state of dreaming. And the exercise we will have today – is sharing our dreams in the group.

    I remembered one dream and I was very glad to have the possibility of sharing it. It was a dream about the Mood, a very bright dream. I found myself in a mysterious world with unreal bright colors. I was looking at the grass and it was a non-realistic green color. I was looking at the sky and it had very bright blue color and the huge moon was in the sky. It was really bright and was smiling to me.

    * * *

    I had a dream with a sanatorium in the forest. There were pine trees there and I could see a sea shore. The buildings were very big and mysterious. Concrete paths beautifully placed. That all was full of purity, light and space. And the sea was so beautiful. I understood it was a dream. I had a feeling like doing the magical passes of Quetzalcóatl. And I turned to Quetzalcóatl and flew on high speed. When I flew to a tree with crystals I started to examine its bark. And the light was seen through it…

    * * *

    Recently I found myself in a room where we have practices. I had a piece of paper with the practice plan. Every line was a link and this link stretched to one of the practitioners. It looked like a lighting line that reached out from the paper to a man. There was harmony and much light there, everything was shining but on the other hand it happened as if it was in the common world. Thank you.

    * * *

    I am getting on a strange bus and going to the Tensegrity seminar. I arrive at some unusual place with a sea where the waves break up on the rocks. I see an old building and the line for registration… Three days ago I saw a movie about the seminar and as I saw the house and the entrance I felt goosebumps on my body – it was the the place which I saw in details in my dream.

    * * *

    I woke up in the dream and I found myself in Tula. It was night and everything was as usual. I came to the window and looked outside. In the sky over the church I saw a big blue star. Then the sky got covered with clouds.

    * * *

    This night I’ve had a strange conscious dream. When I shared it with Dmitry, he said that likely this dream is not for me, but for all Tensegrity practitioners. I agreed and decided to share it with you.
    The dream was totally conscious as though it was something that is happening now. I remember it perfectly. It started as I felt an earthquake and eventually I was piled on with pieces of a building. Then I found myself in a square room with amber-like walls, floor, and ceiling – a sort of an amber cube, and there I started to pass into a Quetzalcoatl. That was absolutely, definitely conscious and a naturally gradual process. I felt my body elongated, and I saw as the skin turned bright white and was covered with blue plumage. The will and ability to observe – it’s all that was mine in this creature. It seemed that the Quetzalcoatl had a silent knowledge of what to do, and driven by this knowledge as a faultless instinct, it flew away from that room. The Quetzalcoatl flew in the bright blue, sunny sky, undulating as in the magical pass. There was a waterlogged world, a future world. Flying over this world, I saw rare human cities. The Quetzalcoatl knew where to go, we reached Yucatan seashore and dived into the water. Then, we digged a vertical tunnel through a shore and laid an egg in the middle of the tunnel. I knew without words this egg was the Quetzalcoatl’s intention of itself in the future. Getting out of the tunnel, we found ourselves on a border between two worlds – my world and the future world. The Quetzalcoatl set on a cliff in twilight coloring the land and the ocean in pale lilac. Different streams of time from different worlds were joining on the border and, vibrating in our plumage, were singing the song of the Quetzalcoatl’s memory.
    PS. Here I must say that I’ve never had any personal idea how it is – to be a Quetzalcoatl, it’s always been an abstract category for me, some kind of a symbol. So, in this dream I felt like an animal with human spirit – without any doubts, in deep silence.
    Having heard the feedback of other practitioners I understood how similar we all are, how many similar things we have. it brings me joy and pleasure. thanks a lot to everybody.

  127. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: “Moving onward into recapitulation”.

    The theme of our week’s cycle of practices “My gift to the Universe” sounds solemn and promising. As we stepped into these practices we saw in ourselves how tough we were. We had to do so much work for the Universe before we could wish to receive gifts. Yet we chose to consider the end result as winning because Tensegrity is a constant rising of consciousness and not just the achievement of some intermediate level. So we need discipline, discipline, and even more discipline. But how can we become more disciplined and orderly? Recapitulation is a tool that will make us see how we do the same things every day and every hour! And as usual, we invite you to take part in this cycle of Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity practices in the Constellation group – “Moving onward into recapitulation.”

    ——

    Tue, Aug 13, 2013. Tracking energy.

    I was doing magical passes with the intention of opening to the world, feeling my surroundings and the present moment better, reaching the state in silence and following the intention of our practice. I entered such a state – the calmness of mind and warmth of the body, and the sense of love and openness in my heart. Energy flowed easily through the body and I felt free and comfortable, I was happy. I got rid of some mental block that hadnt let me feel the completeness of the present moment. Being in such a state I got a great fit of energy. I remembered the situation when we made fires with the parents and how I was lying at night and looking at the sky and stars. And I understood that I can’t hold it but Can feel it – total openness. I wanted to unite with infinity and the stars. I found some depth inside myself and in those stars.

    Fri, Aug 16, 2013. Recapitulation.

    Today in the practice I saw the things turning around my ego. I can’t leave it or I can’t work with it and look at it from a distance. Also I noticed that sometimes I have states and moments in which I have bad thoughts – the inner dialog rises and makes me argue inside. I have seen it today.

    * * *

    In my scene I demanded acceptance from groups of people. I had much dialogue about it. I thought that if they accepted me I would be able to open, to get calm, feel pleasant and satisfied. The new thing is that that doesn’t work. They accepted me many times and I felt comfortable but just for a short time. Then I demanded more. And when I looked at the situation doing passes the third time I saw myself in that company while being aware of my body and of the energy flowing inside. I understood that satisfaction and openness live deeply in my nature. All I need is breath and to feel myself and the world. Thank you.

    * * *

    As a result of the recapitulation I had new seeing. The first is that an old inner dialogue disappeared. The second is that I now have only respect and understanding for the man from my scene. Thank you.

    Sat, Aug 17, 2013. A walk in Silence.

    My constant internal dialogue sounds are about a health problem and a problem with money… also I have different songs or repetitive phrases in my head all the time, and I do not know what to do with them.

    * * *

    I tracked today a whole bunch of dialogue. I repeat things that I see or think as if I were talking to somebody. Or I think something that I then tell to someone else. Also I praise myself about the things I did right. I’m looking for confirmation that I am acting right and doing things right. I often feel like I was the center of universe. If consciousness is within me, and the world is outside, in this way I’m the center of the universe. Today, while walking I noticed judgments about other people, thoughts that they are stupid and not conscious, also automatic. But at the same time I justify their actions in certain situations. I often oppose myself and others, thinking that they are moving in the wrong direction and not living their lives.

    * * *

    When I went for a walk, I had inner resisting. In my childhood they always told me that I was beautiful and I always could find confirmation of this in almost everything. I have this idea that I am better than others. When I started having problems in school in communicating with others, I prefered to withdraw and not to communicate at all. – I am special, I am the best, if someone does not understand me – that’s their problem. Then there was self-doubt in my life and I started to deliberately do different, stupid things to prove myself. Now I have this dialogue similar to the one which I had in the past. I blame myself for laziness, inertia, callousness, indifference, inability and unwillingness to act on a plan, I often call myself an idiot or a fool. At the moment, I am concerned about my personal relationships. Sometimes I do everything right, sometimes I lose heart and I lose myself. Recently, I found my diary, which I conducted from age 12 to 21. After reading it, I realized that my current internal dialogue has not changed since I was 21 – “I am left alone, I do not need anyone” and “I do not care at all who thinks what about me” and “I won’t find anyone better than him” and “It’s my own fault”. I am very grateful for today’s practice. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today’s practice has strengthened everything. I asked myself: What is it in my head whirling all the time? And I saw that I constantly feel guilty towards other people. I believe that other people see life better, know life better, and understand it better than I do. I realized that my whole life is in serving the interests of others. These are people who are good to me, but I do not feel myself freely while next to them. I feel their control and judgment towards me… and when these judgments accumulate and overwhelm me, I begin to look for a way out. I found today how sad I am and how hard this is. I discovered today that I frequently act out of this sense of allowing other people to build my life. And when it comes time to make a decision, I feel uncomfortable and helpless. Now I have a list for the job of recapitulation. Thank you.

    Sun, Aug 18, 2013 A View from Silence.

    This week I discovered that I constantly put things off. Also, this week’s practice has shown me how my internal dialogue forms. I was able to see this type of dialogue and to stop it. I managed to say that I have control over my life instead of dialogue controlling it. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    This week I have seen how narcissistic I am and how much my ego runs my life. Of course, I want to change this situation and I realize that the recapitulation of my life will help me in this. Thank you.

    * * *

    On Monday I finally moved from my mother. I pulled with this moment, I had an assuring inner dialogue… but at some point I could no longer postpone this. Now I feel like a different person, I could not recognize myself, and I really like this feeling. Another scene that I reviewed was about an old relationship. I was able to look at this scene from silence, I have never been so calm, I felt confident and knew that we came here to this Earth and will soon go away and I do not have anything but love for this man. Thank you.

    * * *

    I realize that I need to recapitulate, but I do not have enough self-discipline to do it regularly. For me this week, it was important just to write a list of situations, and I have already started to work on it. I already have the results. Also, I was very interested at yesterday’s practice where we tracked the internal dialogue about ourselves and about others. All I saw yesterday, was standing in front of my eyes and I want to deal with it. I am very grateful to all of these practices.

    * * *

    I am delighted by our practices, they are constructed in a way that every practice this week was pulling the next one. Very compact, assembled week. My main event of the week, when the awareness came to me. When I woke up one day, I realized that I completely changed my attitude to the whole area of my life. And I was not going to change anything and did not even think about it. At the moment when I woke up, I was overwhelmed with feelings, and did not know what was happening to me. It was such a fresh feeling… I thought that I had gone nuts. Now I am very happy about that – it’s the result of my conscious actions, which I did not expect.

  128. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Constellation of Gratitude

    You know that the intention to do recapitulation already returns to us our energy… This is similar to the state when our wings begin to grow, but we still do not know how to fly. Recapitulation returns us energy and enables us to see. That is what happened with many in our group this week. And when you can see the new, when you want to take off, when perspectives open in front of you – what do you want to say, what do you want to do, to accomplish? – Maybe it’s a gesture of gratitude. Gratitude is like the light of the stars, invisible light. We can hardly use this light. All that we can do is follow it, looking at the stars at night and day. Perhaps then we will be able to connect with the Constellation of Gratitude.

    Tue, August 20, 2013. Tracking Energy.

    In my dream I gave things that I would like to have to people close to me. They were very happy about this. They became replete. I was just pleased to observe this process and I realized that it was necessary for me and for them. Thank you.

    * * *

    For me great joy is to make a gift to my mother. It is a real joy. Thank you.

    * * *

    In my dream I gave awareness to my mom, and while it was happening, I became even more aware. The same happened with my friends. When I did this to my room – it just filled with awareness. I was amazed that the feelings that I want to experience – joy, fullness, peace, awareness – come back to me when I share them with others. And these feelings fill my being right now. Thank you.

    * * *

    I had an unusual state that is impossible to describe in words. I loved it. I give what I need most to the people around me. By doing this, I become a source of new and wonderful qualities, as well as a source of wealth. At some point I felt that by making gifts or giving something to others, opening to the Universe, I myself become a source of abundance. If I give something, I feel an abundance inside. It’s an extraordinary feeling. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    I had a very interesting dive into silence. At first I did not know what I want to share. Then, I saw people who had a desire… and I gave them what they want. Next, I hovered in a state of moth, and I do not know why exactly in the state of moth …. I saw the city, it was night, people going up very, very slowly in a spiral. The spiral was similar to the DNA helix. They were flying, rising up slowly, slowly. At first it was not clear where they were flying, but then I saw a constellation. People were slowly turning into moths and they went up to this constellation ….

    Thu, Aug 22, 2013. Practice in the venue – Constellation of Gratitude

    Following the instructions I received on Tuesday, I went to the mall (actually), bought a quite expensive gift (virtually) and gave it to a person. I felt joy, vibration, I felt him getting my gift and how grateful he is for it. And today in practice, when I wrote the list, I realized that I can thank the people who I have not thanked yet, even though I’ll never meet or contact them. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    I was out of practice for a long time and when this week started, I wanted to get into this rhythm again. Now I feel great gratitude, I felt that I was with you again. Thank you.

    * * *

    I prepared and cut ‘banknotes’ and put them in neat bundles. After work I went to the real estate agency to choose an apartment with a sea view. When I got to the 16th floor, I was stunned by the view that opened in front of me. I wanted to give this apartment to my mom, and I did it. Today, when I was making my list the second time, I felt a strong gratitude for my mother. I am very grateful to her. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I’ve done what I wanted. I went out and bought the most expensive, beautiful postcards for myself. I wrote the text and bought some roses in addition to these postcards. They were so beautiful that all the people were looking at me in the street. I walked into a crowded place in the city center and decided to give them to women. I gave the cards with flowers first to one woman, then another… one was very surprised, and another even suspected something wrong. Then I was approached by three women. All of them, as it turned out, were unmarried, just like me. They were just happy and they thanked me, saying how I have brightened up their day. One of them said that people like me make the world more beautiful and kind. I saw how they read these cards and how they were surprised and happy. I realized that they got exactly what they wanted to get. It was a gift from infinity. I got great satisfaction from this. Thank you.

    * * *

    We work very closely with Marina, creating different projects in the Constellation group. Last week, something incomprehensible happened to me, it is not so easy to describe it in words, but this is due to our interactions. I just woke up one morning and could not understand what was happening to me. If at all there is a way to describe what was happening, it is this: I turned into feelings. I felt the reality of here and now. Due to this I got a task – to write a poem, and I did it. This poem I wrote is not only for Marina… When I am grateful some invisible light turns on, something is changing. Something is changing within me and the whole world is changing outside… I dedicated this poem to you, the people who are the most close to me.

    Thank you.

    Gathering for the journey,
    I thought about others …
    Why am I was born …
    And what I want to do here?

    I want to share with you
    With my gratitude
    And maybe someone can hear
    How it’ll sound in the silence.

    My gratitude –
    It’s a song in my heart.
    And I myself have only just heard
    The sound of it.

    But the tune of this song
    I’ve known for a long time,
    All the trees in the world
    Know this tune of silence.

    If we are for a moment
    Will stop ourselves,
    We’ll hear
    The vibration of love.

    This is the song about happiness
    That will awaken others hearts.
    Everyone who will want to hear,
    Can hear it inside.

    Right now, just listen,
    Can you hear? It sounds
    Everything we need –
    We have right here and now.

    And I am infinitely happy,
    Because I can sing this song of gratitude,
    I’m singing it for the stars,
    And I singing it for you …

    Fri, Aug 23, 2013. Recapitulation

    At this practice, I found the internal dialogue “I’ll fail, I’m scared,” and excuses, such as “I’m too lazy now, I don’t feel like doing that, I have no strength, etc.” I realized that I copied this dialogue from my older brother. He did so to draw our mom’s attention, so that she would feel sorry for him. And I began to do so too. My new actions – to breathe and see that my fear is not me. I’m not my fear. I can accomplish my dreams with joy, as I did as a child, before meeting with fear.

    Sat, Aug 24, 2013. A Walk in Silence.

    As soon as I crossed the line and went into the space of silence, the answers to my questions showered themselves: my energy body showed me that I need to say thank you to everyone to whom I have to say it. I always save it for later… I felt like a barge hauler that pulls a huge load – the desire to give back his debts, to say thank you. I saw how I was cheating myself, meaning I do not love myself …. Now I already have a list of people I want to thank, the list is not completed yet. But I’ll go through the list and will make new steps to clear the space inside and outside myself. I will use the tools that are received in the classes this week. Thank you.

    * * *

    I realized that I need to express my gratitude to loads of people. I have no time for delay … this should be done every day. I have a grandmother, she is 93, she lives very far away, but I want to go to her and express my sincere gratitude. My energy body wants it. I want to put my whole soul and all my senses into it and I’ll give her a gift from the heart… with full attention and diligence. I will paint a picture for her.
    The state of sincerity for me is when I feel the world with my whole being. As I walked, I felt surrounding like that. Then I saw an old woman, who asked for money. There was some peculiar holiness, a purity in her, and I wanted to give her something. When I discovered that I had no money, I just closed my eyes and imagined that I gave her my warmth, kindness, and protection – for her well-being…

    * * *

    I walked very quickly and found that I did all that was required to enter into a state of silence. Then I thought – ‘why hasn’t silence come to me yet?’… I need to fix this, and this situation is corrected immediately. I immediately wrote that the energy body told me that since the universe is made of intent, I am cleaning this link with the universe and intent right now. I can hear the voice of my inner seer now. He says to me, Go … go … he pushes and encourages me.
    I love what I do. I am very pleased. The more I delve into the practice, the less it becomes practice. Practice becomes a life, thoughts about myself and others are changing- it’s amazing.

    Sun, Aug 25, 2013 A View From Silence

    This week, following the recommendations from Tuesday’s practice, I went to the auto dealership to buy a car. I’d been looking a long time, and finally chose a $70,000 Chevrolet Tahoe. Since money wasn’t a problem for me, picking out a car was very enjoyable. Now I know a lot more about buying a car, and I wouldn’t want to buy any of the really expensive models. The “armchair feeling” is the point – it’s all about comfort, as you realize when you drive for a long time.
    At last all the formalities are done, they give me the keys, I get in the car and set out. I’m overwhelmed with the joy of possessing such a beautiful car. I drive out of the sales lot and onto the main road, where I barely have time to notice a girl’s face from the other side of the road. She looks very sad for some reason, though there is no envy, anger or blame. I stop near her and call out to her. When she comes up, I give her the car keys. She’s extremely surprised. Her face registers astonishment, joy, bewilderment and fright in rapid succession.
    – “What? You mean . . . for me?!” she asks.
    I answer, “No reason – today’s just a good day.”
    She asks, “What should I do?”, and I reply, “Just take it for a drive, and don’t hurry. Do you have a driver license?”
    – “Yes, I passed the tests, but haven’t saved enough money for a car yet.”
    – “Well, have a nice drive!”
    The radiance of her smile made the day even brighter and happier. She sat behind the wheel, and the car twitched a couple times and stopped. Finally she started the car and drove away. My heart was calm, relaxed and happy. And even though I’d left my money at the dealership and my car had just gone away, I was happy. This was because the joy of the person who drove it away made the world a bit happier and a bit better, which made the people living there happier too.

    * * *

    When I was given the task to go gift shopping, I first felt an internal resistance, a reluctance to spend my time on it. But I also knew that, if I didn’t do it, my inner discomfort would be even greater. So I drew 5,000-ruble notes with a red marker, one by one, until I held a pile worth 14,000 rubles, and I went shopping.
    I’ll describe two scenes. One came up spontaneously – I’d seen a fur shop recently, so I went straight there. I began to go through the fur coats, and I really liked one of them. The saleswoman came up to me – she was a very sweet woman of indeterminate age. She said the coat had an amazing discount on it, and now cost only 97,000 rubles. I tried it on – it was so cozy and warm. She told me a lot of things, including how she’d gotten tired of her old coat, and that a person can get bored with anything. Then it dawned on me: why not give her a fur coat? She’s so cute.
    I asked her to hold the coat for half an hour, went to another store and found something to “try on”. I did magical passes in the dressing room, counted out 100,000, and imagined the following:
    I go back to the first shop, stand at the counter and ask them to calculate my purchase. At this moment my saleswoman rushes up to me, happy that I’ve returned, and suggests I buy gloves to go with the coat. I agree, and come with her to try them on. I whisper to her that today’s a special day for me, and I’d like to present this fur coat to her, and I hand her the package. She stares at me in shock, and I explain that I’ve got lots of fur coats and don’t need one more. She even suspects I’m a nut case. Then she bursts into tears and says no one’s ever given her anything like this before. I start to leave as the other shop assistants have come up and the saleslady has begun to feel guilty, standing there in embarrassment with the package in her hands. She’s afraid she’ll be punished for receiving this present. She doesn’t believe in miracles, others envy her, and everyone’s standing there open-mouthed. I wave goodbye, leaving the scene behind, and dart out of the shop with a happy smile on my face.
    I loved being rich and generous. I like giving without any expectations. It’s like there’s a stream that’s always been flowing past me but I never noticed it before, and now I’m in it, which is great!

