Feedback from the Tensegrity workshop held in Mexico, May, 2010:

"¿Qué te cuesta? What does it cost you?"

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General Feedback

From the luminous practitioners of Mexico:

I liked the two series of magical passes very much.  The Current of Currency form let me experience how my body was connecting from within, allowing it to be more focused on its surroundings and more aware at the same time.  Using the Cane made me feel supported and capable of accomplishing many things; it also implied the indirect interaction that I have with what is around me which gave me a sensation of distance and protection, of not being vulnerable.

The form of Controlled Folly led me into a state of connectivity with my partner, of partnership and fairness.  It also had the effect of moving me from a state of internal tension, to one of peace and calm.

 The practice of Recapitulation about earnings, spending and saving in my family line and my own life made me aware of my fears and judgments about earning money (someone is going to arrive and take it away from me, I'll have to lie or harm someone else to get it).  It revealed the "price" that has to be paid to earn and manage money wisely (work, sobriety, perseverance, passion).

In the talk that Simon Steiner gave on Saturday evening, I got as a present a vision of the importance of sobriety when managing a business, to see how money alone does not improve people’s lives and can even worsen them, as happened to his uncle who wasted all the money of his Grandfather’s business.  Another thing I learned from Simon's talk was that one needs an inflexible intent to achieve goals, because no matter how devastating his failures might seem he was able to overcome them and succeed.

My experience with the dreaming exercise on Saturday night was very nice, first it helped me to feel rested and physically relaxed and second I experienced moments of perceptual "exploration" coming from the music.   It was like a conversation between sounds and frequencies of the Earth, both affecting each other.

The exercises on Sunday made me aware of my dreaming nature because of this, earning money could be a secondary thing for me.  Therefore, I can have difficulties handling it and obtaining it.  By assuming money comes by itself I want to give priority to my friendly and cool being instead of to the strictness and coldness sometimes required for money management.  With that I concluded that I should be careful with my interactions and with money management.  I should also remember the pass with the Cane.

From the Ana Fernandes and Paulina Van Dam presentation, what I can say about their interaction is that I noticed a change of mood coming from both sides.  I felt how I was getting tense when they were representing their situation of tension, and relaxed when interacting from a position of alignment.

This seminar was different from the ones I had previously attended in Mexico. The difference was the solid but also sympathetic mood that the practitioners from Russia contributed, I've never been there but in the event I felt I was a little bit in Russia, it was a pleasure to have them present.

This workshop gave me new tools to be the leader of my own life (stories, passes, exercises) and what I see now is my need to implement them, to put them in practice because being the leader of my life means being able to face the unknown, and to do that requires the sanity, sobriety and ease that comes from work and discipline.

Something from the workshop that is still in my mind, were the responses and comments made by Reni Murez during the session of questions when someone asked about the change of Don Juan’s lineage represented by the departure of Carlos Castaneda, which unlike the previous departures where the Nagual woman departed before the Nagual man and the other members of the party, the opposite happened in this case because the Nagual woman returned to stay. What Reni said about this was that in Don Juan’s case and in the previous departures, the purpose was "to pursue the spirit to go beyond infinity" where the Nagual woman was.  The subject now is "to pursue the spirit here on earth" where she is.  It was very encouraging to hear that, knowing that thanks to that we still have the opportunity to liberate our consciousness and to know that it is now the time to allow the spirit to flourish in our daily lives, in our common work and activities and with our acquaintances, that although in many cases outside Don Juan’s path sustain in the same way a link with the spirit for the simple fact of being alive.

This is what I called leadership.

I found the two forms - the Current of Currency Form (or Cane) and the Controlled Folly Form beautiful.  I think the Cane Form in particular is one of the most elegant Magical Passes I've practiced.  It is a pleasure to continue practicing this form, improving the practice. I have also learned to roll to change my mood, that just looks great to me, something so simple changes my mood in great measure, my perception of the events.  My being changes rolling on Earth’s surface.  I am simply amazed by receiving so much for something so "simple."  In general terms I think that's how Tensegrity is ...

