Feedback from the Tensegrity workshop held in Kiev, Ukraine, October 2010:
Death – A Companion in Life

General Feedback

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the workshop in Kiev. This workshop became a new reference point in my Tensegrity practice. Finally I started doing my recapitulation regularly. The workshop gave me a considerable energetic impulse – fear and laziness that were preventing me from starting my recapitulation subsided. Now I combine magical passes with recapitulation and enjoy the new feeling of inner well-being and confidence. Thanks to the stalking exercises I outlined the new steps and try to bring them to life every day. I pay more attention to every activity in my daily life, try to be aware of my breath, feel the contact with the earth. And what has to die instead is my fussiness and the longing to do ten things at a time. I realized that all my actions are of similar importance. I also have positive changes in my relationships with close ones, I mean my father. The most difficult thing was to make the  first step forward, to talk to him, to thank him. Thank you all who took part in the workshop! I believe that the growth of awareness of every one of us benefits all the practitioners.

Thank you so much for the workshop.
I have been trying to learn the Cloak of Confidence for a long time – and this time I finally managed:) It is an amazing pass.
And the Wheel of Time was clearly ticking next to me, which surprised me a lot, and I still cannot believe that.
I realized that the death has been giving so many things to me but I would deliberately not notice it being in a state of depression or not willing to accept the death. I found out that always when I feel the death drawing near I am wasting the last moments for the attempts to procrastinate the end. And by doing that I draw it even nearer, because I rather die than live in those moments.

Evgeny Egorov's lecture was not even a lecture for me – it was so true for me that I could sign under each word – that was how I resisted the "pressure" from my relatives' side, and when I was losing them I was fulfilling their "precepts".  I managed to take a detached view of myself.
I want to write a book for my daughter, to formulate everything that I know – or feel – and for that I need to get rid of the junk in my life – unnecessary meetings, talks, people, emotions, I need to acknowledge that secondary tasks indeed are secondary, and I need to stop being dependant on the opinion of the people around me and start to trust myself.

The workshop gave me a new mood, state and strength – I take the death easier now, and I became more aware of my life. The workshop "turned me on". Thank you again!

This workshop "Death – A Companion in Life" was a second one on for me with the same topic. And though the topic was the same, energetically those were two completely different events.

The Cloak of Confidence pass was an important reminder of the fact that for sorcerers this Cloak is located in the area of heart and the lower disc. After that I was doing this pass with full awareness. It changed essentially my body position – I shifted from the area of judgements into the area of perception from the heart and the womb. It was just excellent! The pass Wheel of Time – after quite an intensive practice I managed to shift my perception far along my family line which helped me to establish the contact with the very first ancestor in my line – it was quite a unique perception experience. The pass Map of Energy Body is one of my most favourite passes which allow me to once again feel my Dreaming body, its vibrations, spontaneity, curiosity and openness. The pass Butterfly of the Night always shifts my perception into the state of dreaming awake.

During stalking exercises I realized my perception of the death as well as the fact that the experience of death – if it's pure perception rather than judgements– is completely unemotional. I also understood that I can extend the boundaries of my perception of death beyond the perception of the physical body by making my attention more detailed. One of my findings was the fact that I am not my abilities and due to that I can extend my perception. The death is a necessity in the Universe which creates the balance. Creates the Rhythm. The Rhythm is the expression of the Spirit.

During stalking exercises I established a connection with the very first ancestor along my family line. It was a communication on the Heart level. I felt the importance and the responsibility of all that work I am doing to purify the energy of my family lineage. The energy of life was impeccably passed on by my ancestors, finally reaching me. And it inspires me to continue my work on the alignment and "crystallization" of those gifts of the Spirit which our family line has.

While dreaming after the magical pass Map of the Energy Body, I shifted my perception to the acknowledgement both of my physical body and my energy body. I felt the boundaries of perception expand, I felt waves of energy passing through my body as a tremble, as waves of warmth and tingling. I also could "see" with my eyes closed. I was surprised when during the Q&A session the instructor told about the similar experience of his perception.

Evgeny Egorov's lecture on Sunday morning reminded me that I should live my own life.