    * * *

    This week’s theme is “Constellation of Gratitude”, and I’ve had a hard week with lots of problems and things to do. I was at the point where I couldn’t put things off any more, and I had to work hard to fulfill my obligations. I’ve had a lot of different internal dialogs connected to all this. One of my dialogs was about being asked to lead the final competition at the bridal salon in the shopping center. I’d agreed to do it a couple months ago, but when the time came I wasn’t ready for it. My internal dialog was, “I don’t want to do it, it’s hard, I’m not interested in it now, I don’t want to entertain the crowd”, etc.
    At our practice on Saturday, we asked ourselves three questions during our walk: What does my Energy Body tell me? Where am I being dishonest with myself? and What can I do about it? I walked, sinking deeper into silence with each step, and thought, “Not so long ago, 5 years ago, if I’d been offered a job like this, I’d have been happy. Why am I acting like this now? Why can’t I be grateful?”
    I came to my tree, which I call Wise Tree, and sat with my back to it and my eyes closed. In silence I realized I’m not grateful and don’t even think I should be grateful. Why should I be grateful if whatever comes to me is already mine? I think I’m special, not like other people. And I saw this isn’t true. Infinity gives everybody everything they can take. I don’t notice the beauty around me, and in this state I can’t see the enigma that surrounds us all. I can only see myself and my attitude, and this is like a really serious malady.
    My mood had fundamentally changed – I thanked the tree and went away overwhelmed with this new knowledge. Even though my ego kept telling me the same old things, I knew what to do: guide the party as impeccably as I can. I did this, and my mood was very good.
    And something completely wonderful happened. I liked a particular pair of contestants, a very nice fellow and a girl, who were going to marry. They had a warmth towards each other and, despite all the financial difficulties, a determination and intention to be together.
    They didn’t win anything, but I thought about them when I got home, remembering a pleasant radiance that came from them. Suddenly I remembered I had a pair of diamond wedding rings I’d bought a long time ago, which had been lying around for three years. I really wanted to give them to that couple. I called and said I had a present for them – we met and I gave them the rings. It was a really interesting experience, and I felt so grateful that they accepted this present with great respect. I’m also grateful to myself for doing this without the usual self-admiration, for seeing beyond their words of gratitude. I could feel a wave of pure interaction; we didn’t need anything from each other, and nothing bound us except that moment. Interestingly, the rings fit them well. Thank you.

    * * *

    On Tuesday I dreamed a young woman showed me a magical pass, and I could remember it after I woke up. I was then pleasantly surprised when the next day I received an invitation to a practice where we would be learning The Mantle of Confidence pass. Another surprise was that we kept learning it during the following day’s class. I had actually intended to do something starting two days before the full moon and ending on August 24 – a period of 6 or 7 days. To accomplish this task I was going to need confidence and determination, and I got them with the help of this pass. I regard the dream as a sign, and the invitation to learn the pass as the world’s consent to do what I’m going to do, and also a confirmation that I’m moving in the right direction. Thank you for your support and for the opportunity created by the intersection of the plane of this world with the vertical line of the Spirit, at the point of here and now.

    * * *

    On Thursday, with a bunch of toy money, I went to buy an apartment for real. When I came to the agency, I had a long talk with a manager. He showed me different apartments. When choosing options, I did not limit myself with the amount of money and chose the one that I liked. When we went to look at the flat I could not understand where I was …. in a dream or in reality. I saw the furniture in the apartment, and even things that were laid over there. After choosing the apartment, I went to buy it and saw all the formal process. Then I gave this apartment to my mother, who has done so much for me. I feel very strong gratitude for her.
    The first half of Thursday, I watched as I delayed what I had planned to do. I just sat there and watched as I come up with various excuses for not going out and not doing what was planned. In the end, I realized that I needed to perform this task …. not for myself but for something bigger than myself. I’m very glad I did it – I was overwhelmed with feelings of lightness, floating, and flying. It was not ‘I’.
    On Saturday I did the magical pass The Confidence of a Warrior and I felt full of strength to accomplish everything I’ve planned. And in the evening I felt fine and was full of energy. Thank you.

    * * *

    I really liked what I heard in practice on Tuesday. Lying in bed before falling asleep, I imagined how I would implement my plan, and I fell asleep with a smile on my face. And on Thursday I went and bought different things for different people ….. I bought 12 pies for a thin man, a huge bouquet of flowers for a woman at the bus stop, and then I went to the bank and paid for the tour to Mexico for my friend and me. When I did it, I was filled with a sense of joy, freedom, and creativity. This exercise, besides that it became a delight for me every day, has awakened in me my long-forgotten ability to dream. After this exercise, I began to do it every day – it’s very simple, if I see a sad person on the street, I can give him something that will please him, that will turn that person’s face to joy. Thank you.

    * * *

    It so happened that I was interviewed about Tensegrity in two different magazines and one has already been published, and the other will be available soon. I wanted to share this with my mom. My mother has her own opinion on everything and she feels pretty confident, she help others, even cures for many of her friends. She used to have a skeptical view about Tensegrity, and would not listen to anything about Castaneda, giving pretty bad feedback about him… So, how deeply surprised I was when she asked me three times if I really wrote this interview. She was stunned from reading and said that she was very interested to read this. She asked then, ‘why are you not promoting it to the masses, because if people read it, they will engage in Tensegrity, it’s so interesting. It is necessary to promote it to be available.’ That for me was the most valuable: she said YES to Tensegrity, and she said yes to me, without even realizing it. For me, this was a real gift.

    * * *

    Yesterday evening was perfect, I went and bathed in the sun, although it was pretty cool. I walked in silence, and as we usually do in practice on Saturday, I felt all of my assistants… Suddenly I saw the intention in everything … I do not know how to describe it, it’s just a way of talking. I was overwhelmed with different thoughts and I even refused to write anything. I went and looked at different people, trees, objects, who holds what in his hands, and everything around revealed itself to me. I could understand everything about everything. For example, when I looked at the dog, I saw her entire life. It was like a full-length film about the subject I was looking at, that scrolled in one second. Analyzing this event I realized – at that moment “I” did not exist, it was dissolved. And when “I ” dissolves everything becomes possible.

  129. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Keeping on Fire

    Aug 26 – Sep 1, 2013.

    No one could even imagine what this week of practices will open to us. Each practice fills us to the brim. On Tuesday everyone who was there with us faced themselves and could take away materials to work with for a few months. The same happened on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Everyone in our Constellation group has the possibility to deal with this huge list of templates, judgments, and dissent. We did not expect that the Constellation of Gratitude would bring us so many priceless gifts of awareness and so much energy. Many of us were able to believe in themselves and were able to act in their dreams this week. All that is needed is to continue, to support our witnesses and our intention. We do not want our fire of intention to die out, so before the workshop in Laspi, which will take place in Ukraine, September 6, 7, and 8, we will extend to each other the link – Keeping on Fire.

    Tue, Aug 27, 2013. Tracking Energy

    Thank you very much to our whole group for helping me see the point. I had always intended to retire from the world of the first attention and develop myself in the second attention. I wanted abilities, magic, etc. At this practice I realized how important it is to be careful in our everyday world. That’s what makes me complete. Only here can I come and find myself, to really find the path with the heart.

    * * *

    It would be difficult to imagine a more suitable practice for my soul. When we did the Mantle of Confidence (The Confidence of a Warrior), I felt like I was really putting on the mantle. Today, I chose to look at the sphere of work and relationships and I realized that my view of relationships is just ideas in my head. I really wanted to let all these ideas go away. At the end of practice I was incredibly easy, as if the floodgates were opened. Thank you.

    Thu, Aug 29, 2013. Weekly practice at the venue

    I do not like my job, it bothers me. I even wanted to give it up …. When I said the words out loud, I felt much better. Thoughts about my job had left and I now feel much calmer and better. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have problems with an employee at work, and I haven’t even wanted to think about how to establish a relationship with him … but today at practice, I decided to face the scene and change it. Thank you.

    * * *

    After the magical passes, I realized that a good relationship is not only the word YES. I have not entered into an agreement to say just the word YES. I caught a sense of freedom and ease and remembered a situation from my childhood, when I was afraid to say NO. Now I see – my task is to track the fear, the old fear and instead of it, to fill my whole being with freedom and joy. Only in this state can I do something good for myself and others. Thank you.

    Fri, Aug 30, 2013. Recapitulation

    At today’s practice I felt easier. The opportunity to express my gratitude allowed me to free myself from the masks that I wear in everyday life when dealing with people. I understand that they are heavy, awkward, and completely unnecessary. I need a huge effort from myself to “serve” the masks. I’m a virtuoso at this… That sentiment of gratitude, which I was in at today’s practice allowed me to take off the masks. I saw that life with such a feeling gives remarkable ease, and the opportunity to express my gratitude brings happiness and joy. Thank you all. I became a butterfly at the end of practice.

    * * *

    The recapitulation can take many forms, but in any of its forms, the recapitulation brings us liberation, energy, joy. At this practice, we decided to step outside our ordinary views. We have made a step towards seeing energy – a step to our energy body.

    _ _ _ _

    I thank myself for the fact that I want to be independent, completely independent. Recently, I tidied up the balcony in a rented apartment and I did not have any dialogue about it. On the contrary, I was very grateful for the mood in which I was doing this job. And I intend to go on in my life with the same mood of confidence and openness.

    * * *

    Thank you A for keeping your spirit calm and for your easy-going attitude. I am also grateful to him for his intention to live on his own and that he is going ahead with that no matter what. It’s very important to me to express my gratitude to A. Thank you.

    * * *

    Thank you, A., that you can use difficult situations to enter into silence. Another big thank you for your going to your intention and for the fact that you believe very deeply, until the end, in what you aspire. Thank you very much for this.

    * * *

    A., I am grateful to you for you will find your true purpose on the Earth. To do this, you’ll face your nature. I am grateful to you for you are ready to go towards your purpose, making the recapitulation and dissolving all fears and ideas.

    * * *

    A., I’m grateful to you for new decisions you’ve made in your life. Thank you for that.

    * * *

    A., thank you for the fact that you are looking for the Path with Heart and for your intention to move along this path.

    * * *

    A., thank you for the fact you are an open and light person. For your willingness to come and help in any situation. Thank you for directing your attention to the basis, the stem of your life, for taking care of your self-sufficiency, and standing on your own feet.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to myself that in all my acts I stay open and grateful. Thanks.

    * * *

    O., thank you for your openness and gratefulness, that you have done and keep doing so. Thank you for the fact that you keep sorting out your relationship with your mom and with your relations with the opposite sex. Thank you for your intention to see more.

    * * *

    O., thank you for your openness. It’s very important to be open. When you open to people and the world, miracles happen. Huge thanks to you for that.

    * * *

    O., thank you for your experience and knowledge. Thank you for sharing that with others. Thanks a lot.

    * * *

    O., thank you very much for your openness, that you share your vast experience of recapitulation. Thank you for sharing your views.

    * * *

    O., thank you for opening to the world, to your friends and colleagues. For that you will find exit from difficult situations. For that you will be able to see the clear picture of your relationship with your mom.

    * * *

    O., thank you for your openness and awareness that you will get from your interactions with your colleagues – it will bring you calm and deep self-confidence.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to myself that I practice Tensegrity every day, take care of my physical and energy bodies, and that my care about my son.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to V. for his enthusiasm in Tensegrity practice which he inspires others with and for his concern about others.

    * * *

    V., thank you that you can hear your heart and that you are going along your Path with heart. Thank you very much for that.

    * * *

    V., thank you for the fact that you can look with responsibility at life, firstly, at your own life.

    * * *

    V., thank you for your purposefulness. I’m grateful to you because you will obtain true openness, miracle, and calmness.

    * * *

    V., thank you for being a great example of threlationship between father and son.

    * * *

    V., thank you for your practice of Tensegrity. Thank you that you take care of your son. And thank you that you do your best to find your Path of Heart. I believe that you’ll find it and I wish you so.

    * * *

    I am grateful to myself for the fact that I could change things connected to my job. For that I started my own business and took responsibility for my finances and my life.

    * * *

    A., thank you for taking responsibility for your acts in your life. Thank you that you are trying right conscious relationship.

    * * *

    A., thank you for being ready to move towards your dream, your business. Thank you for that financial plentitude you are going to bring into your family. Thank you that you’ve become closer to your family, become a leader. Your family is very happy and you have strong bands between each other.

    * * *

    A., thank you for your achievement in your business, that you have strength not to stop in your recapitulation, not to give up. Thank you that you are building a new conscious relationship with your family. For the fact that you’re becoming a leader in your life.

    * * *

    I’m grateful for myself that I’m going to create a healthy family. It’s very important for me.

    * * *

    N., thank you for showing an example of a wonderful relationship, letting others believe that that’s possible.

    * * *

    N., thank you for your intention to say ‘yes’ to the only man who will really be your man. Thank you n. for your enthusiasm, for the fire burning inside you that ignites others.

    * * *

    Thank you N that you can hear the voice of your energy body, that you have the balls to look at your dark side. Thank you that you will find your happiness.

    * * *

    N., thank you for doing recapitulation, for your belief in something… that you have been able to accept the fact that something is happening in your life, that you will be able to do everything.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to myself for my volition and actions that I do in my life, and that when I draw, I feel silence and happiness. I’m grateful to myself for a good relationship with my mom. For the fact that I can see my patterns – I wish for acknowledgement and where is it comes from to me.

    * * *

    S., thank you for helping me to sort out one of my main problems – my wish for acknowledgement. Thank you for using a computer for your evolution on the path of heart.

    * * *

    S., thank you for always finding an effective way of acting, that you immediately direct attention to the essence. That you engage in activity that helps you to be in silence. That you can be yourself – your true self. That you take responsibility for your words and carry out everything you get down to.

    * * *

    S., thank you that you draw and chose drawing as a way to get into silence. Thank you that you are putting your life in order step by step. I feel that each step that you share at our practices is a step towards silence.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to myself that I’ve realized how to get rid of ideas in my head. I feel free from ideas. I say thank you a lot to myself.

    * * *

    M., thank you a lot for changes in you. They really inspire me. Exactly your changes as a human being bring me to the group and I’m really grateful to you for that.

    * * *

    M., thank you for your vital energy that you’re opening to others. That you are changing your life. That you are ready to help everybody. Thank you just for your existence.

    * * *

    M., thank you that you were able to sort out the situation you wanted to sort out. Thank you that you’ve begun to trust yourself. This is the most important. Thank you that you’ve really started to change.

    * * *

    M., thank you that you started to act in a new direction that you chose and that chose you. That you believe in yourself. That you will create a musical instrument that we will listen to all together.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to myself that I live separately from my mom now, that I believe in my success and cultivate self-confidence. That my recapitulation is moving forward.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to you M. for you purposefulness and decisiveness, openness. I can see that your intent lead you along the path of heart. I can see harmony in you and I’m grateful to you for all these.

    * * *

    M., thank you for your true warm womanly energy, for warm look full of enthusiasm, for the fact you take your arm in your hands. Thank you a lot for the job you are doing.

    * * *

    M., thank you a lot that you derive your confidence from your openness. People feel that and it becomes easier for them to believe in themselves. Thank you for fighting with your patterns. Thank you for your refinement and flexibility and your connection with intent.

    * * *

    I admire your ability to implement your plans into action. For your impeccability as a Tensegrity facilitator. Thank you for your extraordinary harmonious combination of delicacy and modesty – inner and outer charm. It’s always nice to see you and interact with you.

    * * *

    M., thank you that you’ve started to implement new steps in your life and that you are trying to understand. It makes you closer to awareness even more and more.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to myself for the article that has been just published. The main thing for me is not the article itself, but the fact that my mom accepts Tensegrity. She believed in me and what I do.

    * * *

    D., I’m grateful to you for the precise and detailed explanations you give at our practices. For the actions you do showing an example for others. For that great job you are doing.

    * * *

    D., I’m very grateful to you for your crystal impeccability in everything in your life and in interactions with people, particularly in our practice group. For your energy, ability and attention – you have vast life experience and attention to feel everyone in our group. I can imagine how much you need to work to have such possibility. I’m very grateful to you that you do everything exactly when it’s really important.

    * * *

    D., thank you for our practices, for examples and your sense of humor. I’m grateful to you for the article, I’ve found out a lot from it.

    * * *

    I’m grateful to you, D., that you are acting beyond egoism. That it has huge influence on people surrounding you, stopping and transforming them. I’m grateful to you for you can hear the voice of infinity and you know where you are going, expressing this feeling into the world. Thank you that you exist and for what you are bringing into this world – your crystal cleanness.

    * * *

    D., I’m grateful to you for your job that inspires not only me but our whole Constellation group. That you make decisions not from your ego but from your energy body. I’m grateful to you for your persistence and purposefulness. I’m grateful to infinity for the fact that you exist.

    * * *

    D., I’m grateful to you for your wonderful understanding of the energy essence of each of us. For your ability to analyze and listen, to interact right and with concentration with everybody in the group. For your ability to focus your attention. I’ve never noticed that anything was omitted… Everything is always observed rightly and subtly – the essence of what is necessary to say about. For your selflessness and skills as a leader.

    * * *

    D., thank you for the immense joy I feel from sharing this path with you. For your huge job for infinity and for Constellation group, for the Spirit. Thank you for the two articles that are going to be published. Thank you that you are constantly working. Enhancement of your awareness improves our relationship and interaction’s effectiveness, too. Your mom has clearly showed that. And I intend to open to my mom, even though I haven’t dreamt of it yet…

    Sat, Aug 31, 2013. A Walk in Silence

    When I went for walk I was thinking about my business. I have to communicate with people a lot and I am afraid of this. In the beginning I didn’t even answer phone calls as I didn’t know what to say. Today while walking in silence I understood that my goal is the journey itself – to get light, to make relations bring me joy but money to be good addition. Then I had an image of our group: we are pearls of one stripe and which scatter and go apart but doing one abstract task. Our task is out of the common world and our research starts with ourselves.
    …I was looking at the board like at the miracle, that time something really stopped inside of me. Then I saw a flock of pigeons and I realized that the world was alive. All the world is just full of life and we don’t notice it. We know nothing about the surrounding world and all we do – just use it. That’s what I’ve got from silence. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was walking and standing among the trees. I understood that the power of fire which I need for going on and passing obstacles is in my calm and silence. I want to take this feeling to my daily world. It was a very important discovery today, thank you.

    * * *

    Making the first step on the walk today I felt another space. Then I made more steps and thought that every step could immerse us into newer and newer perception. With every step our dreaming changes… I’ve got on this walk that keeping fire for me is my state of abundance at the present moment and also directing my attention to my goal. It is the most important thing that keeps fire of my intention. Then my attention was attracted by some sounds. They were very bright. Coming up home I heard a loud bird singing, it was a big black raven. It flew continuing its croaking and it did it with great joy. It seemed that it shared its mood of joy with all the world. It shouted to Infinity that everything was wonderful around.