These are some of the aspects that were revealed with the recapitulation exercise about earnings, spending and savings from my family line:

1.We carry a bit of the habits and customs of the beings from our lineage, we carry either something light or deep and we repeat it, and we do it without having the elements of awareness of knowing why we act that way with money, etc.

2. I think the recapitulation of the family is a great tool to have, knowing who they were, what they did and how to live socially and economically.  There has not been a feature from the women of my lineage that I have not experienced in my life.  They have been financially independent, hard workers, kind to share what they had, good organizers/dreamers of the future of their families, trackers of the well being of their loved ones, etc.

3.In particular, I am very grateful to the spirit, as it led me to follow the best example of my parents who taught me to appreciate more substantial things that I can get with money and make good investments like buying my own house, eating well, taking care of my health, studying all my life, and connecting with spirit as well as having fun.

I was very touched by the story of Simon Steiner.  I found it very interesting the way he was carrying the story of his lineage and how it was perfectly woven with his personal life. Something very magical happened to me at the end of his participation as that greatly increased the affection I have for Simon, without reason to justify it.  Rather, my spirit thanked him very much for the gesture of courage that he showed to all of us.  Thanks again Simon ...

The experience with the ‘dreaming’ exercise at the workshop was very useful to adjust aspects related with the exchange of energy in situations where I do not feel comfortable.  For example some of the activities that I am involved in at the university are not recognized or I don’t get paid for them, and I let it pass since the activities are related to the care of Mother Earth.  My justification is that I work for a noble and common good.  The problem is that I neglect other activities that I like and for which I can get a better exchange of energy that without doubt could improve my finances.

In summary, the workshop helped me focus on activities that promote the energy exchange of my dream. This is great because it also leads me to accomplish my dream.  I found the experience on interaction with others about issues that have to do with money very enriching.  The topics covered are very common, the ideas of others always feed my own, sharing is always a blessing that the spirit rewards with more wisdom ...

I found the representation of Ana Fernandez and Paulina Van Dam about the agreements related to money matters very funny.  Clearly there are always ways of trying to improve our dreams. The will to succeed and flowing in different directions helps.

I have new courage to fix my energy exchanges related to money, I like the idea of always improving important matters in my life, like this one.  I like the idea of focusing my attention on a fair exchange of energy in my life, in all respects, including matters of money, and make any necessary adjustments permanently.

I am very proud of myself because if I am a leader of my own life, thus capable of being a leader of my own nagual. I am also very grateful to the spirit as it has been very kind.

*** Thanks sincerely to you forever and ever ... ***

The experience at the workshop was extremely intense.

I found the Cane form a very powerful additional element, because of its symbolism and beauty of form when adding it.  Identification with our womb, with the Earth, using a vital element like wood was a great addition.  The Controlled Folly Form was also very effective within its simplicity.

Realizing in a simple manner what I have been in regards to handling money and my family’s resources gave me great clarity about what I have done in this area.  It clearly indicated what I must do to strengthen myself in order to handle it and be it’s leader.   That was the main basis for these exercises.

Simon gave us the innocence and humility of his learning.  I was moved and touched, not so much because of the content of his history, but the very fact that he remembered it and told it. The fact that he let go of very strong parts of his life that maybe were very attached to him and formed the solid structure of his personal history, seemingly indestructible.  It was a formidable exercise of stalking on his end and for us to share.  I have always appreciated his willingness to support the work of CG, but now I admire him more for his courage.  We are in debt!

The stalking exercises were very useful.  They gave us a map for everyone to follow personally.

In summary it has been more than clear that I needed to give value to money at its middle point.  I found my childhood event that led me to devalue my view of money, my resources, and fall into a false generosity and disorder with which I cannot coexist.  I must be impeccable in this issue.  With the exercise I unmasked what I falsely believed was a superior position, a product of my big heart, rather it was a way to cover up my anger and frustration for not being able to deal with a monumental loss at the time of my childhood.  This pattern that was repeated later without any of the circumstances of its origin.  Giving worth to my money, my total resources eventually, is to give myself value.  To assume the leadership role of myself, and from that base enable interactions with others, including the abstract, which are balanced, always seeking a win-win.