A dreaming of the easiness and curiosity I used to have as a child came back to me. I remembered that our energy body is curious, it never remains in the place where we "know". And now in my life I direct my dreaming attention at the conventionalities and habits, though I greatly enjoy my life and work, the nature and talking to my friends. For that the "continuity" of my habitual attention should end. Right after coming back home from the workshop I found myself in an energy vortex while walking in a forest by the lake. At once I shifted my attention from dreaming the trees and the lake to that vortex and surrendered myself to it. It began to whirl me as if I were a child. I was jumping and whirling for a couple of seconds. During that short period of time I gained so much strength, I could hardly gain as much by just walking for an hour. I also started noticing many unusual things about ordinary things at home and about people. I have always thought that I only do what is of true interest to me. It turned out that I can go deeper into exploring my interests! Finding out where my energy body is travelling!

The biggest finding is the new exploration of the dreaming attention! No limits to perfection!

I managed to securely bring all the passes home. During these days I had a chance to practice them several times a day every day. Some words about each pass:
- Wheel of Time. My body reacts to this pass as if it missed it so much. Despite of the fact that some movements are a bit physically difficult to perform, especially with many repetitions, but in the end something turns on inside of me and I feel satisfied with these passes.

- Map of the Energy Body. Hopefully it will be a key to my energy body. After the workshop in St. Petersburg I was constantly aware of the fact that I have to do something to keep my energy body next to me. But what exactly – I didn't remember. And finally I realized that the energy body is always by my side, in any moment of my life. And I wanted to familiarize better with it – to include this forgotten part of myself into my life, and for that I practice the map of the energy body in the morning, right after awakening, and before going to bed.
 
- Butterfly of the Night. The pass gives me some freshness, easiness, tenderness, clarity. After the workshop I did this pass with my 3-year old daughter, and she liked to make the "butterfly moves".

After the stalking exercise with mini-deaths and losses I found out that they are a burden to me and they get accumulated. Although they don't come to my daily awareness very often, but sometimes they stand out very clearly...The pain and the burden of the losses that I feel are always with me, and they only get stronger with time. I realized at the workshop that I need to work through all my losses with the help of the practice suggested at the workshop. In order to ease my burden, to see the other side of the medal – the positive one, to see what could come to life as a result of those losses. To look at the losses in terms of gains and openings of the new possibilities.

Thanks to the exercise "what would you do if it were the last year of your life", I realized that

1) everything in my daily awareness is taken up by the routine. The routine and minor daily affairs hang over me like a huge snow ball, and it bothers me, I feel constant pressure, and I run round like a squirrel in a wheel, with no time left to think about anything. But if it were the last year in my life, I would not be so obsessed with these petty concerns. I would do everything in a calm and relaxed way, enjoying the current moment.

2) I also realized that I would love to get rid of excess strain in my family relations, and to fill them with love instead. It cannot be explained to my family members. I just can show it by my personal example. And that I will do during this year.

- What has to die in me in order to make it all come to life, is egoism, pettiness, anger, importance, willingness to prove that I am right, obsession with the routine, and annoying, never-ending internal dialogues about that. It is a great direction for my further progress – more magical passes, breathing, walking, more awareness, relaxation and calmness. And focus on that new intent.

It also became clear for me that my dreams have to be 100% pure, i.e. they should always lead to concrete actions as to their implementation.

Thanks a lot for the workshop!

The long expected workshop “Death – A Companion in Life” begins, Alexander Dergay enters the stage and says: “All you need to do is cast your judgments away – they make your assemblage point fixed”. And right there everything inside me turned upside down – something strange started to happen, as if waterfalls of energy were coming down on me. It was a flash of awareness, reload and deep acknowledgement of the fact that I need not only to cast the judgments away, but cast ALL judgments away.(!) These words got imprinted into my body. Now, every minute I am trying to follow them.
The seminar was so intense that it felt like it was not 3 days spent in Kiev, but the whole period of life or maybe several months.