    Sun, Sep 1, 2013 A View from Inner Silence.

    Most of all I liked Gratitude Practice on Friday. Today it was very hot and I wanted to drink beer. I was walking and thinking of this desire but then I felt a headache. I caught myself being without breath…. I said “stop” and saw the inner dialogue that was fighting with itself. I started breathing, I walked and suddenly I had a burst of laughter. It was funny because I found that an inner dialogue is fake. Nobody is guilty and it’s my responsibility to control everything in my life and life itself. The problem was solved and I just enjoyed the walk. Thank you.

    * * *

    The practice of reviewing suddenly brought its results. The situation is connected with my family. All I did anew was express my well-defined opinion, and it was surprising when my sister quietly replied with agreement and understanding. It is great progress in relations for me. Thanks to our group.

    * * *

    This week I had trouble with my cat, his leg hurt. On our way to the vet he escaped, ran behind the fence and I couldn’t get him. Several hours I tried to do something but it didn’t work. Then I had an idea. I closed my eyes and imagined myself to be a cat – I saw how I go outside and go home. In several minutes he came out and it was a happy moment both for me and the cat.

    * * *

    Sometimes I don’t get what I expect in any situations. Especially in the relations with those who have more energy and consciousness then I do. Being in such situations I understood that I have to do my best and it means to be open. I want to be open and if I wish it why do I have to close… and why do I need to think… to be open means sharing some things. I got lighter after such an awareness. And later we had a great practice on Tuesday at 7 p.m. On Friday there was a fascinating practice, it was really wonderful. That day I had a dream. I saw the woman with which I had long and difficult relations. We were walking in the park, the weather was fine and she was telling me about her life and her projects and details. She aquatinted me with her boyfriend. Our meeting was full of respect and deep understanding of the present moment. Our relations just got balanced. I saw this in the dream – that I move forward. I connect it with recapitulation and Friday practice.

  130. estrellapapalot says:

    Grupo de Tensegridad Tensisbilya. Sevilla. España.
    Hoy sábado en nuestra práctica hemos conectado desde el silencio con los árboles y con nuestro cuerpo energético para traer un sueño a nuestras vida. Ha sido todo muy sencillo y a la vez profundo y vibrante. Hemos practicado el Pase del Arbol, y hemos girado en las cuatro direcciones. El sur nos trajo la semilla y el este las acciones para que una vez sembradas crezcan y tengan fuerza. Ha habido un momento mágico y silencioso en el que sin esperarlo entró por la ventana una brisa fresca del Este llenando la sala y conectando con nuestro ensueños.
    También nos hemos conectado con el grupo de Tensimadrid, mañana domingo una persona del grupo va a estar practicando con ellos y desde ya hemos extendido nuestras fibras para unirnos en nuestro sueño de apertura y expansión .
    Al final hemos pasado del sueño-ensueño de cada uno a un ensueño de todo el grupo: estar en la primavera del 2014 en el taller con Jim y otros practicantes. Ya tenemos sembrada una semillita de 10 centimos con la figura de Cervantes que fué un ensoñador de las letras. Seguro que para marzo el árbol tendrá flores con petalos de euros y en Madrid debajo de los árboles invitaremos a todos los asistentes a una tarta de nueces, almendras, chocolate negro y hojas verdes del arbol del amor que suele florecer al inicio de la primavera. !Gracias!

  131. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the Week: Opportunities of Our Time

    This week in our practice we will direct our attention to new opportunities which are revealed to us through the adaptation of Tensegrity to modern man living in the modern world. We often hear people say they don’t do what their energy bodies want because they lack time, money or some other thing. But is this really true? Why do we tell ourselves NO when our hearts sing YES? And can we really hear what our hearts tell us to begin with?
    Long-term Tensegrity practice provides many different opportunities for us to experience the present moment. In this way we can discover our egos and thus act in new ways in our lives.
    This week our practitioners will find such opportunities through efficiency, impeccability and love for our world.

    Tues, Sept 17, 2013 Tracking Energy

    Unfortunately I missed the workshop and I was furious about it. Plus my laptop had broken down. But just as this black hole was beginning to suck me in even more, my intent prompted me to remember there was an old laptop in my pantry that was still half-alive. This was an in-the-moment finding that allowed me to keep practicing with the group.
    I wanted to write a few words about one scene to show how it’s been going for me outside my practice. Lately I’ve been forgetting everything – with a busy schedule and a lot of guests, I’ve been in a constant rush. I’ve even started being rude to people. One morning recently I was on a bus watching to be sure my child crossed the street safely, and an old woman started picking on me, saying “Sit up straight! What the hell are you looking at?” And I very rudely told her to go away, which she did. Later, after I’d calmed down, I looked at her and was surprised by the kind expression on her face. I felt ill at ease, and the rest of the way I worried about it. I realized that just sitting there worrying didn’t work, and that I should do something to improve the situation. Then the old woman got off the bus – my stop was next – but the bus didn’t move forward and the doors were still open, so I decided on the spur of the moment to get off the bus too. I found the woman and apologized, and my heart felt calmer somehow.
    Today,Tuesday, we looked at the things we wanted. I had just one: to work out. I’ve long wanted to start working out, but all my past attempts have come to nothing. So I bought a gym membership and ordered a customized workout with the full intention of doing something at last. My coach was really good, very efficient. I felt a lot of support from him, which was an extra motivation for me.
    But then I tend to get tired, there are demands on me, problems arise just when I need to work out, and I wind up not feeling up to going to the gym. After a while I begin to suffer and reproach myself for lack of willpower, so I go back to the gym, but later start to get tired again, and so the cycle continues.
    Today, however, I relaxed and closed my eyes while running on the track, and I felt myself take off somewhere – there was even some bliss. At that moment I wasn’t working hard, it was just me and movement, and we somehow merged together and I forgot where I was.
    While we were doing passes and Dmitry was talking to us, I suddenly realized what my challenge was. When I head the question “What is love?”, I thought not only about relationships between men and women, but also about love for children and people in general, and about love of nature. And when I heard the word “challenge” and the question “What am I going to do?”, I understood that my CHALLENGE is to work out, to treat it as an act of love towards myself. I don’t know how to love myself or even what that is. That’s why I’m trying to change my physical form, and that is my challenge.
    So I failed in the past because I didn’t understand why I needed to go to the gym – without a reason there was no meaning in going there. But it turned out that working out was only an attempt to love myself by changing my outer appearance instead of my inner content.
    The not-doing in my case is to start to love myself. And though I understand this only as an abstract idea, and though I don’t really know HOW to do it, I believe I can start to do it, little by little: I can say really pleasant things to myself in the mirror every morning, in absolute seriousness, until these pleasant things become a physical reality – something like that. Thank you.

    Fri, Sep 20, 2013. Recapitulation.

    I understand now that I need a new view to be balanced so that when death comes for me I will have nothing to regret. So for that reason I feel gratitude and live in the vibration of gratitude.

    Sat, Sep 21 A Walk in Silence.

    While I was walking I saw the inner dialogue in my head. It was like fantasies and I was playing the main part in it. When I saw it I said thanks to my ego for solving different questions without asking for my agreement. Now I can deal with my life on my own and ego is not required for that.

    * * *

    I went out expecting something new. I decided to follow my energy and when I stood outside I saw a group of birds who took wings right in front of me and I went following their direction. Everything around was prompting the direction. I have noticed three main phrases out of my inner dialogue and I took one of them for example. It was about discomfort in the moment when I deal with men. Every time I start thinking about it my inner dialogue comes up. I started stalking this inner dialogue and wrote down the body position: my eyes lower down, my back shrinks, I feel guilty. Then I started to breathe and changed my body position, then I saw my intent – to find the true place of men in my life and to find my own place in my life. Then I told myself that I forgive men for I was suffering because of them for so long. I found it funny and then I was standing in front of the yard entrance and the entrance reminded me of the entrance to another space. And before I entered it, I said that I forgive men and release this feeling of guiltiness which was haunting me for so many years. I felt very good and light. Thank you.

    Sun, Sep 22, 2013. A View from Inner Silence.

    During the Sunday walk there was great weather, though the moment before we stood outside and after we returned home it was nasty. As if universe ceased time so we could walk and enjoy sunlight. Thank you.

    * * *

    We agreed in our group to go for a walk on Sunday. The weather forecast was nasty – heavy rain all day long. I had my umbrella prepared and started to dress up for a walk… an agreement is an agreement. And before I went out I received a SMS text message which said that it is kind of scary to go outside in the weather like that and I answered that “Say YES to the Sun.” And then I left my umbrella at home and went downtown. It was very interesting that when we met near the subway station and went out, there was the sun and from 12 to 5 pm we walked enjoying the great weather. All the day was positive and I liked everything. Also we found a great Mexican restaurant and we liked EVERYTHING there. When I came back home heavy rain started…

    * * *

    During the Saturday walk I felt while in silence that I should visit and say thank you to my great grandmother who lives far way. I was driven by this intention and I did so. I found her in the mood of preparing for the end of her journey. I gave her my painting which I made especially for her and said many words of gratitude to her, sincere words. It was great. I left her room in a great mood and the mood of my great granny was much better too. Thank you!

  132. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Waking up…

    Every day we wake up and go to sleep. But is that true… Many of us know that we can also wake up while dreaming. Many of us know that we can have dreams while awake. Having a flow of events or just one, do we sleep or wake? And as we are aware of sleeping – how can we wake up? And maybe this moment is also a dream.. We will look at these questions this week being awake.

    Tue, Oct 1, 2013. Tracking energy.

    I don’t have enough independence, confidence, and resolve in my life. I have seen different fears that follow me. Before, I didn’t trust things which I wrote in my notebook. Now I do it and see how it works. Doing reviewing two days ago I was crying for many hours but finally I got free from a heavy stone inside. This stone was in the chest and it didn’t let me breathe easily but then the stone became fluid and disappeared. Last night I slept only 4 hours but when I woke up I felt lightness. I understood that the exercise of tracking energy and writing it down helps me to be in the present moment. As a result I have a clear view of what is happening. Also, reading the other practitioners’ feedback helps very much. They are full of silence and it gives the possibility to look at the world in different way. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was very glad to see everybody in this class. Also I was glad to participate in it. Today collecting my attention was hard to do. I feel a huge difference between constant practicing and taking a break in practices. I see how important it is to always be in a flow. Today I made a list of things that I lack in my life. I chose money from the list and saw that it was a theme I had to start with. Now I feel a rise in intention, there is a part of me that is conscious of this. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have a lack of consciousness and I am afraid of sudden death and losing everything. After magical passes I saw: Anyway, I will die someday and if I am afraid of this I need to get ready, only so I will be able to dance at the face of my death. If I learned to deal with those who I didn’t like I can also learn to deal with those who I am afraid of or don’t know. In the end I found myself being between dreaming and awake. I saw several dreams in one of them and I was very attentive. I heard a leaf blossoming from the bud and those were wonderful, fulfilling sounds.

    * * *

    Thu, Oct 3, 2013. Weekly practice

    This week I’ve got freedom from the inner dialogue and also the feeling of deep calm and my inner source. Being awake means to be aware of the connection of all the things in the world. When I am not awake I’m a kind of puzzle-headed man, I argue and quarrel. The most valuable part of the practice was entering silence which was behind the inner dialogue. Touching silence I see myself. Thank you.

    * * *

    Being awake is a state of lightness. With the help of our practices I smile much more often. Yesterday the friends whom I hadn’t seen for a long time told me I was shining. I also notice this shine inside. Thank you.

    * * *

    Being awake for me means to do new actions from a new state. For example if I used to deal with my mother in some particular way, the new actions are to admire her and not to look at her just as a common being. I would even say to be surprised by her. To be surprised by her wonderful nature and how I love her – I call it a state of awakening. If I am immersed in some situation – I can see it and control myself. I have the speed to act anew.

    * * *

    Fri, Oct 4, 2013. Recapitulation.

    When I was telling I felt lightness. During the talking I saw my pattern reactions. I’m going to continue working and reviewing my patterns. But even that thing I did today in the practice made me light and I laughed at it. Thank you.

    * * *

    Working at the hard situation with my friend I really saw my patterns. The fact is that this week was a turning point for me – I changed and I realized this new state physically and energetically. I liked it so much….it is a state of joy in the present moment, the moment where I am. I started feeling seconds and minutes which I live through, without a heavy past, stupidness and self-importance. The problem that took all my energy disappeared…I got free from something strange, the one that ate me from inside and hid the whole world from me. Now I’m talking about joy in the moment because I have connected with the world. It was a wonderful awakening which I want to keep up. And magical passes made this moment deeper and this surprised me and gave me a feeling of joy. I feel a great connection with everybody in our group. Thank you.

    * * *

    Thank you for the best moments of my life, moments of awareness in the presence of other conscious beings.

    Sat, Oct 5, 2013

    Going outside for a walk I felt a larger space around me. The world expanded. I felt freedom everywhere. Everything was big like in childhood. I met people and I felt good…because I didn’t have to think about what they thought of me. Because of the space I moved in today, those people didn’t matter like they did before. I was in silence. I could find myself being in a new state of awakening. It is the right direction for my future actions. Thank you.

    Sun, Oct 6, 2013

    This week I had many moments of awakening. I felt a connection with the theme of our practices and it helped me. Recently I was coming home and it started raining. I got wet but in spite of this I kept calm. At some moment I understood I was in the moment – I just saw the moment here and now. It was a flash that was aware of itself. Feeling that was a great pleasure. I just knew I was alive and it made me quiet. It started with practice on Thursday. Thank you.

    * * *

    I began to feel the flow of time in a different way. This week the time changed and the week got fuller. From inner silence I started building my life. Inner dialogue, judgements, and thoughts don’t influence me or mislead me. Now I have more energy and I can control myself. This intention helps me. Thank you.

  133. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Upcoming time.

    Everything happens insensibly… We insensibly grow up, then we become adults insensibly, then insensibly it’s too late to change anything.
    On the other hand, we grow and expand our awareness insensibly, then we insensibly start to understand what it means to LOVE. We insensibly start to control our own life and insensibly become free beings. Everything happens insensibly… And what is happening in your life now? Can you tell where will your unnoticeable flow of actions lead you to? What will your world be like tomorrow? This week we will direct our attention to all these questions.

    Tue, Sep 24, 2013 Tracking Energy.

    My mood now is of great joy. I can see that I will be a great artist and I will have great relations with everyone.
    When we went into dreaming I saw myself in our place where our classes are held. I was in a state of love and I loved myself as I was. Then I saw my future. My future was full of accord and harmony, I said ‘yes’ to everything around me. Thank you.

    * * *

    First, I managed to improve a relationship which I was going to improve. Second, I am able to find in my dream things I intend to find. These two areas are merging and I’m happy about that. Thank you.

    * * *

    On the one hand it seems to me that I’m not moving forward, I’m going around in a circle. On the other hand – I start to enjoy the simple things that I have not paid attention to before. I am glad about the rain, which can be for weeks, I am pleased with my work and the people who work with me. I noticed that if I radiate heat, the heat is coming back to me immediately. The world smiles at me when I smile at the world.
    In silence, I saw all of our group and everyone was smiling, everyone was happy. Thank you.

    * * *

    The circle of silence warmed me much. I felt as we move time forward… or we move through time and space … I cannot express it exactly. It was a state of tranquility, confidence. As if the whole world is still outside the circle. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was very happy to return to practices in our group. Recapitulation helps me a lot now as well as the exercises of writing down my internal dialogue. It’s very effective for me. Dreaming today was so unexpected …. I worried about my main question – to find my place in life. I was very confused when I saw a huge dragonfly …. she captivated the entire space in front of me. Looking at her wings, I saw my destiny and what I want to do. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    I want to share my illusions – I need to be understood and accepted. Once I made a recapitulation and consulted with others on this topic, I realized that this always happens… Some people didn’t accept me in my childhood, at school, in the army, at work and now it is the same again …. in fact I cannot be good for everyone, and the only thing I can do – is to be good to myself, doing things that I do impeccably. I felt completely relaxed after I saw that. I now choose to understand myself and to be a leader for myself.
    Today at practice I found – I can better understand myself and others, so I will see energy as it flows in the universe. When I find myself in a position of understanding the people who turn their back upon me, I start to read energy, I stop thinking about them, I have no dialogue. Instead, I see my purpose even clearer. These findings help me live a real life.
    When we got into dreaming and were doing magical passes there, my body was asleep, it just shut off. Everything I’ve seen from the list of things I want to do, was associated with our group. Now I have completely changed my attitude to what is happening in the group and I intend to stay in the collective of conscious people who care about themselves and are an example for others. We can communicate as independent, self-reliant, confident personalities. Only in such a collective will the universe help us to open up new horizons.

    Thu, Sept 26, 2013 Weekly practice.

    I found today a number of actions which I do not like to do. When we moved into a state of love and acceptance that I know in my life, I could see how easily I can act in a new way in all old sights and habits, to act quickly and with joy. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was surprised when I heard the task, it was just connected to what I do. Firstly I practice now sharing love I receive from others with the universe. Secondly, I do not just look at the people around me, I rejoice and embrace them mentally.

    * * *

    I gathered a sense in the scene where I gave my mother a present and extended them to a complicated relationship with my colleague. Thereafter, something changed. This scene became empty and hostility disappeared. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I’ve met with my brother. We sat in a cafe and talked. I suddenly felt how much I love my brother. In fact, I’ve never spoken words of love to my brother, and today I wanted to do and I did it. He was very pleased and embarrassed, he was very touched by my words, and reciprocated my feelings. When I brought this state to the scene that puzzles me, I felt calm. I stopped thinking about it more. It doesn’t bother me any longer.

    Fri, Sept 27, 2013 Recapitulation.

    I found my internal dialogue saying that I don’t have the strength to follow my intention. Then, after the magical passes, I found that I myself was the creator of my prostration. I myself did not want to do anything. In fact, I have the energy to do all that I need, but where I’m sending it is my choice. In answering this question, I said that I direct my energy according to my intention …. And what is my intention? … I received an answer that I can form an intention and follow it step by step.

    * * *

    I went with my daughter, at her request, to buy her a mobile phone. Taking the initiative, I chose a rate plan without consulting with my daughter. A few days later I noticed that she was offended and not talking to me. My internal dialogue was: why on earth did I do that, she has no respect for me, I won’t buy her anything any longer. I’m all in a hectic mood, tense, eyes narrowed, my face is strained, there is a pain under the shoulder blades. After the magical passes, I saw that I was not very attentive and I blamed my daughter in my own inattention. I didn’t do what she asked of me, but for some reason did what I thought useful, without consulting with her. I saw that I blame others for my own failures and unfinished jobs. My new actions will be: to go to the store with my daughter and finish what we have not completed, so that everyone would be happy in this scene. Thank you.

    * * *

    My dialogue: I do not want to be with those who do not share my views, I do not want to see them. I’m mad at myself and I cannot stop it. It’s been two weeks and even the thought of this man makes me feverish. My new view after the magical passes, I decided to look at the positive side of this man and I saw them. I also saw that the criticism from the side really helps me now and I am grateful for it. Thank you.