I loved the representation of Anna and Paulina! It was a total delight to see them in action, enjoy their essence during the exercise and their enormous dedication and honesty. Wow! What a show by these beautiful warriors!

Definitely attending the workshop has started a new era in my life, where I keep the leadership of myself in constant battle with the previous boss, becoming nagual of myself, Lord of my life.

Thank you very much!

Thank you for your efforts to show us the magical passes so that we can learn them and bring them into our everyday lives. The forms which you showed… I wasn’t familiar with the Current of Currency and it seemed very dynamic and strong. Controlled Folly, I had seen it a while ago in another workshop, and it was great to remember it.

What the recapitulation exercise about my family lineage’s earnings, expenses, and savings told me was that in both lineages, paternal and maternal, for me the women had been very influential, I admire them at all levels. I had noticed it before but now I found out for sure that they had been the engine that drove the families to get out of poverty, to make dreams reality, and to take responsibility for themselves and for their descendants, that some of them managed to “pull” their partners to live their dreams and that others who couldn’t manage to do so, continued on alone, making sure to have a roof over their heads, to provide education, values, and training to their children.

And also that the women of both lineages were strong, brave, and “magical,” that honoring the lineage from which I come makes me say that currently my economic situation is stable, but I shouldn’t “rest on my laurels” that now is the time when I should show what I have learned from my past experiences, when my business failed, when it didn’t work when I got involved in another business that I wasn’t familiar with. I also claim responsibility for not using the degree that I chose, that I choose to be happy, to have stability, and above all, listen to the spirit when it points out to me “don’t go there” “watch out, it’s a risky business”, and when it tells me “go ahead, you can, don’t lose sight of your goal”, when I’m feeling “not loved” or “not valued”, the spirit tells me “it’s not true, it’s a mirror that doesn’t reflect you”, your worth is not in your money, nor in your knowledge, but in your ability to give affection and receive it, your passion for your work, for your life, and for moving forward on the path of knowledge. I am very thankful that I could see all that in this workshop.

Simon’s story contributed tips of what had happened to me, when I was working so many hours every day my debts kept getting bigger. Now I know that I realize my dreams, that I don’t have to sacrifice them because such and such doesn’t like what I’m doing. What Ana and Paulina contributed to my view towards money, is that you can’t be so demanding or exacerbating in matters of money but you also can’t leave responsibilities aside, and their performance was a joy.

I can say that in spite of the fact that now my situation is stable, and that I learned to value more what I have, I am on the path of learning how to be more assertive in my relationship with money, that I shouldn’t become “greedy” in wanting to accumulate it nor careless neglecting it, because I already know what it is to fall, and it costs a lot to get back up, but also not clutching onto money and losing what interests me as a result, like travelling to places that interest me, going out with friends, or going to workshops. Everything should be in balance.

The Cane Form I thought was very elegant and powerful.  It gave me a sense of stability and strength when at the beginning of the pass you let your roots grow and you feel your arms swinging with the wind.  The cane indeed became an extension of me, giving me more balance. On the other hand the Controlled Folly Form became a regulator of sensations with the other being, as together they explored, they felt the others’ place, they measured forces and intensities until they found a harmonious balance for both sides.  It was a delight to let go of oneself which usually only wants to impose and make everything his own way without seeing the other or hear or feel it.

I discovered who in my family had savings and had a heritage and those who did not.  I also discovered from whom I got more influence.  In this case it was my father who worked, saved and acquired property.  However, something funny happened- despite this being my ideal to follow or perhaps because of that- that at one time my father had much anger in his life and one of the ways in which he manifested it was by telling his children that we were bourgeois and we had to earn money and not become parasites. Therefore he gave us very little money in our allowances.

What I saw with the recapitulation exercise is that my relationship with money was initially good but later became difficult and undesirable, and therefore I could see that my interaction with making money, saving and investing had been chaotic, without any projection and clarity.