The Wheel of Time … The body was enjoying these sweet movements: stretching the tendons, joints’ twisting, round shapes of hands’ and legs’ positions. There was vibration coming from the inside. The buzz in the hall was ultimately sweeping internal dialogue away. The wheel was literally sagged into the belly.
The Night Moth Pass was straight into the point of the seminar. I could feel the Moth passing 2 stages of life – the caterpillar and the butterfly – and cognizing death. It goes through the death and revives, losing the old shape and gaining the new features, getting transformed.
When we were lying in silence after the “Gates of Energy Body” I realized in some time that I was in dreaming.  Everything around was in energy. The body as if exfoliated into 2 bodies: one remained lying and the other went walking around the venue. It was so extremely interesting to walk around, float in another body that I managed to balance between these 2 states for some time until I woke up.

Witnessing practice.
During the practice I could get hold of the energy of one of my childhood situations, which I could not see before, since I was so much absorbed by grief at the time. Now, detachment and the new view came: it was an experience, beginning of new life.
A thought struck me: one should not think of death as of loss - in a predator’s way. As soon as I thought that, another practitioner stood up to say his feedback and he said exactly this thing. When many practitioners get together, true miracles happen. It was clearly felt that our energy bodies unite together and assemblage points of all of us, without no exception, shift, and we all get into another dimension, assembling our new small world, which is different from the everyday one. It was miraculous and touching! Great thanks for such an event and deep immersion into such mysterious and agitating topic as Death.

Before the seminar I got stuck in the feeling that everything was useless, I did not want anything – what I could achieve, was not worth the efforts, while all my achievements so far were just fiction, mere castles in the air, “positive mind” fictions. I stopped doing my recapitulation and giving physical trainings to my body.
The Night Moth – I did not feel it before at all, but when Evgeny told that this pass helped him to change his life to the better, I began to feel it.  For me it brings the internal impulse to move on, to develop, to make changes – it gives the feeling that my efforts are not in vain and that all that I do has meaning and achievements are real.
The Wheel of Time called forth the sensation of a holiday, as if it was the New-Year’s eve.
The Energy Body Map gives me a very deep sensation of internal comfort. I slow down (stop being in a hurry) and it is easier to enter the internal silence.
The Cloak of Confidence – «connection to the Earth» gives the sensation of Earth’s support, support in life, being grounded; I simply start smiling while doing this pass. The final part of the pass gives a powerful energy charge.
Due to all these passes and stalking exercises, I managed to get out of my previous annoying state and hold onto a more active position. Not forgetting the joy!

To me Death is an unexpected exam. It can touch the left shoulder at any moment and right there I will stay alone face to face with all the things that I managed to do in this life. I thought:” What if it’s now?” Why am I not the being that I want to be? What prevents me from this? Oh yes, of course - no time for spiritual growth, I need to work, I need to buy a car, etc”. I realized that readiness for death – is readiness for life, since the state of consciousness that I’d like to be in at the moment of Death, is the state that is so great to live in and the one that I want to be in! 

Before, my idea of life was based on idea of happiness – which means to have no problems and to enjoy all the amenities. Hence, no amenities and existence of problems was perceived as something negative. But everybody around, without no exception, have their problems, so who am I not to have problems and deserve all the possible goods? Why should I feel resentment to life for this?
My new idea of life is that “my problems are merely my chance to develop, to apply new views, my challenge”. In complex situations, when I am trying to “hide head in the sand” and to ‘nightmare’ I give myself 15 minutes of solitude to pull myself together and face this and realize what is happening, and understand that this is not the end of life. If this deals with the loss of a beloved one – I can ask for forgiveness, say what wasn’t said before and only after this get back to the question “what to do”. And I am grateful to Life for all the goods that it gives me.
…
[Evgeny Egorov’s lecture on Sunday morning] Positive life examples inspire! Tensegrity changed his life. And it changed mine. I see this when I look back. And when I look forward, facing the coming time, I see that this is my way.

My energy body wants to gaze the sunsets and sunrises, listen to the birds singing, follow their flight in the sky, enjoy the Sun, give my attention and love to other people – I called all this the State of Gazing (meditativeness).  To stay in this state, the internal dialogue must end. During the Witness practice after the seminar I have finally found the OFF button to cut it off.