    * * *

    I was approached by a few people and asked about practitioners who no longer come to our group. My dialogue was that I’m doing something wrong if people stop practicing with us, how bad it is, etc. After the magical passes a new perspective came to me: everyone makes decisions in their lives and it is great if people find their own ways, which are related to something else. I see no tragedy if someone decided to go and play hockey, for example. That’s fine. I respect decisions of others, and being a leader for myself, I run my life and only my life. Now I intend to interact with practitioners who want to change their lives, positively minded people. It doesn’t matter how many of them there are, it will always be enough.
    After immersion into silence came to me one more new view: I’m confident and I will go to the end… If someday everyone will be busy and will not come to the practice, i.e., I will be alone, I’ll be leading the practice in the hall doing magical passes as if there were 20-30 people. For me it will be not-doing. I do not care, I’m not going to cry about it, but going to set the link with the spirit. I know that there are people who want to support – not me, but who want to support themselves – that such practitioners will fill the space in our Constellation group. I have no time to fight with others. All that I need – to win the idiocy in myself.

    Sat, Sept 28, 2013 A walk in Silence.

    Today at the practice a few things were talking to me. They talked a lot about themselves. When I approached the lake, I felt calm. Then I felt all our group, all appeared before my eyes and I saw unity. It was a subtle bond that created a special mood for me and my dialogue stopped. Then I saw people with whom I interact now and I wanted to say thank you to them precisely because from this new state of joy. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today at the practice there were two amazing moments – one is when I looked at a flower and the facilitator talked at this point about the flower. Another, I looked at the leash, which was lying on the floor and he started to talk about a leash 🙂

    Sun, Sept 29, 2013 A View from Silence.

    I started to feel magical passes and my energy body more. I came to a more sedate pace of my life, both internally and externally. The most amazing thing – I’ve had more time. Time was going with another intensity. Looking at my watch, I think that an hour had passed, but in fact only 10 minutes. I really started to control myself and events in my life. They are not spontaneous, as before, but according to my plan. I am delighted that such a thing is possible. I can feel the taste, I feel in space. Thank you.

  134. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Here and now awareness

    During last week of practices “Wake up …” many of us were able to see the connection with the spirit that is present throughout. It is an indescribable force which, on the one hand, makes us feel vulnerable, and on the other – gives us a chance to feel our wings, to unfold them and take off. And when we did it, we saw that the most incredible, breathtaking flight is the flight over our infinitely repeated stupidity in which we forget our true nature. We are children of love, because our Mother Earth loves us with incredible force, our parents love us with incredible force, and we also can love. To love people, and the Earth itself. And next week we will be going back to ourselves, to our energy body, which Carlos Castaneda called the dreaming body. Welcome to the weekly cycle of practices in Constellation group – “Here and now Awareness.”

    Thurs, Oct 10, 2013 Weekly Practice

    At first I couldn’t see any ways that I didn’t love myself. I really felt I loved myself completely and am always in a good mood. Then while doing passes I saw a moment when I didn’t love myself, then another and another, until I had a whole pile of these moments. I saw I sometimes use my good mood as a shield to avoid knowing what’s really going on. My mind doesn’t want to recognize what’s happening in reality.

    On the one hand it’s fine, of course, that I don’t panic easily, but on the other hand I tend to fall into inertia instead. When this happens I don’t even see it as a problem – I just blame whatever caused the conflict. My tricky ego very easily agrees with itself every time. Great. I’ve just seen this and it’s news to me. I’ve not yet come up with a way to deal with it.

    I saw a bunch of moments I didn’t want to see – they really piled up on me. And when we focused on the state of love, I remembered moments as well. This was such an unexpected discovery that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

    My mood is really fine, and I’m not wearing any masks. I enter this mood and hide from everything. Today I was really struck by a contradiction: how could you be in a state of love and at the same time show so much dislike?

    It’s inefficient and pointless to give in to anxieties, but clinging to pleasant things to avoid unpleasant things is no better. It’s very confusing.

    * * *

    In yesterday’s practice I was surprised that there were so many passes and questions, and also that the leader was a woman instead of a man. What I saw in this practice was that I often feel unconditional love and concern for others, and in these moments I give my best in full awareness with no regrets. But, oddly, I never do this for myself. At times I accept myself, am pleased with myself and enjoy myself. I say I love myself but I’m never as devoted to myself as I am to other people. I’ve never given tenderness and caresses to myself – it seems strange and wrong. In the beginning of the practice I had a hard time accepting the leader, but towards the end something changed and I felt her soft femininity – it was interesting to observe the change.

    Fri, Oct 11, 2013 Recapitulation

    I recapitulated the theme of relations with men. I saw the pattern that I am very closed in my relationships. During the practice, I saw the fear that comes from my childhood in my family, and really it has nothing to do with me. For some reason I used to choose responding to this fear, but now I see no reason to respond to it. I can be free from this fear. Thank you.

    * * *

    As a result of the practice today, I realized that once I accepted commitments imposed on me from outside. And I told myself that I’m not going to support the agreement, under which I did not undersign. My scene – relations with the opposition sex. Surprisingly for myself, I saw that I have been trying to get rid of the guilt a long time, doing so in different ways. I suddenly saw at this practice, that I can do something for myself. Now I am calm, confident, I’m letting go of imposed commitments, I accept myself, I can love myself.

    * * *

    Today at the class, I realized that firstly, I can love myself and secondly, how this can be done. I know that one cannot achieve great results in one day, but in one day you can tune in to the result and continue to move forward with this mood and with this attitude.

    * * *

    I have a wonderful mood. The farther we go, the more I do not want to babysit with anyone.

    Sat, Oct 12, 2013 A Walk in Silence

    I was really happy to go for a walk today. I haven’t been able to do it for quite a while but finally everything came together – there was amazing, gorgeous weather and that mysterious mood I always have when I go for a walk. I never know what to expect from it, and don’t particularly think about it – I just disconnect from my thoughts. Then all I have left are myself, this place and my feelings. I stand before that cherished line where the world of magic begins.
    I step over that line and everything takes on a new density. I notice the wind and leaves falling as if in slow motion. A hunched-over old woman appears in front of me. She walks with difficulty, for time has bent her down. As I pass she stops and drops the stick she was leaning on. I pick it up and give it back to her, and she thanks me. This hurts me, and I understand that I am not kind and tolerant towards other people. I have already acknowledged this about myself, though I have continued to act in ways I feel guilty about. Here was another reminder.
    I’m standing in the autumn meadow strewn with yellow leaves, sunlit. I often walk here, but the autumn colors have transformed it beyond recognition. I walk back and forth on a carpet of rustling leaves, a void in my head. I’m sure everyone likes walking on rustling leaves – there’s something about it. You become detached with only the rustling of leaves. You let something go, and something else comes . . .
    I’m suddenly flooded with feelings and I see I don’t want to let go of what will never happen again. I made my decision, but still cling to something. I live in memories of the past and fear of the future. Recently I’ve been pricked by fears I never had before.
    All this means it’s high time for a change – right now, from this moment forward! Otherwise I’ll be forever stuck in this meaningless self-pity, this doubt and guilt. I wanted to lean against a tree. I asked it a question. It answered that everything in the world is cyclical. Now the tree’s leaves are falling, then winter will come. Winter will be a period of rest before the transition to a new cycle in the spring. The tree “told” me the following about my lingering situation:
    “Let it go, forget it. This man has his own destiny. I’m not sorry about the old leaves – they go into the ground and give the soil humus, which provides food for the other plants. I’ll bloom again in the spring, and there will be fresh young leaves and I will enjoy the sunshine and the rain. You people are moving creatures. You were granted motion and awareness. But with such huge opportunities you are full of strife. Look around you: the world is beautiful, and if you do it right you can have everything you asked for. Learn to love yourself, because there is something inside you that is eternal and perfect! Open up to the new, learn to be open. Begin with yourself, really love yourself, and things will be different. I gave leaves to the earth, and you give emotions. Everything is interconnected.”
    I felt much better. I walked a while on the rustling leaves and knew that such a wonderful day wouldn’t come again this year. There will be others, but not this one, and I wasn’t sorry at all. This is how the world is organized. As memories, fallen leaves should not be all-consuming. You need to walk around on them, in a detached way, to remember something, to enjoy them and then move on. Forget about them right away, file them on the shelf of memories. Just ahead the rest is not yet given. Autumn is the perfect time for changes.

    * * *

    I am afraid of criticism. I’ve seen today that around this there are many hidden problems that I could not see before. I saw how these patterns originated in childhood and how I was raised by my parents. Fear destroys the light that can fill the interaction between people. Even if a man is holy, there is always someone who is not happy with him. And then I wrote that it is important for me to love what I do. This is my impeccability – to follow my energy. And I do that not to draw attention, but for my energy body.

    * * *

    Initial internal dialogue: they are idiots because they cannot understand the basic thing.
    Walking in inner silence I heard: it all starts with love of myself. Any tension and disagreement arises only because of the inability to love myself. Begin to love yourself and you will see how you can love others and how much love is already in you… Looking at all this, I understand very well that even when I resent “rightly” I still do not like myself. At this point I stopped seeing, I cease to love myself. I realized that there was no reason for disturbances or discontent, there is only one worthy reason – to make a decision … to ask how should I act differently and what I really want right now… By learning to love ourselves, we expand the space of our being to untold limits.

    Sun, Oct 13, 2013 A View from Silence.

    On Thursday, at the practice I took the scene where they do not accept me and laugh at me. When we shifted to the state of heightened awareness, I saw as I hug my dog, as her whole body vibrates, I felt her legs, her breath, I saw how life flows in her and how happy she is, how she accepts and loves. This feeling was my new view of myself. When I arrived the next day to my class with this feeling, I was fully aware of myself. From this realization it was easy to communicate with others and it brings me great pleasure. Love for myself has opened for me a deep awareness of how and what to say.

    * * *

    The other day I was out of town on the shore of a large lake. At night, I suddenly woke up and wanted to go for a walk. And so I did. Outside it was raining, but it did not stop me from walking. I found a cozy summerhouse on the lake and when I sat there and listened to the sounds of the world, I was seized by fear, but I forced myself to calm down and continue to sit without turning around. I sat there for a long time, it was dark, and when I came back through the woods, I suddenly stopped and looked at the trees. Suddenly I remembered that I know how to see the tree. In a second I saw the tree. It was a vision and feeling at the same time. Then I went from one tree to another and enjoyed it. If I was asked what I’ve seen, I would say that I felt the tree as myself – the mood, feeling, thoughts, even dreams… everything, everything. I’m surprised that no one told me that it is possible earlier, so I could not afford to do it, to see before.

    * * *

    I really want to say a big thank you to everyone in our group. These classes support me afloat. It’s much easier for me to control my life. I am delighted to hear your feedback. It’s really helping me it’s just a balm for the soul. Thank you.

  135. Kiev Practice Group

    Feedback of one of practitioners after the practice in our group

    “Сегодня я хочу прожить день сполна. Дать место всему, что возникает: мыслям, чувствам, идеям, желаниям. И наша сегодняшняя практика Огня изнутри мне в этом помогает. То есть, когда вечером я подумала, что еще в этом дне для меня важно, о чем я еще не сказала, или что еще не выразила, то этим важным событием есть сегодняшняя практика.
    Я вспоминаю состояние безысходности, безнадежности, неподъемного груза, которое навалилось на меня, как только я вспомнила ситуацию, практикуя пасы Тансегрити. И состояния радости, освобождения, удовольствия и легкости – которое пришло после практики.

    Особенно ценно для меня в этой практике – это то, что правильные ответы всегда есть. Важно просто находить пути к своему внутреннему учителю, который имеет этот ресурс. Изменяя положение тела – мы изменяем внутреннее состояние. И как только мы его игнорируем – то результат незамедлительно даст о себе знать.

    Спасибо ведущим Киевской группы за работу и помощь. “

  136. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Accepting ourselves

    Many of us know such a feeling of getting great success followed by losing the connection with our essence and disability to go forward in our beginnings, we just forget ourselves and our goals.
    Why does it happen? That’s a question…
    Sometimes we find ourselves in situations when we can’t admit our mistakes or apologize. But if we really want to bring light to our dark sides – we will have to take some efforts and then the Universe lets us continue. We will do our best in this weekly cycle of “accepting ourselves.”

    Tuesday. 15.10.2013. Tracking energy.

    I chose a scene with my teacher at school. On the one hand I hate being leaded but on the other I fear for my future. In that scene I had much disagreement and inner dialog. When I entered the scene after magical passes I saw myself and the teacher as oneness. I saw him as so kind and open and I noticed some of his and my features. I wrote an absolutely new strategy. When we traveled in silence I said to my teacher that I accepted his leadership and I wanted to cooperate with him in order to study what I needed. I was glad to seek my aims under his running. I communicated with him while being respectful and full of joy. I really felt great relief in this class. Thank you.

    * * *

    In my scene I wanted to apologize to my friend but I didn’t do it. When I put him inside me I felt his joy, emotions and intention to go forward. At that moment I felt joy and worried a little that I had just a short time. Then after magical passes I wanted to thank him for the impulse I had received from him…in my dream I saw another guy who had always laughed and I had enjoyed his company. I wanted to hug him and I did the same with the friend from the first scene, I thanked him and shared my joy. Thank you.

    * * *

    I put my friend that I work with inside me and I saw one basic quality that makes me nervous – bustling, desire to be in the limelight, desire always to do something. In the dream I found myself in my favorite place – I was sitting on a cozy bench in a village surrounded by forest. The bustling image appeared and it wanted to get a place next to me, sharply and compulsively, and I didn’t liked that at all, so I said that it was my place with my rules. Then I called my friend and thanked her for all she had done for me, and I said that I had the right to follow my own way and build my own life. It was amazing that the image decreased, sat on my hand and turned to a butterfly – light, absolutely free and it flew with my gratitude. At that moment I had feelings that I had lacked – to be free, to be the owner of my decisions. I was in freedom, confidence and lightness. Thank you.

    * * *

    The woman with whom I was in close relations counted on family. Everything was at stake – hopes, efforts, expectations. I was a part of that scene – I feel pain in my heart, deep worry and so on. After magical passes I wrote her a letter and sent it into the Universe. I wrote how i felt her and that I also could feel myself. In the past I couldn’t do either one or the other. I wrote that I made my choice and made my decisions. One thing I can do now is to love her and really intend love to find her…without any dialog, meetings, or calls.
    In dreaming I was in the autumn forest. I looked into her eyes and took her hands and hugged her. I apologized for I couldn’t give what she had expected… Now I see her being in her dream where she has everything she wants. She lives happily and quietly because she is with wonderful aware beings.

    * * *

    I looked at the scene with a man I had relations with more than 7 years ago. In the beginning, I thought I had already reviewed these relations but I was mistaken…I saw him in front of me. And inner dialog invaded me. I saw how insolent I was, I treated him without respect or gratitude… in a dream I was in wonderful Karelia. I know that there are many things to transform in that scene but I could see it wholly. I saw it from different sides as I couldn’t do before.

    Thurs, Oct 17, 2013 Weekly Practice – Accepting ourselves

    During the practice I had a picture in my mind of three people I wanted to recapitulate right afterwards.

    * * *

    I am especially interested in people I haven’t gotten apologies from – it gives me the right to act any way I want towards them. My first teacher didn’t treat me very well, so I didn’t visit her for the next 10 years I was in school. Another person was rude to me, and I can see I don’t have to be sweet and nice to everyone either.

    * * *

    I saw myself as an empty sheet of paper. Because of this experience I became what I am, and I’m thankful for it.

    * * *

    When hugging myself, I saw people who I think owe me an apology or who I owe an apology to. I’ve never experienced a feeling like that before, and I don’t know how to describe it.

    * * *

    At the end of the practice I saw that I’d forgotten to add myself to the list of people I need to apologize to.

    Fri, Oct 18, 2013 Recapitulation

    Thank you for the practice. What I heard was really important, and I felt the flow you were talking about. And, really, it’s important for a woman to hear a simple “thank you”, and to go further into the flow of warmth, remembering good things and intending even better things, having the tender strength of such unbiased kind feelings sent by a man, even though he’s a former partner who is now detached from her life.

    * * *

    Today at practice I have become more mature. I saw that my behavior in the long forgotten scene is the behavior of a child in a state of hysteria. My initial state of self-pity changed to a state of awareness of what is happening when I see my responsibility in this scene. I thank you for practice and what I heard was very important, I feel this new energy flow. I realized that I could control my own life and take responsibility for my actions. Thank you.

    * * *

    In my scene, me and a friend caused each other pain, just towering over each other. I realized that my behavior is not correct and wanted to apologize, but I could not find the strength to do it. At this practice, I was not only able to understand what is happening, to forgive myself for my idiocy, but also to apologize to my friend. Now I see that all we want in relationships with other people is love and understanding. Thank you.

    * * *

    I chose the scene where being with my wife, I thought that I should go immediately to another woman, because she was waiting for me suffering …. but when I came to my mistress, I started the same internal dialogue – I have to go home, I’m doing something wrong towards my wife. But I went on and on rushing back and forth. I thought I controlled the situation and saw myself as a knowledgeable person in the issue of relations with women. But I did not understand the main thing – I did not control the situation, but someone else managed it. It was just self-admiration. I felt constant pain, women’s experience, and sadnes, as I towered over others. I was a pawn deprived of choice and freedom and lacking the will to act from the heart. It was long ago and I have changed a lot since then, but the recapitulation never ends and I can see an old part of myself; my past, my ego that wants to act as it used to do. It looks like an old, tired man… and when my ego rears its head, I immediately see it, I am calm and I order my ego to sleep… and it goes to sleep and doesn’t bother me. Now I am aware of my choice. What can I do for people I loved, or rather thought that I loved? I can reach out to them with my warmth and love that I now have. It is love without words, without explanation, without any thoughts. Now I intend for the people I love, everything they wish to appear in their lives… peace of mind, understanding, acceptance.

    Sun, Oct 20, 2013 A View from Silence

    The week was intense, however our practices came into my life such that life becomes practice. What happened to me is the story in which I suddenly and unexpectedly found that I do not control my life – and all I can do is hold on to my new agreement which I made with myself and with my witness. As hard as it was, new agreements help me stay afloat and not go to the bottom. This week, it was very hard to fight with myself, but I won. I felt a huge surge of strength and that in fact I can be a winner. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I saw and watched as my attention does not go where I want. I clearly realized this. Everything stands still and does not change… I did breathing passes and watched what was going on with me, with my condition – I saw how my troubles melt and my internal dialogue dissolves. And if it starts again, I will just breathe and not allow myself to sink into a state of not loving myself. Yesterday and today I’ve had a desire and intention to dream what I want to dream. I feel that during the recapitulation my energy is released – my creature begins to really breathe. Now I can breathe life and I am very happy with my results, I have the energy to continue. Thank you.

  137. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: A step outward ourselves

    Amazing Cyclicity VI classes placed us in the area where we should act. In this area of new awareness only NEW actions, that we can apply in our life, are taken into account. The actions that we acquire due to recapitulation practices.
    This week, after a weekly cycle of practices “Accepting Ourselves” we will go on a journey that requires a lot of attention and unbending intent. In this journey we can find our place in life – and this place or state can be so new for us that it hard to believe. But many years of practices showed us that not only one can achieve new awareness, but hold one’s attention in this new position.

    Tue, Oct 22, 2013

    At this class I could see how much I’m afraid of negative opinions about me. Sometimes it even happens like this: I’m walking down the street happily, smiling at everything, when suddenly I notice that I hide the smile in order to not draw others’ attention. And after magical passes I saw that in general others are deep in their problems and sufferings, and I live with intention to help others… When I entered my scene in a state of silence, I acted out of openness and happiness. I didn’t care, I was far from the problems that others carry inside them. There was calm and happiness inside me, and that was the thing that really did matter. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I wrote down my dialogue I was surprised by how similar it was to what I wrote yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and a week ago. I found out about my fear of going beyond the mini-world I live in. I found out that this is resulting from my childhood, when my parents made me do things I didn’t want to do and I felt confused and scared.
    Plunging into silence I saw myself as another person, I had another body, another constitution, I was filled with energy. I was going out of the shop and my eyesight was very narrow, so I started to widen my range of vision. It became more and more wide and my world was going wider and wider too until it turned into the transparent crystal clear world. Then I caught the bus and felt self-confident and happy. Thank you.