I liked the talk by Simon Steiner, because I could see that even in adversity he found a purpose and way to guide and commit to his dream of forging an economic stability.  I liked the tracking of his lineage and the beautiful story about how a business came to fruition based only on the word between two committed men.  Lastly his recognition that the career that his father imposed him gave him a profession and he now delights with it.

The dream experience on Saturday night took me to deep silence.  As soon as Reni Murez told us that it was not about seeking stories now, but rather about emptying ourselves, it was like giving ourselves to the void.  From that moment following the music I perceived images of an old man doing some movements, some kind of magical pass following the rhythm of the music. Then I felt that he looked at me, or I felt it in some way-from outside of my physical body, at the same time it was like sinking into the ground.

During the first exercise of Sunday, I found that one of the steps to follow about earnings, savings, etc, was to write the conducts from my lineage that I did not want to continue and the ones I wanted to maintain.

In the second exercise I found a nicer way to interact with others about money.

I widely enjoyed the presentation of Anna and Paulina to which, among other things, I felt I identified with their patterns of behavior.  It helped me for the exercise of interaction with others. This way I learned that you can achieve a good relationship by planning how to say things and at what times.

This seminar gave me a new spirit. I feel lighter, sure about what I want to do about money and therefore my dreams.  I felt that it helped break a barrier that was directly linked to my lineage.  It gave me the distinct feeling of "I can do this" and yes, then be my own leader and nagual.

Thank you very much to all who made this wonderful workshop possible, instructors and practitioners.  I loved sharing with the Russians, and kept good feelings about their culture.  It was a pleasure to see them there as practitioners who came from afar.

This seminar was a truly wondrous experience for me. For the past four years, I have been working in a very systematic way toward achieving my goals in the everyday world, and my efforts have been truly successful!

At the same time, though, I had no real information on Tensegrity and the warriors path with regard to money and business matters. So this seminar tied up for me two aspects of my life that I saw as being somewhat disconnected from each other: the spirit, and the practical. Although I strived to bring the spirit into my practical endeavors, I felt as if my practicing Tensegrity and my business oriented efforts were not truly one. So this was an amazing gift to me.

The currency of commitment:

A few days after the seminar, a realization struck me. All of life and business hinges upon commitments. Commitments I make to myself and to others. And commitments always move energy by generating expectations. So to balance my check-book, in energetic terms, I have to be impeccable with what commitments I make, to myself and to others. I have to know when -and what to- say yes to, and when to say no. I know now that this is the true basis of success in life and in business: energetic balance in motion!

In one of the witnessing sessions, I talked about a business venture I was working on with a simultaneous interpreter colleague of mine and her partner. The situation was draining my energy as I and M, my friend’s partner, had totally different views on how to proceed. He is around 70; I am under 30. I wanted to work toward a community based business model, online; he wanted a traditional business, with him in control. Even though he was nice enough, I was uncomfortable given our different points of view. After the stalking session, I planned out exactly how I would proceed to dissolve this project. A couple of days ago I did as I planned, and felt greatly relieved. It all flowed smoothly, and it felt GREAT!

The energy that was freed in me by doing so gave me even greater clarity as to what I want to do with my life/work (I don’t really see them as separate). To explain this, I must start by talking about something that seems completely unrelated:

At the seminar, on the first day, the dreaming exercise we did on Saturday night took me far into the second attention -as it was designed to! When Reni Murez asked us to come back I didn’t want to. I was angry at having to. That night, I had very intense dreams. The next morning, I experienced the same thing: I was angry at having to come back to the first attention. The allure of the second attention seemed too great to resist.

I talked to Reni about this, and something cleared up inside of me. I knew that I wasn’t -and am not- ready to leave, by any means!!! So the obvious question was; how to make myself truly want to stay?!

I realized that the only way is for me to make my dream in the tonal THE ULTIMATE TONAL DREAM, in my own terms. I have to -moreover, want to- design my life down to the last detail so that it fits me just right, in every way. After dissolving my business venture with M and my friend, I knew within me that I was on the right track. I knew that I was regaining true focus; focus to work on what I am most passionate about: my music related business online. This, together with Simon Steiner’s lecture about the nagual and his views on the entrepreneurial spirit have given me a great energetic boost to focus on what matters most to me, and to keep tracking my lineage’s preconceptions so that I may evolve beyond them.