After the seminar I had several findings.
Earlier I wanted to get rid of dependency on society, and thus, I began to avoid society. After the seminar I realized that this wish was gone and now I hope I became more free in my choice.

Secondly: I’ve discovered a new body position – being assembled in the belly. Before my belly was basically always tense; then after practices, I’ve changed this and made it relaxed, way relaxed. This new body position means to me readiness to act in the present moment, while the old one – fear of action and, hence, inactivity. Now I can act whenever it is needed. I came to the workshop precisely for this, since alone I could not dismantle the issue, though I was aware of it.

The end of the long term of inactivity I ‘celebrated’ with the needed actions straight after the workshop – these deeds were waiting for so long for me to become ready to do them.

I’d like to say great thanks to all those who created this workshop.
I am very happy to share my findings from it. I’ve reviewed my uncle’s death and understood how close and dear to me he was - how much I loved him. These feelings are still inside me and I use them in other relations – I take that as a gift that he gave me. I also had a clear sensation that my Grandma passed me her dreams: she always said that I would be an intelligent person and she managed to deliver this confidence to me. This allowed me to study easily and be not afraid of intellectual work. It is only now that I understand that I never had any special abilities and it was only my confidence, which urged me to learn more.  
  
I also recalled a story which I really wanted to share during the practice, since I felt that I looked weak and miserable in it. I managed to share it and find a new view. A joyous quiver in my knees began and my chest got widely open – I began to feel myself much better. After that I recollected many more stories in which I did not look good, and now I hope I will have enough decisiveness to share them with my Witness and let go of the fear and the load.

I feel now that my idea of Death is changing – it is not what it used to be before, although I do understand my sensations clearly yet.
Evgeny Egorov’s lecture let me feel that I will also have to meet those people who left traces in my life. After the lecture I became very eager to unveil - as much as possible – what are the things that I received from other people whom I met in my life. From this came a sensation – the idea of Self as something individual and personally shaped began to change into the idea that my whole personality is a set of different features, which I took from people who surrounded me during life.

Thank you.

Huge thanks to Cleargreen, to all those who intended this workshop and to all the participants!!! I left the workshop with peacefulness inside me and a significantly increased level of energy and silence. And since it was my first trip to the wonderful city of Kiev, I also took with me the most remarkable impressions and a wish to come back...

Speaking about passes, my body liked The Wheel of Time most of all, despite the fact that achieving the saturation required a lot of repetition and a significant physical efforts. Also, in all the forms there were movements which brought more pleasure, than the other, for example, I wanted to swing my wings in the Night Moth pass more and more... :-) as if the Body was hinting what worked best for it at the moment.


I was recognizing myself and my life in Evgeny Egorov’s lecture. In a similar way I sometimes also resist other people’s attempts to influence the development of my life, and then after some time, I anyway implement what they’ve been telling me about, since I stop to deny these ideas from the start and begin to attentively think over them... :-) And I understand that these people, in fact, did only good to me.

When we were identifying our dreams, the first thing which all of a sudden came to me was a long-lasting wish to master the initial level of Python programming. This surprised me since until the workshop I was planning to learn completely other IT things. But, as Alexander Dergay said: “We may be surprised with the wishes of the Energy Body, but we need to try to fulfill them”. What has to die for this – is my every night’s playing solitaire. When I came back home, I took from the shelf a book on Python programming which I purchased long before and made some I-net search for articles and case-studies. So far I have not yet started the solitaire game a single time... :-)

Hi! This workshop brought so much intent into my life and somehow enhanced my commitment for practice.

During the workshop I sensed that the Cloak of Confidence form is a very powerful energy catalyst. The Wheel of Time and The Night Moth sent me into the journey of awareness and by the end of the workshop I perceived my health issue as a fixation of my first attention on a particular body area. I released this area and allowed my attention to “drift on the waves”. I felt that literally lumps of tension were falling off my neck. I could feel this deep from the chest, and this experience allowed me to bring my health campaign to a totally new qualitative level.