    Tue, Oct 24, 2013

    I was dissatisfied with the fact that I didn’t talk to people I should talk to. My internal dialog: I’m not ready, I won’t be successful at that… my body is tense, I hold my breath. I can see just the narrow view before me and cannot see the other perspectives. After magical passes I saw that I’m still afraid, but my energy body wants to communicate openly without any hypocrisy and suspicions. It’s crucial for me to open and follow the flow when energy flows inside me without any obstacles.
    Thank you for the practice.

    * * *

    They told me off at work by saying one thing, I responded with 10 things. I was abused by the fact that my opponent was completely right. During the practice I noticed that if I act impeccably and there is nothing to accuse me of, so nobody can abuse me. After magical passes I found the new view. Now I really want to come to that woman to acknowledge what she said and to thank her. Thank you.

    * * *

    When I came home from the army I could not get to the same subway car with military men. As soon as I saw a military man I used to go out the subway car. They just infuriated me, I run away from them as if they were plague-stricken. Doing recapitulation step by step, I realized that militaries are just people. They have their own happy and sad moments, their own dreams and feelings. After that I could see a person in a military man. I am not followed by internal dialog any longer. Even more, I found something I can love and respect a person wearing a military uniform for. Thank you.

    Sat, Oct 26, 2013. A Walk in Silence.

    I went out as I was instructed and expressed my intention. But I didn’t like that, I could not formulate my intention properly and went round in a circle for about 2 minutes. Then I simply said aloud, that I started to act, and I went ahead… I directed my attention to realize my body, I felt every part of my body and my body started to feel its surroundings, the world around. At some moment I suddenly realized, that I merged with the common flow of energy around me. I can’t tell if I had thoughts or not, but all I did at the moment – I intended awareness of myself. In that silence I could hear a lot more than usual (it was like I heard usual words, but could SEE the meaning of those words in a new way, it was really deep understanding of the moment of now). I was pleased and happy in such a state and I redirect my attention to the question that bothered me at the beginning of our practice – and I saw a scheme immediately, the solution, and I’m going to act according to what I saw. Thank you.

    * * *

    First thing that drew my attention was a postman who was putting ads into letterboxes. I thought: “How nuts he is! Nobody needs his ads!” But I caught that dialogue and went ahead. I asked myself today – what prevents me from taking a step out of myself – and got the answer: if I need to solve some problem, I can imagine myself having solved it already or when I’m beyond my ego. I found out that I have a lack of self-confidence. Then I went further and saw my fear in the chest and what this fear says to me. It suggests me not doing this, that I don’t need this. that everything will be all right without this. It persuades me that I don’t have to do anything, everything is already okay. It’s really a revelation for me, I realized that energetically. Thank you.

    * * *

    I began to find moments that prevent me from doing what I want to do. Suddenly it comes to me that my energy body wants to dream forward, but I make up reasons and put off my problems’ solution. I understood that I have no obstacles on my way except my mind, my ego.

    Sun, Oct 27, 2013. A View from Inner Silence

    This week I was flying on the wings that recapitulation has given me. Thanks to recapitulation I came to my new mood – openness, joy, faith in myself. I really could take all these states into my daily life and act in a new way. I was grasped and awoken up by some fire within my being. It’s just amazing, because last week I was completely different. Everything has changed like day and night. Thank you.

  138. estrellapapalot says:

    Compartiendo:

    El grupo de Sevilla nos reunimos dos horas a tensegritear los sábados por la mañana en lo mas alto de un hermoso lugar rodeado de ventanas, desde ellas sentimos las voces de las personas que caminan por la alameda poblada de árboles, divisamos los tejados de la ciudad, oímos campanadas, sentimos el vibrar del viento y percibimos la intensa luz de este lugar en el que hemos tenido el don de estar. Regalo que agradecemos al empezar y terminar nuestras prácticas. Hoy queremos compartir con todos este lugar, desde él nos conectamos con vosotros, y con este ensueño común. Somos una gran estructura de tensegridad que extiende sus ramificaciones más allá del espacio y el tiempo tangible. Gracias!! Os queremos.

    Continuará…

  139. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: To be genuine

    We’ve taken one more step beyond ourselves. Now, from this place we’d like to see what are we like, what are we made of. One practitioners once said: ” The most remarkable thing a person can have is to be genuine”. This amazing thing – ‘to be genuine’ – really impresses. But what is this – ‘to be genuine’? Everybody wants this, and everybody wants to love and to be loved and everybody wants to experience their own energy body…
    This week, with the help of the magical passes, they will help us shift our level of awareness, we’ll see – what it is – ‘to be genuine’. Perhaps, you will even hear the voice of your inner seer, that says genuine things to you, what is what actually. Welcome.

    Tue, Oct 29, 2014. Tracking energy

    For me to be genuine is to be aware. I had an extraordinary situation at work and during the scene I wanted to fire everyone. During the practice I saw that it wasn’t an appropriate time for such a decision. I was panic-stricken, angry and disagreeable. It wasn’t my true self. While my true self intended to complete the work, to secure people and the construction project. Finally, my true self won. I can see now how advantageously it is to act out of awareness of the moment, every moment. Thank you.

    * * *

    I felt my body very well. I was extremely sensitive today. Never in my life have I asked myself the question – ‘What does it mean – to be genuine’. I answered: “to be opened and to feel easy and relaxed. In my scene, chosen for recapitulation, I saw how much I’m afraid of loneliness or just being alone. But our amazing practice has led me to the state where I found myself, and faith in myself. I found out a lot of great qualities in myself and it’ll help me to be really opened. Thank you.

    * * *

    When they are criticizing me, I lose myself, I’m afraid and I feel extreme anger – it’s really far away from being true. Doing magical passes and following our intent at the class, I realized that it is me who criticizes myself. Now I can distinguish my true self from that one who is afraid and disagrees. Now I’m just an observer and I’m in a great mood and I’m absolutely calm. Thank you.

    Thu, Oct 31, 2013

    Others opinion prevents me from being true. All my energy goes to worries about what they will think of me. After magical passes I realized that the attention towards my sensations is the key. At the end of the practice it came to me that everything I do I should be done with pleasure. Thank you.

    * * *

    Fear to say ‘No’ prevents me from being true. I’m afraid that people will turn away from me, if I say them ‘No’. Today I’ve found out that to listen to myself is the crucial element of my new steps towards awareness and I really can do that. Thank you.

    * * *

    My internal dialog – ‘to be sweet with everyone and to accept others’ opinion and views’. Today at the practice I saw myself as if I was an animal on a leash. I cannot be true when there is a leash on my neck and when I feel guilty. I can SEE now – to be true means to let myself be free from imaginary guilt, imaginary foolishness, in which I have been experiencing all my life. And as soon as I took off this collar, my breath came back, chest spread, my energy widened, and I said new words – I let myself be open. Thank you.

    Fri, Nov 1, 2013 A walk in Silence

    I realized my pattern – unwillingness to take responsibility for my actions. This comes from my fear. And even more importantly, I’m try to place the burden on others. I have never realized that before and was afraid of acting differently, looking back at my mom. My witnesses showed me – I should be beauty and attractively in my new actions. I liked that idea very much – to act beautifully, in harmony with the world around. Thank you.

    * * *

    Today I’ve seen my scene and the pattern of the scene as a basis of my other patterns and unconscious actions. It’s like a clew, you can follow the thread to untangle it. I asked myself a question – why can’t I sort this out, why I react so painfully to a close friend. And suddenly the scene from my childhood comes up before my eyes. In this scene I took my mom’s actions as a betrayal, complete disaster – my world was destroyed. And my present scene has the same roots – resentment, disagreement. Thank you very much to my witnesses and to everyone.

    * * *

    My pattern: I want everything would happen my way. It displays in personal relationship, at work, everywhere. If something differs from my expectations, I can become impulsive and aggressive. Though I feel that I lose energy.
    New: I bring attention in such scenes. At such moments I realize – this is what we learn at our practices. I liked the words the facilitator said: ‘to make energy-efficient decision’. In fact, it’s not very efficient to waste energy. Now, having a look at this I can realize and accept this. These are the most important actions to realize my pattern. Thank you.

    * * *

    My pattern is to want everyone to admire me. When I told my story I saw this pattern in every sphere of my life, in all my affairs. The only hope of getting out of
    this enchanted circle I have is to do recapitulation step by step.

    * * *

    Today I’ve found out that I want to be nice and acknowledged through the fact that I help others. In this aspiration I lose my own purposes and tasks. I have also waited for a man who would be a leader of my life, who I would follow. This pattern lays over ALL relations in my life. But today, having realized this pattern, I let myself be free, I started to realize this pattern, to stalk it, to control it. Thank you.

    Sat, Nov 2, 2013 A Walk in Silence

    Today in the walk I remember myself as a little girl. It was a vision where I was little and at the same time I was watching myself from the distance. I could see my clothes, the national costume I was wearing, in detail. I remember as I was running in the hills and I remembered how my dialog stopped. It was a state of bliss. At such moments I heard women’s voice, mother’s gentle voice which filled all the space around. I realized that I communicated with the Earth. I had a sensation that the Earth loved me, looked at me and rejoiced. At such moments I needed nobody. I sensed and realized myself completely. And I think that this state from my childhood is the state when I’m true. Thank you.

    * * *

    First, I’d like to say that it is really efficient to say your intention out aloud, as it was recommended at our practices. I’d like to give an example: I couldn’t sell my car for a long time, and a few days ago I said out aloud: “I’ll sell it tomorrow” and I said the price. I sold my car the next day for that very price…
    Today at the walk I manifested my intention. I did that several times, and each time my intention became stronger. I was just walking without thinking of anything, feeling the connection with the Earth. Suddenly I noticed that I can see in a different way. That means: I saw surroundings and thought that I see 100% before, but that time I understood that I had seen 5%. Something opened up before me, that gave me a possibility to penetrate the essence of everything. In other words – the world around woke up, or it was me who woke up. I was confused very much in the question of what is it to be true. I’ve just understood that the more I am in silence, the closer I would be to this amazing state of awareness – to be true.

    Sun, Nov 3, 2013. A View from Inner Silence

    I felt the theme of the practice for the first time today. I felt true – in harmony with myself. I’m very concentrated and I’m in a balance. In such state difficult situations are being solved by itself. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I’ve understood the way my intentions work, how I intend loads of different things, and they reach to the infinity. I saw so many agreements I’ve made in my life, they have implemented unconsciously. I was shocked when I saw this. I saw clearly what I get in my life, what I agree with.

    * * *

    To be true is to be, not to seem. Nothing complicate, but when I get into this state, I get to the world where I’m not depend on others’ opinion, self-sufficient, free. I can feel, I feel the world. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’m fed up with everything. I’m tired. Almost nobody helps me. I give up. I realized that this is what the infinity showed me. When I shared this with different people, I relaxed. If I didn’t do this, I would blow up. Sometimes I feel sick at the sight of something or somebody, and what should I do in such situations?… just do what I’ve started to do… I can go to the park, walk for a while, change the scene and then continue, continue, continue… no matter what. And this is the state when I’m 100% true. I’m in my dream.

  140. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Sounds that are filling the world

    The theme of last week ‘To Be True’ has led many of us to the fact that nobody would want to look at this voluntarily. The universe has showed us who we really are. It’s not very pleasant to look at this. However… Each coin has its reverse – the light side, where we found strength to change ourselves, to stand up and continue. And next week we are going to learn to listen – to listen to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us and the voice of our energy body. See you at our Tensegrity® practices in Constellation Group.

    Tue, Nov 5, 2013. Tracking Energy

    I’m happy that I can distinguish my inner dialog and I sometimes manage to overcome it. Doing a magical pass I could hear my laughter… Then doing magical passes I felt something live in the area of chest and belly. There was warmth spreading around me…
    When we went to the dreaming I saw a blooming garden, the garden of flowers and joy. Thank you.

    * * *

    I understood that I don’t pay attention to sounds of silence and ignore the voice of my inner seer. Lately I feel ill at ease among people. My inner dialog is disagreement and self-pity. After magical passes I felt lightness in the area of my chest. It began to spread outward, beyond the boundaries of my physical body. All the tension left. I felt independence and self-confidence. Thank you.

    * * *

    At the beginning of the practice my feelings sharpened and I could hear what was happening at my neighbours’ flat, which is over two walls from mine. I hardly believed that it was possible. Then, after magical passes I felt the vibration in my arms and shivers down my spine… some nervous shiver, as if my body tries to shake off something. When we merged into silence, I dissolved, just stopped existing. Left only the sounds around me. Then I found myself on mountain Crab in Crimea. I put my hands on my belly and heard sounds of the sea inside. Thank you.

    * * *

    After magical passes I heard a voice that said: “Don’t be afraid of doing what your being dreams”. Then when we merged into silence I felt as all my organs are trying hard – my heart, liver, kidneys… everything. They work impeccably, no matter what. And I started to thank them all in turn. Then I felt my body. It’s amazing – just to feel your own body. In such a state the time is changing. Then I found myself in a place that I loved very much. I started to feel this place, then I could see the landscape as energy. It was daytime, everything was alive. I know EVERYTHING about things I looked at. But I didn’t want to direct my attention anywhere, I just stayed there being aware. At the end of the practice I understood that my body was sleeping and I’m watching pictures that are running before my eyes.

    Thurs, Nov 7, 2013

    I always had trouble choosing clothes, and I usually relied on other people’s opinions. My mother worked for a long time in men’s and women’s fashion, and she has perfect taste. At a glance she can tell you what clothes and what colors to wear for any occasion. I always relied on her skills, but I still had problems when I needed to pick something out by myself. And while my mother’s taste is good, it wasn’t my taste! I also felt uncomfortable in malls and stores – I felt constrained and out of place. I never understood why people like shopping and trying on clothes without buying them. I felt put out just thinking about it, and even when I saw something I wanted to try on, I would tense up and walk right past the shop as if I weren’t really interested. I told myself that how I dressed wasn’t as important as being comfortable, so I got apathetic about my appearance. My total lack of taste even made me shy and timid. When I put on trousers, a shirt and a coat for the office I felt very constricted and uncomfortable. My back and shoulders tensed up, and it seemed as if everyone was looking at me even when they were occupied with their own affairs.
    Recognizing my problem, I decided to change the situation. The next time I went shopping I took my Mom with me but I tried to choose everything by myself. I tried things on and asked myself what I liked. For two months I went to shops and tried on clothes, paying attention to how they suited me. A week later I had new trousers, shoes and shirts for formal meetings and casual wear. I was surprised I could do all this by myself. I bought only what I liked and now I wear it with pleasure. Judging by the comments of people who used to help me with this, I’m doing fine . I also cleaned out my closet and threw out old unfashionable clothes. I decided to dress well whether I have business meetings that day or not. I began to dress more formally, tidily and neatly than usual. In the beginning it seemed strange: why so chic? But after a while I realized it was pleasant to look at the new me. I began to deal with the new clothes in a new way, with inner power and attention. I didn’t just throw them aside – I put them neatly where they belonged and kept everything ironed. I always try to keep them neat and clean. The process of ironing became a special way to have an attentive attitude towards myself. From all this I’ve come to understand that I didn’t love myself before. And clothes really do make the man. I still don’t love shopping malls and crowded places, but that’s the theme for another recapitulation . . .
    And now the main thing: what was really blocking my attention on my goals, and what to do about it? Our practices in the Constellation Group and the magical passes from the Series for Intent gave me energy, and the Mantle of Confidence pass gave me the confidence to know my actions were right. But it was the recapitulation that helped me pay attention to that particular pattern and to see my task. Recapitulation itself has been a “tale of power” for me. I always thought it had to be done exactly as it was done in Carlos’ books – you had to spend at least 2 hours a day on it. And I recently understood that we recapitulate in every practice, consistently. My mind didn’t want to accept that and thought, “Oh, it’s so hard to start recapitulating”. But today nothing prevents me from doing it on public transportation to work, or even just walking.

    * * *

    Today I saw several interesting moments: in childhood I listened more than I spoke (internally as well); the sounds of my body in motion are the same as they were in childhood, and they connect me with that little girl; also through my body I felt how cold she was because she wasn’t sure that her family was her home, or that she was loved and needed; and what about yesterday – in silence I told myself that everything was perfect and successful in my life, but also that I barely heard the sounds from outside because they didn’t matter or disturb my silence. I also heard my heart beating.

    * * *

    Thank you! My mood improved, my heaviness disappeared, and I found a pattern from childhood!

    * * *

    During practice today, when we were listening to sounds, I found myself in a dream where all practitioners were one organism. I saw it as a serpent. In the beginning I was in its head, expressing tenseness and hissing. But then something made me softer, as if some other part of the organism brought me balance, which I needed, being the “head”. Then the head got light and calm. Next I was in the tail, wishing I could unite with the head in order to close the circle. Later I put my attention on the center of the serpent where I felt protection, comfort and warmth. In the end the serpent’s appearance was transformed: it had wings, and a feeling of union and harmony. At that moment I saw how wonderful it was – a snake, born only to crawl, grew wings as if transforming into another being. This new being is so free and infinitely happy; it can fly with the help of all its parts and the harmony between them. After returning from our dream I just listened to the others and noticed our changes. Each person brought his part to the image of our group, making it alive and wonderful. Thanks to everybody.

    Fri, Nov 8, 2013. A Walk in Silence

    It’s hard to confess that I can be wrong. I often make up things that don’t exist in reality and believe in that stuff with awe. Others suffers from this, i.e. I think of myself only. My ego has loads of excuses. During the recapitulation I realized that my ego runs my life, I don’t.

  141. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: A Map of Recapitulation

    When you start to listen to the voice that never let you down, to the voice of your inner seer, you also start to realize WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON. And, of course, there appears the question – how to change the current situation? For those who practice Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity it’s obvious that recapitulation is the most effective helper. Recapitulation is an exercise that gives us a chance to change our life. This week we are going to create a map of recapitulation that will help everybody who wants to move on and on, discovering new sides of ourselves.

    Tue, Nov 12, 2013. Tracking the Energy

    I have managed to create a real map with the plan and time of actions. I have placed the most important points for recapitulation, which I currently have. I don’t understand my map entirely yet, but I like it very much. When we entered the silence, I’ve fallen asleep several times and each time I was dreaming that I’m another woman. The magical pass, which we did all together, helped me to achieve the state of complete readiness. Never in my life have I done the map of recapitulation and I understand that it still needs some improvement. Thank you.

    * * *

    I drew a map in a form of pyramid, which symbolizes my life. The top of it is the part, where I want to be. I like the map I’ve drawn more and more. At the moment when we entered the dreaming I felt rotation and then a wind blowing in my face. Then, I found myself among wolves. I also was a wolf. And this dream lead me into Crimea, to the workshop, to the scene where I was interacting with the wolves and I was very glad of that. Thank you!

    * * *

    The moment I drew the map of recapitulation, I turned into an animal. In the process of the practice I felt that things we were doing that time complete enough to realize all our intents of this practice.