Another great gift I took with me from the seminar, can be summarized by what Reni told us:
            The spirit does not give you extra points for having tons of money, nor does it             give extra points for having none. What really matters to the spirit is that every             exchange you have be a mutually beneficial exchange.

To me, this means letting go of the greed I inherited from three generations of accountants on my dad’s side: MORE, MORE, MORE! It also means letting go of the idea I inherited mostly from my mom that it is best to have nothing -even if I truly want it- because that is to be saintly, and saintly people go to heaven. In that paradigm, it is better to let others screw you over than to have stuff: be good, and give it all away!

So overall, to me, this means trashing a horrible contradiction, and taking on DESIGN as my new paradigm: to design my life, guided by the spirit, using the tools of Tensegrity, and whatever other tools the spirit presents to me along the way!!!

It also means being very alert to energy flow in every single exchange, whether it be monetary or no. I now see money as simply one of many human expressions of value, as one of many means for energetic exchange.

I deeply thank Reni, Ambar, Cleargreen, Verde Claro, and all of the practitioners from Mexico City for making this seminar such a beautiful and life-changing experience.

And from the luminous practitioners of Russia:

1. I really enjoyed performing the magical passes.

The Current of Currency Form, as to my sensations, is a very deep pass, which captures attention completely, placing a person into internal silence. Performing this pass helps to look at all those opportunities that we often miss in our daily life. We receive a chance to understand that all that is necessary is around us, can always be reached within a hand’s distance, or within a cane’s distance at least. I feel that with correct understanding of this pass, one can learn to see things on a wider scale, utilize unused resources, cast away the excess, and see what is happening around us 360 grades around. It is also worth mentioning that it will only work if we stand firmly on our own, letting our roots down into the ground, and stay calm, unshakable and determined to reach what we are hunting for. After making a decision, we act fast, dynamically and with no pity, and this brings us to the desirable result. We announce about ourselves with dignity, and plunge back into lightness and tranquility.

The Controlled Folly Form reminds me of a dialogue between two beings, who speak different languages (as in the movie “Cuckoo”), who can only hear themselves until a certain moment. Later they start to consider the interlocutor too, and they realize that they’ve been talking about one and the same thing, but with different words. Afterwards they start interacting with each other and listening to the partner more, until they start to feel themselves via the partner.
I liked both of these passes a lot, as well as the rolling passes.

2. During the recapitulation exercises I noticed that the main focus of my family line in terms of earning and spending money was centered at surviving, i.e. on food and the necessary clothes. And this reveals itself in me with strong force, since good food is so much more important to me than fashionable clothes – cheap but durable clothes and tasty home food is better for me, than fast-food and cool outfits.
Regarding earning money, it was a prerogative of men in our family, while women were managing the house economy, i.e. expenses. From the very childhood I have my own small savings, which is also a characteristic feature of male family line.

3. Simon Steiner’s lecture gave me a feeling that everything is possible in business – one just needs to be ready and prepared to go until the end, not dropping  hands down even during the hardest moments.

4. My main finding was that I do not like to ask my debtors about the money which they owe me. I myself always aim at paying back the money asap. Doing so, I expect a similar behavior from others, though it is not really justified. Thus, I should better be more accurate with selecting the people to whom I lend money, learn to say no if I do not feel confident about the potential debtor.

5. From Ana Fernandez and Paulina Van Dam I learned that it is better not delay situations with money too far till extreme moments, when emotions start spilling all over, but to solve the financial issues in a resourceful state, with jokes and understanding that money is not all that there is in life.

6. The new mood that the seminar gave me was that I should be lighter in financial issues, solving them in time and without fear that it may worsen my relations with people. People can feel the message very well – if a person is sincere and aims at harmony in relations, then everything will develop well for everybody.

- In the Current of Currency Form I can really feel distinctly how the cane “works” with energy, becoming a very unusual but very good tool. And I like the passages from one part of the form to another - as if overflows between different moods in one common flow. I brought a very beautiful decorated cane from Mexico, which reminds me of this trip and brings joy to me through its colorful outlook.

