General feedback

Here are some of the discoveries and experiences of the newcomers to the recent workshop:

My Sister the Moon, My Brother the Moon
Los Angeles, California
August 26, 27 & 28, 2005

This was my first workshop. Nyei asked me about my thoughts at the workshop and I found myself silent. Maybe now I can say something.

I have to say that the workshop was and continues to be very powerful. It has changed who I am. It has brought a certain steadfastness to my awareness and desire to focus my life on liberating myself.

My assemblage point, as I've come to understand it, has continued to drop and move towards a place where it once was, when I was not so tied to "intellectuality." Nyei when she spoke about the defenses we use to protect or hide our real selves, was and is very much on the mark. Guilty, I plead.

I am awed at all the incredible women I met and was in the presence of. To me, it put to an end any thought of whether or not this tradition is a real one. That thought came to an end within minutes of the start of the workshop.

Mapping the female body helped me to find several pieces of personal history. One, experience from before, had led to deep wheezing in my youth. I touched a spot and immediately began to wheeze. My Witness helped me to see that the wheezing is connected with a "frozen" position. The fear, the shock, and guilt I felt had carried over into my body in this life. My way out of the freeze: to realize that I could not be at fault for what happened. Also, to voice: "I am worthy, I am safe."

A second spot I found led me back into humiliating experiences. I remembered words spoken by my father towards me--when he asked me to please walk another way. Many other memories streamed forth, all along these lines. The way out: to voice "I am who I am."

No, I haven't identified a signature freeze yet. Thank you for calling my attention to this task.

The self-awareness song is powerful. Upon coming home I would hear some of the phrases echoing still in my mind from time to time. Today, in the presence of someone else, I tried singing it. It was so hard!! I stopped and sobbed on the fourth line. Eventually I made my way through. This is why I say this song is powerful - it releases so much for me. I cry, cry, and cry. Then, chunks of my personal history always seem to surface, like some sort of unseen growing debris that rises to the surface of my awareness.

I know the song's words are true. I can say them for someone else. Why do I have such a hard time saying them for myself?

While practicing the Moon Form at the workshop, I began to see more clearly the outline of the energetic fields, the luminosity of another womb being. I could also feel the density of her luminous sphere. Upon returning home, I have, when my womb is strong, seen strongly the outlines of the energetic fields of the snakes. I have also felt like I sometimes "run into them." Their fields feel denser to me on such occasions. It's like running into an object. I know they are not changing. I must be the one changing.

The Moon Form has also brought and continues to bring up realizations about my interactions with both genders, and my family. I've come to realize that many of the perceptions I was holding onto were patently false. Examining them precipitates a thawing out in a "freeze" in me. This in turn has continued to result in my assemblage point dropping further. It has also been moving to the right side more. The end result is that I am coming to understand my parents, siblings, and the many others I have known in a new light. I am also becoming much more relaxed and less uptight.

Several days after coming home, I had to drive into the University. For a moment my attention was caught by something else, and so I did not see that the car in front of me was coming to a complete stop. MY womb did see the car! I started coming to a halt!! When I looked, I then went, "Ahhh, that's why I'm braking." A minute later I realized I had honestly perceived this information from my womb-disk. This shocked me. Words just don't capture what I perceived. All I know is that momentarily I was driving my car from my womb.

Also, when my womb is strong, I let my womb decide. My womb knows! It can tell me if something is good for me or bad. I know this is only the beginning. I am now trying to listen to my feelings/vibes from the womb on all kinds of matters. Yesterday I dropped a class at the University as my womb had absolutely no interest in the class. Actually, I hurt inside until I dropped it.

I think this is the most powerful thing I've learned from this workshop: to hone the energy of the womb and to use it to cut through the illusions I've made for myself about myself and about the world. The truth is better.

What surprised me the most was when we entered that giant hall where the men had been all this time. I thought, "No big deal." No. What I found was how deeply different they felt. Being in the company of women up until this time, the energetic contrast, upon entering the hall, was stark. I sat down next to several men and felt that they were truly alien to me. Very different. Yes, we are human, but the differences are sharp. As someone who has been questioning my gender, and where I belong, it brought this ongoing question to an end. There is no question where I belong.

In our little threesome, we shared our views and surprisingly the gentlemen's early views of women were very similar to our perceptions of ourselves early in the workshop. Where we diverged was in our changed perceptions as the workshop progressed. I seemed to be more in tune with the beingness of guys, where they didn't seem to have a clue about us women. I realize that this was the case for my group. Other men may have had a very good sense about us women.

I remember at the end of the workshop, we practiced the Beings in Dreaming Dance together, and that I was awed when Miles had us in four large circles, and then the inner circle on the stage, each going to their own rhythm.

Our group started off with a beat. Before long we all started spinning about, like stars grabbed by gravity. To me it was a like a galaxy forming, but maybe someone else saw a solar system.

There was a genuine centrifuge in the inner part of the circle. I know because I journeyed there briefly. Before long we were just one. We were lots of beings spinning together all moving to a similar rhythm. Individuality seemed to be erased, and yet we all seemed to be individual beings doing our thing.

General feedback