    When we went into the journey I found myself at our place and started to rotate. I saw and heard a lot of sounds and next moment I felt myself flying. At first I couldn’t understand which kind of bird I was , but during the flight, by paying attention to my actions and habits I understood that I was a crow. I saw villages, roads, and even poles with wires. Our first stop totally amazed me. At first I was looking at the small houses, but then I understood that it was mushrooms. It was enormous mushrooms which reached the sky. I don’t know how to measure that, but I can say that they were like 100 times taller than me. Then I understood that I was in a world which was quite similar to our forest; but the trees were not trees and mushrooms were not mushrooms, and all they were of red-rose tint. Then again I saw huge water space. I had a great speed and I knew that I was heading the right way and felt a lot of strength in what I was doing. I was traveling with great speed through this great space when suddenly I found myself on the rocky shore where pines grew. They were clinging with their roots to the mountains as much as they could. And I don’t know why, but when I landed, I started to transform into these pines. I don’t know why I did so. I just could be a bird or a tree by my own wish. Then I climbed this mountain and found a wall of wind which I couldn’t go through. It wasn’t possible to go through this bounder because there was a storm on the opposite side. And I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that I needed to get there. Then I understood that to get through was possible only in human form. Then I transformed from a bird into myself and gathered all my intention, all attention and went through. There was a completely different density on the other side. I can’t explain that, it was a density like in water, but it wasn’t water. I couldn’t see things there. All objects where radiating light, a dark-red light, but the source was nowhere to be seen. I couldn’t clearly see anything there and then we returned back and I felt myself back at the practice.

    *

    Thu, Nov 14. Weekly practice at Constellation Group’s place

    *

    I was very nervous about one guy who won’t return me the money he borrowed. I was judging him and feeling heaviness in my chest. After doing magical passes, I felt very light and an understanding came up to me that the problem isn’t in my friend, but in me actually.

    * * *

    I worked with a scene where I was totally unhappy with a man. I wrote down a lot of inner dialog about this point, and after magical passes I have found where exactly my feelings related to this scene were stored, from my solar plexus up to my throat. Then it came to me that I can’t waste my time on this anymore. I can’t and I don’t want to support this conflict and lose my time, I just don’t have any time left for this. This scene doesn’t make any sense and I’m not interested in it anymore.

    Fri, Nov 15, 2013. Recapitulation

    I looked at my problematic relationships with the opposite sex. During the practice, while I was looking at the recapitulation map, I saw that I had this problems even since school, then with my parents and this findings touched my feelings deeply. I cried and felt great offence. I had a headache and felt very clear that I need to move my spine. When I did it, something interesting happened, I have lost my ability to interpret. My inner dialog just stopped and I felt myself completely different.

    * * *

    For the first time in my life, at this practice I felt and saw what the term “sparkling awareness” means. I saw how it shines and what the sparkling energy is. I felt myself as an integrated creature. On the one side there was a dark part of me, and I was illuminating all corners I could look at. On the other side there was a light part of me. This part was filled with the light, and not just light, but the light of abundance to the brim. Thought it was a linear view of me and my personal history, but it was very pleasant to aware it. Thank you.

    * * *

    I feel irritated because of my mother not being happy with her life, she is always sad and unsatisfied. This often happens to me. When I recall my childhood in my recapitulation, I can’t remember any problematic situation with my mom. She had never beat me, I was allowed to do anything and I don’t understand, when it changed. When we did sweeping breathing for the first time I couldn’t concentrate at all, but step by step with breathing in and out got better. I noticed that my body stores memory, not my head, but my body. And I was surprised how much memory there is on my palms and my face. I remembered a lot of different scenes from my childhood, a lot of multi-layered scenes. And when we were looking at our recapitulation map for the third time, I saw a snowed filled field; it was covered with snow to the horizon. There, next to the horizon, it was merging with the dark sky. This is the picture from my dreams which I always was afraid of, but then I had a calm, warm and confident feeling and I wanted to go through this field. We were breathing for quite a long time, and I was gazing at this picture and nothing else. When we finished, I didn’t feel anything special. It was simply love to my mother. I understood how much I love her actually. And then I saw a scene from my childhood where my love was interrupted. And now I know how and where I need to move. Thank you!

    * * *

    Usually recapitulation is like some kind of routine to me. But today, when we all were looking at the map of recapitulation, I saw my life in the back order. I found myself in a valley. My life was that valley, I saw my life again. It was a real adventure. Then, while scanning my whole body, I remembered the scene from my childhood where I was able to do squatting as long as it was possible. And today I understood energetically, that my body is a conductor to any scene which I want to remember. The third time I went into silence and out of this silence I saw my real essence. I wasn’t thinking, I felt it as a napping being which couldn’t feel joy due to the fact that mind is dominating too much. By doing recapitulation, I clean the entrance into the cave from big rocks to release this essence to be free. Yeah, I’m very used to dominating mind. And today I’ve just felt luck. It is very cool. Thank you.

    * * *

    What I got today is not an intellectual knowledge, but concrete sensation – I felt the presence of a nagual. It wasn’t Carlos Castaneda’s presence, but still I mean this, too. It was exactly the presence of a nagual, which saturates everything around, everything we do, absolutely everything.

    Sat, Nov 16. A Walk in Silence

    I’m making progress. When I started to practice in the group, it became easier to focus on my intention and to realize my plans.

    * * *

    Before going outside I looked at the window and saw stars, though it was still day. I went outside, crossed the line and felt another density. The weather was not great, it was windy. I looked around and then suddenly saw a large crowd of flying butterflies. Then I went further looking at the people and saw how happy they were. And I saw only satisfied people, they were glowing with happiness. Then I saw a group of kids, around 7, they were laughing, joking and having fun. I saw today that there was always something more beyond what we usually look at. And it depends only on us how deep can we merge into the present moment. Thank you.

  142. Constellation Group says:

    Классы “Двенадцать Оттенков Тишины”, основанные на классах “Цикличность”, проводимые ведущими Тенсегрити®, прошедшими сертификацию первого уровня. Санкт-Петербург, Россия

    Twelve Tints of Silence Classes, based on Cyclicity Classes, guided by Level I Tensegrity® Facilitators of Constellation Group, St.Petersburg, Russia

    Класс 1
    Class 1

    В своей практике перепросмотра я не первый раз смотрю на тему питания. Тогда я находил свои привычки и каким-то образом в них что-то менял. На сегодняшнем классе я взял ситуацию, когда я заставлял себя принимать на работе во время обеда в качестве пищи суп, который был сильно пересолен. Я думал об этом так: мне нужно это съесть, иначе я буду голоден; я должен его съесть, потому что нельзя оставлять его недоеденным; я не могу просто так не использовать потраченные на этот суп деньги – я должен его съесть. После того, как мы сделали пассы, я посмотрел на эту ситуацию. Я был удивлен тем, что услышал голос своей мамы: “Ты должен съесть суп, иначе он пропадет (испортится)…” Я почувствовал насколько сильное влияние оказало на меня воздействие мамы, и насколько незаметно это воздействие в моей обычной жизни…

    In my recapitulation practice I have many times encountered the theme of eating. I used to find my habits and somehow change them. At today’s class I took a scene where I forced myself to eat up the soup with too much salt in it. I thought: I have to eat up this soup, otherwise I would stay hungry; I mustn’t leave remains in my bowl; I shouldn’t waste money – I must eat it up. After magical passes I looked at the scene again. I was surprised to hear my mother’s voice: “You should eat up your soup, otherwise it gets spoilt…” I felt how strong was the influence my mother had on me, and how unnoticeable it is in my daily life.

    * * *

    Удивительная разница между состоянием обычным, когда мы бежим куда-то, раздражены, дёргаемся, и состоянием сейчас.

    It’s just amazing how distinctive is the difference between our usual state where we are rushing somewhere, hustle and bustle, and the state which I’m in now.

    * * *

    Я понял, что изменения, которые надо сделать – не такие уж сложные. Это только инерция мешает нам что-то поменять. В состоянии, в котором я нахожусь сейчас, ответы приходят моментально. И эти сигналы были всегда, на протяжении всей моей жизни. Сейчас они просто вспомнились.

    I understood that the changes I have to make are not so difficult. It’s just our inertia that prevent us from changing something. In a state where I am now, the answers come instantly. And these signals have always come, for all my life. I’ve just remembered them today.

    Класс 2
    Class 2

    После первого класса я стал больше следить за дыханием, дышать глубже. Это позволяет мне не реагировать, спокойнее ко всему относиться. Ещё я взял навигатор и прошёл 5 км. Я также стал уделять внимание вкусу, так сильно чувствовал вкус, как никогда. Спасибо.

    After the first class I started to track my breathing, to breathe deeper. It helps me not to overreact, to take everything easier. I took a navigator and went 5 km. I also started to feel taste as much as I have never felt. Thank you.

    * * *

    Благодаря классу удалось принять осознанное решение 3 раза. Одно из них связано с питанием, два других – с движением.

    Thanks to the class, I was able to make conscious decisions 3 times. One of them was about
    eating, two others – about physical activity.

    * * *

    На этой неделе я много внимания уделяла своему телу. Много ходила пешком, следила за тем, как тело реагирует на еду, что нравится моему телу. Было много внимания, сделала несколько открытий. Даже сон приснился, где я изменила свою диету.

    Last week I paid a lot of attention to my body. I walked a lot, tracked how my body reacted to food I ate, what my body liked. There was a lot of attention, I’ve done several discoveries. I have even had a dream where I changed my diet.

    * * *

    Я поняла, как трудно определить в себе привычки. Когда начинаешь действовать по-новому, становится ясно, что у нас есть выбор. Никто ни с кем ничего не делает….

    I realized how difficult it is to identify my own habits. As you start act in a new way, it becomes clear that we really have a choice. Nobody does anything to anybody…

    Класс 3
    Class 3

    На прошлом классе я почерпнула что-то невероятное. Я поняла, что постоянно нахожусь в напряжении. Я всё время напрягаю глаза. Моим новым действием было пойти гулять в парк. Я ни на чём не фиксировала взгляд. Раньше я думала, что надо навести внутри себя порядок, и тогда всё снаружи тоже будет хорошо. Но я просто поменяла взгляд, и всё изменилось. Я всё время расслабляю глаза, и в результате этого появилось гораздо больше мягкости, приятия, понимания в моей жизни.

    Last time at the class I derived something unbelievable. I realized that I am always tense. And I always strain my eyes. My new action is to go to the park for a walk. I didn’t focused my eyes on anything. I used to think that as soon as I put things in order inside me, everything will be great outside, too. But I just changed the look, and everything changed, too. Now I’m relaxing my eyes, and as a result it became much more softness, acceptance and understanding in my life.

    * * *

    Я стал очень внимательно относится к тому, что я делаю. Появилось ощущение ответственности за то, что я делаю прямо сейчас. Появилось чувство наслаждения жизнью. Я чаще вспоминаю о том, что можно просто посмотреть на мир вокруг меня и увидеть что-то новое…

    I became very attentive to what I’m doing. A sense of responsibility for what I’m doing right now. There was a feeling of enjoying life. I often remember that I can just look at the world around me and see something new…

    * * *

    Я начала отслеживать, что я делаю и зачем. Появилось ощущение, что я живу здесь и сейчас. Я увидела, что большинство действий, которые я делаю, я делаю на автомате. А сейчас я вижу, что свои действия можно направлять.

    I started to keep track of what I’m doing and why. There is a feeling that I live here and now. I saw that most of the activities that I do, I do automatically. And now I see that I can direct all of my actions consciously.

    * * *

    Новое ощущение – восприятие всем телом.

    My new sensation is perception with my whole body.

    * * *

    На днях я обратила внимание на слух, зрение и обоняние. Вместо того, чтобы просто сходить туда и обратно за полчаса, это превратилось в 2,5 часовую прогулку. Ощущение такое, как будто я вернулась в детство. Хотелось ходить по траве, нюхать цветочки, гладить деревья. Как будто вместо чёрно-белого кино включили HD.

    The other day I paid attention to hearing, sight and smell. Rather than just go back and forth for half an hour, it turned into a 2.5 hour walk. It feels as if I’m back to my childhood. I wanted to walk on the grass, smell the flowers, touch trees. As if instead of a black-and-white film you can watch an HD.

    At the end of the class

    Я себя чувствую, как облако над альпийскими лугами…
    Я чувствую себя легкой, парящей и наполненной солнечным светом.
    Я ведь знаю этот магический пасс, который мы делали, но сегодня я реально чувствовала потоки энергии в себе, как они расходятся волнами по телу из центра и очень сильную вибрацию…

    I feel like a cloud above Alpine meadows…
    I feel light, soaring and filled with sunlight.
    I know the pass we did, but today I really felt energy flows inside, felt them going waving out of the center of my body and strong vibration…

    * * *

    Энергии прибавилось, распирает, хочется сказать что-то, сделать. Мы привыкли пользоваться набором своих ожиданий, и если они не оправдываются, нам это не нравится. Но мы не должны руководствоваться этими навязанными суждениями. Мы – воспринимающие существа. Солнце начинает светить. Всё как в детстве.

    Energy increased, bursting, I want to say something, to do something. We are accustomed to use the set of our expectations, and if they are not met, we do not like it very much. But we don’t have to be guided by these judgments imposed. We are sentient beings. The sun begins to shine. Everything is like in childhood.

    * * *

    Я заметила, что начиная какое-то новое дело, я обычно настраиваю себя на проигрыш. Сегодня я поняла, что мне не надо себя настраивать ни на проигрыш, ни на выигрыш, а просто действовать эффективно и смотреть, что получается.

    I noticed that starting a new business, I usually incline myself to lose. Today I realized that I did not have to incline myself to lose nor gain, but simply to act effectively and watch what happens.

    * * *

    Я увидела, что какие-то вещи происходят только в моей голове, что кроме меня никто так не думает. И когда я это вижу, ситуация сразу же меняется.

    I saw that some things happen only in my head, that no one but me does not think so. And when I see it, the situation changes immediately.

    * * *

    Если у тебя хорошее настроение, ты осознан, управляешь ситуацией, а когда плохое настроение – то делаешь неосознанно то, к чему ты привык. Сейчас я в хорошем настроении.

    If you are in a good mood, you can control the situation, and when you are in a bad mood – you just do what you are used to do unconsciously. Now I’m in a good mood.

    * * *

    Этот класс позволил мне увидеть то, до чего никогда раньше я дотянуться не могла. Я увидела, что я думаю только о себе, я поглощена собой, и забываю включать других людей в свои сновидения, не учитываю других людей. Когда мне раньше говорили это, я только обижалась и не понимала, каким образом это может относиться ко мне. Сегодня а классе я увидела, что я не чувствую контакта с людьми из-за своего внутреннего диалога, “меня никто не ценит и не уважает, кругом враги, а раз так, то зачем мне вообще что-то делать, а тем более – делать хорошо”.
    И ещё одно шокирующее открытие – я обнаружила, что считаю мир таким местом, где не осталось ничего нового, всё уже известно. И безнадёжно, потому что мир летит в пропасть.
    Сейчас я вижу, что это тоже всего лишь суждение, это не является энергетическим фактом. А энергетический факт заключается в том, что мы получаем то, что намереваем.

    This class helped me to see the things which I could never reach before. I saw that I only think of myself, I absorbed with myself, I don’t remember to include other people in my dreams, I do not consider other people. When they told me that I only thought of myself, I just took offense and did not understand how this could relate to me. Today at the class I saw that I do not feel like dealing with people because of my internal dialogue , “no one appreciates and respects me, I’m surrounded by enemies , and if so, why would I do anything at all, not to mention doing it well”.
    And another shocking discovery – I found that I thought that the world is a place where there is nothing left of the new, everything is already known. And everything is hopeless, because the world is falling off a cliff .
    Now I see that this is only a judgment, too, this is not an energetic fact. And the energetic fact is that we get what we intend.

  143. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Preparing for Transition
    Nov 18 – 24, 2014

    There is just one month until our transition into the New Year space. To successfully actualize this we have to prepare very attentively. And we’ll do it at the weekly practice cycle called “Preparing for Transition.”

    Tuе – Tracking the Energy

    What I don’t like is my financial situation, lack of housing and other financial things. My motivation is weak and I don’t want to accept it. I’d like to be more open and to achieve some results. During the practice while we were gazing I felt how simple it was to move from one state to another – from self-pity to active actions. I saw it energetically and felt it. As we gazed the 3rd time I got an advice from the one who never lies. Thank you.

    * * *

    There are things in my life which I want to improve and I like this tendency. My recapitulation map has got accomplished form. Today in the class I suddenly understood that sometimes it would be good to be in the role of spectator but not active doer. While gazing I understood that I didn’t have a wish to change the picture I saw but just to gaze. It was cool. Thank you.

    * * *

    I worry about my studies and that I spend too much energy communicating with people. When we started to gaze at the picture and I saw trees rustling and a river flowing together with me. The forest carried me away and I found myself in the center of the forest, there were beautiful pine trees and a small village. Then I became submerged and saw wonderful fish with human teeth. I’ve got an answer in this practice – that I had to learn how to direct my attention. The reason for all my problems is the same, all I need is to act directing my attention in a new way. When we entered the picture the second time I heard the wind blowing and birds singing. Wind was getting stronger and I let it take me inside the image. I saw a woman’s face- a strange one- and it was hard to concentrate. She said that the power was already leading me and I didn’t have to worry. My eyes were closing but I was still seeing that picture. I saw myself falling into water and the woman’s voice was supporting me suggesting that I give in to the power. I got calm and the flow brought me to a quiet bank from which I took off looking around. I noticed that objects that I saw in my dream were a reflection of my awareness. I saw that the woman’s face was just a mask, empty inside. The mask melted and I heard another voice – it was my inner seer’s voice, another part of me. And one part of me was worrying and asking questions while the other was silent and knew all the answers. Thank you.

    * * *

    I’d like to improve almost everything I do by doing that more effective. During our gazing I saw that the world is not just alive and not just energy – I’m shocked how aware of itself it is.

    Thu – Weekly practice at Constellation Group’s place

    It is so hard to keep intention. I’m full of habits that pull me back. But I feel that my intention gets stronger with every practice. Thank you.

    Fri – Recapitulation

    I’ve recapitulated scenes with the girl I used to love very much. I feel easier with her while recapitulating these scenes and I keep cleaning the past. I took a scene where I felt self-pity, and I wanted her to take pity on me. I didn’t know how to behave with her. Internal dialog: I’m so unhappy, take pity on me, I hate myself. Body position: I was completely closed, there was no breath.
    New view – I feel opened up. I can see that in this scene I was captive to the idea that I’m in love with her, I don’t need anybody else. Now I can see that this is just an idea which I haven’t checked, took for granted, without consulting with anyone. It was just a blind feeling that was burning me out, and it did. Now I know that I let the Universe and myself check this one more time, have a look at this, and I’ll have such a possibility tomorrow.

    * * *

    The area I have looked at is finances. My pattern is self-doubt. I saw my fear of not being loved, that they are in collusion against me. New view – to talk with another person. In the scene everything was unclear, and my tantrum caused by self-doubt just worsened things. What I do in a new way in this scene – I continue breathing, feeling my feet. Whatever they say to me, as caustic as it could sound – the person has reasons to act like that and there is my contribution which prompted the person to act like that. I can stop the flow of unconsciousness and to start speaking from my deep essence with another person’s deep essence. And I saw that I could give myself love, support and acknowledgement exactly in such moments, when the ground is slipping from under my feet. And relying on this support I can act more adequately.

    * * *

    I don’t like one girl, her life position, how and what she says…at this practice I understood that I didn’t have reasons to react in this way. I don’t have to accept her position, I can just accept its being. It’s connected with my key pattern – if I don’t like her I can’t accept her.