Controlled Folly’s gift is a dance with practitioners to music. I was lucky – my new partners were Mexicans and that was my new experience of interacting with them, new experience of sensing these wonderful luminous beings.

In recapitulation exercises we found one phrase which was common for many of us: «Oh poor we, poor we…!» And body position – shoulders down, look down, hands loose and down, no breath. During Soviet times it was complicated to earn “big” money and many relatives in my family lineage were living only from salary, which was scarcely enough for anything. That’s why this mood was a common red line throughout the whole life with no other options given. Those, who had more, used to reach it not by honest actions. And I still preserve the idea that to have big money is possible only by means of not transparent operations, and it is hard to earn money by honest labor. Though now I see that this idea hampers me strongly. One more thing – is a fear to lose money, to lose income. This is another common mood. Now I started own business and I have to change my ideas. I see lots of opportunities where persistence and labor can bring good results. My new area of perception – managing the clients’ and employees’ accounts, where I have to bear responsibility not only for my own budget…

Simon Steiner’s lecture gave me a chance to acutely feel the historical and cultural difference between the society that he and his family line were living in and my society. Simultaneously, I could also see notions which were beyond time or culture, which were common for all of us – a similar internal dialogue, repeated situations and behaviors. I enjoy realizing that common goals and common practice relates and unites us with practitioners.

The dreaming experience gave me the sensation of calmness and confidence, which in its turn were giving me the enthusiasm and impulse for new actions. I believe, that some abstract things which are impossible to describe, which have been laid down at the seminar during these dreaming practices, continue to work and support me now. Somewhere inside I continue to keep and remember these dreamed moods and actions. And indeed – everything goes somehow differently now. There appeared more coherency and fluidity in money interrelations.

While listening to Ana Fernandez and Paulina Van Dam I had a feeling that the money issue was not the main one. We all learn to feel other people sensitively and to act more impeccably ourselves. And this way any relationships get filled with balance and power.

For me, leadership is also a synonym to responsibility. Recapitulation of my attitude to money allowed me to take responsibility for this part of my life more calmly and consciously. And this gives me more freedom and energy – energy to free my nagual and give it more attention.

I’d like to thank you from all of my heart for this wonderful seminar which I feel has influenced me strongly.

I liked the Cane pass a lot, I liked the way Mexican practitioners were demonstrating it.
In fact, while watching the Mexicans, I understood that it was really their tradition from the very beginning – so much they fit the performance of these passes. This was the first seminar for me beyond Russia, and this was the first time when I saw so many practitioners from another country. Mexican practitioners put me to awe – they are so holistic, committed and without heaviness and cruelty.

I really liked the Rolling pass! I always liked it, since I first read about it in one of the books, and at this seminar we were doing it so often, and it was wonderful, and laughter – all this brings such light and pleasant mood – this is what I will obligatory take with me!

…In stalking exercises I saw that my childhood situation, to which I did not assign much significance, was influencing me strongly and indeed up to until now I could not get much joy from spending money “for pleasure”  (buying clothes, things, going to cafes, etc.) -- latently I was expecting a “pay time” as in that situation in the childhood.
My new steps are to get pleasure and be happy, be grateful and take responsibility for everything that is happening.

I liked a lot my new mood which I found during re-dreaming – the mood in which I can stand up for myself, stand up for my vision of situation, and feel gratitude to other people, where I can take responsibility for my part of situation and can give support and help, not because I have to, but because I want to do this.

In the scene, which Anna and Paulina demonstrated, I could obviously see how strong, in fact, can our parents’ set-ups be, and how they influence our perception of how things “should be”, and how different this view is among different people. And each one believes that his/her approach is the only right and optimal...

I like the mood of lightness and at the same time practicality, which the seminar gave me. For example, today I purchased 3 pairs of footwear with joy and light mood, while before each purchase was accompanied with torturing reflections if I needed that or not, and at the end I used to tell myself that I will be ok without it as I was before, or I used to do random purchases and afterwards was discontent with the result, was scolding myself and was not wearing the thing. Now I feel more confident in this sphere of life.