During the Witness practice I found the source of my disease. It dealt (whatever strange that is) with reading the first books of Carlos Castaneda approximately 6 years ago. At a time I "intended" that I must be a marvelous and impeccable warrior and I made myself be self-disciplined  (though in fact I just got tense) and alert (though in fact I was so self-indulgent). After that tension, something broke down in me (I guess that was my weak point), and I began to feel tension in my neck, which was increasing day by day until it became a suffocating stranglehold for my awareness. As soon as I got aware of this, part of this tension has gone and I can now manage it much easier.

Thank you for the workshop. It did not bring me free-of-charge gifts or happiness for free, but what I got is utterly more precious than all the world’s blessings – that’s awareness and intent.  This is what allows me to see more clearly and be aware of my path, the path of the travelling warrior.

Thanks a lot for the seminar and for conducting it in my home town Kiev!
I really enjoyed all the magical passes that we’ve been practicing. The Cloak of Confidence already in a week helped me to manage a sudden and complex situation which struck me so hard that I didn’t know how to react and what to do with this. But I performed this form twice and it allowed me to step out of my confusion, avoid telling and doing stupid things. The Wheel of Time form … the more I do it the more I like it, and the stronger is the effect. With the help of the Night Moth and Energy Mapping forms I, together with other Kiev group organizers, decided to dream our practices for newcomers, so that the topic and the way the practice should be, would come from our Energy bodies after these magical passes.
In the second Witness Practice I was reviewing my current situation with my friend. We’ve been close friends for more than 10 years now, but for the last 4 years these relations were getting worse and worse, and within recently they have basically faded away. I was worrying about that, since before for long periods of time we used to meet every day, I shared my findings with him regarding the warrior’s path, he shared his, we used to go on vacations together, stopped by each other’s places, etc. When I would think about my friend my whole body would shrink – I exhaled and did not inhale for a long time, my neck was getting tense, as well as the chest, shoulders and belly. “How will I live without this? I do not want this to happen! This is not right!”. When I changed my body position, made a deep inhale into the belly and released my shoulders, released the lower jaw and made a magical pass, released my view, I realized that our relations, the ones which I was used to, came to the end. And it does not matter if they will revive into something new or if they will be completely finished. I have a deep gratitude from my heart for all the things that we had and I send him my warmth and care. I acknowledge him as a being who follows his own path, no matter if this path coincides with mine or not. And it doesn’t matter if I see him ever again – my warmth and care will always remain in me.
I realized that due to this small death new relations with my beloved man were born, since I was not so attached to my friend any longer; and another thing that was born – is my independency in views regarding the warrior’s path: how to move along this path, etc. Before I was too much driven by my friend and by his advice in this, and because of it I often behaved opposite to my internal knowledge. 
Thanks to this practice and the workshop in general I realized that small deaths are happening in my life all the time, and basically every day something new starts and something – gets over. I had one and the same way to react to these mini-deaths (body position and dialogue “How will I live without this? I do not want this to happen?”). But since the deaths were small, the reaction was also not very vividly expressed, almost not visible. One of them, for example, was when the workshop was slowly coming to the end. It was one more mini-death. I was looking at the watch thinking: “Just one more hour and everything will be over…” and I was getting into this same old body position as described above. Now, when I think about the workshop and it’s getting over, instead of getting into the old body position and old internal dialogue, I make a deep inhale and send gratitude to the workshop, to those who organized it, to participants, and to the whole event. And the workshop does not die – it remains in me as a sensation of gratitude and new experience and knowledge.
My dreams: the main place was occupied by recapitulation and my knowledge that it needs to be done, previously coming from my mind, and now coming from my energy body as an unsuspendable need. The second dream, that my energy body showed me, was a book, and the third – making paintings. What needs to die for this: my habit to talk a lot and to lead a lot of social activities; I must find an accountant and stop leading accounts myself; my habit of surfing across the web-pages for hours; and the main thing – stop dedicating plenty of time and efforts to other people’s dreams, but devote the majority of time and efforts to mine; stop grasping onto all things at once, and learn to spend a lot of time to one thing at a time and with all my attention there.
Once again I would like to express my gratitude to Cleargreen and to all those who organized and dreamt this workshop, to those who conducted it, to my witness and to all the participants.