    * * *

    My pattern is that there is only my opinion. I don’t accept other positions. First thing I have found today is that I want to apologize to a man who I didn’t agree with. I understood that he could have his own point of view. I also remembered a childhood scene where I had taken my mom’s view but I didn’t want to do it. All I need is free space – view from the side, free of my habits. Thank you.

    Sat – A Walk in Silence

    This week I took the theme of relations with colleagues and when I went for a walk and gazed all around, I saw that once I took the point of view of my mother. I took it without taking and now I need to find how and when it happened.

    * * *

    I recapitulated my relationship my with ex-wife. And today when I went for a walk I saw a gray city, not very good weather and I did not want to walk. I began to do exercises that we usually apply to enter into silence and the picture began to change around me and I stood and felt oneness with all that surrounds me and my internal dialogue at the time had no power over me.

    Sun – A View from Silence

    Moving to new lifestyle is the thing happened to me this week. I felt real difference in my states with and without judgements. And I made my choice. I found that I like to think, to dream, to remember stories in which I was admired, before sleeping. I’m sick of this, I felt a difference and could fall asleep concentrating on what I love. I was surprised at how wonderful it is. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week the instructor’s words helped me – to save energy one should just be in a good mood. I really was in a good mood all week and I had more energy. For example, in the past I thought that keeping my energy meant to reserve myself from people, to avoid extra words and showing emotions. But after those words I started to laugh and smile more, to be more open. My energy increases. I was able to solve one difficult situation because of that. Thank you.

  144. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: A Map of a Warrior
    Nov 25 – Dec 1, 2013

    The New year is coming, and we are going to pull up all weak parts of our being. To be more effective in our lives we want to put some light on our hidden and unavailable parts so to see them and to accept. We are going to accept the challenge and do the recapitulation which gives us strength to see energy and how it flows in the universe. With this mood we are going into new year and we are also going to have a map which will help us to find our way and see where we want to go and we we are heading in fact. Welcome to the weekly cycle of Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity practices The Map of Warrior.

    Tuе – Tracking the Energy

    I have drawn a map and its very similar to my map of recapitulation. There are four sectors, which I want to harmonize: finances, education, social life and family. I have discovered that making a decision is a challenge for me and it does not depend on the scale of situation. When we started to dream, I was simultaneously in two places. One of them is a place from my childhood where I liked to lay down on the footbridges and gaze at the river. The second place is the place from my repeating dream, where I walk home from a party and there are festive lights all around me. In this dream I am in a good mood while going up the hill and I can see my own house from up there and it is very far away in the snowy plain. This picture gives me the creeps because it is a nightmare dream. I want to go back there where the city is and I turn around and suddenly see a snowy plain, too, and then I wake up. Two weeks ago, when we had a practice called “The map of recapitulation,” I remembered this picture and for the first time it did not scare me. And today, while looking at this picture I felt freedom. Looking at the dark sky and this snowy plain, I just felt the desire to inhale it. I knew that I needed to go and it did not scare me.
    Thank you.

    * * *

    When I wrote the list of things I intend to do soon, we entered the silence. I saw a lake. A lake of incredible silence. This lake was in the forest, the grass was hanging over the water and mixing with the forest. There were beautiful trees all around. I understood that this lake was very deep, though not very wide. I felt like I was swimming in this lake without touching the water. The next moment I felt this place and this lake as my own self, every part of this place. This was the moment of incredible freshness.

    Thu – Weekly practice at Constellation Group’s place

    From my map of life I want to remove laziness, gluttony and indifference. Magical passes have helped me to see, that when my head wants to eat I can feel my feet, the connection with the Earth and intend harmony inside. When I feel lazy, I can do magical pass Stirring Energy Above the Head and Cracking It. In times of indifference, I can start looking at the world around differently. During the practice I noticed that my ego was saying something to me, but I don’t even want to listen to it. It is a very quiet voice. And when we gazed at the candle, I felt the unity with the group and this support and I started to intend that all the three elements would work in my life.
    Thank you very much.

    * * *

    Today I have found myself in a state of everything and nothing… and in this practice it came up to me that to get closer to infinity one has to be crystal clear. Really, by doing the recapitulation, pulling up free strings, a warrior strives to end up with his or her debts. Not just financial debts, but also we have some energetic debts and ideas. And you can’t get away from it.

    * * *

    Today I have seen how from small parts of life assembled a big love for myself.
    Thank you.

    Fri – Recapitulation

    By doing recapitulation I understood one thing – recapitulation starts when you really don’t want to do it. Exactly in this moment a returning of energy we left behind begins. An unthinkable force lifts you up and you go deeper and deeper in the recapitulation… right in the dark side of your being. It is hard to believe that there are people who would voluntarily look at their own dark side. And I just don’t have any alternative… That is why there are thousands of ways of recapitulating. As we are taught at Tensegrity workshops, to hold and retain your assemblage point in the new position is all you need to do. This way I had been recapitulating a scene for many many times and even shared with witness my new views of this scene and in the end there is nothing left in it to look at. Then I asked myself a question – am I able to continue to the next scene and understood – No, I can’t. I had to make a conclusion but it was the hardest part, a real challenge because I was afraid to act and didn’t want to draw a line. I was shaking out of fear that I needed to do this. But anyway I did it. And then there was nothing left in this scene. This way, no one can tell you how to do recapitulation. Only you can know the answer.

    Sat – A Walk in Silence

    Today during our walk I got a great mood, a shift, acceptance of a situation and understanding of what I was supposed to do. I returned to the group, shared these thoughts with the others and kept listening to them. I understood everything my mates said to me and was very grateful to them, I was filled with light.
    During his speech, the facilitator provided my story as an example for everybody, it made me listen harder and gave me the creeps. He provided examples of the others, how much they are struggling, letting us know that this is a result of a real recapitulation. My ego started to riot.
    I wanted to leave the group, my body was shaking even more, I didn’t want to see anything except my disappointment with the facilitator, I was ready to give up everything, found lots of thoughts to accuse him, to prove my position to myself.
    At some point after the practice my state dramatically changed and I started to laugh, to laugh at myself. I understood how trifling it was and that we were all equal, following the way together. Something that was always inside me woke up and took over. Now I know that our practices had led me to this change, my bright side is appearing more often and helps me to look at this world completely differently, in a new way, being open and out of my heart. Some part of this dissatisfaction and annoyance is still with me, judging and full of hate, but now I am sure that a moment will come and it will retreat, it will be fully under my control if I will move on. Thanks to our facilitator for this experience and to everyone who is related to it or reads this now.

    * * *

    I have made a whole list and specifications on my map. One of them is how I speak. I speak with pressure to prove my thoughts and now I feel that it is really unpleasant to my listeners. I have found out that I do it out of fear of being judged by own words.

    * * *

    The most relevant for me is my relationships with people. It really bothers me. By connecting with the world around me I felt that I was afraid. This fear and unrest is related to my relationships. I came to the forest and opened to the forest. I had a feeling of unity with it and I saw that my fears are far-fetched fears. I am constantly doing recapitulation and just can’t help doing it. Thank you.

    Sun – A View from Silence

    Firstly, this week I have done with my inner dialog about my creative work and when I began to work on my project I just couldn’t stop, I had a sea of energy. I have never felt anything like this before.
    I was walking outside recently, feeling the world around me while being in silence. A girl came to me and proposed a book to buy. She said that this book could help me be happy and my wishes will come true. By the title of the book I understood that this girl belongs to the Krishna community. I decided not to ignore her or walk away, just talked to her. She said that she had been practicing it for a very long time and I felt interested to listen to her and to feel her. When I asked how this book influenced her, what had changed in her life, and if she felt happy, I felt she closed, full of fear, distrust and even agreession towards me. Usually people just run away in this kind of situation, but the opposite happened. She told me that she doesn’t have time for me. I said thanks and just moved on. I was calm, I didn’t have any thoughts, I looked at this and felt merrily.

    * * *

    I have a feeling that my life is proceeding to a new stage. I set all my intentions on my warrior map. It was a working map with specific planes and actions. When we were gazing at the candle today, I saw a lot of unrelated pictures. At the first time It was very warm. Then I saw a road, I had very pleasant feelings, a lot of light and I was confidently standing on this road. For the third time I saw dresses, different dresses. There was a lot of light and very tender feelings in my hands. I don’t know how it is connected to my map, but it was very interesting for me to see all this today. Thank you.

    * * *

    This week I went to a girlfriend to check if I did my recapitulation. I found out that all my new views and body positions disappeared as soon as I came to her. I understood that moment that I can’t help doing recapitulation, I just cannot stop. I had an illusion that I had found a new view and could relax… but unfortunately, I cannot. After practice on Thursday, I had lots of energy for my map, for my plan of recapitulation. These days were a serious preparation for the new moon. I managed to assess my effectiveness this week. And now I have much enthusiasm to move forward and recapitulate. I have a lot of energy now. Thank you.

  145. Constellation Group says:

    Классы “Двенадцать Оттенков Тишины”, основанные на классах “Цикличность”, проводимые ведущими Тенсегрити®, прошедшими сертификацию первого уровня. Санкт-Петербург, Россия

    Twelve Tints of Silence Classes, based on Cyclicity Classes, guided by Level I Tensegrity® Facilitators of Constellation Group, St.Petersburg, Russia

    Класс 4
    Class 4

    Для меня эта и предыдущая недели принесли много нового. Меняется то, как я намереваю, как сновижу. Я стала гораздо ближе к себе. Моё сновидение меняется в пользу моей энергетической сущности. Я делаю то, на что мне не хватало внимания в течение 4-5 лет. Я работаю над своей дикцией. Я делаю это с таким удовольствием и с таким положением тела! Теперь я чувствую себя намного более уверенно и спокойно в общении с другими людьми.

    Last fortnight has brought me a lot of new. The way I intend, the way I dream is changing. I became closer to myself. My dreaming is changing towards my energetic essence. I do something I didn’t have attention for last 4- years. I work out my diction. I enjoy it very much, my body position when I do it is awesome! I feel much more self-confident and calm while communicating with people.

    * * *

    Я стала обращать внимание на свои привычные реакции. Я увидела, что многие вещи, по поводу которых я раньше сильно переживала, вообще не стоят того, чтобы переживать из-за них. Наоборот, когда успокаиваешься, правильные решения приходят сами собой.

    I’ve started to pay attention to my habitual reactions. I could see that most of things I used to worry about weren’t worthy to worry about at all. On the contrary, when you get calm, right decisions come by themselves.

    * * *

    Благодаря классам я чувствую смещение от позиции “я”, “мне” к позиции “мы”, к позиции общих интересов. Я стал есть меньше хлеба, у меня появилось больше активности, даже не знаю, куда её девать. Чаще делаю прогулки, для меня это хорошая практика как движения, так и дыхания. Спасибо.

    Due to the classes, I feel the shift from “me-me-me” position to “we”, the position of common interests. I started to eat less bread, became more active, I don’t even know where to direct this activity. I more often go for a walk, and this is a good practice of movements and breathing. Thank you.

    * * *

    Для меня эти классы Двенадцать Оттенков Тишины – это цикличность во всем. Я вижу цикличность всего – все идет по кругу, все вокруг и все это может быть наполнено Тишиной. Тогда моя жизнь становится другой, можно сказать, что я начинаю жить. Спасибо.

    For me these classes Twelve Tints of Silence is cyclicity in everything. I can see cyclicity of everything – everything is going in circle, everything around us, and all this can be filled with Silence. Then my life changes, I would say I start to live. Thank you.

    * * *

    За время этих классов стало больше внимания. Большую часть времени я нахожусь во внимании, это просто состояние в котором больше осознания. Если первую неделю мы смотрели на то, как мы едим, дышим и двигаемся, а вторую смотрели на что-то другое, но то первое никуда не девается, оно само обращает на себя внимание. Если раньше я бы вступила в диалоги, разговоры, то сейчас я просто действую. Спасибо.

    I get more attention due to these classes. I stay attentive most of the time. this is just a state where there is more awareness. We were looking at how we eat, breathe and move during the first week and during the second week we were looking at something else, but the first didn’t go away, it kept drawing attention to itself. I would start arguing some time ago, but now I simply act.

    * * *

    В конце класса
    At the end of the class:

    Я понял одно, что всё, что я могу – это учиться. И эти классы погрузили меня в состояние, когда я учусь. Каждая минута жизни – это новое осознание, новая энергия, которые толкают меня вперёд, вперёд, вперёд…
    Я услышал, как Солнце сказало мне, что и оно, и я родились для того, чтобы делиться. Делиться – это мой путь, через который ко мне приходят осознание и сила.

    I understood that all I can is to learn. And these classes merged me into the state where I’m learning. Each minute of my life is new awareness, new energy, they push me forward, forward, forward…
    I heard that the Sun told me that both he and I were born to share. To share – is my path, and awareness and power come to me through this path.

    * * *

    Во-первых, начинаешь осознавать то, о чём не задумывался раньше. Обращать внимание на мысли – как и куда уходят мои мысли. Я приходила домой и ложилась на диван, я не пыталась остановить мысли, я просто смотрела, куда они уходят. И оказалось, что сами по себе они никуда не уходят без направления. Мы сами задаём направление своим мыслям. Сейчас я чувствую состояние спокойной радости, которую даже нет необходимости проявлять.
    Я почувствовала, что Земля и Солнце – живые существа, они могут чувствовать, и они откликаются, когда мы направляем на них своё внимание. Не знаю, как, но это происходит.
    Я всегда считала, что я – это моя голова. Сегодня я увидела, что это не так. Я смогла переместить сознание в другое место. Спасибо.

    First of all, I start to realize what I’ve never thought of before. To pay attention to my thoughts – how and where my thoughts are going. I came home and lay down on a sofa, I didn’t try to stop my thoughts, I just watched where were they going. And it turned out that they didn’t go anywhere until we direct them. Now I’m in a state of calm joy, which I don’t even have to reveal.
    I felt that the Earth and the Sun are live beings. They can feel, they respond when we draw attention to them. I don’t know how, but it happens.
    I used to think that ‘me’ is my head. Today I’ve seen that it’s not. I could shift my awareness to another place. Thank you.

    * * *

    Сегодня на классе ко мне не пришло каких-то практических вещей, но я точно знаю, что они придут. Улётные пассы. Когда я лежала, я чувствовала Землю в районе крестца и поясницы, я видела через эту область картины, как будто фильм Би-Би-Си – вода, рыбы, живые существа разные… Я увидела, как существа дают друг другу жизнь.
    Я чувствовала Солнце из центра живота, я видела только свет и смех. В этом смехе не было насмешки, не было предмета, над которым можно смеяться, это было похоже на смех младенца, чистый смех. Спасибо.

    Today at the class I didn’t get any practical things, but I know for sure that they will come. Magical passes are superb. While lying I felt the Earth through the area of my sacrum and waist, I saw pictures through this area, as if it was BBC film – water, fish, different living creatures… I saw creatures giving life to each other.

    I felt the Sun from the center of my abdomen, I saw just light and laughter. There wasn’t any mockery or any object of laughter, it was like baby’s laughter, pure laughter. Thank you.

    * * *

    Я нашёл движение, которое очень хорошо на меня влияет – делиться с бесконечностью. В этом есть целеустремлённость без мыслей. Я увидел, что кроме открытия новых миров, мне надо развивать область взаимодействия с людьми. Чем лучше я взаимодействую с людьми, тем лучше сберегаю энергию. Спасибо.

    I’ve found the movement which affects me well – to share with infinity. There is some purposefulness without thoughts. I can see that besides opening new worlds I need to improve the area of interactions with people. The better I interact with people, the better I save energy. Thank you.

    * * *

    Соединяясь с Землёй, я чувствую себя частью её тёплой текучей энергии. Это чувство гармонии и благополучия я могу взять в повседневную жизнь и сверяться с ним, как с камертоном, когда покупаю продукты, когда взаимодействую с людьми и когда принимаю важные решения. Спасибо.

    Connecting with the Earth I feel like a part of her warm fluid energy. I can take this feeling of harmony and well-being into my daily life and check up with it, as if it was a tuning fork – when I buy food, when I interact with people and make important decisions. Thank you.

    * * *

    Спасибо, очень понравился класс, спасибо ведущим и группе!!!

    Thank you, I liked the class very much, thanks to the facilitators and the group!!!

    * * *

    Для меня питание, дыхание и движение становится одним и тем же. Говорение и слушание уравновешиваются между собой, а когда я осознаю, как я смотрю, я становлюсь наблюдателем, становится все понятно без слов и слова можно тратить более разумно, а уши слышат и улавливают только необходимое. Спасибо.

    For me, breathing, physical activity and eating become one. Speaking and listening balanced each other, and when I realize the way I’m looking, I become an observer, everything become clear without words, and I can spend words more wisely, while my ears hear just the essence. Thank you.

  146. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Actions full of power
    Dec 9 – 15, 2014

    While looking for new ways of recapitulation we found out that new ways and new actions are full of power. It is comparable with the feeling when you are in love – great feeling that all of us want to experience. A warrior is able to fill his or her each action, each deed with this feeling – so their whole life turns into the act of power, dance of power, dance of Tensegrity – where each of warrior’s elements takes its place and is ready for everything. This week we will direct our efforts to cultivate such a state in our life. Welcome to our practices of Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity in Constellation group, that are available from every town.

    Tuе – Tracking the Energy

    My internal dialog when I was listening to the song: I’m sad, worried, uneasy. After magical passes I realized that the song is touching my sensitive side, my feelings. Something in my chest was dancing and vibrating. After that my inner dialog left for the background. And when we entered silence I saw the sea and the desert. Then I found myself in my flat, where I was listening to the song, and I felt great love towards my parents. My love was in the area of my chest. Then I was taken into nature, and I saw mountains and heard the wind.

    * * *

    I used to like rebellious songs in my childhood. I hated my parents and sang it during conflicts with them. The song was a gulp of air, something that gave me a sense of freedom. When we entered the silence I saw a scene of my conflict with my father. Then I found myself before very beautiful woman who was playing the harp laughing. Her laughter and the sounds of the harp perfectly went one with another. After that she sang me a song about love, there was a lot of warmth and wishes of light for my life.

    * * *

    I saw my personal history as soon as I heard the song. I have always wanted to be with a brutal man, an adult man, so that he would solve all my problems, while I would just be near him. In general, it has always happened like that. After magical passes I felt how much my being was against this internal dialog. I understood that this is just an idea from my childhood and I don’t really want it. When we changed the dream it was another quality and there was another man, but I couldn’t find myself. I started to adjust to that man. And I understood that the man I need won’t appear until I haven’t find myself. There wasn’t a new song in my dream, it was just silence. Thank you.

    * * *

    I remembered the song from my childhood and the mood of this song, when I wanted to act, to help others. I was happy, I loved this world, it’s just amazing… Then I asked myself a question – where had that mood and that intention gone? I remembered songs from school – depressive songs that we sang. The mood of those songs was self-pity and hatred. When we did magical passes for the third time, I had a strong sensation in my chest and strong wish to act. And doing magical passes further I accepted myself as I was. I wanted to do my best – right ‘now’. Now I have another intention – the intention to percept and realize more, to be aware of all the sides of myself. When we entered the dream I was singing this song and felt a strong sensation in my chest. I felt like adults were looking at me with adoration. Then I separated from this part of myself and saw it left together with the boy singing the song. I went out the door and found myself in the winter forest, in my favourite place where there was no hustle and I didn’t need to pretend and put on any masks. In that state full of energy and absolute silence I saw the essence of myself – one of my sides that I’ve found out about today. I haven’t ever imagined how strong I am connected with nature. Thank you.