I have not yet started to implement into life my New actions towards my Dream of having an apartment in Moscow (for example, talking to my parents) – I see that I still need to do a number of Witness practices and rehearse, so that this conversation goes balanced and truly efficient. But now I feel the strength and the wish to do this.
Now I even feel the strength to build up own business, which just recently was unbelievable for old me – a little girl which knows nothing, can’t do anything and is not competent in anything.

I want to preserve this mood – the mood of leader of my own energy and I’d like it further to become a part of me, and I know that it will be so!

Thanks to all who was at this seminar, thanks to Instructors who were dreaming and conducting it, thanks to my Witnesses, thanks to Shamans of Ancient Mexico and to Nagual, thanks to my Energy body and the Spirit!

I liked a lot to practice together with the Mexican practitioners – there’s a lot of openness, sincerity, attention and diligence in them. Their stories about themselves – these are the stories of balancing the mutual exchange. The opportunity to research the imprinted family money relations and opportunity to go beyond this, building up our own Current of Currency/Value - values of exchange, values of good relations and creativity. Thank you for this demonstration! For your Unbending Intent and inspiration! Thank you for the wonderful dreamt canes and impeccable organization of the seminar!

The Cane pass was special to me J Thanks to the Current of Currency I feel myself more steady, stable and the same time more flexible. Powerful roots are supporting me, while the trunk and branches are fluid, light and mobile. I see plenty of opportunities around me, the magical tool of awareness—the cane – helps to catch up the new energetic fibers for a creative interaction with the world. Lightness, sobriety and joyous heart – this is the mood of this pass for me.

At some point during performance of Controlled Folly pass again, I had no partner and I was lucky to watch everyone. That was a wonderful charming sight, similar to the notion of buds unfolding: at first they prepare, then one leaf emerges and then… starts the dance of flowers which are fully blossomed out. The energy of interaction, alignment and agreement is very beautiful. 

The Controlled Folly Form allowed me to get a feedback from partner. It seemed as if I could calmly and softly step into interaction J Thanks to my Witness: he said that he doesn’t feel me, can’t grasp me, that I slip away J For me it was as if I didn’t make up my mind if I wanted to interact in full or no. It looks like my daily relations often lack depth, clarity, distinction. As if I keep the distance. Now I would like to research this more deeply – what is it that my human form stores there. 

Most of my ancestors on my mother’s side of the family lineage were involved into something they liked a lot and they were successful in it; they rushed for learning, for developing their handicraft and helping others. After repressions and dispossession of kulaks (dispossession of people’s assets) there was a lot of fear and despair, grandfather and grandmother as well as their children were forced to hold on to what was left and not claim more. It was dangerous to have big money – it was better not to distinguish oneself. My father’s line used to live in big families and all their concerns were about having the daily bread. During repressions, my grandfather was all of a sudden appointed a crew chief, and years later in a similar unexpected way my dad got a high position too. But they did not manage the house economy well. So I am a combination of luck, when I persistently go to my goal, and fear to interact with big money and responsible positions. At the seminar I saw that money is a currency – it is an evaluation of my input. And if this is my dream, my creativity, then it is only me who limits myself. I recall that a vibration appeared in my hands after the Witnessing practice; during the dreaming practice I had itching in palms as well. I was so eager to do, to create something with my own hands.

The main thing which I brought back from the seminar with me in my body – is a question «what will it cost me?» - a question which I’d like to ask myself every time before taking any actions or making decisions, and which answer would immediately illuminate the energetic prospective of my input and return. This is a very valuable question!!! When I treat things this way, I see where I really need to input more, and when I simply do not have energy for something and I need to treat energy more economically. As well as treat other people energy resources economically.  

The quality of a leader, which I’ve discovered at the seminar and would like to improve further, sounds simple – be able to count on own forces: own energy forces, physical forces, time, and fiscal efforts. This way my dreams will get filled with sobriety, clearness of actions and efficiency.

 

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