    * * *

    I have never thought that my inner dialog could be so much connected with the song from my childhood. The essence of this song – ‘I’m merry, light-hearted, beautiful, I drive everybody crazy’ and I wanted everybody to listen to this song. I was happy when I was listening to this song. I found out that I was waiting for love and unusual beautiful relationship with a man while listening to this song. When we went to silence, I saw pictures from my childhood, the things I really wanted to do in my childhood. I was standing by the river listening to the murmur of the water. Thank you.

    * * *

    My song revealed my internal dialog and my mood immediately: I want acknowledgement, I want everybody to pay attention to me. After that as I was looking at this more fixedly I understood that the song filled me with absolute indifference to the world and people around me. Then from heightened awareness I saw a boy with the guitar playing this song. It was very hard for me to separate myself from that boy, but I bolstered my courage and jumped out. There was a moon that night and silence. I heard the sounds of a harp’s strings. It wasn’t a melody, just sounds that came from infinity and went to infinity. I stood between two worlds. One – the guy with a mediator playing the strings. Another – silence, harp’s strings, the Moon, twilights – complete absence of ideas. Then I felt my body and realized how cool it is to see other possibilities of being, another choice… Now I cannot tell when in my childhood I was in silence… but today I’m completely in silence. I understood that such a state erases whole layers of personal history. Thanks.

    * * *

    My song makes me feel associated with the Slavic culture. Internal dialog: singing will help me, I should learn more songs to keep up with others. And it seemed that singing this song was just showing off, like “I know this song, I’m one of the boys.”
    Plunging into silence I saw myself in the scene where I was singing a song – my voice is tense, I’m trying to adjust to others, all my attention is on singing easily and similar to others, instead of doing that in my own manner. And I understood that when I shift my attention to my heart I change my awareness. The song’s form disappears. Instead of it there came indistinct sounds. It’s important not just to sing the song – well or not very well, but to feel my body’s energy, the awareness while singing.
    And it comes to me that I can find the power in any actions. It comes not as a conception or phrase, but as a state, experience or vision.

    Thu – Weekly practice at Constellation Group’s place

    Communicating with my mom and my sister I often become irritated. When I catch this I felt real strength. Thanks.

    Fri – Recapitulation

    Today at the practice I stalked that I was trying to get my parents’ acknowledgement, I wanted them to recognize that I was someone important. With other people this desire goes up in geometrical progression. I’m trying to portray myself as something during my whole life. The thing I found out is very important. Thanks.

    * * *

    I found out that my self-doubt comes from my childhood. It is common thing in my family – my mom and my sisters have it, too. My new view – I am able to take responsibility. I know I am able to make decisions. What is happening is in the palm of my hand. The actions full of power for me is to stop my internal dialog. Thank you.

    Sat – A Walk in Silence

    The walk and view from silence gave me realization that I should consciously go out of my internal dialog that constantly, even always sounds in my head, realizing why does it happen, what did lead to it. So, I will do recapitulation of the cause of my internal dialog and form a new view, so that in the sequel these causes would not lead to the internal dialog, as I apply my new view.
    I also understand that one of the main causes of my internal dialog is disagreement with something or somebody, in other words – with reality. Two hours later after a walk I realized that my reluctance to accept some event or person, that causes my internal dialog, is destructive to me. I can accept everything without internal dialog. Another couple of hours later while I was driving to a shopping center I noticed that the path was blocked by collided cars, part of the parking lot became a building site, another was jam-packed with cars. Immediately there appeared internal dialog: “Appropriate place to collide! Why don’t they just drive carefully? Why on earth have they come here? That’s it – they will go back and forth for the presence till the New Year. My good mood disappeared. But after a half a minute I remembered my new findings and applied my new approach. So, I accepted the situation, and my spirits rose, and showing up energy led to a vacant space next to the entrance. I bought what I wanted and after a while went home with parcels and good spirits.

    * * *

    When the elevator stopped for a man who was going down as I was – I felt annoyance and internal dialog: he bothers me, I am wasting time, I’m angry, I disagree. I remembered the theme of our practice – Actions full of power – and immediately realized my internal dialog and the state of disagreement. Then I went out doors without any thoughts and revelations about my current recapitulation of relationship with a woman started to come to me. Then I found myself in a state of dreaming – it was exactly the state of dreaming, of here and now, I knew I was able to change something in essence. So, I asked my true self a question: “Can I change anything in my real life like I do it in dreaming?” The answer was – before changing anything in your real life I should feel and see if the universe agree with my choice. I know it would be a real answer without any expectations or dialog. Thanks.

    What are ‘actions full of power’ for me?… The answer came immediately as I had no thoughts: actions full of power are actions that are necessary right now. Necessary for me. It was important to feel today. My body is an instrument that helps me to be aware, to feel, and that is REALLY important to me.

    Sun – A View from Silence

    Last week was very intensive and saturated, and the most important thing for me now is cohesion of my attention. Thursday’s practice gave me the necessary momentum. Actually, to reach my goals I need a lot of attention and concentration. It was very interesting that to attract others’ attention was an act of intention. I was doing recapitulation of my relationships and found out that I waste a lot of energy attracting men’s attention and people’s attention in general, to be liked by them. After several days of recapitulation I released a lot of concentration, as if all this power that I spent on my ‘ego’, became available to me. It gave me such a fullness… I feel my women’s nature, personal strength, creative energy. It’s very effective and pleasant to be concentrated.
    Recently, I got angry about my exams and my inner dialog flooded me. Then I remembered the song that came to me on Tuesday and started to sing it quietly. My mood changed immediately, it improved, I started to feel easier. I brought this song to the next day, it was easy for me to conversate with others, because the song put me into the state of love.

    * * *

    Lately when I was going to study I started to feel surroundings with my whole body. My attention sharpened and I understood that my life could terminate at any moment – it was true knowledge of my body, the moment of now. In such a mood when I got to my studies I could do only my best. I made a lot of progress. That was ‘my action full of power’ last week. Thanks.

    * * *

    Last week something light started to come to me. I started to feel joy from lots of different moments, I became free from old patterns. They stopped affecting me. Joy started to appear in very simple things in my life. I started to enjoy just the fact I was alive. Thanks.

    * * *

    Thursday’s practice affected me so much, that I felt renewd for the rest of the week. All the week long I was listening to my song and was merry and full of energy; in the moment of now. I just enjoy the fact I was alive. Thanks.

  147. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Actions full of power
    Dec 16 – 22, 2013

    At one of last week’s practices we asked ourselves a question, just to think of it… to stop for a minute and to feel… – How did Don Juan Matus live, how did Carlos Castaneda live, how do our teachers live, who continue what Don Juan and Carlos Castaneda started? If reading these words you do the same – if you stop for a minute, stop chatter in your head – you will probably see that the actions of these people are filled to the brim with POWER. And what is going on in your life? Can you tell that you are a happy person living in harmony with yourself and the world around?
    We made a decision to continue our practices ‘Actions full of power’ to the end of the year. This year was an important event for Tensegrity® practitioners and all the people living on the Earth. We entered into the new era, new epoch. All we want – to enter into the new year being full of power and awareness… to realize each of our acts. Welcome to Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity® practices in our Constellation group.

    Tue – Tracking Energy

    First, I’d like to thank everybody in our group. At the beginning of the practice I could not be calm. I was overwhelmed with internal dialog. But then I became calm and quiet. Today I directed all my intention and strength to the practice of recapitulation. When we entered silence, I saw that my practice had started, the picture of my life started to change. I’m very glad to see that. I saw my growth not only in my career. I’m in a great mood and everything is going in the way I’m dreaming it. I’m very grateful to all of you. Thank you very much.

    * * *

    The mood I was in from the very beginning of the practice was a feeling of well-being, I felt my whole body. I’d like to bring power and silence into different areas of my life, like interactions with people, nurturing, right attitude towards myself. When we got to silence I felt my body even stronger and finally, after different pictures of my life came to my mind, I felt calm, warmth in the belly area. And my fears began to disappear. I realize I should work hard yet. Thank you.

    * * *

    My task is to fill my relations with others with power and awareness. When we were dreaming, I saw myself arguing quite aggressively trying to prove myself. And it was so real and I was caught by this dialog that I was completely there for a minute. After that I managed to move aside and look at this from a distance. I saw that I was trying to defend something, but what that is I will find with recapitulation. Thank you.

    * * *

    This practice I reached a state of calm after a whole period of collapse. An unhappy offended child inside me was trying to defend. She came out and I was frightened by this, it exhausted me a lot.
    The new state I came to at this practice was the state of love, flight, and openness. I started to control more of my life. Thank you.

    Thu – Weekly practice at Constellation Group’s place

    First I felt a headache which was connected with my promise to obey other people. I gave this promise as a counterbalance to my prior position of rebellion against everybody. That promise to obey wasn’t a harmonious state either. When I merged into an amber flow there came a scene before my eyes, which I hadn’t seen before, where I was in the mood of rebellion. I saw a black line coming out of my body which connected me with others and hurt me a lot. The amber flow just dissolved that black line and I felt great relief. The main thing I noticed today was the mood, which I hadn’t noticed before. Thanks.

    * * *

    My internal dialog at the beginning of the practice: what I have to do and how I should behave to impress a man. After magical passes there was no dialog at all. Thank you.

    * * *

    First there appeared an attitude of acceptance, which came from an amber flow – a feeling of pure love. And my pattern of guilt just vanished. It was a joy that filled me with calm and warmth. Thank you.

    * * *

    My scenes were connected with the pain in my neck and throat. They caused me pain which I couldn’t withstand. And the scenes I recalled were associated with the pressure on me. Sometimes in such situations I cannot accept what they offer to me. When we did the form of Amber Flow I asked myself what am I thinking of, I realized that I had no thoughts at all, even though I came to the practice quite agitated. And I wanted just to share this amber flow with participants of those scenes.

    Fri – Recapitulation

    I used to bear inside a lot of pain for a long time, a lot of war against other people and the world around. I was very bellicose towards others and thought it was cool and courageous. I refused warm feelings, regarding them as sloppy sentimentality. At some moment I started to act otherwise – to obey others, but such a tactic didn’t help me and didn’t explain anything. At this practice I realize the roots of my pain and where my bellicosity came from. I remembered a scene from my childhood, where my granddad wanted to hug me, but I copied my uncle who was living expecting a war refusing warmth from my granddad. My new view: to look at the world as I did is destructive and unhelpful. My choice for now is to open up, to open my heart and to hug my granddad. To be a man for me means to love other people, to love myself. To bring innovations, new ideas to the world. I can also see that I can learn from women to accept. Now I feel much easier. Thank you.

    * * *

    It was very important for me what others will say about me. If I see they pay attention to me – I ask for advice and reach to those people. If I see they don’t pay attention to me – I stop communicating with such people. As a result, my pattern – to look at the world and at my own life though other people’s eyes. Absence of my own needs.
    My new view: I accept myself and accept my needs. I found myself in a body position when I was a child. I was myself and accepted myself completely. It was like a smile had come through my whole recapitulation. Now I can easily do my own actions, I accept myself and do what I really need.

    * * *

    I’d like to tell about our witness practice. It would be helpful for everyone. My witness has done the practice impeccably. She changed body position, found a new view, her pattern of behavior and even found new words for her pattern. Then she said – Oh, dear! How good it is to be in this new body position, how free… It sounded very convincing. She won grant and high marks in her record book. Everything was cool. But… From nowhere there appeared the witness who asked to say some new words to the people from that scene – one by one… As a result, she couldn’t say anything! When we do recapitulation we can see ourselves whether our assemblage point has shifted to a new position or not. A new position of the assemblage point means to be a new person in an old scene. Inner silence becomes our witness and you don’t need to ask anybody whether you were successful or not in your recapitulation. You become a real observer. You are watching the film and you can change the plot at any moment. So, my witness has to go back to this scene one more time if she want it herself.

    Sat – A walk in Silence

    When I heard that we can throw out everything and just enjoy the action, this impressed me a lot. I smiled and I keep smiling right now. When I stepped over the magic line I threw out all my anxieties, everything I was worrying about. I wasn’t thinking where, why, and how to go. I just knew that, walking very confidently and easily. I was smiling and enjoying everything – the scenery around me, sensations inside my body, the way I walk, breathe, fresh air… I could let everything go. Now I’m in a great mood, I feel rested and ready to do anything. I have such an experience for the first time. Thank you.

    * * *

    At this walk everything pleased me and I liked everything. I was walking awaiting the Duende, I knew for sure that it would come. At some moment I was wrapped with a sensation which turned into knowledge. I’m surrounded by conscious people if I’m conscious in the moment. I’m very glad to interact with people around me. Practitioners of our group are fine people, because they do their best. It pleased me a lot. Actually, if I’m calm, open, and ready to listen to another person, people become different. They realize what is going on and try to be better… more sensitive, attentive, polite. In fact, together we can overcome barriers that are impossible to overcome on our own.

    Sun – A View from Silence

    Actions full of power is something that started long ago and at the same time something that tracks the way ahead into the future. It’s absolutely new energy. What is happening now in our group is full of power. It depends on each of us and at the same time doesn’t depend on us at all. When I’m looking at this, I understand, that it cannot happen without power and energy. We do something that has energy, and if it is so, we are following the energy.

    * * *

    Positive mood, dreaming forward. New events are happening. The whole week was non-linear. I can’t remember when does it start, it was a sequence of events, insights and dreams. I share the mood that our group is following the energy. And Winter Solstice and the upcoming workshop in January, and practices in our group – all that leads to astonishing results and a great mood.

  148. Denia class, Spain.

    In our practice group last Saturday we were invited to select a recent scene where we felt we had not been in control and to perform a Theatre of Infinity with a view to seeing how we could improve our reaction to the situation.

    Our scene opened with the heroine,an ageing wife and mother ,tired and stressed. She is so used to looking after everyone and feeling responsible that everybody believes that’s who she is.

    A neighbour enters, looking for alcohol and idle conversation, followed by the husband wanting to know when lunch will be ready. He gets told off and goes out again as another neighbour comes in, looking for him; meanwhile the cat is just being a cat!
    At this point we stopped and practiced the pass ‘Reaching the Energy Hole Above the Head’. Then we tried the scene again.

    This time I was calm, in control, although secretly I still wish that everyone would go away and leave me in peace. We stopped and practiced the pass again and then returned to the scene. Now I know that there is only one option; I simply walk out and go upstairs to practice some passes in silence. I feel much better!
    I woke up the next morning feeling lighter.
    Thank you Eirina, for your strong intent and inner grace.

  149. Constellation Group says:

    Constellation Group, St. Petersburg, Russia
    Theme of the week: Actions full of power
    Dec 24 – 29, 2013

    Everyone is preparing for the New Year. There is a mood of completion and starting something new in the air. People want to “get things done.” A warrior, on the other hand, doesn’t bustle, because everything he or she needs is the connection with their energy body wherever they are. That is why a week before New Year we are going to direct our attention to realizing the connection with our dreaming body. We invite you to realize this connection with us. Welcome to Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity® practices in Constellation group.

    Tue – Tracking the Energy

    First I want to say: while going home to the practice I intended to experience the mood of awe, which I experience right now. It is a state of harmony, balance and awe. I merged immediately into the practice, in this state, and at the beginning of the practice when the facilitator was talking, I felt my energy body coming closer to me. I felt it with each part of my body, as it connected with me. I felt calm which I usually lack of in my daily life. It’s hard for me to reach this state on my own yet. Thank you.

    * * *

    For me, connection with the dreaming body first of all means the sensation that I’m doing right, I’m connected with the Spirit, I have no doubts. I don’t always have such a state. I’ve recapitulated a scene today where I was doing what I didn’t want to do. I was doing something that was at variance with my nature and wishes. I was just afraid of losing authority in the eyes of my co-workers. When we were doing magical passes, I didn’t have such a strained state like I had to do something and they prevented me from acting consciously. Today at the practice I decided not to act against myself any longer. I will act in this scene as my heart tells me.

    When we entered the dreaming, I chose a scene where I was in love head over heels. And when we came to the border between the old and new years, I felt that I could take that state to the new year. I’m sure about this. This state of confidence inspired me a lot. Thank you.

    * * *

    Connection with my energy body is a state when my awareness is free, sudden insights come to me, when I can see things that remain unseen by my eyes, when I can set off to any place on the Earth, when I can feel my strength, it is a source of infinite information and huge happiness. I felt happy in the Crimea, when I lied down looking at the stars and the depth of the stars opened up for me my own depth.

    In my studies I have had a dialog that I’m not good at it, I’m worse than anybody else, I’ll finish it later, I’m fed up with it etc. I saw that the only reason why I wasn’t good was that my attention was grabbed by this dialog. When I entered the scene in the dream I saw myself smiling. I did magical passes and I knew that all that mattered is concentration, that I could cope with everything. At this practice the feeling of lack of self acceptance, conflict with myself and a kind of escape from myself went away. At this I merged in a state where I felt my whole body and realized much more than ever. In such a state everything is possible, and all I need is to take this state into this scene. Thanks.

    * * *

    Awareness of my energy body means for me comprehension of the fact that the world consists of energy. The world is energy and I am energy, too. The best moment – the moment of victory over myself, when I was 100% honest with myself. I’ve found out today that I feel very good when I do something for others. I have had a lot of such moments today. It’s a way for me to be real and I’m learning to do this impeccably. I’m good at some things, and not very good at others, but I’m improving it.

    When we merged into dreaming I found myself in a state where I’m 100% honest with myself when I act out of my energy body. These actions are not good or bad, they are not for myself or others, but they are conscious. When I realize the world and the world realizes me. When I manage to maintain such a state – it’s just incredible. I saw the border and I wanted to step over this border and to act there with this awareness… and to continue doing what my being wants to do.

    * * *

    As we started writing I came to the state of agreement. There was silence, calm and agreement. When we merged into dreaming I saw myself chattering and grumbling non-stop, which I often do in my life. I could stop it in the dream, I really managed to do that. That surprised me a lot, my grumbling self disappeared and I felt easy and free. I wish this joy would go beyond my physical boundaries in the new year, I want to live like that. Thank you.

    Fri – Recapitulation

    The further we went, the more my body relaxed, it was like falling asleep. My state was very similar to sleeping. After practicing the sweeping breath I felt my recapitulated scene had changed.

    * * *

    When we relaxed our body I saw inner dialog and tension were going away from each part of my body that I paid attention to. As I relaxed my body completely I felt that my scene left me. I felt very easy… I felt that my energy stood with me and something alien left me. At the end of recapitulation I saw the whole scene in a new way – I can communicate with people easily, confidently, comfortably and respectfully. Thanks.

    * * *

    Today I’ve seen something that I’ve never noticed before. I observed that sensations in my body are directly connected with my internal dialog. For example, self-doubt prevails in my right hand, in my left leg I have fear of failure, in my left hand – fear and self-pity, and in my right leg – emptiness and disbelief in myself. In my spine I found self-confidence and decisiveness, in my belly – a wish for immediate actions. In my chest – pain and disappointment with myself. My head and neck – dry daily analysis, interpretation, absence of any intentions, aspirations, wishes. In this connection I noticed that in daily life I’m accustomed to noticing only sensations connected with fears and self-disappointment. When I’m scared, there appears a quiver in my hands. When I focused on areas in my body where there isn’t any dialog – those sensation were spreading all over my body filling problem areas. The sensation from the spine, the sensation when I am in the saddle, is spreading all over my body. I want to bring this awareness into my daily life. Thank you.

    * * *

    I found the scene in my body which bothered me. It’s not in my arms, legs, trunk, nor in my head or neck. But it used to be everywhere in m